Aiko was reading a missive from Nadeshiko requesting an in-person conversation when her apprentice sullenly appeared. She did not look up at the sound of shifting sand. If she didn't see it, she didn't have to vacuum. An unseen mess did not exist.
"The sand-nin have requested an audience."
'I'm going to guess that the reunion did not go smoothly.'
Aiko looked over at Gaara, and chose not to comment on how stiffly he'd bit that out. And then she was surprised to note that he had not been carelessly dropping sand. So he could control that, then? He had been choosing to leave grains in her carpet? Why? What the fuck? Did he hate her carpet? Was it that ugly?
"Yes," Sanbi said. "It gives me a headache."
'Fuck you. No one is making you look.'
She turned her attention back to her apprentice, who was still waiting on some kind of reaction. "Thank you, I can see them in about 2 minutes." She began clearing anything sensitive off of her desk and did a walk around the office, looking for anything out of place. Gaara reached out and pushed on a book, aligning the spine with the rest on the shelf.
"Is there anything I need to know to be prepared to meet with them?" she said, as bland as possible.
Gaara made a low sound from the back of his throat. It was not an acceptable answer. She deliberately chose to let it slide, because she wasn't totally heartless. But- "Stay here," she commanded. "For at least the first part of the meeting. I want to establish that we have a good working dynamic."
She seated herself back at her desk and surveyed the room one more time, confirming that it conveyed power and competency. Then she nodded to the door.
Tense, her apprentice went to pull open the heavy oak. "The Mizukage will see you now," he said, utterly without tone.
Temari was the first to stride through. Whatever her thoughts were, they had been neatly tucked away by the time that she passed into view. Kankuro nearly faltered, taking just an instant to long at the place where he wanted to veer around Gaara. Baki came last, implacable in his path as a train.
"Mizukage-sama." Temari's tone sounded like it was paired with a hand on her hip, not palms clasped in polite deference. "I see that you have a guest."
Aiko gave the girl an easy smile. "My apprentice?" she said, as though she didn't know how baffling and terrible that might seem from the outside. "Gaara is often present at high-level meetings. Would you prefer for him to leave?"
Temari paused before answering. "Of course not." The lie wasn't even obvious.
She inclined her head gracefully. "I wouldn't either," Aiko said, as though she was confiding something funny. "Gaara will know quite a bit about operations in Kirigakure when he returns home to Sunagakure. I assume that information may prove quite valuable, down the line."
There was a moment of shock, but Temari was too disciplined to let her eyes wander over to her youngest brother. She hesitated. "Mizukage-sama. Might I ask how he came into your tutelage?"
Aiko leaned back in her chair and thought, well, in for a penny. "When I removed him from the unpleasant kerfuffle in Konoha, I wondered if he might benefit from a mentor," she said, pleasant as anything. "As a fairly successful jinchuuriki, I thought I might be able to offer advice both personal and political." She deliberately turned her gaze to Gaara, so as to 'miss' the moment that her guests reacted to the shock of just what she was. None of them would have particularly warm and fuzzy feelings about being in a small room with a jinchuuriki, much less two of them. "But I must admit that it was Gaara who asked me to take him on as a student, to better prepare him for reintegration into Sunagakure."
Kankuro was working really hard not to gape. From where he stood at Temari's left shoulder, it would have been very obvious to sneak a glance at Gaara. Baki, on the other hand, did not even attempt stealth. He slowly turned his head to regard his former student for the length of two seconds, and then rotated his face back without changing expressions in the slightest.
"He is skeptical about Gaara's reintegration into civilized society after time under your tutelage?" Sanbi asked. "Why do they doubt you so? They do not know you yet. Perhaps you are a reasonable woman."
She resisted the urge to laugh wildly. Her influence was not exactly the problem, which was a hilariously bad state of affairs given how serious it was to have spent time with a foreign head of state.
