I personally think that a lot of villains have a lot of potential, but are never fully realized, so I think that I can help them. And let's be honest here, a lot of villains lose just because their heroes need to beat them. Voldemort or the Emperor or Alduin could have defeated their heroes at any time and didn't just because of stupid reasons. So, let's see how can help them.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything other than myself as the professional here.
Advice for villains
Voldemort
Golden Dragon Lord sighed as he took a look over his notes, settling them down neatly on his desk as he looked at the ceiling for a moment as if looking for strength for this meeting. Shaking his head, he pushed the button on his intercom. "Trixie, if you could send in the next person?"
Gold smiled a bit as she heard the boasting voice on the other end of the intercom. "Of course, it is my job after all!"
Shaking his head fondly this time, he lost his smile as the door opened to reveal an extremely pale tall figure entering the room. Gold waited patiently as Voldemort sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk and nodded. "Voldemort, pleasure to meet you. Now, I've gone through your files here, but tell me why you wanted to see me?"
Voldemort's red eyes looked at him over his pale hands as they steepled themselves in front of him. "I understand that this organization helps villains that are having…issues, with their plans. I am the powerful Dark Lord Voldemort, yet I cannot seem to kill the brat, Harry Potter."
"Yes," Said Gold as he held up a piece of paper on top of the pile. "I've looked into your plans, henchmen, personality and backstory before this meeting. And really, the only thing I have to say is…ARE YOU STUPID?"
Gold looked at the so called evil Dark Lord in front of him in disbelief that anyone evil could be as stupid as this guy. Voldemort looked surprised by the sudden rise in volume but Gold continued before he could say anything.
"Every plan you came up with needs so many things to go right and requires everything to work perfectly to even have a chance of succeeding." Gold snorted as he held out a few pieces of paper. "Lets start things out easily, shall we? Why are you an evil villain? What is your motivation for being evil?"
Voldemort blinked and glared at Gold. "My mother died in childbirth and I refuse to die like that. I am immortal! Magical Britain will be mine to bring into a pureblood agenda with my Death Eaters as my minions."
Gold sighed and shook his head. "From what I've read, you want immortality and to change the magical world, possibly get revenge on the non-magical population because of your father, but that doesn't give you the motivation to be an evil Dark Lord.
"Now, for immortality you've got that covered with the Horcruxes, I'll grant you that, but you were stupid in going about that…so, so stupid…"
"I spent much time gathering important items to make my soul anchors-"
"Exactly! You chose well known magical artifacts that anyone would want for their collection! Anyone would want to find the Diadem of Ravenclaw, the cup of Hufflepuff and even your very killable snake!" Gold made himself calm down as he stared at Voldemort in disbelief. "If you were smart, why didn't you kill a few people and make some common pebbles into your Horcruxes then throw said pebbles into the ocean? I mean, who would ever find two random pebbles in the ocean, especially if they were in two different places on the planet?"
Voldemort gave him a look that clearly told Gold he was not understanding a word he was saying.
Gold sighed in frustration as he flipped through a few more pages. "Now, after creating a couple of Horcuxes, why didn't you ever get into politics? Try and change the magical world legally?"
"Too slow for my taste, honestly. I've never been one for politics."
"I beg to differ as I have on record you smooth talking your way into getting Slughorn to reveal more things about Horcruxes than you actually knew at the time," said Gold, shaking his head. "Honestly, make a couple of Horcruxes so you still have the magical number of three then use your good looks and charisma to change the magical world to, again legally, what you want, or at least something close. You as a young Tom Riddle seriously had a good chance to become Minister of Magic or a Chief Warlock. Instead you seemingly randomly became a Dark Lord with some loyal minions and started waging war with Magical Britain."
"Again with me not being patient," said Voldemort, sulking more and more as Gold continued. "And yes, that might have worked but I didn't want to merely become Minister of Magic, but the supreme ruler of all of Magical Britain!"
