The sessions were just as excruciating as before; Xanimus did not give him a break. Severus had to repeatedly revisit memories, put words to emotions that no words could describe, and dig into his deepest subconscious to answer the Healer's penetrating questions. But he kept at it, never backing down or giving in. He had a reason now to work through all of this. The end of the sessions usually saw him hungry and tired, but also strangely uplifted.
Claire, in the meantime, had apparently finally decided to forget about the day he had thrown her out of his office. Today, she even winked at him from where she was sitting at the teachers' table. When Professor Sinistra, who had sat next to Severus, vacated her chair, Claire had the audacity to come sit next to him.
"Hi there," Claire said. He could hear Mette groan softly on his other side. Severus scrutinized Claire's expression, but could find no traces of guilt. He considered using Legilimency on her again, but she had already turned her gaze back to her dinner plate. "How have you been?" she asked.
"I don't think that's any of your business," Severus said coldly.
"Ooooh, come on, let's not dwell on the past! It's all water under the bridge, isn't it?"
he curled his lip and didn't answer.
"Anywayyy, Minerva told us about some situation in Hogsmeade the other day? Some reporters ambushing you or something? That must have been terrible! Are you holding up okay?"
He still said nothing. Claire laid her hand on his arm and gently said, "Hey, if there is anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. I consider myself your friend, even if you can be a little... trying."
Severus looked at Claire in disbelief. She smiled brightly and cocked her head. He could positively feel the exasperation radiating from Mette's side. "What could you hope to do for him?" Mette asked acidly. Severus was afraid that Mette might snap and confront Claire about the patches right here and now.
Claire tossed her long hair, shifted her gaze to Mette and said, "I do know a lot of influential people. I'm also not too bad at liaising and can be quite persuasive." She turned back to Severus, "I could talk to those reporters for you." Her eyes bored into his. Now would be the perfect time to penetrate her mind. But when he tried, he realized it was very hard without his wand in his hand. He had gotten rusty. "What do you say?" Claire asked.
"No." Severus turned back to his plate.
Claire tutted, "you're making a mistake. Not talking to them will not stop them from writing stories about you."
Mette piped up again. "Yes, we were wondering how they even knew all these things about him!"
Oh no, here it comes.
Claire scoffed "'We', is it? How sweet! And how should I know how they knew?" Claire and Mette stared at each other, subjecting Severus to the crossfire. "Sweetie," Claire said, her voice laced with toxic honey, "I don't know why you would antagonize me like this. I'm just trying to help here. And as opposed to you, I can actually offer some viable options!" To Severus, she said, "Come see me when you've made up your mind to actually do something about the situation." She smiled at Mette one last time, playing with the taaffeite on her nacklace and cheerfully said, "Bye!" before she left.
Mette looked daggers after her. "As if it was so simple! What would she even say to them? 'I know important people'," she imitated Claire in a high-pitched voice. "And how she played with her necklace! She knows I needed the stone, she got it on purpose! And why is she even still here? She spied on us and ratted you out!"
"Remember, we still have no actual proof." Severus was strangely relieved about how the situation had played out. Maybe Claire was innocent. If he was honest, he'd much rather not know who had spied on him and Mette. After all, they would have to interact with Claire as long as the three of them were all in the castle. This would be much easier if Claire was not the spy. Out loud he said, "Maybe we should give her the benefit of the doubt."
"Oh, really! You're a big help!" Mette snapped and got up, leaving him there.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
That night, he dreamed about the Valentine's Day party. Kenneth had the taaffeite around his neck and Severus could see his own memories reflected in all its facets. As he tried to look closer, the reflection changed. Now it was Severus' face, reflected a hundred times in the gemstone. When he looked up, he saw that Kenneth had changed into Mette. She had her hands on his cheeks and was screaming. He woke up.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
When he told Xanimus about the dream, the Healer thought that it was his sub-conscience's way to express his guilt towards Mette. The explanation made sense, but nonetheless, something did not feel quite right about it.
Severus kept thinking about the dream all day and finally decided to remedy the fact that he had cost Mette the taffeite. He would not be able to find another taaffeite, but he had a different idea. He would need materials, and some help, but he knew where to get both.
That same evening, he went down to Hagrid's hut. He could not remember ever having been there. Consequentially, Hagrid's expression when he opened his door to find Severus standing in front of it went from surprised to suspicious.
"Good evening," Severus said politely.
