Chapter Thirty Three

Jasper

We walked on in silence for a while, both lost in thought as the atmosphere became increasingly tense. I had allowed Bella's hand to fall and wished heartily that I hadn't but I didn't have the courage to reach out for it once more.

Twice I steeled myself to say something but both times I let the moment pass and then Bella turned to me.

"Did you and Alice get a divorce? I was shocked when I met her new boyfriend."

"Garrett? Yeah, I guess that shocked me too."

"What I don't understand is how she chose someone so like you."

"Like me?"

"Yes. I mean I don't know much about his background but he reminded me of you. You both have that air of menace about you. I guess it has something to do with you both being warriors."

"Maybe. Garrett fought in the war of independence, the difference being that he thinks the war is still on. Garrett loathes the English."

"I think he's out of his depth with Alice. He loves her but he doesn't quite fit with her mindset."

"Alice can be difficult to live with on occasion and she is certainly stubborn and single-minded from time to time. I hope it works out for them because I can see that Garrett would be a good match for her. I'm just glad she didn't pine for me."

"I can't see Alice pining for long over anyone, she's just too full of life and energy for that to be considered a soul in torment."

I turned to glance at her, "Unlike you, you mean?"

She laughed, a bitter sound that cut through the silence.

"You think so? I don't think I would ever have gotten over losing my baby, it almost crucified me, the loss. I guess that was one of the main things of contention between Edward and me. He acted as if nothing had happened and couldn't understand why I was unable to do the same. He just ignored it all. Tell me if you can, how can a man possibly contemplate murdering his own child? He should have been excited at the thought of seeing her again but I don't think he really felt anything.

"Edward had many flaws but even I never envisaged him arranging the kidnap or death of his own flesh and blood."

"I'm glad Megan had such a guardian angel as you. She couldn't have found someone better suited to look after her. It still amazes me, the bond between the two of you. When you told me that Megan was alive, safe and well I just wanted to cry. It was like all my Christmases rolled into one. Have you never regretted what you took on? I mean, you gave so much. You turned back to a diet of human blood despite the torture that must have been for you. You put your own life on hold."

I couldn't let her go on, she was making me sound like a saint and I was far from that.

"Don't make me out to be better than I am, Bella. I was no better than any other of the family. I thought you were making a huge mistake when you insisted on continuing with the pregnancy, just like the rest."

"But you refused to use your gift on me to persuade me to do what Edward wanted. You merely told me your thoughts and then held your peace."

"I left, Bella. I should have stayed and allowed you to do what you thought was right. Offered you some support. Only a coward would leave you in that situation. I knew the family would never support you and that Edward was deeply unhappy with the idea of you having a baby and not just because it might kill you. However, I never imagined that Edward might go to such lengths to get rid of the baby."

"Me neither. He pushed me down the stairs as I tried to leave. We'd had a terrible argument and I decided to get out of the house for a while, just to get away from him. I only remember it dimly. I was on the top step and I overbalanced but not because I lost my footing. I was pushed from behind. Edward could have killed me."

"I think he was getting desperate. He never considered that you might have broken your neck. He was just thinking that you would lose the baby and he could use the excuse that you were severely injured to change you. That way he would have you and there would never be a chance of you getting pregnant again."

"Well, he got his wish on that score. I hate that I wasn't there for my baby. I missed out on holding her, seeing her develop, her first steps, her first words. I will never forgive him for denying me all those memories."

I led her over to a fallen log in the shelter of a copse of trees.

"Sit here. There's something I want you to see."

She glanced at me frowning but sat down and I sat beside her pulling my phone from my pocket and scrolling through to find the stored movies. Once I had the one I wanted I handed it to Bella.

"Just press play. I'll be over there."

I gestured to the barn at the edge of the copse that marked the boundary of Peter's land.

Bella

I took the phone from Jasper and waited until he had walked away before hitting play. Within seconds my attention was fully focused on the tiny screen. In wonder, I watched a series of movies showing Megan from the moment Jasper had taken her into his care. The first was taken a few hours after he had rescued her, a tiny fragile little infant with wrinkled skin and the unfocused eyes of a newborn. Even then she was beautiful, wrapped in what looked like one of Jasper's shirts and held in the crook of his arm so I could see every inch of her. The film was like time-lapse photography showing a plant from its first tender shoot to the flower it produces.

I watched it over and over again feeling the smile broaden on my face. He had known. Jasper had understood that I would want to see my baby as she grew. From her tiny fists waving in the air to her first tentative and wobbly steps through to her first words. I heard her call Jasper daddy and his soft reply that he was poppa I understood that he had left the way open for Edward to possibly step into her life in the future.

I could have watched the film all night although it was only about fifteen minutes long. It along with the memory quilt he had sewn I could hold Megan's infanthood in my hands.

I walked over to him and handed him back his phone then hugged him whispering my thanks.

"I don't deserve a friend like you, Jasper. That is the best present I could ever have received."

I felt his arms enfold me, holding me close as he whispered in my ear,

"I made you a hard copy so you can look at it anytime you want. I knew you would want to see your baby as she developed. She really was a little miracle."