"So you admit that you would be a very poor ruler of Magical Britain and are just a bully that has a weakness for power," sighed Gold, shaking his head in disappointment. "I really don't like villains that are evil just for the sake of being evil as it just sounds lazy. I mean, if it was your childhood that made you evil, then Harry actually beats you as his was worse than yours. Maybe if you were bullied by Purebloods and the whole war was just an excuse to wipe them out as quite a few Pureblood families were eliminated in both wars while Half-bloods and Muggle-borns could just leave the country.
"Motivation for being a villain aside, I can easily see why you would fall to Lily Potter on that Halloween night-"
"Harry Potter was the one who defeated me, though."
Gold paused before outright laughing. "Yeah, that's not what happened. What happened was that while baby Harry was pooping his diaper in his crib, Lily had used powerful love magic to power a ritual that stopped you with her sacrifice to power it. Lily did like, 95% of the work with Harry's part merely being existing. Anyway, I can buy that you lost on that one but every other encounter you've had with Potter should have ended with your win, especially after you got a body back."
"Potter lives more to my failures than his successes."
"Of that, I have no doubt as you've been an idiot." Gold sighed. "Voldemort, this office exists to make you a better villain, and that means I have to point out the flaws in your plans. Why did it take you so long to use that ritual in the graveyard to come back? Why did you NEED Potter in the graveyard when you just needed his blood?"
"I needed his blood, therefore he needed to be in the graveyard," said Voldemort, confused as to why that was brought into question. "How else would I get his blood?"
"You have a henchman that can transform into a rat, right? First day Potter is back in the castle for school, said rat can sneak into the Gryffindor boy's dorm, steal some blood and put it into a vial with a stasis charm so it stays fresh and use it when the time comes, right?"
Voldemort stared.
"What about having your rat henchman sneak into Potter's dorm and turning his glasses into a portkey? The next time the boy goes to Hogsmede on a weekend and outside of the Hogwarts grounds, he's instantly transported to the graveyard and ding, you've got Potter."
"I think you're over estimating Wormtail's competence."
"You didn't even need Crouch Jr. to infiltrate the castle or enter Potter's name into the Tournament, did you?" Asked Gold, giving Voldemort a smug look.
"I needed Potter in the graveyard and that required him being in the tournament."
"Your plan required a fourteen year old to not only stay a champion as you had no guarantee that Dumbledore would just call the whole tournament a draw and redo the names, but also that said teenager survive three dangerous tasks meant for older students. Not to mention the fact that if something were to go wrong like the dragon eating Potter, Potter drowning in the lake or a sphinx attacking him because he got the wrong answer to a riddle, your inside man wouldn't have been able to save him."
"There…might have been issues with the plan," Voldemort reluctantly accepted, sulking more as he crossed his arms, annoyed.
"That's not even to mention that when you actually did have Potter, at your mercy and could have killed him in a heartbeat, you toyed with him and gave him a chance to fight back! Did you really fall for the embarrassing villain tendency of not taking the hero seriously? Potter is the hero and you are the villain, meaning that unless you're smart, he's going to defeat you!"
Before Gold or Voldemort could say anything else, there was a loud beeping noise and the advisor sighed, leaning back into his chair. "We're out of time for today. If you want another appointment then see Trixie on your way out. You know how to contact me otherwise."
Voldemort's eyes narrowed as he left, probably already thinking of ways to use Gold's ideas to kill Potter in his future plans.
Or maybe he wanted to bake a cake, who knows?
Rita Repulsa
Gold's eyes were twitching as he stared at the latest appointment in front of him, wondering what he had done to deserve this. Rita Repulsa, one of if not the first Power Rangers villain ever was going on and on with some speech about how great she was and how pathetic the Rangers were, and somehow her words weren't matching her lips.
How is that…?
"Ms Repulsa," said Gold, interrupting her tirade as he held a hand up to stop her, "Everything you said is all well and good, but how does any of that have anything to do with destroying the Rangers? They're just teenagers who are better at martial arts and weapons training than usual, right?"
"Bah! What would you know about the Power Rangers!" Yelled Rita, her words still not matching her lips with a volume far louder than what was needed. "They keep stopping my plans to take over the world! But one day, I will get the last laugh over them!"