"Evenin'," Hagrid mumbled, then anxiously peered left and right as if to check that there was no one else with Severus. The gamekeeper scrutinized his unexpected guest with narrowed eyes. "Did you want somethin'?" He asked.
"Yes, I want to ask your help. May I come in?"
After a momentary hesitation, Hagrid stood back to admit him. Severus could feel the gamekeeper's stare on the crown of his head as he walked past him.
Hagrid stood in the middle of his cabin, wringing his large hands.
"You, er, want some tea or somethin'?"
"No, thank you, I don't want to bother you for too long."
Hagrid made a noise that Severus interpreted as an expression of relief. The gamekeeper sat down on a large chair and gestured for his guest to take one of the normal-sized ones.
Severus sat down and looked around at the various items hanging from the ceiling. There was meat on hooks, dried herbs and flowers, but also more curious things like unicorn hairs and what looked like the pincers of a giant insect or spider.
"What was it you needed help with?" Hagrid asked, while avoiding to look directly at Severus.
"I heard that a Thestral died not too long ago in the Forbidden Forest."
"Aye. What's it to you?"
"Were you very fond of that particular animal?"
Hagrid shot him another searching look before answering, "I know every single member of that 'erd very well. This one 'ad been the dominant mare for many years. Got replaced by a younger 'un recently. Died soon after."
"Did you bury her?"
"On'y after I got some of the organs out, and 'er skin. Mighty useful, Thestral skin is. Soft as silk and tough as pig's leather."
This was what Severus had hoped to hear. "I was wondering whether I could buy some Thestral skin from you. I only need a very small amount."
"What for?"
"I want to test it as a Potions ingredient."
The gamekeeper seemed to accept this explanation, as he stood up from his chair and heavily walked to a chest in the corner of his cabin. He opened it and took out a large, impossibly thin sheet of shiny black leather. He laid it on the table and Severus moved his hand across the material. It was so smooth Severus barely felt that he was touching it. He smiled and nodded.
"How much would a piece of this size cost?" Severus indicated the size he wanted with his thumbs and forefingers.
"I'd say nine Galleons should do it."
Severus took his coin pouch out of his pocket and counted out nine Galleons, whereupon Hagrid cut a piece out of the Thestral hide with a sharp, curved knife.
"Lemme know how it's doin' as an ingredient," Hagrid said when Severus left the cabin. Severus gave a curt nod and said goodbye.
There was someone else he needed to contact before he could carry out his plan. He had to be patient for a few days, but eventually, Severus left Hogwarts by Portkey on a Saturday afternoon.
He almost managed to land gracefully, had it not been for a rogue root that stuck out of the forest floor just where he touched down. Hastily looking around to check if anyone had seen him, he got up and cleaned off the wet pine needles that stuck to his hands and knees. His Muggle jacket would allow him to walk through the small mountain town without attracting any unwanted attention. He found his way easily; Xanimus had drawn him a crude map.
When Severus arrived outside the tea shop, he could see his hostess for the evening through the window. Ragna waved and smiled at him while she walked towards the door to open it. This time, Severus had to endure a hug from her.
"Welcome back!" she beamed. She scrutinized him for a second and said, "You look different, somehow. How's your memory doing?"
"It's all back."
"Oh, that must be terrible, no? But I suppose it's for the best. Nothing you can't handle, I'd assume."
She didn't wait for his answer, but hurried through her shop and along the narrow corridor to her workshop. Severus followed her. When he entered the workshop, he saw that Ragna had cleared a portion of her workbench and laid out a number of small tools.
"This is exciting!" she said, "I have never worked with Thestral leather before. We will use as little magic as possible. The more hands-on, the more love is in the final piece, I like to think."
And so, they set to work. Ragna explained the use of the tools and how to go about what Severus was planning to make. She had some very useful suggestions for its final shape as well. After a number of hours, the result of their work lay before them. Pleased with the outcome, Severus could hardly wait to go back to Hogwarts.
It was late when he finally arrived at his quarters. He quickly took a shower and brushed his teeth. Once in his bed, he instantly fell asleep.
The dream had changed. He was in Mette's body and the person opposite him, wearing the necklace, looked exactly like himself. He laid his hands, Mette's hands, onto the Severus opposite him. "I have damage," the other Severus said. "Can't you see that I have damage? And now you have damage too!"
His own screaming woke him up. He sat up straight in his bed. I have been a fool! He checked the time – it was five o'clock in the morning. Late enough. He jumped out of bed and hastily put on his clothes. What he had to tell Mette could not wait any longer.
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