Freddie was released from St Mungos a few days later. She was pleased when Snape came to escort her back to Hogwarts and they floo'd directly to his office. She headed straight to the Brewing Room, but Snape stopped her.
"Take your things to your dormitory," he said, pointing to her trunk in the corner of his office. "Get cleaned up, get changed, then you can come work on your potion."
"Yes sir," she said obediently, going to her trunk.
"I have your wand," he said, pulling it from his pocket and handing it to her.
"Thank you."
She took her wand in hand for what felt like the first time in months. She felt like a child again, getting her wand for the first time at Ollivander's. Her wand glowed in her hand as it had that first day so many years ago and Freddie couldn't help but smile.
Wish a swish and flick of her wrist, she levitated her trunk. Snape opened the door for her and she nodded to him before heading down the hall.
She passed a group of first years who gasped and flattened themselves against the wall when they saw her. Freddie didn't think anything of it until she entered the Common Room and all conversation came to a halt. Everyone was staring at her. The whispers started and Freddie crossed the room to the dormitory.
"They say she killed that boy."
"I heard she got sent to Azkaban!"
"Nah, they sent her to the nuthouse."
"She tried to kill Madam Pomfrey, totaled the Hospital Wing."
Freddie slammed the door shut behind her. She yanked the curtains around her bed, dropped her trunk with a thud, and sat on her bed. Her hands were shaking and she balled her fists against her thighs.
She took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
They don't know what they're talking about. He's not dead. He's out there somewhere in that forest. That or someone took him or he left or...
She stood quickly and shed her hospital gown. I can't just sit here and do nothing. She dressed warmly, put on her Slytherin scarf, and a warm hat that covered her ears. She shoved her gloves and wand into her pocket and started to leave her dorm.
Her eyes fell on Hemlock sitting alone on her bed. She hesitated. A part of her wanted to take the kneazle with her.
It's a stuffed animal. I'm not one of those girls, I'm not a child, but...
Something in her couldn't leave him behind. A brilliant idea came to her. With a tap of her wand she shrunk the plush so he was small enough to fit in her pocket. Satisfied, she left the dorm.
The stares and whispers started again as she passed through the Common Room. She tried her best to ignore them. She put her hand in her pocket and felt Hemlock there. Holding the kneazle made her feel calmer so she kept her hand in her pocket as she crossed the room and headed up the stairs out of the dungeons.
She was crossing the entrance hall, was almost to the front door, when Snape stepped out in front of her.
"How did I know I'd find you making a break for it?" he sighed, leaning against the door frame.
"I wasn't- I'm not-" she stammered and squeezed Hemlock in her pocket. "I just wanted to go look..."
"Winifred...dozens of people have looked. Teachers have looked. Highly-trained Aurors have looked. The entire centaur herd has looked and they know the forest better than you know the steps of a simple Sleeping Draught."
Freddie looked longingly past him to the snow-covered grounds beyond the door.
"You have a potion to tend to," he said quietly and put a hand on her back, gently leading her back toward the dungeons.
Freddie let him lead her back down the stairs, past a terrified-looking first year Slytherin girl.
"Carry on Miss Ivey," Snape said sharply to her.
"Yes sir," she squeaked, scurrying away from them.
Freddie opened her mouth to tell him, to tell him that everyone thought she'd killed her best friend, then she closed it. She couldn't tell him, couldn't talk about it right now without crying, and he'd already seen her cry far too much for her liking. So she kept her mouth shut and followed him into his office.
She stepped into the Brewing Room and took a deep breath. She immediately felt calmer. The scent of the fire, the bubbling of the cauldron. Being back in the lab was familiar and soothing and Freddie felt better than she had in weeks.
She looked in the cauldron at her Felix Felicis, which was simmering, the liquid thick and golden-brown in color. She walked over to the workstation where Snape had the book open to the current week's instructions. She scanned the recipe quickly.
"Have you done the powdered-"
"Bicorn horn? First thing this morning," he confirmed with a nod.
"So I need cowbane, essence of comfrey, Galanthus Nivalis..." Freddie murmured to herself as she went into the supply closet.
"Dragon's blood," Snape called after her. "Every 6 hours."
"3 drops every 6 hours for a week," she said, more to herself than to him.
"We're two days into the week already," he reminded her.
"I know, I know," she said, coming back out with the ingredients.
"I'll leave you to it," he said with a nod, going out into his office.
#
A little over an hour later, Freddie had done everything that needed to be done to the potion for the time being. She looked at her scarf, hat, and cloak that she'd laid across the back of the stool. She knew Snape wasn't going to let her go outside. She blew out a sigh and peeked out into the office. He was sitting at his desk, reading a book, a tray of tea in front of him. She hadn't even heard him call for Noelle.
"Yes Miss Gray?" he asked, not looking up from his book.
"I've finished for the time being. I've got about two hours-"
"One hour and 27 minutes."
"-before I have to add the dragon's blood."
"Would you like tea?"
"Uh...sure," she said, glancing at the door.
"You are not going out to the forest."
"I didn't ask to," she said defensively, sitting down in her chair. She reached into her pocket and gave Hemlock a reassuring squeeze as Snape put his book down to pour her tea.
"What is in your pocket?" he asked.
"Huh?"
"Your pocket, Miss Gray. You've been fiddling with something all morning."
"Oh," she said and pulled Hemlock out sheepishly. She put him on the desk between them, her cheeks burning.
