CHAPTER 31
The next morning, I am sorting out Maisie's schoolbag when Eva walks into the kitchen. She looks pale and unhappy although she smiles weakly at me and she mutters good morning to both of us. I know immediately that she is still worrying about what happened last night. I see Maisie watching her carefully as she walks past us, her eyes follow her mother as she goes to the new coffee machine which is bubbling and spluttering out freshly brewed ground coffee.
Maisie looks from her mother to me and she stares at me questioningly for a moment. She can see all is not well with Eva and it is worrying her. I smile reassuringly at her as I pass her, her school bag. She takes it from me and goes to put it near the door.
"Good morning Angel" I say brightly and Eva turns and smiles once more but doesn't say anything.
Maisie comes back into the kitchen and pushes her now empty cereal bowl and glass on to the work surface and then she walks up behind me and pulls on my t shirt. This sets me on alert as she hasn't done this to get my attention since we first met and she wasn't sure of me. If she wants to say anything, she speaks to me directly now. At first, she called me by name and now she simply calls me daddy which still gives me more joy than I could ever articulate, so this behaviour is not normal.
I turn and smile at her once more and crouch down to her level, "What's up Maisie?" I ask brightly as I slip my arm around her. To my surprise and complete horror she takes a step away from me and she is looking at me warily. Eva notices this and is now also immediately on alert.
"Maisie, what's wrong?" I ask, concerned at this very out of character behaviour.
"Did you hurt my mummy?" she asks quietly, her bottom lip trembling slightly. I am shocked and I rise to my feet shaking my head adamantly.
"No Maisie, whatever made you think that?" I ask. I am shocked and hurt that she could even think such a thing.
Eva stares dumbfounded at Maisie and immediately comes over and crouches down in front of her and takes her small hands in her own. Maisie looks down at the ground and won't meet Eva's gaze.
"Maisie, look at me. What on earth made you say that? Gideon loves us both and has never ever hurt me" she says resolutely.
I see fear and tears in Maisie's eyes now as they dart from Eva and back to me as she realises whatever she is thinking has happened could be wrong.
"It's just…" she begins and then stops as she looks down again.
"Just what?" Eva coaxes gently.
"It's just that… Last night I heard shouting, it woke me up. I heard it and it scared me and then this morning you are sad mummy… like how you used to be, when old daddy lived with us… and when he hit you" she mumbles.
Realisation hits both of us like a ton of bricks and we both realise she had heard Vic when he got upset and it had scared her and now because it is still obviously bothering Eva, Maisie thinks something has happened between us.
Eva shakes her head, "No, Maisie, that wasn't us shouting. Gideon and I weren't fighting last night, Kyle came around and he stayed for a while and then gran and granddad Vic came here to visit too and some things were said which upset granddad. It was granddad Vic who shouted because he was worried and upset" she says.
"But you are sad" Maisie insists.
Eva takes Maisie's hand and nods. "You are right I am sad Maisie, because granddad said some things last night that he didn't mean which upset Kyle, it upset gran and it upset me. But he said he was sorry before he went and we all forgave him. But I was just thinking about everything that happened and you are right it did make me sad. But you know what? I shouldn't be thinking about it now because everyone said sorry and everything was alright when they went" she says and I can tell she is hoping that she is not lying to Maisie and that everything really is ok with her mum and Vic.
Maisie nods seemingly satisfied with this explanation and she looks up at me. She is almost searching my face to see if she can see the truth in it. Eva spots this and steps in again, "I promise you Maisie, Gideon hasn't done anything wrong. He wasn't involved at all in any of the upset last night and he tried his best to make everyone happy again" she says.
Maisie nods and then pulling herself free of Eva she rushes at me and flings her arms around me. "I'm sorry daddy, I just got scared when I saw mummy sad like how she used to be and when I heard shouting… and it made me remember the bad things" she rambles.
Eva stifles a horrified gasp at Maisie's words. I ignore it for a moment though as I drop into a crouch once more, "Don't worry Maisie, you just need to remember that I love you and I love your mummy and I would never, ever hurt either of you" I say.
Maisie sniffs and nods, "Ok" she says.