"Temari-san, let's speak plainly." Aiko waved a hand, indolent as you please. She was kind of enjoying being top dog. It had to be killing Temari, proud as she was. "You're not here because of your little brother, but he has offered an excellent suggestion that will be of mutual benefit to both of our countries. Assuming that you have any desire to assume a leadership position, you are well-placed to agree to it, and therefore seize international legitimacy that would be difficult to subvert. Given that you answered my summons, may I assume that you have at least considered taking leadership?"
The teenager gritted her jaw. "Yes." She unstuck her teeth to try to sound a bit more pleasant, adding, "We may be able to come to some terms."
Aiko eyed the girl, marveling at the change in perspective. Temari had once been a peer, but Aiko had three ranks and about a decade on her now. Life was so odd sometimes.
Oh, wait.
"A genin is not going to become Kazekage," Aiko said, despite knowing that it really wasn't her place to comment on what had to be a contentious issue. She couldn't help but poke.
"I've been promoted to chuunin, and will stand for jounin exams in two months," Temari said evenly. "I received a combat promotion after my performance in Konohagakure." Her expression was mulish.
Oh, ouch. Politically speaking. Aiko let out a startled laugh. The Kazekage's daughter had gotten a combat promotion for actions against an ally. "Konoha can't like that." She clasped her hands and winked. Temari recoiled, startled. "Lovely. They're assholes. Kicking the nest is good once in a while."
Kankuro looked hopelessly lost. His sister was diplomatic enough not to respond to that.
"Some of them are alright," Aiko added, feeling the need to assure that she wasn't hostile to her allies. "I'm only thinking about murdering one of them, really. No one that they really need." She was half-thinking of Danzo. She needed to work on that. He was still out there, probably wondering where she had stashed Sai's corpse.
Temari's calm broke at that. She looked horrified and confused.
"I'm joking." Aiko made a disgusted sound and tapped the top of her desk. "None of you can take a joke. Where did you all learn to be so serious?"
"It is part of the Sunagakure Academy curriculum."
All three visitors' heads jerked to look at Gaara. Aiko feigned surprise and leaned forward. "Really?"
Gaara shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't go there."
"Ah, so that's why you're so funny."
"I assume so, yes." He cocked his head to the side. "Aiko-sama, might I return to my duties?"
She waved him off, feeling incredibly pleased with his thoughtfulness. He'd managed to do that very well, and forced his siblings to look at him in a new light. "Yes. On your way out, have Nishikawa send that note to Karin."
Gaara bowed and left, using the door. His siblings and even Baki looked shell-shocked. Aiko made sure to give them a very smug look, ready for the instant that they stopped gaping at the closed door and noticed her.
"Now he is just being ridiculous," Sanbi said, sounding disgusted. "He never does anything so conventional. I have always appreciated that about his comportment."
'Don't complain, it means that we don't have to vacuum sand while I still have guests. That does not convey power and grace. Even though I have a very nice new hand vacuum imported through Iron. I love that thing. Maybe I should show it to them, it would be a good way of casually showing off that our trade contracts are on point.'
Anyway. After seeing how Gaara acted reasonably and deferred to her, Suna would definitely not hold any misconceptions that she was anything less than competent. She'd done in a month what no one in Suna had ever managed to do.
Granted, the change was more on Gaara than her, but they didn't know that.
Aiko preened as Temari gathered her nerve again.
Up went her chin, back went her shoulders, and- "Mizukage-sama, what do you propose?"
Aiko tilted her head and smiled. "An alliance, cemented by an exchange of resources. Namely- we will host a number of Sunagakure's shinobi, and allow them to perform missions contracted to Kirigakure. Gaara will be in charge of the program, and we have constructed a housing unit for these shinobi."
Temari frowned. "Why would we do that? We would have to send our people to live among recent former enemies, performing missions in unfamiliar territory that is disadvantageous to our work-style."
"True, true," Aiko agreed. "But they'd be making the rates that Kirigakure shinobi get. Temari-san, your daimyo has been strangling your city. He arrogantly believes that he can do without your strength."
Temari was looking distinctly red.
