A/N: Happy New Year everyone! I find it a bit hard to believe it's already January 5th, but school and work are relentless. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I hope to be back with a new chapter soon.

*TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, MENTIONS OF IMPLIED ALCOHOL ABUSE*

By New Year's Eve, Matt still hadn't heard from Shiro. His texts were unopened, and his phone didn't go off no matter how long he stared at it. Every few minutes, Matt would tap the power button and bring the screen to life only to watch it fade to black without a text notification popping up. He checked his phone so often that his family began to notice. Colleen and Sam fixed him with looks of concern, while Pidge, who knew what was happening, started to worry.

When extended family members once again poured into the house as they awaited the arrival of the new year, Pidge pulled Matt aside. They slipped into his room and shut the door to block out the noise from the rest of the house.

Pidge leaned against the door with her arms crossed and frowned. "Shiro's still acting weird?"

Matt nodded in confirmation, squeezing his phone in a tight grip.

Pidge sighed. "Did he not answer when you called?"

"I, uh, didn't."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to bother him if he's busy, and he hasn't read my messages yet-"

"Call." Pidge's voice went cold. She stepped toward her brother with narrowed eyes as she dropped her arms and clenched her fists at her sides. She was much shorter than Matt, though she seemed to loom over him as she moved closer and locked him with her steely gaze. "You know Shiro isn't keeping to himself because he's busy. That's why you won't stop checking your phone, right? You know something's wrong, and you're worried, so why aren't you doing anything?"

"I don't know everything that's going on with him, and I don't want to call him only to say the wrong thing and make it worse," Matt admitted. "I don't really know what to do when someone's this, y-know, upset. What if I just make him mad?"

"You're so fucking stupid sometimes!" Pidge hissed, shaking her head. "Just-ugh." She dropped her head into his hands and scrubbed feverishly at her face. When she raised her head to look at Matt again, her eyes had a glossy layer of mist over them. "Look," she began. "Like I said before, I don't know much about helping people either. Even when you were dealing with Quinn during high school, I never knew what to say or what to do. I was afraid of making you feel worse, and I didn't know how to help you."

"It's okay-" Matt began, only for Pidge to cut him off.

"No, it's not okay," Pidge stated. "I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything, not until after it was too late. And that… that's the thing I regret most in my whole life. You could've died if Quinn went too far, or even worse, you could have killed yourself." Pidge sniffed. "You know Shiro isn't okay, and we both know from watching dad and what happened to you that someone trying to push everyone away is the person who needs help most." Pidge's eyes were threatening to overflow, the moisture welling up no matter how many times she wiped it away. "Don't leave him alone. Don't risk spending the rest of your life regretting what you were too afraid to do."

Without another word, Pidge spun on her heel and slipped out of the room. Distantly, Matt heard her door slam shut, though the sound hardly reached his ears. He could only stare at where Pidge had stood moments ago as he digested her words. It was a rare occasion for Pidge to get teary-eyed, and coupled with the new awareness of his sister's guilt, Matt was frozen. He never knew… Then again, not knowing seemed to be a reoccurring theme recently.

Stiff fingers slowly brought Matt's phone to life. He typed in his pin, navigated to his contacts, and scrolled until he found his target. Hesitantly he raised his phone to his ear and waited as it rang once, twice, three times-

"Hello?"

Matt's words died in his throat at the sound of an unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line. He couldn't have called the wrong number, since he'd called Shiro's contact, the one he'd been texting for months. Did Shiro's number change? Did he leave his phone somewhere and a stranger picked up?

"Uh, hi," Matt began. "Is, uh, Shiro there?"

There was silence on the other end for a moment, though Matt had little time to contemplate it before a response came through.

"Uh, no. Shiro's, um, unavailable."

"Oh. Okay, uh, sorry to bother you, uh…"

"It's Keith. I'm Shiro's brother."

"Ah. Sorry to bother you, Keith. I haven't heard from Shiro in a while, so I wanted to call him. I'm Matt, by the way. Matt Holt, Shiro's friend from the university."

Two hours away on the other end of the call, Keith's lips turned upward in a gentle smile. He'd heard Shiro's phone go off as it sat abandoned on the coffee table while Shiro snored quietly on the couch. Usually, Keith would consider looking at Shiro's phone without permission an invasion of privacy, but in Shiro's current state, he couldn't help but peek at the screen. He'd found himself answering before he could think not to, leading him to where he was now, speaking quietly as he crept to his room and closed the door.