I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes,

"Not mine, Jasper. Megan is our little miracle."

He didn't answer, just held me close making me feel safe and comforted. This was where I belonged, in the arms of a man who had loved me enough to sacrifice everything for a child who belonged to another man.

I have no idea how long we stood like this, wrapped in each other's arms with the snow falling softly around us. I never wanted this feeling to end, it was the kind of completeness I had only ever imagined. When Edward had held me close my heart had beat fast and I found myself breathless but it had been merely a shadow of this all-enveloping warmth. It was as if everything in my world had suddenly come together to create a whole. I was a woman in the arms of a man who loved her unconditionally, complete.

I knew when we broke apart I would miss this, especially if the feelings had been one-sided. Jasper was fond of me, I understood that, but did he love me? Did he feel the same way that I did? I couldn't imagine myself in anyone else's arms, I couldn't imagine another man making me feel like this but I may have to.

"I guess we should get back before they send out a search party for us. It's half eleven now and Peter will murder us if we don't get back by midnight."

He was right of course and as his arms fell away I felt a deep sense of loneliness. He took my hand and pulled me close again, this time close enough to kiss me. A sweet kiss that set my body on fire.

"Bella, you know I'll never give you up. You or Megan. It may take some time to make you love me as much as I love you but I have plenty of that commodity."

"You don't need time, Jasper. From the minute I discovered you had saved my baby I knew I could never find someone else I would ever love more. Tell me that you won't leave us, Megan and me. I don't think either of us could survive without you."

He smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder,

"Now that's what I call a Christmas present."

I laughed, we'd both been so wrapped up in Megan, keeping her safe and making her happy that we hadn't even considered ourselves.

We walked back slowly, wishing we didn't have to be back so soon. I was afraid it was all a dream, that I would wake up to find myself alone. All too soon the lights of the ranch house came into sight and in front was parked a strange vehicle.

I felt Jasper tense.

"What is it? Do you recognize the car?"

"No, but I can feel that Peter is not a happy man which means trouble. The only people he hates more than Maria and the Volturi are."

I finished the comment for him.

"The Cullens."

He nodded and sighed heavily.

"I guess we'd better see what's going on. I just wish we could have had longer before the rest of the world intruded."

"Me too but there's always tomorrow."

I smiled with pleasure.

"And the next day, and the next."

I stopped his next words with a quick kiss and braced myself as we walked up the porch steps and went inside to face... Who knew what or who?

Inside we found Peter standing toe to toe with Carlisle while Esme stood against the wall. Charlotte was at Peter's elbow while Darius sat on the sofa smiling grimly.

"I already told you, you aren't welcome here Cullen."

"Your wife allowed us in and as soon as we've spoken to Bella we'll leave."

"No, you'll leave now. Either that or I'll throw your dumb ass outta the fucking door."

I moved forward and laid a hand on Peter's shoulder.

"It's OK, Peter. I'll speak to Carlisle."

I looked at Carlisle, "I think we should take this outside, Carlisle."

He threw another glance at Peter and nodded,

"Very well."

Esme pushed away from the wall and followed us out, Jasper sticking to my side for which I was grateful. Seeing Carlisle and Esme again made me think of Edward and I didn't want to think about him ever again.

Once outside on the porch, I turned.

"Why have you come here, Carlisle? How did you know I would be here?"

"I heard that Edward was dead and I need to know what happened. Alice gave me the address here and I gambled that you would still be with Jasper. The only place I could try was here."

"Why should I know what happened to Edward? Or are you accusing me of killing him? Do you honestly believe me to be a cold-blooded murderer?"

"No, although I wouldn't blame you for being angry with him. After all that's happened. He asked for our help to find you, to get his revenge but we, I, refused. I told him that we wanted nothing more to do with the situation between you and himself. We also came to tell you how sorry we are about the way we treated you. It was wrong. I hope you can forgive us in time."

Jasper stepped forward to put himself between Carlisle and me.

"Carlisle, we all did Bella wrong but Edward caused Bella's accident, abandoned her infant to die outside in the cold wet night and then when he discovered that the infant had survived he tried to kidnap her to get his own back on Bella for leaving him. Yes, Edward is dead but Bella never lifted a finger to him."

I expected Carlisle to say something to defend Edward but instead, he seemed to shrink in on himself, looking suddenly like an old man and Esme stepped to his side putting a hand on his shoulder and nodded.

"We should never have come I know that but Carlisle needed to know what had happened. He turned his back on Edward despite his love for his son yet he needed closure. I too would like to offer my apologies. I'm even more culpable, I know what it's like to carry a child, to lose a child too, yet I never gave you any support or comfort. That's something I will have to carry with me. I am so glad that you found your child...A little girl? How lovely for you. Treasure her always and good luck and happiness to you both."

Putting an arm around Carlisle's shoulder she turned to go.

"Come, Carlisle, we should go. Leave these people in peace."

He shuffled like an old man down to the car then hesitated and turned to glance up at us one more time. Then without a word climbed into the passenger seat and Esme drove them away.

We watched until the rear lights of the car disappeared into the darkness and then turned and went back into the house.