It had been two weeks since Emma told me she was going to move with me back to the states, I was beyond excited. I have never felt so strongly towards someone in all my life. I loved her with everything I had, and I was so excited to start this next chapter in our life's.

She already had a couple of interviews at some consultancies in LA, one of which she felt she done well in. We were eagerly waiting for an email with feedback. If she got the job, she would be starting in October which gave us enough time to organise travel. My mom knew about Emma, she was happy that I was happy and offered for us to stay at her house until we found our own place. We agreed my mom would help manage my career and she already had a few auditions lined up for when we arrive back in September.

Everything was going great for us, Emma had arranged to go back up to Newcastle in a week so say bye to Killian. I knew it was going to be a difficult weekend as she was also saying bye to Bella, I never asked Emma about dates of when Bella passed away, but I was sure it was around this time of the year.

Although Emma was still loving towards myself, I couldn't help but feel that she was a little distant. I completely understood why, and I never once wanted to question her about it. I promised myself I wouldn't get in the way of her feelings for Bella, I knew she would always be in her heart.

We were currently sat on my apartment floor sorting through all my papers in time for the big move. "Queeeeeeeeeeeeeeen I am soooooo bored" she flung herself on her back with her arms above her head, she was so dramatic

"come on baby, I need to get this sorted, before you go back up to Newcastle.

"no, no, that is where you are mistaken" she sat back up pushing my shoulders down so that she is straddling my waist and now I was lying down "why don't you do this when I am gone, we could have some fun until I go" she bent down and started kissing my neck

"my god you are such a distraction" I tried pushing her off but again her strength and her utter sexiness stopped me. She laughed against our kiss which ultimately made me melt into her, I brought my arms around her neck and pulled her closer

It is safe to say I did not sort my papers out that day. The week was filled with eating, sleeping and 'fun'

The next week we were at the station saying goodbye, we had been joined at the hip for the past couple of months, I hated saying goodbye to her, I found it incredibly hard.

"ah come on Gina its only for a few days, I will be back before you know it" she looked a little sad, as if she wanted to say something but didn't.

"are you ok baby? You know you can talk to me" I brought my hand to her cheek and she moved her head into it.

"it's just, well, this is going to be hard for me, it is the first time I am going to be without you, and I'm scared of how I will be, I need to go and see Bella but I am so nervous"

"you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I didn't help you away from drugs or away from a downward spiral, you did that yourself. You believe me when I tell you that what happened in the past was not your fault yes?" she was looking into my eyes, she looked a little lost

"I am not going to lie, I know I am not one hundred percent there yet, but I am starting to believe it, I love you so much Regina, I didn't think I could be this happy again. You mean the world to me, I just wish you were coming" she sighed and looked back down

"why didn't you tell me you wanted me to come" I frowned at her "I would have come"

"I'm sorry, I just thought you might have needed some alone time, and plus I need to do this alone...I think"

The announcement for her train came over the speakers

"argh man, I don't want to leave you" she pulled me into a hug and kissed me hard. "I love you Regina, I will see you soon"

"I love you too Emma, have fun OK" I gave her one final kiss and she walked off towards the train.

I had a lump in my throat, suddenly I felt very anxious. Maybe I should have gone with her.

2days later:

Emma – 'I'm finding this so hard Regina, Killian is being weird too, I don't think he wants me to go with you, I just want him to be supportive and I just want to go home with you'

Regina – 'I have booked a train up, I'm on it now'

Emma – 'are you serious baby?'

Regina – 'yes, I don't like it that you're feeling like this. I arrive in 2 hours, so should be there around 8pm'

Emma – 'omg I love you. OK well I have to go see Killian at the bar, we need to talk because I want to know what is wrong with him, I will meet you at the station'

Regina – 'OK love you too, be careful'

I put my phone back in my bag, I booked my train early this morning, I have had an uneasy feeling since I left her at the station a couple of days ago. Although she has kept in touch with me these past few days, I can't help but feel her slipping away. So, help me, I will not lose this girl. She told me yesterday that it is the anniversary of Bella's death tomorrow. I decided then and there I will not let her go through this alone.

