Chapter 30
"Niles? Son, eez zhat you?"
Niles' reply to his mother's question was slamming down the glass of whiskey he'd just poured for himself and had downed in one, single gulp. He was collapsed on his favourite sofa in the living room – the one that was opposite the fireplace. He often relaxed there, if he'd had a particularly bad day. There was something soothing about watching the flames dancing in the hearth, licking at the logs and slowly but steadily reducing them to nothing. It helped disconnect his mind from anything that was burdening it.
Not that it was helping tonight. No amount of pleasant crackling fires could distract him from the events of that evening. Events that, judging by Marie's presence there, had reached his mother's ears.
Great. Just what he needed…
"Hello, Maman," he said, scooting over so she could sit. "I take you've overheard my conversation with C.C.?"
"I 'ave," she said quietly as she took her seat. "Care to tell me what 'appened tonight at dinner?"
Niles sighed.
"That's the thing, I don't know what happened!" he said, throwing his arms in the air. "We…we dined, we drank, we talked and laughed… we even danced! I…I genuinely thought we'd had a nice evening, but the minute we get home she tells me she's got to pack because she is flying back to America in a bloody jet and runs upstairs crying after saying she's had a wonderful evening and cupping my cheek!"
Even running it through his head now and out loud, the entire scenario made no sense. Had he missed something happening that had happened? Surely not - they'd barely left each other's presence all night! He would have seen if something had happened!
Well, maybe. This current situation they were in was making him think twice about that last part.
He heard his mother make a thoughtful noise from next to him.
"Mm...zhat eez certainly a curious one," she bit the inside of her lip, a look coming over her face like she had something slightly indelicate or uncomfortable to ask. "Are you absolutely sure zhat you could not 'ave said somezhing?"
Niles turned to his mother, half in curiosity, half in a state of near-indignation.
"What do you mean?" he asked. "I didn't say anything to upset her, if that's what you're asking!"
He could almost see his mother trying to physically restrain herself from rolling her eyes. She lost the battle.
"No, I am not saying zhat you meant anyzhing. But eet eez possible zhat she took somezhing from your conversation zhat upset 'er, no?"
"I… I'm not sure," he said, frowning. "Most of the night was concerned with the girls – anecdotes, stories, smoothing the edges of our new custody agreement…"
"Zhe word most eemplies zhere were moment when you weren't talking about zhat," offered Marie. "What else did you talk about?"
"Well…" Niles began after a few silent moments, " We… we talked about us. We apologised for how we did things and, in my case, for some of the things that were said. She… she got rather upset with herself – she felt it was her fault things happened how they happened, and for not believing me when I said that I loved her."
"And what did you reply to zhat?" asked Marie; she had a feeling they were close to unravelling this mystery, as it was.
"I…I told her that we both were to blame for our estrangement. And that I don't blame her for not having believed me when I told her I was in love with her. She got really quiet afterwards…"
Marie watched as her son returned to looking at the flames. He seemed ready to be completely taken over by despair, utterly miserable at the way his evening had gone.
But there was something missing. Something she felt like he should have said, right after he and C.C. had talked about their past...
It was a very special "something" that Marie had been trying to get him to tell C.C. for years.
"Did you...tell 'er zhat you still feel zhe same way? Zhat you still love 'er, and nozhing 'as changed?"
Niles turned awkwardly away from the fire in two non-swift motions; first he leaned back, then he turned his whole body towards his mother. His entire expression suggested the thought hadn't ever crossed his mind.
"No...?" came his cautious reply.
In that moment, Marie didn't feel like rolling her eyes, so much as smacking her son upside the head.
How could he have missed that it was the exact opportunity to tell C.C. what had been going on in his head and heart?! She had been completely ready to learn it all, and she'd needed to know it in that vulnerable moment!
The poor girl needed reassurance, and yet she'd found none that night!
"You are an eediot boy sometimes, do you know zhat?" she was completely serious with her son. "Did you ever zhink zhat maybe C.C. was looking for confirmation zhat you cared about 'er, not to talk about past feelings?"
Oh.
Oh boy.
No, he hadn't thought about that. He'd been extremely worried about clearing the air between them, so much so that he'd completely overlooked her present feelings. He also hadn't wanted to come off too strong, but perhaps that had translated into him appearing somewhat…indifferent. Like he didn't care about her that way anymore when that simply wasn't true.
