4 weeks. One month.
That was how long he had left before his baby was due, and here he was, stuck in what was quite possibly the worst fight that he and Brittany have ever had. 3 weeks have now passed since they had last seen each other, and it pained Alvin more and more each day. He messed up, and he knew that he was the one to blame for all of this. He had hurt the one person who trusted him, who saw the good inside of him behind that bad boy persona that everyone else sees. He had hurt his best friend, and the girl he was undoubtedly in love with.
However, despite all the shit that had went down, it definitely lit a fire under Alvin's ass. He knew that he was starting to spiral out of control, that his old partying and drinking habits were controlling him once more. But after seeing Brittany heartbroken like that, seeing her scream and yell at him only because she was worried about him, made him wake the fuck up, and ever since that night, Alvin hadn't touched a single bottle of alcohol since. He had been invited to three more parties this weekend, but Alvin declined, and instead, just stayed home and fought the urge to go over to Brittany's house and see her. In fact, a few days after their fight, Alvin got rid of all the empty bottles of booze and smoked joints in his bedroom. If it weren't for Brittany, Alvin would've been on the path to destruction. If it weren't for her, he probably would've been on his way to rehab.
If it weren't for her, Alvin certainly wouldn't be sitting in the Miller sisters' living room, on a couch across from Jeanette and Eleanor.
It was a cloudy afternoon, and Alvin had called Jeanette and Eleanor asking if he could come over to talk to them. He knew that Brittany wasn't home, so it was the only chance he could get because he knew that Brittany wanted nothing to do with him, and that she probably would've prevented her sisters from talking to him. So of course, the two girls allowed him to come; they were both aware of what had happened. Brittany, Simon and Theodore had each told them.
"Thanks for letting me come over to talk," Alvin said. "You guys are the only ones I can really talk to right now."
The two girls sighed. They have both known Alvin almost their entire lives. They grew up with him, and they both know him, and they could tell that the Alvin they were staring at right now was not the loud, confident, egotistical boy that they were used to seeing. This time, he looked broken and they both know why. They have both had the chance to talk to Alvin individually ever since he and Brittany started their little fling, and they could tell that he genuinely cares about Brittany deeply. He just looked broken because he knows this is all his fault.
"You do realize what you've done, don't you?" Jeanette said.
Alvin hesitated for a bit before nodding his head. He leaned in forward and buried his face in his hands, with his elbows resting on his knees. "I messed up. I fucking messed up. I...I didn't mean to hurt her, I just...didn't know it would go down like that."
"Well, what did you expect, Alvin? For Brittany to just be okay with what you've been doing? She reacted that way because she's scared for you, because she wants you to realize what you've done, and to get better. She wouldn't have reacted that way if she didn't care about you," said Eleanor.
"And you were doing so well, too, Alvin. You were sober for almost a whole year. Your brothers told us that they haven't seen you like that since you were 16," asked Jeanette.
"Seriously, Alvin," Eleanor shook her head in disgust. "You started partying and drinking when you were 16. Now you're 24. That's eight whole years of being a stupid, drunk mess. Eight years. Does that make you feel good about yourself or something?"
"No, it feels like shit," Alvin sighed. It sounded so bad to hear it out loud. God, what the hell was wrong with him?
"And didn't you say that you were going to stop partying?" asked Jeanette.
Alvin felt guilty, and shrugged. "Yeah, I did say that. I guess the night of my party just kinda...triggered something inside me, something that I couldn't control. I guess it was because I haven't been in the partying scene for a while, and I just wanted to have fun again. If I had known that I would spiral the way I did, and that it would hurt Brittany the way it did, I wouldn't have done it at all."
Eleanor sighed. "There's no harm in having fun. Even Brittany said it herself, she wanted you to have a good time on your birthday, but she just wished you knew how to do it in a responsible way."
"Yeah," he said. "I just didn't know it would upset her that much."
"But you must've at least expected her to get upset, even just a little," said Jeanette.
"I dunno. I guess, because I was drunk that night, I saw Brittany as who she was before she was pregnant, when she would party all the time too. I thought she would be okay with it because she's been in my position before," said Alvin. "But, god, I was so fucking wrong. I honestly didn't mean to hurt her like that."