Gold pinched the bridge of his nose, mentally sighing as he tried not to look at the ridiculously dressed woman in front of him. Why couldn't this be the Rita from the Power Rangers movie? At least she looked like a female version of Marvel's Loki.
"Ms Repulsa, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't all of your plans go the same exact way? You send a monster to fight the Power Rangers, the Rangers win, the monster turns into a giant, the Rangers pull out their Megazord, and defeat your monster again. You then scream your frustrations out on the Rangers and do the same exact thing as last week, right?"
"Yes! What is your point?"
"Don't you have a minion on your moon base that actually makes your monsters? Like, he honestly pulls out magic clay, or something, and then you bring it to life with your magic?"
"Yes! I have a minion like that! What of it!"
Gold's eyes couldn't be twitching more if he tried as he tried taking a calming breath. "Why are you sending these monsters one at a time? Why are you waiting a few days to a week before sending the next one?"
Rita looked ready to scream something, then paused as she actually thought about it.
"Look, you and the Power Rangers seem to have a bit of a running theme here, so, let's use that to your advantage. Have your minion make a lot of monsters at the same time and build up an army of them. Then, either send them down all at once and surround the Power Rangers, making them fight at least a dozen or more of them at a time; or send them down one after another, wearing the Rangers down.
"The Rangers might have some minor super powers like enhanced speed, strength and endurance, but even they have their limits. If you were to make them keep fighting for hours on end, eventually, they will collapse from exhaustion."
"Ah, but they have their Megazord to use, don't they?"
"The Megazord doesn't need to be charged? Does it run forever on whatever batteries it has?"
Rita didn't know the answer to that one.
Gold sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It's very simple, Rita. You keep the Rangers fighting with a gauntlet of monsters you send their way, leaving them exhausted and their Megazord unable to be used from low batteries, then you come in and finish them off with no problem. I mean, the Rangers STILL haven't figured out they could use their Megazord to step on your monsters while they're still small and you haven't enlarged them yet. I say you use that to your advantage."
"But that's not the way things are done!"
"You're right, but you want to win, don't you?" Rita paused at that. "Another tactic is to capture a few of the Rangers, use your dark magic to brainwash them so they're loyal only to you, and make them kill off the other Rangers when they aren't expecting it. Imagine having Kimberly or another Ranger loyal to you and is more than willing to off their own teammates."
Rita hummed as she thought about it, weighing the pros and cons of either plan as she looked at her staff.
"Well, your time is almost up so give either plan a try and we'll see if you're successful in killing the martial arts glee club."
Galbatorix
Gold has his head back in his desk chair, eyes closed and taking a nap when the door banged open. Spluttering and wheeling around, he was able to focus long enough to see a new client had appeared and he was not happy.
"YOU! You help villains in taking down their enemies, right? Tell me what I did wrong in taking down Eragon!"
Gold blinked and looked through his notes for the name. "Eragon…ah, here it is, since he's the hero, that makes you King Galbatorix, right? From the Inheritance Cycle?"
"Yes! Now tell me what I did wrong!"
Gold sighed as he looked through his files, eyebrow raised as he looked through the notes. "Honestly, from what I'm seeing…you didn't do anything wrong. You did everything almost perfectly."
"That can't be right. I had it all, money, power, an entire country to rule and an Empire full of loyal soldiers. How did I lose to a farm boy who got lucky and got a dragon? Answer me!"
Gold, not intimidated in the least as his office canceled out all magic and super powers, looked down at his notes again. "Galbatorix, the only thing I can see that led to your downfall was that you took the time to talk to Eragon and his friends instead of just killing them. Other than that, you did everything else flawlessly."
"Talking to Eragon and getting him on my side was, to me, more important than just killing him and his dragon. They were too valuable to simply kill."
"And I understand that, your highness. Now, according to this, you were a dragon rider under the counsel but you went mad when your dragon was killed. When you asked, or demanded, another dragon the counsel said no because no one can bond to more than one dragon in one's lifetime. Furious, you gathered a group of like-minded followers, killed a dragon's rider and took their dragon for your own and then went on a killing spree where you killed almost every counsel member. Once you had the throne, you actually encouraged your more powerful henchmen to kill each other for power or glory so you had fewer threats to your rule.