"I figured," Keith replied. "I've heard a lot about you from Shiro."

"I've heard quite a bit about you from him too, Keith."

"Has he been bothering you with stories about his trouble-maker little brother?"

"He's told me a few. He always talks about you fondly, though, and he always seems to relax a little. I guess it brings him a little peace, maybe?"

"Really?" Keith chuckled softly. "Peaceful is probably the last thing I make him feel. It seems to me like he's always getting me out of trouble."

"Even if that's true, Shiro seems to be the type that'll keep coming back to help anyway."

"Yeah." Keith paused, running a hand through his messy hair as he glanced at his door. "He is."

Back in the Holt household, Matt sighed. "He helped me out a lot this semester when I had some, uh, personal issues come up. It wasn't easy on him, and even though he could back out at any time, he stuck with me until the end of it," he explained. "I want to be able to do the same for him if he ever needs it, but…" Matt stopped.

The two were both silent, only the soft crackle in the background of their call reaching their ears.

"Is Shiro okay?"

Matt's voice was quiet, though his tone was heavily weighted with concern.

For a moment, Keith wanted to say 'yes'. He wanted to assure Matt everything was fine, that Shiro was just tired, and he'd call him back soon. He wanted to keep Matt at a safe distance in case Shiro fell further; to protect at all costs this friend who had brought light to Shiro's life. Keith didn't want to scare Matt away, but at the same time, he was running out of options. Shiro wasn't getting better no matter what Keith tried, but maybe…

"No."

The word was short and simple, a mere one syllable. However, in that moment, Keith felt like it was the hardest thing he'd ever said. "No, he's not okay."

Matt's heart stopped with a painful thump. "What happened?" His tone sounded empty, as if the cold void that had opened in his chest had captured his voice and drained away ever bit of life in it.

"A lot of things," Keith admitted. "Not recently, but… That doesn't make it any better."

"Is it about Adam?"

"Some of it, yeah."

The pair paused again.

Matt cleared his throat. "So, there's something else, too?"

Keith sighed. "Shiro misses Adam a lot- he always has -but missing him isn't his whole problem. He feels guilty about why they broke up, because Adam was right. He told Shiro to go to college and stay away from the dangerous jobs he idolized; told him he could get hurt or they could get separated. Shiro knows now that he should've listened, that everything that happened to him and his crew might've been avoided, and maybe if he'd listened Adam would have been with him instead of on the road at the time of the accident, but knowing that now doesn't change what happened."

Matt gave no response.

"I think the season is getting to him, too, kind of. He was finally discharged in the middle of winter after he recovered. That's not all of it, of course, but it doesn't help him get any better," Keith explained.

"Does he not have anyone to talk to about what happened?"

"Not really, I guess? He rarely even talks to me about everything because he's the kind of guy who wants to take care of his own problems. Not the whole 'I'm-perfect-and-know-everything-so-I-can-solve-all-my-problems-myself' kind of guy, but the kind who'll carry someone on his back if they twist their ankle but won't ask a single person for help if he breaks his leg."

"The kind who doesn't like to burden other people?" Matt supplied.

"Yeah," Keith agreed. He sighed again. "I just… he needs to talk to someone. You have no idea how relieved I was when Shiro told me he'd finally made a friend at his university. He didn't hang around with anyone until he met you, and he was always happy whenever he talked about you." Keith smiled. "Honestly, it was the first time in years that I'd seen Shiro relaxed."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, he lost half his crew when the strike went wrong, and after they finally got rescued, he lost the few he had left one by one. It's been a while, but I still don't even want to think about the look he had on his face when he found out that the last crew member he had left had killed herself. I've never been afraid of Shiro, because I know he'd never lash out at me no matter how bad he got, but in that moment…" Keith couldn't suppress the shiver that made his body spasm, "I turned around, shut myself in my room, and didn't come out until I heard his bedroom door close. He'd barely been hanging on until then, but after that… There was never a moment when he wasn't on-edge, or when he didn't feel anxious about something. I guess he thought it was him against world, and he felt like he was fighting a losing battle."

"His whole crew?"

"Yeah, from the Air Force."

There was a long pause before Matt spoke.

"Shiro was in the Air Force?"

Keith froze, his eyes going wide as his heart clenched and the cold misery of guilt flushed his gut. "Did Shiro… not tell you?"