"Alvin," Eleanor sighed. "We know that you and Brittany have always had a rough...friendship. I'm not just talking about now, but even years ago when we were all kids. You and Brittany always had a difficult friendship. But we know that you do care about her, and we can see that you don't want to lose her. But you need to grow up, because if you don't, you're gonna lose her for good."
"I know," Alvin's voice was low and distant. "And I don't want that to happen. She...she means so damn much to me, more than anything."
"And we know. We can see that. But you need to prove it to Brittany," said Jeanette.
"How? She literally wants nothing to do with me," he said. "She won't even let me see my own child unless I change."
"Then change, Alvin," said Eleanor. "If not for Brittany, but for your own kid, for god's sake. Brittany is due to give birth in just a few weeks, and if you really do care, if you really do want things to be normal between you and Brittany again, then you have got to put yourself second, for once in your life."
"Does Brittany think I don't care about her?" asked Alvin.
Jeanette took a deep sigh and leaned back on the couch. "I mean, she knows that you care about her at some extent, but probably not as much as you actually do. You did tell her that you guys aren't together, after all."
That stung Alvin hard, because he could remember the look in Brittany's eyes when he said it. It was a huge mistake hurting her like that with his words. It was the heat of the moment, and he was angry at her, but he really didn't mean it at all.
...
"I mean, why are you even getting upset over this? We're not even together, so why the fuck does it matter to you?" Alvin fired.
Those words undid it all. The wall that Brittany had built around herself, the wall that had allowed her to keep yelling and arguing with him, completely crumbled with those few words. She was crushed, heartbroken and devastated beyond words.
"Why? Let me tell you why, you fucking piece of shit," her eyes began to flood with tears. "It matters to me because I care, I care more than I should! It matters because I'm hurt, because you told me you were falling in love with me and because I told you that I feel the same. It matters to me because you've told me you care about me, that you want 'us' to happen. And it matters to me because I'm weeks away from giving birth to your damn baby! But I guess it's okay, because you're Alvin Seville and you don't do relationships, right? Because you can't commit to being with one person? Oh, wait, let me rephrase that - because you can't commit to having sex with just one person. Right, Alvin?"
"Brittany, I-" he was stammering. "I didn't mean it like that. I swear."
But she rolled her eyes and wiped the endless tears away. "I know we're not together, Alvin. But it was starting to feel like it, and I was really hoping that it would be true one day. But now? I don't want anything to do with you."
...
The memory burned; no wonder Brittany absolutely hated him. There was a long moment of silence as Alvin just sat there and thought. After a while, he looked up to stare at the two girls. "Does Brittany still have feelings for me?"
Jeanette sighed. "That's really not our-"
"Please," Alvin almost begged. "I just want to know if Brittany still feels something for me, because I can't keep fighting for her if she doesn't feel the same way that I do."
"If you really love her, Alvin, you would keep fighting for her no matter what," said Jeanette.
"But I can only go so far," said Alvin. "I know I lost that chance, and it sucks. God, things were going so well for us. Now she won't even look at me in the face, but I don't know what else to do. I've said sorry a billion times, but Brittany still acts as if I'm invisible."
"Words aren't good enough. And you know Brittany. Words will never be good enough for her," said Eleanor.
"I know," Alvin said. "And I feel like shit because I know I messed up, that I keep messing up."
"Well, at least you know. But you won't convince anyone unless you really change," Eleanor said.
"I just have to know, does Brittany still feel something for me? Even just a little bit?" asked Alvin.
Jeanette bit her bottom lip and sighed. "We'd be lying if we said no. You and Brittany have been through so much together, so of course there's still something. She probably doesn't feel as strong for you as she used to, but we know that can change. Not because you're her child's father, but because, well, because after all the things that have happened, she still wants to believe that there's a chance."
Alvin sighed gently, feeling a little relieved. "I wanna make things right between us, and I'm not gonna mess it up this time. I...I love her. I love her too much to see her go through that again."
He finally said it. This was his first time ever admitting out loud that he loves Brittany. Of course, even though it had been obvious for the longest time, he finally said it out loud, and it felt so good to let it out.