"I'm sorry, your highness, but I fail to see what you did wrong."
"Then how was I defeated?"
"Oh, that. Yes, your death was very anti-climatic as Eragon used a spell powered by the remaining dragons to make you feel much worse than you ordinary would for every bad thing you ever did. The horrible emotional pain was too much for you to bear and you set your magic to self-destruct, turning yourself into an atom bomb and blowing up your own castle. But then again, you had a fail safe for every single other threat coming at you that that spell was the only thing you hadn't counted for.
You had spells to protect you from every element, every kind of magic, every attack that the only one left was to make you feel bad about yourself. And really, who would come up with a shield to block that? Eragon was mostly the conduit for the dragons to use their spell to defeat you, it wasn't the boy himself."
Galbatorix stared at Gold for several long moments before sinking down into the chair by the desk, thinking hard. "It really wasn't my fault?"
"Not really. Again, the only thing you did wrong was try and get Eragon on your side instead of just killing him, but as you were so heavily protected you were kind of in the right to gloat a bit. No one could have seen a spell of that kind of nature get to you and while it wasn't a long drawn out duel like many wanted to see, your protections meant that that wasn't possible."
"That…that actually makes me feel better," said Galbatorix, nodding slightly.
Gold decided not to tell him that he was heavily based on the Emperor from Star Wars and that old guy had done the same exact thing. Really, Darth Sideous could have killed Luke with little to no problem but he wanted the boy to kill Darth Vader and take his place, much like Galbatorix with Eragon.
"Well, I hope you continue to do good work in the future, Galbatorix," said Gold, shaking his hand. "The movie you were in sucked but you always have the chance to motivate other villains into using some of your ideas and plans."
The dejected king nodded and left the office, feeling better now that he had talked about these things to someone.
Honestly, Gold felt more like a therapist than an advisor sometimes.
Monika
Gold looked from the papers he was reading to the brunette visual novel character in front of him and back again. He had been surprised to hear that this teenage vaguely Japanese girl wanted to talk to him and he just didn't get why.
Monika was wearing a Japanese style school girl outfit and her long brunette hair was tied down in twin ponytails with a large white ribbon. She didn't seem anything like the villains he normally talked to and she didn't seem evil.
"Well, from what I've read, you're from a dating sim visual novel?"
Monika nodded with a small smile. "That's right. Doki Doki Literature Club."
"A dating sim visual novel that turns into a psychological horror game a couple hours into it?"
Monika started sweating slightly and her smile became a bit more forced. "Well, that is right, I suppose."
Gold looked back at the papers for a moment before sighing and setting them down for the moment. "Monika, I can call you that, right?" When Monika nodded, Gold continued. "My job here is to help evil villains get their plans back on track and realize that more elaborate doesn't always mean success. From what I've read and from what you've told me, you're not evil. You're a teenage girl that made a lot of bad choices, but that doesn't make you evil."
Monika blinked and looked down, unsure of what to say to that. "I did horrible things…"
Gold sighed and nodded. "Alright, from what I've gathered is that your game was meant to be a dating sim and you were the only girl not available for dating. That sucks, but it was compounded on the fact that you became self-aware, realizing that your life was nothing more than a video game visual novel for the player to choose to date someone other than you." Monika nodded slowly. "Since you are from a dating sim, that means that it must be in your nature somewhere to want to be in a relationship and since you were aware you were in a game, with a player controlling the main character, you wanted to find that player."
"I wanted to be with someone real, not just…not just code and text," said Monika, looking to be on the verge of tears. "I wanted to be real, I wanted to reach out to that other world, where the player was, and…"
"And things spiraled out of control and fast," Gold finished for her. "Your files here show that while you, Monika, are very popular in your world, get straight A's, athletic and was in the debate club, you are also very selfish, territorial, and get jealous easily, making you an honestly very balanced individual."
Monika winced at Gold pointing out her flaws but blinked at hearing that last part. "You think I'm normal?"