I nod and an idea comes to me, "You know I always keep my promises don't you?" I say and Maisie nods at me. I have always made sure I have never promised Maisie anything without following through with it, going right back to when I first met her. "Well, I promise you I would never hurt your mummy. I would never ever hit her or hurt her, ok?" I wait watching Maisie's reaction. I see the moment the fear and uncertainty vanish and the trust and belief in me returns and I almost sob with relief as she nods at me. I pull her tightly into my arms and hold her rocking her gently and I am overjoyed when this time she hugs me back and holds me equally tightly, her small hands grabbing at and fisting my T shirt.
I reluctantly pull away and I push her hair from her face. "Good girl, now are you going to go and brush your teeth, and then fetch your hairbrush so we can do your hair or you will be late for school" I say.
Maisie nods, she hesitates and I know she wants to say something else. She is just so clever; she is not just academically gifted she is wise beyond her years in every way and sadly the reason why she is so worldly is because she has witnessed things no child should ever see. So, I wait for her to say what she wants to say.
"I'm sorry daddy" she whispers again, and I shake my head.
"No Maisie, don't be sorry as you have nothing to be sorry for. You did exactly the right thing, you were worried and you were frightened, because you thought something bad had happened and so you asked us about it. If something is ever worrying you or frightens you, never be afraid to come to me or your mummy and ask us or tell us, because we can tell you the truth and explain things and try and make everything alright again" I say.
Maisie nods and smiles at me, "I just heard shouting and it scared me" she says.
Eva speaks now, "And I'm sorry you heard that Maisie, and I did tell granddad not to shout and he was sorry too" she says.
"Ok" Maisie says again and with that she turns and leaves. We watch her go and Eva shakes her head.
"She is too clever for her own good" she says. She turns to me, "I can't believe that she thought…" her words trail off and she shakes her head again.
"Hey come here, it was a natural assumption for her to make" I say as I pull her into my arms. "This has made me realise one thing though" I say and I pull Eva away slightly.
"What?" she asks.
"I'm making a new rule in this house, no raised voices in anger, ever. Maisie clearly has issues with shouting and it triggers and frightens her. We don't shout, we talk and we work things out calmly and quietly".
Eva nods in agreement, "I am guilty of that, all our family are. We explode first and ask questions later. Maisie witnessed so much of the shit between me and Nathan, you have no idea of the guilt I feel knowing that what I did is now affecting her so badly". She snuggles closer to me and I hold her to me and press a kiss to her head.
"Well, then it's our job to help her forget those early memories and help her build new ones of a loving, secure family where she always feels safe and a family who talk out their problems and who don't yell and scream at each other" I say.
Eva nods, "Yeah that sounds good, although you generally don't tend to do that. Shout I mean, yet I can always tell when you are angry as your voice goes all hard and icy and you can see it in your eyes" she says, smiling up at me.
The incident with Maisie seemed to make Eva shake off the worries she had about last night and although I was certain she was still feeling very guilty, she had brightened considerably by the time we were ready to leave.
"Are you going to work today?" Maisie asks in surprise as we both take her to school on foot and neither of us are dressed for work. As we have settled into a routine now whereby if Eva is on the early shift I take Maisie to school in the car before heading off to work and if Eva is on days we both take her, but we still tend to go in the car now rather than walk.
"Nope" I say with a grin, "Your mum and I are still on holiday," then I lean down and whisper in Maisie's ear as if I am telling her a secret. "In fact, your mum and I don't go back to work until the day you go back to school after Christmas" I say.
Eva stares at me in shock at this, as she was under the impression we were going back on Monday, but as Monday is Christmas Eve and we will be off Tuesday and Wednesday for Christmas day and Boxing Day I had taken the decision to book us off until after the New Year, as I had noticed Eva had barely used any of her holiday allowance even with the time off she had had when we moved house.
Maisie claps her hands "And I break up from school tomorrow for Christmas" she says her eyes shining with excitement.
"You do, and today we are coming to school to see you in your play" I say.
We arrive at the school and Maisie runs off and leaves us when we arrive. We see a number of the mums staring at us and whispering and we realise why when we spot Megan standing apart all by herself in the playground. When she sees us, she looks away and cannot and will not make eye contact with us.
"What the fuck is she doing here?" Eva whispers fiercely when she sees her.