"N-no."

"Shit." Keith nearly dropped Shiro's phone as he ran his hands stressfully through his hair. He was an idiot. Of course Shiro didn't tell Matt. Shiro didn't tell anyone about his military background. The only reason Keith knew anything was because he was Shiro's brother. He's the one who answered the phone when Shiro's team went MIA. He's the one who returned to an empty home for months on end, unsure of whether or not he was truly alone in the world; unsure of whether or not the cruel universe had stolen not only his mother and father, but also his brother from him. He was the one who called Mrs. McClain begging her to drive him to the hospital when Shiro was transferred close to home, and he was the only one besides the doctors who had salvaged Shiro's mangled right arm to see the mass of metal, flesh, and scar tissue it had become. Of course Shiro would hide his past the way he hid that arm he hated beneath long sleeves and leather gloves. Of course he'd be afraid that the truth of who he was would drive away the few people who didn't run at the sight of the scar on his face and his looming build.

"Keith-"

"Please forget everything I said!" Keith blurted. "I don't know why I thought he told you, but it's not my place to give out his secrets. I shouldn't have said anything. Please, just forget what I said, and don't run away. Please, please don't run away from Shiro. He's still the nice person you know despite what he's been through-"

Keith's rambling was cut off by Matt, who sighed heavily and spoke loud enough to drown out the other's words. "It's okay, Keith. Shiro is still Shiro, no matter what's happened in the past," he agreed. "Shiro may not have said anything to me, but it's not like I didn't notice something was different about him. From the start, he's always reminded me of my dad in some ways. The both have the same rigid stance, like they're ready to jump into action at a moment's notice. And Shiro sometimes gets jumpy when he has this kind of far-away look on his face the same way my dad does. I never really thought about any of it since it's not my business, but it's not like I never noticed," Matt explained. "My dad was in the military for quite a while. He works with the university's aviation department now and is a sort of on-campus liaison helping students who are interested in joining the Air Force."

A heavy sigh of relief escaped Keith, leaving his shoulders slumped as a sudden wave of exhaustion washed through his body. "Really?" he breathed. "Still, forget about what I said. I'm glad you aren't freaked our or anything, but I still said something I shouldn't."

"It's okay, Keith. I won't say anything to Shiro, and even if he knew, I'm sure he wouldn't be mad. You care, and that's why you're worried. That's all that matters to him."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just stressed. I know it would drive Shiro nuts if I let him know, since the last thing he wants is to pull other people into his problems, but he's my brother; I can't just not be stressed when he's slipping like this." Keith paused. "I know this sounds selfish, but he's all I have left. He's the one who does everything he can to give me a decent life. He's been looking after me by himself since he was in high school, and even after everything that happened to him, he still tries so hard to look out for me. I want to look out for him too, but when he gets like this, I just… I don't know what to do."

"I understand, Keith. My dad is a lot better off now, but there were some times when I was little that he'd struggle. I never knew what to do back then, and even now I don't have many answers. What I do know, though…" Matt paused, thinking back to what Pidge had said to him before the call, "…is that stepping back and doing nothing because you're afraid of doing something wrong is the worst choice you can make. That's why I won't leave Shiro to try to fix everything himself. I don't want to make a mistake I might spend the rest of my life regretting."

Keith nodded, forgetting that Matt couldn't see him. "Yeah, me too. Right now, I'm just trying to make sure he eats enough and doesn't drink too much. I'm still not sure what to say, or how to say it, but like you said, I won't ignore this and pretend that'll make it go away."

Matt grimaced at the mentions of alcohol. Thankfully, his father hadn't fallen very far into that perilous rabbit hole thanks to his mother. Too many others in Sam's position had fallen victim to the amber bottles of temporary release, and it hadn't ended well for any of them. Too many miles away to stop him, Matt could only hope that Shiro wouldn't end up like Sam's former friends.

"Is there anyone else helping you?" Matt asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Any distant relatives, friends, or neighbors helping you and Shiro?"

"Not really, no. We don't know of any relatives, and the closest neighbors are pretty far away, so we don't really talk to them. My friend Lance and his parents help us out when we need it and look after me when Shiro's away, but I don't want to pull them into this."

Matt nearly smacked himself. 'No relatives, right. Just like Shiro said.' He suppressed a sigh. "I understand, but don't try to bear all of this alone, Keith. You'll burn yourself out, and that won't help you or Shiro."

