Ai Hod Yu In

Chapter 31

A/N: Hey guys! As many of you have noticed, we have finally gotten our biggest change from canon. Lincoln has been saved! You'll find out more about the how in this chapter. I knew from early on that there were some deaths I wanted to correct, and Lincoln was the biggest one. I love Lincoln, and I think his relationship with Octavia is amazingly special. On top of that, what happened to him changed Octavia so much from who she was. Thank you again to all of you. I've never been able to invest myself this much in one of my fanfics before, and a big part of the reason why is all the love all of you have given this story. Anyway, on with the chapter. Enjoy.

Clarke opened the doors to Lexa's rooms, pushing it and staring at the meditating commander for a moment. Clarke entered the room, looking around as she did so.

"Someone tried to kill you today," Clarke commented to the woman, worried. True, Clarke had come to say goodbye, but she also wanted to check on the other woman. Clarke was not ashamed to admit how much the other woman meant to her, "How are you this calm?"

"You're angry about the kill order."

"No. My people attacked an innocent village. They've been pushing and pushing. The kill order was necessary. I'm leaving once I'm done saying goodbye," Clarke told her. Lexa stood up from her position on the floor slowly.

"We may be drawing a line, but who's to say you can't choose to stay on this side of it?" Lexa asked her pleadingly. Clarke knew she couldn't take the other woman up on her offer, but she desperately wished she could. As much as Clarke cared for Lexa, she had a duty to her people and to Madi first. She'd been deluding herself in the recent past, wanting to pretend she was simply a normal girl. She'd stopped being that a long time ago, and it was finally time to admit that.

"I'm sorry, Lexa. I have feelings for you, strong feelings. If I was a normal girl and you had asked me to stay, I would have agreed in a heartbeat. I need to help my people, though. As much as I want to pretend otherwise, I'm always going to be bound to protect my people. I'm always going to be bound to protect Madi. So I can't stay. I have to help them. No matter what mistakes they've made, I have to help them," Clarke said. Lexa smiled back at her.

"I know," she said sadly. Clarke could barely look at her, recognizing the pain in the other girl's eyes as the same in hers.

"Maybe someday, I will no longer need to save my people," Clarke said. Lexa chuckled softly, a smile unfolding on her beautiful, sad face. She fought with herself for a moment, wanting nothing more than for this not to be the time for this. But this may be the only time, as Clarke had long since learned from Finn. Live each day as if it may be your last, for one day it will be. If today was her last day, Lexa deserved the truth, "I love you."

"I love you too," the other woman said. Clarke didn't know which one of them moved, it may have been both of them. All of a sudden, though, their lips met desperately. Clarke gasped a bit as she felt a hand intwine in her hair, and she wrapped her arms around Lexa in return. They both jumped when Lexa's doors opened, taking a moment to disentangle themselves.

"The kill order goes into effect at dawn. I've made arrangements for you to take one of our fastest horses, Wanheda. Now if you will excuse me, I need to speak to the commander," Titus said. Clarke nodded.

"Goodbye, Lexa. Thank you, Titus," she said, quickly fleeing the room. As soon as she left, she leaned against a wall, her hand touching her lips a bit. Clarke had kissed Lexa before, but this felt different. There had been so much passion there, so much love. It broke Clarke's heart a little bit to have to leave right after sharing a kiss like that, but she supposed that she didn't have much of a choice. There was a kill order that she had to think about.

With a horse, Clarke could take a bit more time before leaving. She'd have to tell Octavia and Lincoln to leave ahead of her, that she'd catch up with Madi. She didn't know why she was doing this to herself, but she had a feeling there was still something here she needed to take care of.

When Clarke returned to her room, she immediately noticed Octavia had run off already. It didn't surprise her, though she was quite grateful that Lincoln had stayed with Madi instead of venturing off with Octavia. Clarke trusted Lincoln, perhaps more than she did Octavia herself. She'd come to think of the older man as one of her own, and that meant she was going to protect him above all else.

"How did you get out of holding?" she asked him quietly, grabbing her daughter and settling herself on her bed facing him. He gave her a small smile.

"Bellamy," he told her simply. The answer made her smile as well. She'd been so scared that perhaps Bellamy was gone now, that all that was left was the angry shell of the man she loved, but the fact that he helped Lincoln proved that he was still there. It would take time for all of them to heal after this, but Clarke knew now that Bellamy was still there. He had to be.

"Was he back to normal?" she asked hopefully. Lincoln looked down, shaking his head, and Clarke's heart plummeted, "Was he okay?"

"He was beginning to question what they were doing, last I saw. He helped me escape right before they began the attack on the village. I went to warn the village, fully intending to find Octavia afterwards. She was already there, though. They captured us and brought us here, and you know the rest," Lincoln told her.

"He didn't attack with the others, right?"

"By the attack, Bellamy appeared to have recovered from his doubts. He attacked with the rest of them. I'm sorry, Clarke."