"Her court case doesn't come up before the magistrates until the New Year," I explain. Charles had warned me this is what would happen.
As we wait for the whistle to blow, Eva's phone starts buzzing. She lets go of my hand and reaches for it, I watch as she rolls her eyes and sighs when she looks at it.
"Oh and that is just great" she says sarcastically and I wait for her to elaborate but she quickly takes the call and it becomes clear who she is talking to and her reaction.
"Good morning Tasha" she says in a resigned tone. I wrap my arm around her reassuringly and listen to the one-sided conversation.
"Yes… we did thank you… yes yesterday… we are… erm… yes… oh ok then, well we are up at school at the moment, dropping Maisie off… yes about half an hour or so I should think…yes alright then… ok bye". I watch as she pushes her phone away and I wait for her to explain.
"Tasha wants to come and see us, this morning at home" she says shortly.
I nod, "Ok then, that's nothing we weren't expecting" I say reassuringly.
"Yeah I know" Eva replies, even though she doesn't sound totally convinced.
oooOOOooo
We arrive back home and pull up in the driveway and get out and as we do so we see a red Ford Fiesta pull into the driveway and stop behind the Lexus, Eva stiffens when she sees it.
"Fucking hell, give us chance to get back!" she says to herself and I inwardly smile at her hostile reaction.
I watch as I see Tasha climb out of the car with a folder and she pulls out a large bag which she slings over one shoulder before she closes and locks her car door. I see her looking up at the house, and taking it all in before her gaze settles on us and she smiles at us brightly.
"Eva, Gideon how are you both?" she asks.
"I'm fine" Eva responds tightly, and I watch as she automatically folds her arms defensively, but I lean forward and offer Tasha my hand which she accepts and she shakes it warmly as I offer her my own greeting.
"Hello Tasha do you want to come inside?" I say.
I open the front door and tap in the code we had set for the alarm and then I shrug off my coat and hang it up, Eva silently follows and finally Tasha hands me her jacket which I also hang up.
"Come through" I say as I lead her into the living room. I watch her as her eyes dart everywhere taking everything in.
"Oh my goodness, it is very Christmassy in here" Tasha says.
I laugh, "Yes, it was a surprise that Maisie, with the help of Eva's mother and Grandmother put together for us for our return from our honeymoon" I say. "Apparently Maisie didn't consider the house properly decorated for Christmas until she had used all the decorations we had bought" I add.
I gesture to the sofa "Won't you sit down, would you like a drink?" I ask. It hasn't escaped me that Eva has yet to say a word.
Tasha declines the drink and sits down on the sofa and opens her folder. Eva and I sit down and wait for her to speak.
"Ok then, there are a number of reasons for my visit today. The first is just a general catch up as it was coming up to my time to come and see you again Eva, also because you have now got married and moved house and finally because we have received Gideon's intention to adopt Maisie" she says.
I lean forward and clasp my hands in front of me, "Alright, so where do you want to start?" I ask.
"Ok good, right so first of all, am I correct in saying you two are now married?" Tasha asks.
I reach for Eva's hand, "We are, we married last Friday on Eva's 20th birthday and we came home yesterday from a honeymoon in Paris" I say proudly.
"Oh very nice, I bet that was lovely" Tasha says with a smile, "And Maisie was staying with your grandmother while you were on honeymoon?" she asks as she makes notes.
Eva nods, "Yes she was, but we called her every night and talked to her on Skype" she adds a little defensively.
Tasha smiles and pauses, "I'm not judging you Eva, you were entitled to go away on honeymoon. I'm just establishing the facts" she says. "And this is your primary residence now?" she asks looking around.
"If you mean do I live here now then yes, Maisie and I have lived here since the beginning of November when Gideon bought it. I relinquished my tenancy officially then but I didn't hand back my keys to the flat till the end of November, as I had to pay my rent to that point" Eva says.
"Are you still working at Cross Industries?" she asks as she continues to write.
Eva nods again, "Yes, and I'm starting evening classes as I want to take my GCSE's, the classes start in the New Year, it's all arranged and Gideon will take care of Maisie the nights I am at my classes and I'm also going to learn to drive. I've sent off for my provisional licence" she says.