She raised an eyebrow in provocation. "So far, he has succeeded in weakening Sunagakure. And no, Gaara did not tell me this," Aiko added, at the shock on Baki's face. "It is plain to see, especially since Sungakure was desperate enough to turn on their oldest ally. My country, however, has an inverse problem. We have a desirable reputation to the civilians of our country, and receive many missions requests that we do not have the personnel to fulfill. Failing to fulfill them would harm our reputation. The solution is obvious, and binds us together. It is a natural extension of an alliance, and would solidify it by creating goodwill and bonds between our shinobi as they work together."
A heavy, unfriendly silence hung over the room. As of yet, Temari did not seem to be jumping at the idea. Her brother, though… Kankuro looked interested. Baki was a harder read. She didn't know what he was thinking.
Aiko managed a smile. "It is late," she said, although it was only 6. "You must be tired from your travels. I will have someone escort you to your lodgings- by the way, it is the building set aside for Sunagakure that I mentioned earlier." She rose to her feet and indicated the door. "Eat, rest, and consider. I will see you tomorrow, or perhaps the next day." She inclined her head in a clear dismissal.
They took the hint and bowed, some more stiffly than others. For all her many graces, Temari was not a natural hand at diplomacy. But she didn't say anything dismissive outright.
Good enough, for now.
Gaara returned not long after his siblings had gone.
"What do you think?" Aiko asked. She shuffled her papers together and then attached a clip at the top. She looked over at her student. "Will they go for it?"
A line formed between his brows. In that moment, he looked a bit more like Temari. "Yes," Gaara rasped. His eyes hardened. "I will speak with them again."
"How is that going to help?" Aiko prodded. Not to put salt in the wound, but- "They are afraid of you. They didn't listen when you told them that things were different, did they?"
He looked away.
That probably meant that he hadn't managed to have a decent conversation with them. Aiko thought that over for a moment and then sighed. "You didn't have a chance to really talk yet, I suppose," she allowed, although she was a bit annoyed. "Temari can't tell me no until I speak with her- so I'm not going to meet her until you've told me that she's going to tell me what I want to hear." She leaned back in her chair and made eye contact with her apprentice. "Do you understand me?"
"Perfectly." Gaara sounded resentful, but that didn't necessarily mean a lot coming from him.
"Fine." She nodded at him and gestured to the door. "Be convincing, and sincere. And stay out of the open. Jiraiya isn't meant to be out in public, but I'm sure he is." She scowled. "We're going to have enough trouble keeping him away from the Suna diplomats. At least they'll stay put. Jiraiya is a nightmare."
"Indeed." Gaara turned and left without any more comment. It was just as well, because it was less than an hour later that Noa timidly knocked on the door and told her that Jiraiya wanted to talk with her.
She could actually feel her blood pressure spike, which was kind of interesting.
He burst in less than a minute later, nearly knocking the poor genin over. "Sorry I'm late," Jiraiya sang. Noa clung to the door frame.
Aiko sat up and crossed her arms in disgust. "I require appointments," she said. She knew it was useless even as she said it. It was about as effective as her attempts to make him take off his shoes had been in Konoha. Fuck, he was steam-rolling her in her own office.
He pretended not to hear her. "Hello!" Jiraiya said, beaming as he bounced around the room. He tangled his fingers behind his back in an ostentatious show of not-touching her books and paintings. "Interesting, interesting. Everything here is fascinating." He shot her a dangerously clever look, even though he was still grinning like an idiot. "I heard something today that I never would have guessed."
Ah, shit. She felt her expression falter. What had that bastard- where had he been snooping around? He really was a menace.
"Hirai-san," she said. Noa jumped to attention. "Please bring us refreshments."
Jiraiya's eyes sparked with victory.
"Yes, Mizukage-sama." Noa stole one suspicious glance at the foreigner beneath her eyelashes, and then she flitted away.
Aiko held out a hand to indicate the chairs on the other side of her desk.
The Konoha shinobi took a seat.
"What are you talking about." Her tone was so flat that it didn't come out sounding like a question at all.
He leaned back in her office chair. Aiko noted, resentfully, that he was in Utakata's favorite chair. It had the highest back and no arm rests. Utakata looked better in it. "I hear that you might have the Ichibi," Jiraiya said.