His mother was right. He was an idiot. A huge, birdbrained idiot that, once again, had botched his chance at getting the woman of his dreams!
"Jesus Christ, I really am an idiot!" he groaned, hanging his head and hiding his face in his hands.
"Of course you are!" Marie replied, not an ounce of pity in her tone. "Now, what are you going to do about eet?"
"Can I do something about it?" Niles cried, "I don't know what I could possibly do to–ouch!"
"For Christ's sake, son, zhe woman eez upstairs!" Marie barked, after having hit her son on the back of his head. "Over zhe last eight years, I've watched you struggle to try and forget zhat woman. I've seen your story play out ever since you sent your first letter 'ome talking about Miss Babcock. Zhis might be your last chance to make zhings right. Zhe last time to do what eez right. I didn't raise a coward – so, eef you are 'alf zhe man I zhink you are, you'll go upstairs and fight for what you want!"
Niles felt his head lifting out of his hands (apart from the sore spot where she had hit him), as his spirits turned from being crushed to coming to a realisation.
A late realisation, but a realisation nonetheless.
His mother was right. C.C. was just upstairs – it wasn't as though she'd left for New York forever and that was that. She was still in the UK, still in his house, and he still had the chance to talk to her!
He wasn't going to let it pass by him, either. He wasn't going to be a coward; he'd done that too much when it came to how he felt before. That had been one of the things that had gotten them into this mess in the first place!
He was going upstairs, and he was going to tell C.C. that he loved her. No ifs, no buts, no mistakes this time!
He leapt up from where he had been sat and leaned down to kiss his mother on the cheek.
"I will. Thank you, Maman!"
Marie's eyebrows raised, but she smiled at the same time as she huffed out a laugh.
"I am glad zhat I could knock some sense into you...!"
Niles smiled back at her, "Honestly, so am I."
He then marched towards the door, only half paying attention to his mother wishing him luck as he went. He appreciated the thought, but if everything went as he was hoping it would in his head, he wasn't going to need it.
Yet another shirt went, balled-up, into C.C.'s case. She didn't care right then about trying to fold her stuff properly - her eyes were streaming too much to see anything, anyway. All she wanted was for the damn thing to be packed, so she could get some sleep - maybe, if her heart would let her - and get the hell out of there as soon as possible.
First thing in the morning, they'd all have breakfast together, and then they'd be gone. She wasn't going to let the girls miss out on saying goodbye, but she didn't want to stick around too long.
The pain would get easier, the further away she was from...him...
Him and his stupid, stupid smile. Him and his eyes that seemed to shine with a kind of warmth she hadn't felt in years. Him and his fancy restaurant with romantic dinners that were nothing but an illusion.
She'd been a fool to believe he still felt that way about her. Why would he? They'd been apart for nearly a decade – the guy was bound to move on, and she simply couldn't blame him. Life wasn't like those rom-coms she and Mia binged on during weekends; there was no dashing prince at the end of it, and love didn't last forever. Especially when she hadn't done anything to deserve his love.
She had no right to demand anything from him, and she wasn't about to throw a hissy fit because he wasn't into her anymore. Still, she had to protect herself. Mostly for Mia's sake – she didn't deserve to be looked after by a wreck of a mother. She had to pull herself together, try to come to terms with her new reality, and then try to move on. Just like he had.
She'd learn to live with it, for better or for worse. Bite the proverbial bullet, as it were, and hope for better time to co–
Knock Knock
Her eyes snapped straight to the door, and she hastily wiped at them, trying to cover all traces of any tears she'd shed in the last hour or so.
It was probably Marie, wanting to know how the evening had gone. But C.C. didn't want to show how much of a mess it was making her - it wouldn't be fair. She'd have to explain and that would leave Marie in an awkward position. Besides, what if it all got back to Niles?
She couldn't let that happen. So, she finished wiping away the tears and kicked the lid shut on her case, before sitting down on the bed to pretend she was getting ready to go to sleep.
"Come in," she then called, hoping she'd mentally managed to properly duct tape over the cracks in her voice.
The door opened quickly, and as soon as she saw who walked in through it, C.C. immediately got to her feet again.
It wasn't Marie that was stood there.
"Niles...?!" she cried out. "What are you doing here?"
He looked at her agitatedly. Like a man who'd been waiting far too long to say something but had never been given the chance.