Tasha nods and makes more notes, and I step in at this point, "I am encouraging Eva to fulfil her full potential, you should know she is also planning on continuing her education once she has completed her GCSE's although she hasn't decided yet what qualifications she wants to do, but she had mentioned an interest in business related qualifications" I say proudly.
"That all sounds really good and positive Eva" Tasha says brightly and I feel Eva relax a little at that, but she tenses again at Tasha's next question. "How has childcare provision for Maisie changed since you moved in with Gideon and then married?" Tasha asks.
"Since Gideon and I got together and became serious, he started helping with childcare. But you already know that, because the school told you when I put him on the list. We share the school run duties and if I am on an early shift he sorts out Maisie and takes her to school now, so my mum and gran are no longer involved. Same with afternoons, either I fetch her or Gideon goes to pick her up, if Gideon goes he either finishes work early or if we have something going on at work and he needs to get back he will take her to my gran's until one of us gets off work to fetch her. Gran is still our go to person if anything ever crops up and neither of us can go" Eva says.
"Right, that's all really good, and Maisie is happy living here and with all the changes, no problems at all?" Tasha asks.
Eva looks at me and I smile and squeeze her hand reassuringly, "There wasn't, everything was going very well, Maisie has accepted me into her life and she even asked me if she could call me daddy. I had told her I didn't mind but she needed to remember that Nathan was her real daddy… at the moment and she said something quite profound, she said that I was her real daddy because I behaved like a real daddy should" I pause and swallow hard as I remember the events of this morning and realise how much that had hurt me.
"Gideon bought her a book to write and draw in, after we found out how clever she was we just thought she might like it, and she writes down in it what she thinks" Eva says.
"So, you could say Maisie has a diary?" Tasha asks.
Eva nods, "Yeah I suppose you could call it that, it's like a diary and she has drawn pictures of us all in it and she has written in it how much she loves Gideon and how she wants him to be her daddy".
"May I see it?" Tasha asks.
Eva nods and leaves the room, a few moments later she returns with Maisie's notebook, Tasha takes it and begins to look through it and read it after a while she looks up and smiles at Eva.
"She is a very clever little girl and it is obvious by what she has written and drawn here that she feels safe and happy and has developed an obvious bond with Gideon," Tasha says with a smile and hands back the book.
"We did have a small issue this morning" I begin.
"Oh?" Tasha asks.
I nod, "Last night Eva's stepfather, mother and brother came round after Maisie had gone to bed, and during the course of that visit something was said which upset Eva's stepfather and he got a bit vocal - purely because what had been said had shocked and upset him. Eva asked him to keep it down as Maisie was in bed and he immediately apologised and calmed down. However, Maisie had heard the shouting and it had frightened her and this morning she asked us about it. We were honest with her and explained without going into too much detail what had happened and we both are certain she was reassured, and due to that we have taken the decision that we won't allow any voices raised in anger in the house and that we will always endeavour to resolve issues by talking them through" I say.
"Alright, I think that all sounds very reasonable, and you are going to relay these wishes to other family members?" Tasha asks.
Eva nods, "Yes we are, and we told Maisie that if we do anything that frightens her or worries her she should tell us or ask us about it so we can tell her and reassure her" she says.
Tasha nods in agreement, "That is a really good idea, communication is always the key to avoiding any real conflict and you are fortunate that because Maisie is so intelligent and articulate you can perhaps explain things and converse with her in ways which other children of her age probably wouldn't totally understand" she says. "So apart from this morning there have been no issues to speak of and that was just an isolated incident?"
"Yes, everything has been fine and that was totally unexpected and it won't be happening again" Eva says confidently.
"I need to ask is Maisie aware of your intention to formally adopt her?" Tasha looks at us both and we nod in unison.
"Yeah, she overheard us talking about it and asked us what adoption meant so we told her and she asked us if Gideon could go and ask the court to be her dad after we explained to her what we wanted to do and she was all for it. Then it was shortly after that when she asked Gideon if she could call him daddy," Eva says.
Is Nathan aware of your intentions?" Tasha asks.