Sanbi roused.
Aiko stared at Jiraiya with her lips pressed into a thin line. She had to assume that her expression was not particularly friendly.
"That would be a bit of a departure from what we heard in Konohagakure," Jiraiya said. He did not seem friendly now, either, despite the smile on his face. "Isn't it strange that someone might tell me the Ichibi is in Kirigakure?"
"Interesting. That plan fell through faster than usual," Sanbi observed.
"Get wrecked."
"Excuse me?" Jiraiya's tone went flat.
Aiko waved at him dismissively. "I don't know what you're talking about. Where do you think I'm keeping it? Did you check under my kitchen sink before bothering me?" She leaned back in her chair.
"Your home is the place where he is most likely to encounter Gaara," Sanbi said, sounding a little lost. "It is unwise to direct his attentions there."
Yeah, that was kind of the point. It was a bluff. The more outrageous, the better.
"You got me," she continued. She held out her hands. "It lives in my house and takes long showers. We have breakfast at 6:25. You can take me away to jail for lying now."
He looked a little bit unsure, and then shook it off with a scoff and shake of his enormous mane of hair. "We both know that's not how it works. You're an Uzumaki. You could have sealed it away into one of your -."
"One of our strongest toddlers, yes," Aiko said, feeling a vicious smile creep onto her face. Jiraiya didn't know about Gaara. He was bluffing. "That is the Konoha technique, yes?"
He opened his mouth-
"Unfortunately, unlike Konoha, we are short on orphans." She tried to look concerned. "Should I kidnap one? I gather that's an important part of the process."
"What is that supposed to-"
"Danzo-sama," Aiko said. "Orochimaru. Take your pick. Your hamlet sucks." She made a fart noise at him and gave a thumbs down. "Your fish is old, your leaders are corrupt, and that goddamn takoyaki cart is never where you want it."
Jiraiya sat back down into the chair he had half-stood up from. He gave her a wary look. "You can't bullshit me," he said. "We-"
"Can and I will." Aiko tossed her hair. "I assure you that I've gotten away with it many times. Fight me."
He stared.
"That part wasn't planned, I was just feeling it," Aiko admitted. "I don't actually feel like fighting you right now. I have too much to do today. I'll fight you later. Wednesday? Soft yes on Wednesday?"
"No," Jiraiya said, holding up a finger.
"I'll let my assistant know to pencil you in." She glanced over at her closet and thought about leaving. It was a good time for a break. She needed to yell at Karin, and she could do that over tonkatsu. Jiraiya would be left alone in her office- he would definitely rifle through it, but there wasn't anything he wouldn't already know. And it would keep him busy. There was no chance he would leave without snooping.
Also, he would miss the lunch hour. Ha. By the time he gave up, it would be that awful in-between time when all the restaurants only served fucking coffee for some god forsaken reason. Fuck that guy. He wouldn't be able to eat until 7pm.
Yes. Yes, she was going to do that. She gathered up the only remotely sensitive documents in her office at the moment and tucked them under her arm. Then she set off on a beeline to the back wall.
"Do not- what are you doing?" Jiraiya moved fast, blocking her path to the supply closet. He stared down at her and crossed his arms. He was going for stern, but she could not be moved, no matter how far down he drew his eyebrows.
"I need to go to the bathroom," she said blandly. "I always do that at 2:30."
"It's noon." He took a step back. Keeping one eye on her cautiously, he tried the handle and opened the closet just enough that she could see a mop and stacks of printer paper. He glanced inside. Then he looked back at her, unamused. "You piss in there? Got a litterbox?"
"You don't know my life, buddy." Aiko ducked under his arm. He let her, making an exasperated sound. "Why are you so interested in what I do on my bathroom breaks? Who even wants more information about that? I'm a lady and I won't tolerate you creating a hostile work environment."
"I can wait," Jiraiya said. "Whatever you're really going to do in there cannot take that long." There was a grim challenge in his voice.