But he couldn't need to talk to her that badly, so why was he there? What could it possibly be that was so important, it couldn't wait until morning?
There couldn't be anything left over from the dinner, that he wanted to go back and revisit. They'd talked their past to death at this point.
And she already knew that there was no future.
But Niles didn't seem to notice that. Didn't he realise that it was all over, and there was nothing left to be said? He was looking at her with the kind of intensity that sent strangely pleasant chills down spines, and he took in a deep, calming breath before he spoke.
"I don't think I made myself completely clear, at dinner tonight," he told her, his voice soft - barely above a whisper.
C.C. blinked. What was he talking about? He'd made himself perfectly clear - he'd been in love with her before, but time had gone on and now, he wasn't. He could've only been clearer if he'd stated it in those exact words, but they both knew that wasn't polite.
It would've ruined the evening, if he had. So, she supposed she had to be grateful for that, in the least.
"What are you talking about?" she asked in return, trying hard not to burst into fresh tears purely at the sight of him. "I think we both know that you were perfectly clear, even if you did keep it subtle, so that it didn't hurt my feelings!"
Niles looked at her like she'd just slapped him across the face.
"Hurt your feelings?" he echoed, obviously confused. He shook his head, taking a step towards her. "No, that is the absolute last thing I wanted to do! I can't have made myself clear if this is what has come of it!"
"Niles, it's fine," she said between gritted teeth. "You don't need to do damage control. I'm a grown woman – it's no big deal."
"It clearly is, Babcock," he said gently, coming closer to her. "Otherwise you wouldn't be crying."
C.C. huffed out a breath and looked away. She didn't attempt to deny she'd been crying, he'd have known she was lying if she had. She was trapped – it was lucky she was leaving tomorrow because she had a feeling she'd end up looking like a pathetic loser by the end of their conversation.
"Fine. What do you want to tell me that you haven't already?" she spat, angrily continuing with her packing.
"How about the fact that I still love you?"
In that moment, between the words reaching C.C.'s ears and the next gasped intake of breath, it was as though the world had stopped. No people or animals moved, no birds flew, no insects crawled. The wind didn't blow and the tides didn't shift.
Well, if that last one was happening, it was shifting in a very particular direction. In what looked like C.C.'s favour, for the first time in so long she barely remembered what real good luck felt like.
But how could it be real? Could she really have heard what she'd just heard, or was she about to wake up slumped over her half-finished suitcase, having been dreaming of a better life than the one she was living?
She couldn't pinch herself in front of him to find out, that really would make her a loser...
Instead, she slowly looked up at where he was still stood, lowering her latest piece of neglected clothing into her case.
"What did you just say...?"
Her voice couldn't come out much louder than a murmur, but it didn't have to. Niles heard it perfectly clearly.
"I said that I still love you, C.C. Babcock," he sounded like he was confessing to something he'd kept secret for years, and that it felt good to finally say it aloud. "I've never stopped..."
C.C. was certain that what she said next would have been the perfect thing for that exact moment, had it been an actual, complete and fully coherent sentence.
"I...you...love me? How...but...but you do?"
The second it was all out she cringed at her own lack of poise and grace, and immediately knew she was, indeed, the loser in this scenario. What the hell had she even been trying to say at first? Was it just all so flooring that her brain had momentarily turned into spaghetti? It was like she'd forgotten how to speak, for crying out loud!
But if Niles had noticed, he didn't really seem to care. That...that small, soft smile that could make her melt like butter was back on his face.
And he was coming closer, reaching out to take her hands in his.
It was a bold move, but she didn't mind it. Not after so many subtle moves had apparently gone over both their heads, like those comets that occasionally went past Earth with practically everyone on the planet none the wiser.
"Yes, I do," he told her, holding her hands as if he never intended to let them go. "And, again, I can only apologise. I was such a coward in never telling you; I have had plenty of opportunities before now, and yet I've squandered them all, and many important years right along with them!"
C.C. gulped. Whether that was from her mouth suddenly starting to go dry, or from the fact that her heart felt like it was on the verge of leaping into her throat, she didn't know. All she knew was that she was stood, hand in hand with the man she thought she'd lost, but had miraculously found again.
And if he didn't intend to let go, or repeat the stupid mistakes that they had made in the past, then neither did she.
All it would take to seal it, once and for all, was his word.
