"Well, I never thought I'd say this," Nissa called out with the loud, slightly slurred enthusiasm and assertiveness that only five beers could give her. "Jace is officially not the dumbest one of us anymore."
Jace, also fairly deep into the cooler, groaned, "I was finally good at something too."
"Excuse me?" Chandra asked in a tone that was as sober as she was.
Chandra was discouraged from drinking and, as per usual, Gideon was joining her in staying clearheaded out of solidarity. She had given up assuring him that the gesture was sweet, but unnecessary. His eyebrow was raised slightly, showing an uncanny sign of personality. "She said you were cute, she winked at you, and your assumption is that she was mocking you."
Nissa raised her sixth bottle. "Dumb."
The four of them sat in Nissa's backyard, admiring the abundance of crops and flowers. Their classes were out for revision week and like every other student with a GPA lower than 4.00, they were busy not revising. Four days had passed since Chandra's flashback so Nissa's invitation felt genuine. Had it been any sooner, she would have been confident it was just them feeling sorry for her.
"Is it really that hard to believe?" The three of them stared blankly back at her, probably to assert how rhetorical the question should have been. Chandra wanted to ask the first thing that came to mind, why would she be hitting on me? But knew that would just sound like fishing for compliments. "Okay, fine. If she wasn't making fun of me, why did Liliana get so mad at her?"
"Maybe Liliana is as dumb as you." Nissa nodded in agreement with Jace.
"The way you described the behaviour of this woman," Gideon said flatly, "it doesn't sound like she's the best company. Maybe Liliana was trying to steer you away from an unwise course of action."
She did seem like a bit of an asshole. The idea of Liliana being protective of her made her feel more guilty than she already had for not inviting her and for being thankful that Nissa hadn't either. Over the past few days, Chandra and Liliana were both home all day and they said very little to each other. When they did talk, it was trivial and clinical. Chandra couldn't blame her sister for that though. Between dragging her into a closet, hitting her and remembering their drunken makeout, Chandra was just grateful not to have been smothered in her sleep.
As one of Nissa's cats announced itself coming out the back door, Gideon, seemingly done with the conversation went off to give it some attention; Jace, with significantly more trouble, followed and once they were out of earshot, Nissa asked, "are you interested in this...What was her name?"
"Vivien?" Chandra was surprised Nissa was the one that wanted to keep going.. I guess she is pretty close to drunk. "She seemed kind of rude, but I guess my impression of her was clouded by the fact that I thought she was mocking me. Even if I was, what would I do about it?"
"She sounds aggressive, so I doubt you would need to do much other than find her. Is she pretty?"
"I think so, maybe. I wasn't really paying attention." Chandra had taken a glance at Vivien and she knew it had been something worth noticing, but she had been too focused on Liliana's radiance that she didn't really take anything else in. "I was still exhausted."
"Well," Nissa said, sure of her opinions, "it wouldn't hurt to give her a try."
"Whatever she looked like, Liliana seemed pretty pissed at her for talking to me. There had to be a reason." Chandra could believe she had misread the flirting as mockery, but she figured if that was as stupid an assessment as her friends made it out to be, that couldn't have been Liliana's problem. I may be an idiot, but she's not.
As Nissa watched with delight while a wasp landed on her hand, she said as if it were meaningless, "maybe she's jealous."
Chandra, amazed at just how giddy the speculation made her feel, managed to contain her reaction, though the warmth in her ears told her that if Nissa were paying attention, her face would have given her away. "What's that supposed to mean?" She was cursing the quiver she heard in her voice.
"Maybe they're together." Chandra was embarrassed over not realizing that's what Nissa had meant, but she was more focused on how excited she felt with the idea of Liliana being jealous about her. "Or were together or she wishes they were together. Speaking of which." Nissa moving on to a new topic suited Chandra just fine. "What do you think of Gideon and Liliana?"
"Like, what do I think of them as people?"
"No, as a couple."
"Are they a couple?"
"No! As a hypo...hypo...thenticle." Nissa was beginning to dose off which she had a tendency to do in the middle of a conversation even when she was sober. "I think it could work."
Chandra wasn't enjoying this topic much either. As she glanced over at Gideon across the yard scratching the cat they had sought after she said with a feeling of inferiority, "well, they're both sweet and they're both 10s." To her surprise, Nissa snickered at this.
"You think Gideon is a 10?"
"You don't?"
Nissa ran her hands across her jaw. "He's got those hideous sideburns." She laughed – the kind of drawn out giggle that only booze can create, but it was infectious and Chandra involuntarily did her best to replicate her friend.
When they calmed down, Chandra said, "I don't think you're the right person to be matchmaking though."
"Ooooooh, because I'm asexual?"
"Because you don't know anything about dating."
"Oh, Chandra." Nissa's eyes were completely shut now. "If you knew what you...If you knew what I knew, but you can't know."
"Hey, Nissa." Chandra had been so caught up that she didn't realize Jace was standing over them – with a different cat than the one Gideon had caught. "Your mom is looking for you."
"Well, alright then," she said through a yawn. As Nissa jumped up, she let out a high pitched scream. The wasp didn't seem to like her sudden movement, though she kept walking as if nothing happened. As Chandra watched her sloppily head inside, covered in a massive array of green and purple sweaters and scarves, she realized Nissa could have put on 20kg over the last couple years and no one would ever know.