"We know," said Eleanor. "And listen, Alvin, everyone makes mistakes, but it's now your job to own up to your mistakes and make things right again. And you better act now before Brittany gives birth, because if you don't, then you won't only lose her, but your child too."
"And we know you don't want that to happen. We don't want that to happen either," Jeanette said gently. "We all know how much you care about the baby."
Alvin nodded. "I just...want to be a good parent to the kid, and a good parent alongside Brittany."
"And that'll be possible if you change your behavior starting today," said Eleanor.
He nodded. "I'm wanna make things right again."
Jeanette smiled a little. "Well, I hope you do because Brittany's gonna be home soon."
Alvin hung around for the next hour or so, waiting for Brittany to come home. Moments later, they all heard her car enter the driveway, followed by the slam of the car door. They all turned their heads when they heard the front door open. Alvin's heart sped up just a little; he hasn't seen Brittany since the day they fought, and he was a little nervous to see how she was gonna react when she sees him in her living room. He hates how every time they have even the slightest argument between them, they go days, sometimes even weeks without speaking to one another. However, this time, Alvin couldn't blame her. He did hurt her a lot, and he deserved everything that was said to him.
Moments later, Brittany opened the door and entered the house. Almost immediately, she spotted Alvin, which she was not expecting at all, and froze in her spot for half a second. She noticed that he was sitting across her sisters, as if he had been talking to them, and Brittany just had to roll her eyes, which Alvin saw clear as day. What was this asshole doing here? She made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore! Like, does he not get it? However, as angry and annoyed as Brittany felt, it was hard to ignore the heartbreak in her chest as she made quick eye contact with him. The pain still felt raw and real, but Brittany wasn't going to let him get to her anymore. He had broken her badly, he made her feel a pain that couldn't be put into words, and she had enough.
Without saying a word, she walked past the living room, up the stairs to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Alvin sighed deeply to himself before turning back to Jeanette and Eleanor.
"I don't know what to do," his voice was sad, and quiet.
"Go upstairs and talk to her. You need to show her that you don't want to lose her," said Jeanette.
"But she clearly hates me," Alvin motioned towards upstairs.
"But if you love her, then you shouldn't let that get in the way," said Eleanor.
Alvin sighed to himself. They were right. Goddamn it, how did he end up in this situation? Why did he allow himself to mess up so badly? He and Brittany were doing so well, and he threw that all away. And like what Eleanor had said earlier, it was his job to make things right again. So he got up, went upstairs towards Brittany's bedroom door, and knocked.
No response. He expected that.
A minute later, he knocked again. No answer. She was purposefully ignoring him now.
He let another minute pass before knocking again. "Brittany, can you please open the door?"
No response yet again. Alvin sighed before sitting down on the ground next to her door. He kept knocking every 5 minutes, and still no response, and he was getting tired. 30 whole minutes had now passed, and Alvin sighed out loud in frustration. He stood up and knocked on her door one more time, this time, she finally yanked the door open, revealing herself and glaring at Alvin with hateful eyes.
"You really can't take a hint, can you?" Brittany fired. "When a person doesn't answer their door, it means go away."
Alvin swallowed hard. She was a little frightening, and he was careful not to make her even more angry than she already is. "I-I'm sorry, I just...I just really want to talk to you."
"You've done enough talking," Brittany said before making her move to slam the door close on his face.
But Alvin was quick enough to wedge his foot between the door before she could close it. "Please, Brittany. Just for a few minutes? I...I want to apologize and talk and...and fix everything that I ruined between us."
"Just for you to ruin it again? I don't need to hear anything from you, Alvin," Brittany shot.
"If you don't believe me, talk to your sisters. I told them everything, Brittany, honest," said Alvin. "I wouldn't be doing this for anyone, and you know that. I wouldn't have talked to your sisters, telling them exactly how I feel about you and everything that I've done, if I didn't want to fix everything that I screwed up."
Brittany couldn't find the right words to say at first, but she could slowly feel her angry felt away into pure sadness. "Then what do you want me to do, Alvin? Forgive you? To accept what you've done and what you've said to me?"