I arrived just after eight, I couldn't see Emma anywhere, so I tried to call.

Are a few attempts she finally answered, "baby where are you" there was loud music in the background

"queen, are you here?" oh god she was drunk

After a very hard phone call understanding what she was saying, I managed to figure out where she was, I went along the road to the bar she was in. I walked in to find some girl all over her, I could see that Emma was having none of it and was trying to push her away. I stormed up to the girl, grabbed her arm and pulled her away from her

"stay away from my girlfriend bitch" no one touches my girl, plus I was a little raged for getting stood up at the station

"I told you I was waiting for my queen" Emma walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, I loved her touch and shivered into her.

"Sorry, I thought she was messing on when she was saying she was 'waiting for her queen" with that she turned around and walked off. I turned around so I was facing her, I got hold of her arms and pulled them away from me.

"what the hell was that Emma, she was all over you, and why didn't you meet me at the station" I was obviously mad

"aww baby I am sorry, I lost track of time and as you can tell I am a little tipsy, she came onto me, I kept telling her I was waiting for you. Please forgive me" she gave me a look pouting, I seriously can't stay mad at her

"fine! Let's go" I turned around to get my bag and bumped in Killian, god I hated him.

"where are you going so fast ladies, we are drinking to honour our friend Bella tonight" handing Emma another drink

"don't you think she has had enough, and alcohol won't be helping her right now" I tried not to sound bitchy

"nonsense, Emma was the one that suggested this night, so I am holding her to it" he was leaning over and held my waist, I nearly vomited in my mouth

There was no telling Emma at this point, she was happy sipping her drink in the corner. She lifted another shot then drank that too, I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I couldn't do anything for her.

"hey baby" I said sitting next to her "are you all right?" I put my hand on her thigh. She looked up and she had tears in her eyes.

"I am finding it so hard to stay in control Regina, I want to forget" the pain behind those eyes were evident, I don't know what has happened in the past couple of days but she is not the same girl I left at the station, obviously being back here didn't do her much good "I'm so sorry, I don't want you to see me like this" she went to stand up but I quickly stood up with her and wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head in her neck.

"come outside with me and get some fresh air" I pulled her outside then around to the side of the bar, I didn't want anyone to see her like this

"baby, I love you so much, I am not going anywhere and I don't care if you're happy, upset, screaming, crying, laughing, I don't care what emotion it is I will always love you, so please do not be ashamed of being who you are in front of me"

"I nearly relapsed tonight Regina, I nearly took these" I looked down and she had a bag of pills in her hand, I tried not to look angry or disappointed

"can I?" I put my hand out and without thinking she put them straight in my hand "why do you do this to yourself Emma, you know you don't need them. Where did you even get them from?"

"that doesn't matter Regina, I didn't take them. I promise. I was about too but then I seen your face in my mind, I knew how disappointed you would be, so it stopped me. I also remembered the person I was when I was on them. That wasn't me" she took a deep sigh and held my hands "I didn't take them, I didn't take them as I thought of us"

I emptied the pills down the drain, I turned back around and held her hips "you will always have me, there will always be an us"

"I need to go and do something now, then tomorrow I want you to come with me to see Bella"

"are you sure you want me there?" I was surprised she even suggested it

She held my hands "yes, I need to say goodbye and I want to start the next chapter with you by my side. I need this Regina. I am finally ready to move on"

"of course, I will go with you. I love you and I will do anything for you" she leant down and kissed my lips. This kiss was possibly the most meaningful, loving amazing kiss I have ever experienced. If I knew it was our last, I would never had let her go

"I will come find you later. Go get to the hotel and I will call you later on and meet you. Thank you, Regina, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, you're my queen of hearts" she said with a wink.

With that she turned around and walked down the back alley then vanished.

I didn't know at that moment my world was going to turn upside down, I didn't know that I had lost the one person I loved more than anything else in this world.

If I knew I would never have let her out of my sight that night, I would never of let her go. To this very day, my biggest regret was not following her.