Eva nods and stiffens at the very mention of him, "Yep, I went to see him back at the beginning of November, someone had told him I was now with Gideon and he kicked off about it. He immediately sent me a visiting order, and a letter filled with all his usual crap of he'll change and that things will be different, so I went to see him. It was shortly after Gideon and I got engaged and when he saw my ring he threw a fit trying to tell me that I was his, so I told him I was getting married and that he no longer featured in my life, more importantly I told him the reasons why he was no longer in my life and that he was to leave me alone. I told him we were done and then I told him Gideon was adopting Maisie. He kicked off and said he was her dad and so I told him that he had no say because he wasn't on her birth certificate" Eva says.
I see Tasha making notes, "And how did he take that?" she asks.
Eva shrugs, "He tried everything, first of all he had a tantrum, but he couldn't do anything as the guards had to tell him to pack it in and sit down a couple of times. Then he tried emotional blackmail, he tried to make me feel sorry for him saying everyone had abandoned him and I was all he had left. But I just told him it was his own fault and I laid it all out for him plainly and then I even showed him Maisie's diary which I had taken with me and he read how she had written about wanting Gideon as her dad. I told him what Maisie had said and how she had asked Gideon if she could call him dad. I think that got to him the most, what Maisie wrote and said about him. So, if he hasn't got the message now he never will" she says.
"And Nathan has no legal Parental Responsibility?" Tasha asks.
Eva shakes her head, "No, the day I registered her birth I told him about it, the date and the time and he said he would come with me but he never turned up for the appointment so I didn't name him as her dad. I couldn't, not with him not being there. I found out later he had gone out with his mates and got high instead… I should have seen sense then" she says sadly.
"Ok, well that covers everything, and I am happy to tell you today Eva that it has been decided that you are being officially signed off now. Maisie is no longer considered at risk and she has been removed from the register, in fact she has been off the at risk register for some considerable time, despite the isolated incident when Nathan was released but it was felt you should remain on the books in case we could offer you any further support. But, now it is obvious that you no longer need that support and I can't tell you how happy I am to see how you have turned your life around Eva, you are one of my biggest successes" Tasha says kindly.
I see Eva smile for the first time at this and she mutters a word of thanks.
"However, you are not rid of me that easily, although I have officially signed you off which means I won't be coming to see you regularly, as I have been. I need to tell you that Social Services have been informed by Gideon's solicitor of Gideon's intention to adopt and so I have been appointed as the liaison Social Worker for the authority to oversee that adoption request of Maisie. I officially won't begin this until the court receives the paperwork and requests a report from us when everything is underway, but it has been decided that because I know you and Maisie best and your history it is in everyone's best interests that I am assigned to this case" she says.
We both nod, Charles had said as much so this doesn't come as any surprise to me.
"How do you both feel about that?" she asks.
I shrug, "I have nothing to hide, I have been open and honest with you since the very first time we met" I say.
Eva nods, "I'm ok with it" she says.
Tasha smiles "That's great, ok then, as I say I'm no longer assigned to you specifically as your Social Worker and you won't be seeing me again as officially you have now been signed off but once I start the adoption report for the court, I will need to see you all again to talk with Maisie face to face about how she feels about the adoption and what her views are and what she thinks of Gideon. I will also need to discuss a few things with you, for example your relationship with your uncle" she says warily looking at me.
I hold up my hand, "I can answer that for you now, I don't have one and never will. I know he was released from prison for what he did to me and my brother but I don't have anything to do with him, as far as I am aware he lives somewhere in Manchester, but he knows and accepts I want nothing to do with him, and has agreed not to contact or approach me. My father told me he was seeking help for his issues and that he was remorseful for what he did, but although I do forgive him for what he did to me after things came to light that explained why he was the way he was, not obviously that it condoned it. As what happened to him didn't give him the excuse to do to me and my late brother what he did, but I do forgive him all the same. But that doesn't mean I will be seeing him any time soon. I didn't even see him at my grandfather's funeral recently" I say.
Has Maisie met other members of your family?" Tasha asks.
I nod, "We introduced her to my grandparents, my father, my mother and my half siblings. She has seen them about 3 or 4 times in total, including at our wedding last week, but I don't foresee a huge amount of contact as they are all based in Manchester and I have now made my home here in Stoke" I say.
"She understands who they are?" Tasha asks.
Eva nods, "Yes she knows they are Gideon's family," she says.