"No, I don't expect you to forgive me, because I don't deserve it. But I just need you to listen to me, okay?" said Alvin. "That night we fought, I didn't mean to hurt you when I said we weren't together. I was just pissed, Brittany. My anger got the best of me, but I didn't mean it like that at all. And I'm sorry for getting mad at you over my partying habits. You had every right to be mad. I was spiraling out of control, and you were only worried about me, and I get it."
She rolled her eyes. "Glad it took you almost a month to realize it."
"I would've said it to you sooner if you didn't hate me so much," said Alvin.
"Well, it's a good thing that I do hate you because I don't want to hear your bullshit anymore," said Brittany.
"Bullshit?" Alvin scoffed. "Do you think I'm making this up or something?"
"No, but honestly, I don't care anymore. You said it yourself, remember? We're not together so why the fuck should I care?" she fired at him.
"Jesus christ, Brittany, I said I was sorry about that!" exclaimed Alvin.
Brittany said nothing for a moment as she just stared at him. "What the fuck do you want, Alvin? Seriously. Are the girls at the parties you've been going to not paying enough attention to you or something? Are you not getting enough sex nowadays? Is that why you've decided to come talk to me and try to fix whatever stupid feelings we had for each other? So that we'll both pretend to be okay, before you have sex with me and then hurt me again? Is this what this is about?"
Alvin was appalled, as if he couldn't believe a single word that had come out of her mouth. "No, and you're fucking stupid if you think that's why I'm here. I know you think I'm some sort of player, but I'm not, and you, of all the fucking people who know me, should be the one person who knows I'm not."
He looked hurt. As much as Brittany hated him right now, it was hard to look at.
"I just wanted to talk to you, because I want thing to go back the way they were. I understand that you were worried about me, and I'm sorry for hurting you the way I did," he said. "But I'll leave now, if that makes you happy."
He didn't even look at her before he turned around, and just when he was about to walk away, she spoke up behind him.
"I was more than just worried about you."
Alvin stopped, but he didn't turn around.
"You...You were turning back into your old self right in front of me, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be quick enough to stop you. That's why I was so angry, Alvin. I couldn't allow you to go back to that, and I would've hated myself if I wasn't able to stop you," Brittany sounded like she was in so much pain.
Alvin slowly turned around and faced her again. "You're the only person who would've been able to stop me from self destructing, so thank you, I guess."
"That's nothing to be thankful for," she said.
Alvin sighed. "Look. I know what I've done was fucked up, and I'm sorry. I get why you don't trust me anymore. I mean, I wouldn't trust myself either. But I just hope you know that no matter how drunk or high I must've been, that I didn't do anything with anyone behind your back. And I'm not saying that because I don't want to lose you. I'm just being truthful. If something did happen, I would've admitted it. I mean, I'll admit that I was drinking and partying and smoking weed way too much, but I didn't touch a single girl, Brittany, I swear."
She looked away for a moment. She really wanted to believe him, but there was just something in her that believed otherwise. She knows him, and knows how he can get when he's intoxicated. How else did she get pregnant by him in the first place? Brittany felt her heart get a little heavier. That was the one thing that broke her heart the most, his actions around other girls when he's under the influence. She knew Alvin was probably telling the truth, but there will always be a deep pain in her chest that he had left in her heart. But Brittany decided that it would be best to believe him. If there was something he was hiding, if he was, then maybe it would be best if she didn't know. She didn't say anything after that, she just nodded.
"Look, Britt, I'm sorry for everything, alright? I'm sick of us fighting all the time," said Alvin. "And you know how I feel about you, Brittany. I'm so fucking in love with you, and I just want things between us to be okay again."
Brittany felt her heart in her throat. That was the first time Alvin ever admitted that, well, sober at least. The first time he admitted that he loved her was when he was heavily drinking, so it didn't count in Brittany's opinion. However, the way his voice sounded as he said it made her chest ache. She had always imagined her and Alvin telling each other that they love one another together, but knew that would probably never happen anymore.
"You think it's that easy because you weren't the one who got hurt, Alvin, I did," Brittany snapped at him. There was pain in her eyes and she was doing her ultimate best not to push him out of her sight right now, despite how much she didn't want to see him. "Things aren't going to be okay if you expect me to pretend that they're okay, because they're not. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to change. That's something you need to do yourself."