"You really mean it?" she asked, feeling herself starting to shake, while her eyes welled up again. "That we can just...pick up where we left off and figure it all out from there?"
Niles squeezed her hands comfortingly, "I think we can do better than just that, Babs. We're intelligent. We know how to plan a bi-continental relationship, getting the girls raised here and there, wherever we feel is best at the time..."
C.C. felt herself drawing in closer, heart no longer in her throat but pulling so hard towards him that it ached.
"And just..." she was so cautious about the thought that the words almost didn't make it out. "Seeing how things go from there?"
Niles took one more step in, so that their torsos were brushing and their faces only inches apart. He gently rested his forehead against hers and let go of one of her hands to cup her cheek, stroking it with his thumb.
"Sounds like living happily ever after, to me."
That was when C.C.'s heart finally decided it couldn't take the strain any more, and burst with the happiness that it felt.
This, of course, opened the floodgates for her tears.
"Me too!" she cried out, launching herself into his open, waiting arms.
And she was met by him coming towards her, in return.
His lips were just as warm and soft as she remembered from all those years ago, when the gap finally closed and they met in a fantastic kiss.
Yes...just as warm and soft as she'd...well, secretly been fantasising about for the better part of a day. And his arms were just as strong, too, but somehow they were also gentle when they wound around her back, while hers went around his neck. They didn't let go throughout their kiss, and not even after it was done.
He held her close and he held her tight – just like he'd always dreamed of doing.
"That was amazing…" he said, panting. "I…I've been dreaming of kissing you like this for years…"
"Then kiss me," she replied, pulling her close and, without giving him time to reply, covered his mouth with hers.
They didn't know for how long they kissed. Twenty minutes, twenty hours…it didn't matter. All that mattered was that they were there, together. Years of pain, loneliness, resentment…they melted away. The past didn't matter anymore. There was only time for the present, and both Niles and C.C. were determined not to waste one more second.
"Come to bed," C.C. panted, suddenly pulling away and breaking their kiss. "Please…"
It was sudden, and maybe brief, but Niles hesitated. Of course, he'd also been feeling the overwhelming urge to simply gather her into his arms, carry her to the bed and make mad, passionate love to her into the early - or even late - hours of the morning.
But he wondered a little if it was right to take advantage of the situation. They'd only just...well, truly gotten together in the first place! And that was enough to hold him back from simply saying yes.
Even now, when they were safe and secure in their place and in each other's arms, he didn't want his own needs to ruin anything.
"You...don't want to talk first?" he asked, trying to hold back a gasp as C.C. spread kisses along his jaw, all the way up to his ear. He couldn't really hold it, gripping her tighter to him. "About how this is going to-"
She shut him up with another kiss on the lips, leaving him momentarily stunned and forgetting his place in his sentence as she pulled away.
Her eyes were already darkening with desire, and the look on her face was making him weak at the knees.
"I've been waiting for this for eight years, Butler Boy - I know what I'm talking about," she brushed her lips over his as she spoke, one of her legs starting to lift and rub at his hip. "And I think that we're more than ready for this, don't you...?"
Niles just about managed to stop himself from moaning out the word yes. He didn't want to lose all control just yet - that would obviously come later, if the course of their evening was as decided as every inch of him was screaming it was.
Besides, the part of his brain that still had room for rational thought wanted to start it slow.
She'd said she'd been waiting for eight years. That sounded awfully like she'd...not had any fun at all...in that time. He wasn't going to come right out and ask, obviously, because that wouldn't be right or fair of him, but that was all he could take from it.
Part of him – his ego, perhaps? He didn't entirely care – couldn't help being a little bit pleased. For all this time, she hadn't been able to find someone. Just like he hadn't.
Granted, he'd still had...fun, he supposed, if he could call it that. But it was all nothing, compared to this.
He kissed her back, deeply and passionately, pouring every ounce of love he could fit into it, and murmured against her lips.
"I think we are," he pressed his mouth to hers again, pulling at her lips as she pulled his entire body with her towards the bed. He chuckled deeply in the back of his throat. "And somebody is definitely getting eager..."
C.C. grinned, "So you're going to do something about it, right...?"
She never got a verbal reply. She didn't need it when Niles half-picked her up to carry her the rest of the way.
He had eight years of no fun – eight years apart – to make up for, and he wasn't going to waste another second.