Tasha smiles, "That's good, as I say I've not officially started my report yet but I think it's prudent to lay the groundwork now to make the whole process proceed smoothly, do you have any questions for me?"
I hold up my hand, "I do, I freely admit I attempted suicide at one point in my life, but the reasons for it no longer exist. At that point I felt totally alone and worthless, but now I have everything to live for, but I am wondering if this will have any effect on my application? My solicitor has warned me that it might". I ask.
Tasha nods and looks sympathetically at me, "It may do, you should be aware the court will probably request a psychological evaluation of your mental state, especially with your history as a sexual abuse victim".
"But Gideon is alright now and he would never be any danger to me or Maisie" Eva says jumping immediately to my defence.
Tasha nods, "I am on your side here Eva, I am just making you both aware of what the court could ask for. They don't know you or Gideon and they only have Maisie's best interests at heart and they will want all the relevant information to make that informed decision. That is why they have appointed me, because I know you and Maisie best, and I will certainly make Gideon's comments known in my report when I am asked to do it. I am just giving you a heads up because I know you and I wanted you to be comfortable with the fact I have been appointed by the authority in the case and I can clearly see your life now is a million miles away from how it was when we first met back when you were with Nathan, and all that will be reflected in my report when the time comes" she says.
"Will you have any say?" Eva asks.
Tasha nods, "I will, I will make my own recommendations as whether or not in my opinion Gideon should adopt Maisie and my recommendations and views will play a large part of the report, which is another reason why I have been selected as the liaison social worker, because I have known you for a number of years and I know you and Maisie and I have seen the real progress that you have made in that time. Nobody ever doubted your parenting skills Eva, even when you came so close to losing Maisie. I always made sure to record that you were a very good loving parent who was doing the best you could and that the entire problem was with Nathan and the real danger we believed he posed to Maisie's wellbeing, not to mention yours. The whole problem was him and while you had him in your life she was undoubtedly at risk, and happily he is now no longer an issue".
"Will Nathan have any say?" Eva asks.
Tasha shakes her head, "No he won't, he isn't named as her father and has no parental responsibility and with his history of violence, abuse and drugs and the fact we nearly took Maisie away from you at one point because of him he won't even be approached by the court, so he is irrelevant. The court may ask if there is any contact with his family but you don't have any contact with them do you? Maisie doesn't have any contact with his mum or brother, does she?"
Eva shakes her head, "No, not for a long time. I've been told Tina's back on the drugs again too, there is only really Kelv, Nathan's brother, and I actually see him quite regularly because I work with him, but he deliberately stayed out of Maisie's life and didn't bond with her as he knew Nathan would use him to get to Maisie and so she doesn't know him and certainly doesn't see him. The last time she saw him was back when Nathan's mum pulled that stunt and let Nathan see Maisie when I let her see her – do you remember that?"
Tasha's face darkens, "Yes I do, I remember that. It was Kelvin who arrived at his mother's house and found Maisie and got her out of there and brought her back to you and told you what had happened wasn't it?" she says.
Eva nods, "Yeah, he knows Gideon is going for adoption. I told him and he is all for it, he says its best for all of us and he is happy for us".
Tasha smiles "He always struck me as a good person, when I talked to him, you should know it was his testimony that stopped Maisie being taken into care after that incident because when we interviewed him about what had happened he told us you were unaware of Tina's intentions to deliberately involve Nathan. He told us that you had specifically told her, her access to Maisie was on the condition that Nathan wasn't there and as far as you were aware she was clean and that she had lied to you about that too… anyway that is all in the past, now we look forward to the future".
The visit comes to an end and Eva seems much happier now than she was when Tasha first arrived. Everything has been explained and talked about and I think Eva is finally accepting that Tasha isn't the enemy she believes she is.
"Tasha?" Eva asks as Tasha gets up to leave.
Tasha pauses and looks questioningly at Eva, "Do you have any idea what will happen about Meg?" she asks.
Tasha shakes her head, "I'm sorry Eva I can't discuss Megan with you, I know what she did to you both and what she has been charged with but I can't discuss what is happening with her with you, I'm sure you understand that".
"Yeah, I know that, it's just I'm worried about her kids and what will happen to them" Eva says.
Tasha smiles, "We are working closely with her, that's all I can tell you" she says.