"I'm...I'm trying, Brittany," he said.
"You're not trying hard enough," she said, and her eyes were starting to become glossy and wet. "If you were, then we would be fighting at all."
"Then what do you want me to do, Brittany? I'm not partying or doing any of that shit anymore. I'm trying my fucking hardest, but if you can't see that, then what more do you want?" he asked her.
"It's more than just the partying and drinking, Alvin. It's so much more than that," she said.
"Then what more do you want me to do? Just say it, and I'll do it," he said.
"Honestly? I just need you to give me some space," she said, and her chest ached as she said it. "I just...think it would be best if we didn't see or talk to each other for another while, Alvin. For the first time in a long time, I just want to be alone."
He raised an eyebrow. "Wait, but why? How is that gonna fix anything?"
Brittany stared at him for a moment. "Maybe I don't want things to be fixed between us right now."
Those words hurt them both in different ways, but Alvin wasn't going to give up on her just yet. "Brittany, I'm not saying that we should get back together, or at least, get back to the same level as we were before all this went down. We can just be friends and nothing more, if that's what you want."
"We can't be just friends if we still have feelings for each other, Alvin," she said, still keeping that hard gaze on him. "And as much as I don't want to be, I know I'm still in love with you, and I hate it. And that's why it hurts more than you will ever understand, because of how I feel about you."
Alvin stepped in a little closer to her, but still kept some distance between them. "Brittany..."
She shook her head. "I just need space, Alvin. A couple weeks is all I'm asking."
Alvin suddenly felt sick and terrified. Weeks? Their child was due in a month, which didn't give them much time at all. Alvin just wanted to be with her, he wanted to be around her as much as possible before their baby arrived. He tried to speak up and say something, but knew that it would be best to just keep quiet. After all, Brittany did say that she didn't want him around the baby until he changed. Her words still haunt him.
Brittany saw the heartbreak in Alvin's eyes, and as much as she wanted to hate him with every bone in her body, she could feel the pain radiate into her. "I know you're a good person, Alvin. And I know you're sorry about what happened, but I just need time. Please."
"But weeks, Brittany? The baby is due-"
"I know," she sighed. "I...I want you to be there when I give birth, but as of now, I just want to be alone."
Brittany's eyes were glistening, but she looked over at Alvin and saw the heartbreak in his face. She gently reached over and cupped the side of Alvin's face before leaning in to give him a kiss on the lips. It shocked Alvin, but he understood why she did it, as one last goodbye before they took time apart. The kiss was short lived, but it was the happiest both of them had felt since the night they fought.
"I don't hate you," she said. "You know how I feel about you. Whatever you feel for me, I feel it for you a thousand times more. But I just don't want to be around you for a while, Alvin."
"...Yeah, okay," his voice was quiet. He didn't know what to do; he didn't want to leave it as just that, of course, but it seemed as though he had no other choice.
"I think you should leave now," said Brittany.
Alvin nodded. "I think so too," he sighed deeply. "I'll be here if you ever need me, Brittany."
"I know," she said, and gave him a half smile through her broken heart.
She watched as he walked down the stairs, and followed by the sound of the front door closing. Brittany walked over to her window and watched Alvin cross the street to his house, before going inside. She closed her eyes and sat on the edge of her bed. Everything hurt. She just wanted to be around him, she just wanted to be near him, but knew that it would be better for them to be apart for a while, better for herself to be alone and to heal. She has never felt this level of pain before, not even with her past relationships, because this - whatever this was between her and Alvin - meant so much more.
And for the first time in her life, she now knows what it feels like to be truly heartbroken.
okay, that was actually super heartbreaking. But I guess it's for the best, right? They both truly love each other, but need some time apart. What are your guys' thoughts on that? Will they both be okay before the baby comes?
Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! Some of you guys get really, really passionate and detailed in the reviews, which I love! If anyone has anymore feedback or suggestions for the story, I would love to read them so please REVIEW!
Let's try and hit 705 reviews before the next chapter!
In the mean time, see you all in the next one :)