"Her mom isn't even here," Jace said as he found his way back to his chair, cradling the orange tabby. Chandra wasn't sure if he was talking to her or the cat.
"No offence, but that conversation was getting interesting. Why did you -"
"She was ten seconds away from snoring." He was probably right, but Chandra still wished he had let Nissa finish. "So," he paused for either dramatic effect or to collect his tipsy thoughts. "How you doing?"
Now she was almost positive he was talking to her – though not completely and why he chased Nissa off made sense. This was the first time they had been alone together (or at least out of earshot of anyone else) since her last bout of unjustified yelling at him. "Look, Jace." She was cut off by Jace raising his hand to demand silence.
"Just humour me and answer the question."
Chandra couldn't lie and she found herself wishing she were still miserable. If she were still a wreck being crushed under the weight of her neurosis, the lashing out may have seemed more reasonable. "I'm...Really good, I guess." She expected him to say a meaningless pleasantry or some other metaphorical pat on the head, but he stayed silent and he smiled.
Jace's smile was as bright and genuine as it was uncommon. It wasn't that he looked perpetually angry or upset – just indifferent. It was powerful, enhanced by his hood being down (likely for the benefit of the cats) and the wide while not toothy expression lifted her like the forgiveness of a deity; now grinning herself, it compelled her to continue.
"It sorta goes either way with me after a flashback. It either tears me to pieces or fixes me right up once I get past the initial shock. Honestly, I don't know the last time I felt this good." She wanted to gush about how powerful she felt bringing on such a warm reaction in Jace, but she didn't want to embarrass her friend. He nodded in acknowledgement, still glowing.
"I hope you know you can always talk to me, or any of us."
Chandra knew what he was getting at. "I know. You only told me to talk to someone else because you thought it was the best call." She could see the eagerness in the way he squirmed; he wanted to ask her what set her off, but he knew as well as she did that the answer would be, 'I don't want to talk about it,' and he seemed to accept that.
Nissa had fallen asleep on a rug about ten steps from her back door; that had been a good indication that it was time to call it a day and Chandra decided to walk home – regretting it halfway as a mild day turned to a chilly evening in an instant.
She kept warm by basking in the day she had, regretting that it had to end and dreading going home to the one thing still bringing her down. When she was in the same vicinity as Liliana, her only thoughts were either about how awkward things were or about what Liliana would look like wielding her bow naked. Surprisingly, the two thoughts were equal in their melancholy.
The more she thought about Liliana, the more she was disappointed in herself for getting excited when she jumped to the conclusion that she was jealous of Vivien. Even worse was the sinking feeling she got thinking about Nissa's proposition of pairing Liliana with Gideon. It was an absurd thing to worry about. There had been no indication the two were interested in each other, but the idea of the two of them being together in the room next to her still made her sick. Chandra had hoped after all this time, her attraction to her step sister would have began to subside, but that clearly wasn't the case.
Hopefully she's studying, Chandra thought as she opened the door. Her mother and Jovi were both standing in the kitchen and when they greeted her quietly, she could tell something was off and was worried she had just walked in on a fight. The air was tense enough for one.
Though he said it softly, Chandra heard Jovi say, "you should tell her."
Instantly nervous, Chandra wanted to say, 'are you guys getting a divorce?' to mask her unease, but the mood of the room didn't call for it. "Tell me what?" While her mother wasn't surprised, Jovi clearly assumed she wouldn't have been able to hear that.
"Your sister," Pia said without missing a step, "told us she was going to go home for a while. She left a few hours ago."
Again, Chandra's first instinct was to say, 'but she already was home,' in the most clownish tone she could muster, but she looked to Jovi and said, "I thought you guys didn't own the place anymore."
"Technically, no." Jovi seemed understandably shook. "But until they start construction, no one is going to care that someone is in it. The worst thing she could do is burn it down and that would only save the developers time."
I was off having a great time with my friends while she was suffering enough to make her run away from home. "Why did she leave?" Chandra knew the answer to that question, but she was curious what the official statement was.
"She was unwilling to go into what prompted her, though I am surprised it took this long."
"Why? She seemed happy here."
"She is." Jovi seemed confident in that assessment as well as the implication that she was coming back. "She was happy we moved, but leaving our home took a toll on her that she refused to acknowledge. I thought she was just hiding it from me, but maybe she just realized it herself."
While nothing could convince Chandra that she wasn't the one that drove Liliana away, she could imagine how homesick she must have been. Chandra had moved three times in her life; the first was from a village to the city and even though she was young when it happened, the pain of leaving the only place she had known as home was vivid in her memory.
The second time had been much worse though. Having to leave Kaladesh, the world she loved enough to risk her life for, to come to some plane she knew nothing about, filled with strangers had been devastating, but she had always kept the worst part of it to herself. Once the door in Ghirapur closed behind her for the last time, Chandra knew she would never again live somewhere that carried memories of her father.
She had to leave her only home and her memories of her brother. I'm surprised it took me messing things up to get her running back. I wouldn't have lasted a week. Rather than taking off the flimsy sweater she was wearing, Chandra put on a coat and when her mother asked what she was doing she said with purpose, "I'm going to fix this."