Days at the Tenma-ya were peaceful. Miura wasn't asking anything from me and there were no altercations whastsoever. I couldn't leave the inn though and I sometimes felt like a prisoner. Chizuru had more luck, she was making a lot of errands for Miura and myself and was also carrying all my missives to the Shinsengumi. A woman wasn't raising any suspicion in the street.
Being locked in here didn't have any incidence on my morning routine though. I was still practicing my moves everyday even if i didn't have any space for it. I practiced them siting in kisa and was just half-unsheathing and sheathing repeatedly, practicing my speed. I was also meditating afterwards to calm my spirit everyday.
Eyes closed, i was focusing on my steady breath and the movements of my lungs in my chest, trying to empty my mind and ignore my surroundings, especially a very annoying body wiggling next to me.
« You do not have to meditate with me, you know. » i sighed, keeping my eyes shut.
« But i want to. » she replied and i could imagine the pout on her face as if i was directly looking at it.
« Then stop moving that much and focus. »
« How do you know I'm moving ? » she asked.
« The noise, your respiration, the movements of the air... and now that I can sense your breath in my direction, I can decipher quite easily that your eyes are open. » i answered calmly.
She didn't answer, which only showed that i was right. She steadied for a little while and I was nearly able to regain my focus before she started wiggling again.
« Alright. That's enough. » i sighed, opening my eyes.
I stood up and went to the desk to work on some paperwork for Hijikata-san. When Chizuru will be out, I would probably try again in an environment with more... serenity... I just hoped it would pass and that she would get bored and stop trying to meditate with me. She was too energetic to be efficient.
I scribbled on the paper and found some peace of mind in it. I could focus on the sound on the brush on the paper. I wrote a full report for Hijikata-san and sealed it before handing it to Chizuru.
« Can you bring this to Hijikata-san, please ? » i asked.
« Alright. Now ? » she asked, already ready to go.
I envied her to be able to get out. Tenma-ya was a fine inn but it couldn't compare to the fresh air. We were in november now and i missed the winter wind. I always felt like it was so cold it could clean even my bones and soul.
« As you wish. There is also this. For Harada. » i told her, giving her another envelope.
« What is it ? » she asked, curious.
« Money. For our attire. » i explained.
« You mean for the wedding ? » she asked.
« Ha. Harada is going to choose. » i continued calmly « and I got a lot of money from the Bakufu recently so I don't want Kondou-san to spend a single coin for us. »
She looked at the envelope in her hand, pensive.
« Do you have any preference ? » i asked.
« What do you mean ? » she replied, confused.
« For the wedding. Do you want a religious ceremony at a temple ? Maybe shinto ? Zen ? Or would you rather have a party ? »
« Can I... think about it ? » she asked.
I nodded. But her confused face made the doubt invade my heart. We spent some days in high proximity lately and maybe she was starting to think that she was doing a mistake. Maybe she was starting to realize that that wasn't the life she aspired to. I turned to her and put her hands in mines.
« Chizuru, pardon me for being straightforward but... Do you really want to marry me ? » i asked, feeling the rock in my chest coming back and growing « I know the question of Kondou-san was impressive and maybe you felt trapped into the necessity of agreeing to this marriage but if you are not willing to, you do not have any obligations towards me. »
« No ! I mean... Yes ! Yes, I want to marry you, Hajime. » she stuttered.
« Are you sure ? » i asked again.
« Yes, I am sure. You are the man I love and I want to spend my life with you. » she confessed, leaning forward to kiss my cheek.
« Then what is it ? » i asked, noticing that something was indeed bothering her.
She hesitated, moving uneasily and avoiding my gaze before eventually telling me the reason of her concerns.
« Can I go with Harada ? » she asked me.
I escaped a small laugh. So that was it ? She just wanted to choose her wedding attire ? She should have told me from the start.
« Of course you can. It is your wedding. » i told her before kissing her. « Besides, I don't need your presence today. »
I opened the cupboard and gave her a bit more money.
« For your hair. » i said and she wrapped her arms around me.
« Thank you, Hajime ! » she said « then, I will go with Harada today ! Can I choose yours too ? »
I frowned, a bit scared. I didn't know what were Chizuru's tastes in men's clothing and I was totally trusting Harada to choose something appropriate.
« You can help Harada. » i finally said « but the final choice is his. »
« Alright. » she chuckled « that is already more than i expected. »
She grabbed both letters and headed out after wishing me a nice day.
A nice day... What nice day can you have when you're duty bound to stay inside ? I resumed to meditate now that there were no more distractions and i was a lot more effective than earlier. Miura came to ask me to get a drink with him downstairs and I agreed. The salon was lively with a lot of customers and I enjoyed Miura's company a lot. That man wasn't only sharp, he was educated and interesting. I spent most of the afternoon drinking and listening to his stories although I wasn't sure half of them were true. Chizuru came back in the late afternoon and she joined us with a tea, following Miura's invitation, but she was a bit uncomfortable and so, i excused us so we could go back to our room.
« Did you find something you like ? » i asked her eventually.
« Yeah ! I found something perfect ! » she answered with excitement « Harada is having it tailored and will keep it until the wedding. »
I was a bit upset not to be able to see the fabric she chose but I guess a little surprise wasn't bad. She also told me that she thought about what I said earlier and that a ceremony wasn't that important and that she'd rather do a party at the headquarters. I was relieved. It was also my preference but I didn't wanted to force things on her. We would held the party at night and go to a temple in the morning, only the both of us, to be blessed. That was perfect.
« By the way, Hajime... » she told me embarrassed « I saw Sannan... and he asked for my help. »
« For what purpose ? » i asked, cautious.
« For his researchs on the Ochimizu. »
« No. » i said firmly.
« But... It's only to review books ! He knows i can read portugese and he thinks we can find some informations in western books since the Ochimizu comes from the West. It can help Heisuke ! »
« Chizuru... » i sighed « Sannan is a Rasetsu. We don't know when he could become mad. It's too dangerous. »
« But I heal ! And I can run ! And there are still all the others who can help me ! » she pleaded and I saw how much it meant to her.
« Fine. » i surrendered « but you only read books and you never stay alone with him, alright ? And same goes for Toudou. He's a Rasetsu too, now. »
« Thank you, Hajime ! » she said, glowing « Sannan said that maybe we could save Heisuke's life ! And Okita's too ! »
I highly doubt it...
But i kept this thought to myself. I just hoped that Chizuru wasn't putting herself in a dangerous situation.