"It is smaller than I recall," he said, smirking slightly as he handed her her tea.
"It's...silly," she said. "I know it's silly, I'm not usually a stuffed animal sort of girl, but I've found it reassuring to have him with me."
"Him?" Snape repeated, taking a sip of his tea.
"Yeah, I named him Hemlock," she said, and Snape made a noise, hiding his face behind his cup. "Don't laugh at me Severus!"
"I assure you, I am not," he said. "And it's Professor Snape. Now drink your tea."
"Yes Professor."
Freddie took a sip of her tea and Snape watched her expectantly. She picked Hemlock up and set him in her lap before taking another sip.
"Well?" Snape asked.
"Well what?"
"Previously when we have shared tea you tell me what blend of ingredients I used."
"Oh," she said and took another sip. She tried. She tried to taste something but since the incident everything she ate or drank tasted exactly the same. She sniffed the brew, fiddling with Hemlock in her lap.
"Raspberry?" she guessed.
"No," he said with a small smirk.
"Sorry," she said weakly, putting the cup down and holding the kneazle in both hands. Snape's brow furrowed and he put his cup down as well.
"What's wrong, Gray?"
"Nothing," she mumbled, squeezing Hemlock.
Snape looked at her with a piercing gaze.
"Don't lie to me," he said in a quiet, dangerous voice.
Freddie tensed and squeezed Hemlock harder. She had said that she would never lie to him, she didn't think she could. She knew she couldn't lie now.
"Ever since... Nothing tastes right, everything tastes the same. Tastes...bitter."
"I see," he said, still gazing at her. Freddie looked away. She couldn't stand to have him look at her. She held tight to Hemlock and in her grip he grew larger, back to his normal size. She hugged him tightly.
"Grief can manifest itself in unusual ways," Snape said quietly, picking up his cup and sipping his tea.
"I'm not – can we not talk about-"
There was a knock on the door, startling them both. Hemlock shrunk in her hands.
"Come in," Snape said sharply and Freddie picked up her cup of tea. She nearly dropped it as Albus Dumbledore walked into the room.
"Good morning, Severus. Miss Gray," he said, nodding to her.
"Albus," Snape said in greeting. "Would you like a cup of tea?"
Please say no, please say no, Freddie pleaded silently.
"No, thank you, Severus. I was actually looking for Miss Gray. I thought I might find her here."
"Sir?" Freddie said, balling her free hand into a fist against her knee. Of all the things she wanted, having a conversation with the Headmaster was at the very bottom of the list.
"How are you feeling, Miss Gray?" he asked, his voice gentle and kind. She wanted to take his kindness at face value, but it felt fake to her. All she could think of was how he had interrogated her after Daniel's disappearance, how he'd paralyzed her with his magic so she could be force-fed a potion, how he'd forced Snape to enter her mind to view her memories.
"I'm okay," she mumbled, not looking at him.
"Are you ready for classes to start back next week? You feel up to it?"
"Yes," she said shortly.
"Winifred," Snape said sharply.
"Yes sir," she amended, forcing the words out. "I'm fine, I will be fine. I'm ready to get back to class, to working on my potions."
"She's brewing Felix Felicis at the moment," Snape said. "I have a list of potions for her to attempt, to test her abilities."
"Very good," Dumbledore said with a nod. "Severus, can I have a word with you please?"
"Go tend to your potion, Gray," Snape said to her.
Freddie got up, taking her tea with her into the Brewing Room. Snape flicked his wand and the door shut behind her. She scowled at the closed door. She put her tea down on the workstation, placed Hemlock next to it, then pressed her ear to the closed door.
"-you to keep a close eye on her, Severus. Meet with her at least once a week and try to gauge how she is handling things," she heard Dumbledore say.
"I'm not a psychiatrist," Snape said and she could hear the scowl in his voice.
"No, but you know loss. You know grief. You can help her-"
"Albus-"
"You're her Head of House. It's your responsibility."
"I do not recall that being in my contract," he said sourly.
"It is."
"If I'd known I might not have accepted the post."
"Severus."
"Fine," Snape said. "She is here nearly everyday anyway, working on potions."
"Thank you, Severus. And if she remembers anything..."
"Do you think that she will?"
"You know as well as I do that the human mind is a very complicated thing. I don't know that her memory of whatever happened will ever return...but I would not deem it an impossibility. If it does, if she remembers anything that might help locate his remains..."
"Yes Headmaster."
Freddie moved away from the door quickly, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping. She sat down on the stool and picked up Hemlock.
His remains..He thinks Daniel is dead... Freddie felt tears threaten her eyes and she quickly shook her head. No. He's not dead. He can't be.
She sipped her tea and was flipping through the pages of the Potions textbook, trying to distract herself, when the door opened.
"Is Dumbledore gone?" she asked, looking up at Snape.
"Yes."
"Good," she said darkly.
"He has to check on you. After something like this...it's his job to-"
"Don't," she said, standing up and walking over to her cauldron, staring at the bubbling brew. She fiddled with Hemlock a moment before shrinking him in her hands then putting him in her pocket.
"Would you like to brew something else?" he asked. "This does not require your full attention."
"Yes. Please."
"Do you want to start with something simple, ease back into it?"
"Do I look like the sort of girl who likes to ease into things?" she asked dryly.
"Very well," he said with a smirk. "Get the book entitled Boiling Brews from the shelf in my office and find the recipe for the Mopsus Potion. You can begin immediately."
"Yes sir."