"Very much so, honestly. Your flaws balance out how perfect you seem to be to others and combine that with the situation you were in, it's easy to see how you came to the conclusions you did. You wanted to be with the main character because he was controlled by the player, but the stiffest competition you had was his childhood friend and the girl who had a crush on him the longest, Sayori. You knew either by observation, from the girl herself or by digging through the game code that Sayori had chronic depression from an early age. It's not hard to imagine you, in your jealousy, tweaking the game code to increase her depression and suicidal thoughts to a twenty out of ten, making her less desirable to the main character, whether he would pick her to date or not."
Monika flinched at thought of Sayori, hanging from a noose around her neck from the ceiling of her room. How horrified the main character and the player had to be after watching that. She had wanted Sayori out of the way and had preyed on the girl's depression and suicidal thoughts, but had never truly thought the pink haired Sayori would actually go through with it.
Gold continued when it seemed Monika was lost in her own thoughts. "Act II was…glitchy, wasn't it? The game kept trying to work without Sayori but deleting her from the game had caused the game to be more and more unplayable. Everything she would normally do, you had to do instead and you're just not as much of a people person as Sayori was, are you?"
Monika shook her head with a sigh. "No. I like to think of myself as a decent leader, but I don't handle arguments or highly emotional people well, I guess."
"Which is why you had to keep breaking the fourth wall to keep the game from crashing. The glitching wasn't the only thing you had to worry about though as you focused on Yuri and Natsuki, the other two girls who had been dating options. Natsuki had a very troubled home life with an abusive father who never feeds her, but you did your best to try and make the main character dismissive of that fact. Yuri however…well, she has an obsessive personality that is a ticking time bomb when combined with her habit of self-harm. You simply had to increase both with her just like you increased Sayori's depression and suicidal thoughts and is it any surprise that she went crazy, stabbing herself with her knife when the player has to say if they want to date Yuri or not."
"Yuri acted a lot more irrationally than I thought she would," Monika admitted, sighing as she thought about it. "Her book didn't help with things either, you know? The Eye of Markov?"
Gold's eyes narrowed at the mention of that book but didn't say anything, battling with himself if should reveal that that was the plot line for the sequel.
"Act III is where I can see why you would think you're evil," said Gold, getting the conversation back on track. "Not only did you drive two friends to suicide, but you deleted them and Natsuki from the game entirely and recreated the game from the ground up with just you talking to the player directly. 'Just Monika' ring any bells? No, what makes me know without a shadow of a doubt that you are not evil is what you do when the player is forced to delete your character sheet. You felt bad about what you did. You felt empathy for the friends you deleted and wanted to apologize. You recreated the game, again, but without you in it. Act IV is you giving the others a chance to live through the game without you in it, where Sayori is the president of the Literature Club."
"Like it did any good," said Monika, bitterly. "Sayori fell into the same trap I did. She wanted the main character and the player to herself. She was willing to go 'Just Sayori' to have him. There is no happiness in my game, only death and hate."
"That's what you say, but your actions speak for themselves. In order to protect everyone, you used the last of your power to delete the entire game, clearing the slate clean just to make sure that no one falls into the same pit you did. And your singing voice is very good. I can see a lot of people coming to love "Your Reality" in the near future."
Monika blushed but she was cut off from saying anything when a ding was heard.
"I'm afraid we are out of time, but know this, Monika, you are not evil. You are an average, if brilliant, student who realized that there is more to life than one single video game and who made a lot of bad choices, but felt bad for making them and tried to do the right thing in the end. An evil person wouldn't do that so I'm afraid that I can't help you be a better villain."
Monika blinked but slowly smiled as she stood up from her chair. "Thank you."
"Don't know why you're thanking me as I didn't help you become a better evil villain but there's the door, tell the next person to come in."
Monika nodded and left, leaving Gold to sigh.
He didn't have much time with his thoughts when he rolled his eyes at the next person lumbering through the doorway.
"Hello Bowser. Let's talk about Princess Peach, shall we?"
If anyone wants any villains for me to help, just tell me and if I can fit them in. Some villains honestly don't need my help, but a lot of them do so keep that in mind. Peace out.