"Lance said the same thing. If it gets too bad, I'll ask for help, but I'm fine by myself right now."

Matt hummed, his gaze skimming absentmindedly around his room. He paused when he noticed a small business card taped to his desk, the edges torn and curled up. The card itself was faded but legible as Matt squinted at it. "Keith," he said. "Has Shiro ever seen a professional? Like a therapist?"

"Uh, I don't know," Keith admitted. "I think he saw one a few times when he was in the hospital, but not since then. I looked into a few, but they're all really far away and, uh, unaffordable."

"Well, there was someone my dad used to see after he retired. He goes there once in a while if he starts feeling off, and it's always helped him a lot. She's a therapist who offers military discounts to active soldiers and veterans, since a lot of those people are struggling financially. Her office is in the same city as the university, so it's kind of far from you guys, but I think Shiro should talk to her. Even if he only goes a few times, I think it'll help him out a lot. That'll give you a bit of a break, too." Matt reached out and ran his fingers over the card. He'd taken it when he was little and kept it in case his father ever needed it again. Sam might not have been the one in need of help at the moment, but Matt sent a silent 'thanks' to his younger self for keeping the card close.

Keith sighed. "Yeah, sure, thanks. But uh, could you, um, send it to me instead of Shiro? I'll get your number from Shiro's phone and text you so you have my contact. I don't really like keeping secrets, but I think he'll feel bad if he finds out you know what's going on and are trying to help him instead of enjoying the holidays with your family."

"The holidays aren't as important as this." Matt paused. "And, uh, could you do me a favor, too? Just, uh... Make sure Shiro knows he can call me. You don't have to tell him I know some of what he's been through or anything, just tell him he doesn't have to push me away right now. He's my friend, and that means he can talk to me whenever about whatever he needs to. Even if he just wants to talk about a movie or something stupid to try to get his mind off things, make sure he knows I'll answer when he calls."

"Yeah, of course," Keith replied. "And thank you, Matt, for looking out for Shiro. I've always gotten anxious when he was at school by himself, but I don't have to worry anymore since there's someone else who can keep an eye on him for me. It's nice, both for me and for Shiro. I guess, just, thanks for being his friend."

"I should be thanking him for being mine, and for standing up for me when we've only known each other for a few months."

Keith smiled. "I think we might both have a lot to thank Shiro for."

"Maybe."

"Well, goodbye. And thanks again."

The line went dead as Keith ended the call, then he fumbled for his own phone in his pocket to copy Matt's number before Shiro's phone locked.

On the other end, Matt let his phone fall away from his ear slowly. He was numb. He couldn't feel anything, not even the harsh thump of his heart in his chest. He didn't notice the tears streaming down his face until one dripped off his chin and landed on his finger. He slowly lifted his hand to observe the splattered droplet only for more to fall around it. His fingers went to his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks that he began to scrub at harshly with his sleeve. He didn't stop until his phone buzzed in his hand, the screen lighting up with a new notification.

Unknown Number: Hey, it's Keith

Unknown Number: Shiro's brother

Matt sniffed and wiped his eyes again before he hunched over his desk to take a photo of the business card. He sent it to Keith, then set the teen's contact in his phone.

Matt: Heres her business card

Matt: And keep me updated on Shiro please

Matt: Since he wont reply to my texts

"Matt! Katie! The ball drop is starting soon! Hurry and come to the living room!"

The sound of his mom's voice made Matt stop and compose himself. He wiped up the tears on his face and blinked away the new ones gathering in his eyes, then swapped his contacts for the glasses he hadn't worn in weeks; the frames would help hide his swollen eyes. He pulled his hair out of the loose ponytail he'd had it in all day to try to cover some of the tearstains on his cheeks.

Matt reached the living room just after Pidge, though she only looked at him briefly before turning away with a red tint to her cheeks. If not for the circumstances, Matt might have been amused by his sister's embarrassment. Not that she should be embarrassed about crying, especially when she hadn't been the only one to cry that night.

When the ball drop began on the TV, nearly the whole Holt family counted down. Matt was the only one who was silent as he stared at the screen without processing the sight. When the countdown hit zero and excited shouts exploded around him, Matt felt nothing. Claiming to be tired, he tapped his father's shoulder and said he was going to bed early.

No matter how many blankets he piled on his bed, Matt couldn't escape the cold feeling in his chest. Two hours away, Keith laid awake under the same fate.