He was going to be very surprised. But that, more than anything, made her consider actually waiting in the closet just to have the chance to spite him by out-waiting him. But she had shit to do, so. "Please enjoy my stationery as you snoop," she said. "The pen with the gold tip is a joy to write with. But try not to break or lose anything, I have a system and you look like a man who owns five broken pencils and a pen with no ink."
She closed the door. Aiko waited a moment, spitefully savoring the angry and baffled silence. She deliberately made just a bit of noise when she settled to a seat on a stack of paper, so that he heard her getting comfortable. She crossed her legs at the ankles and waited for him to speak first.
"Is this really necessary?"
His voice was muffled through the door.
"Just a moment, please. I am busy shitting," she called back. And then she went to her kitchen and pulled open the drawer she filled with random bullshit like her army of broken pencils.
"I wondered why they hired you," Sanbi said. His tone was wondering. "I thought it was a miracle that you have not died. But I see now. That was masterful. You weave a web of bullshit."
"Thank you," Aiko said, surprised by the praise. She found a 10 centimeter-long pencil with no eraser left and shut the drawer.
"It was also horrible to even experience as a bystander," Sanbi said. "You have made me feel very uncomfortable. I did not enjoy it."
"That's the idea, friend," Aiko pointed out. "If I make a situation incredibly terrible, no one wants to be involved in it. He was all alone, and he would have been all alone if he'd had 20 jounin with him. No one wants to be caught in the bullshit typhoon."
"I don't," Karin said blandly. She finished pouring a glass of juice and shut the fridge. "Why did you tell me to come to the office and then meet me at home before the appointment?"
"My personal edification. And you're clearly involved now," Aiko said. "You're in it up to your eyes, kid. Hand me that notebook, please, so I can torment an old man. I want to make him cry and go hungry and I don't want to spend a lot of time arranging it."
Karin pulled the magnet-backed pad off the fridge and tossed it over. She leaned back against the counter and watched with narrowed eyes. It took her a while to decide to ask. In that space, Aiko scrawled a note for Nishikawa, instructing him to keep Noa out of the office for an hour. She paused over the words for a bit, and then decided to instruct Noa to ask Jiraiya if he needed help reading any of the big words in her daily planner.
"What did this old man do?" Karin asked casually, like she didn't even care about the information she was fishing for.
"Asked me a question I didn't feel like answering." She finished the note and dug around in her pocket for her glorious seal from Mifune-sama.
The other redhead's eyebrows shot up. "Touchy," Karin said.
Aiko gave her cousin an unimpressed look. "That was the actual answer. He asked me a rude question, so I'm making him suffer."
Karin watched for about three seconds, waiting for the joke. When it never came, she frowned. She seemed uncertain, which was big sign that she really didn't understand the way that things worked around here.
"You're grounded, by the way," Aiko added. And then she switched topics again. "But anyway, when someone from a foreign government asks you about your bathroom habits, you tell them to eat a whole bag of-"
"I can imagine, thank you," Karin said primly.
"I was going to say 'rancid weasels'," Aiko said, tone arch. She ripped the yellow paper off the pad and held it up between two fingers. "I'm going to drop this off, and then you and I are going to have a chat about going on missions that you knew full-well you were not authorized to participate in."
Karin rolled her eyes. "What's the big deal?" she complained. She put her juice on the counter with a loud clink. "No one died."
She pressed her lips together, because it was hard to argue with that. "I am your mother," Aiko changed tacts. "Don't backtalk me. If I say that you can't join in on counterintelligence operations, you focus on making park benches and mind your own business. How many benches have you made, Karin? Is it enough benches? Enough benches for you to have free time to sass me?"
Karin sighed. That probably meant there were insufficient benches. Damn it.
Aiko went back to the office and tiptoed to Nishikawa's desk. She could hear Jiraiya singing a bank jingle loudly and off-key. Her assistant just looked tired. He nodded at her and took the paper without any comment or surprise. She saluted to him, hiraishin'd back into the closet, and called out, "Sing the Princess dumbass theme song next. I like to poop to that one." Then she went to lunch.