Rose's POV – 3 weeks later.

So much had changed in the last few weeks. After pushing myself to open up to Dimitri, and then taking that even further and seeing my friends, I was finally starting to feel more like myself again. I was happier, I was eating more, I wasn't as jumpy… After everything that had happened, I was initially numb. I was broken. I wasn't me.

I had isolated myself from the group of people I loved most in this world, and while at first I thought that was what was best for me – and them – I eventually realised that I needed them more than anything. Opening up to them finally had enabled me to start moving on from what happened, and as each day passed I felt my anxiety and my fear fade away. I knew that Nathan was still out there, and I was definitely still affected by what he put me through, but I was determined to not let him continue to have this grasp on my life. I didn't want to be afraid anymore – it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that because of him I resented myself and just felt awful. It wasn't fair that because of him, I pushed my friends away because I felt afraid, or because I felt as though they judged me for what happened.

It had been over a month since I escaped Nathan's clutches and we were still no closer to locating him. I knew that he would come for me again, but with my newfound bravery, and Dimitri's determination to protect me, I knew I would be safe.

Another welcome change had been that Dimitri and I were sleeping in the same bed again, and waking up beside him each morning was pure bliss. It had definitely been scary at first, and I often woke up disoriented and afraid – my mind instantly assuming that the presence in the bed next to me was Nathan and not the love of my life. But eventually my mind seemed to catch up to me and remember that, actually, I was safe. I wasn't in that awful prison anymore – I was home, with Dimitri by my side.

I woke up this particular morning to find Dimitri on the other side of the bedroom, getting ready to leave for his shift with Christian. I still hadn't gone back to my own Guardian duties, with Lissa instructing me to 'take all the time I need', but I knew I couldn't avoid it forever and despite her protests, Lissa needed me by her side. Even after everything, they come first. Especially since it was getting nearer and nearer to the end of the Moroi magic campaign – the final vote was only a week away. I would have to go back soon.

I felt a mixture of longing and nervousness at the prospect of returning as Lissa's guardian. It was what I was born to do, and it felt strange not carrying out my duties – even if my reasoning was valid. But as the Queen's head guardian and being, well, Rose Hathaway, people always knew who I was. And they would have definitely noticed that I hadn't been around.

Did they know what had happened? Did they know where I was? Did they think I had voluntarily left, sauntering away from my duties to become a Blood Whore? The thoughts were overwhelming. While I usually wouldn't care what people thought about me, considering the amount of rumours and unkind words that floated around the halls of St. Vladimir's, for some reason I felt a sense of unease about what they would be thinking about me now.

With a heavy sigh, I turned my attention back to the gorgeous man dressing in front of me, plastering a content smile on my face as I lay in our bed. Once he slipped on his last shoe and holstered his stake, Dimitri met my eyes and smiled, walking over in my direction to say goodbye.

"I'll be back later, Roza," he said, leaning down to plant a kiss on my forehead. I leant into his touch, feeling a sense of warmth and love course through my body. "Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine," I replied with a nod.

Dimitri smiled and reached out to brush my hair out of my face, hooking it back behind my ear. "I thought it might be nice if I cook us a nice meal later? Would that be okay?"

"Of course, Comrade."

"Good. I love you," he told me, my heart involuntarily jumping at his words and butterflies swarming in my belly. I would never get tired of hearing him say those words – they meant everything to me.

"I love you too."

Dimitri kissed my forehead again before turning and leaving the room. I heard him grab his duster off the wall, followed by the sound of the front door opening and closing, leaving me alone once again in the apartment.

I felt a sense of contentment and happiness as I sank further into the bed, pulling the covers up higher around me. Things were good right now – really good. Yes, Nathan hadn't been found yet, but the love I felt for Dimitri and the love he felt for me outweighed my feelings of fear. It also helped immensely that Dimitri was keeping me in the loop, choosing this time to not keep any secrets. Although we hadn't heard anything from Nathan since he sent the Polaroid, each time Dimitri spent time researching and looking for where he might be, he always told me what he found or any progress they made – albeit the progress was pretty much non-existent. Even so, I was thankful that Dimitri was confiding in me, and we were definitely beginning to feel like 'us' again.

I couldn't help but feel like something was missing, however.

We had finally reached a normal place for us in our relationship – emotionally. But there was still a distance between us – physically. Our minds were connected, but our souls were apart. The physicality between us was almost as though we were standing on different continents, and it was beginning to get to me.

Sure, we would sleep in the same bed, hold hands, cuddle… He would kiss me on the cheek or the forehead… but we hadn't properly kissed yet, let alone be intimate. It was understandable – I had been through something traumatic, and it was bound to take a while for me to be in a place where I could accept affection in that way. I wasn't even sure if Dimitri wanted to be with me like that anymore…

It was difficult. I knew that he was still afraid of upsetting me, worried about touching me and causing memories to stir up. And occasionally I would be so caught up in my own thoughts, or just sitting watching TV, that Dimitri would reach out to me and I would practically jump out of my skin, recoiling away from him before realising who it was beside me.

I was beginning to be afraid that I wouldn't ever be able to open up to him again or drop my barriers around him. I was scared that I wouldn't ever reach a place where I felt comfortable or be open to the idea of having sex again. So when I saw Dimitri emerge from the bathroom a few days ago in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, his chiselled body glistening with stray droplets of water from his shower, I was surprised that I found myself wanting him. Seriously wanting him. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and untie the material so that it fell to the floor, wanted nothing more than to eagerly explore his body, like it was sugar and I was a starving bumblebee…

Since then, it was all that was on my mind. I found myself thinking about sex with Dimitri more and more, and it was almost verging on being as though I was back at St. Vlad's, lusting after something I couldn't have.

I resented the fact that Nathan had taken this away from me. I hated that he made me afraid of intimacy. I loved Dimitri, I used to love being with him, and I wanted to show him just how much I loved him. I wanted to – needed to – erase all the bad memories of Nathan. I could still feel him on my skin, I could still feel his touch, and I needed that touch gone. I needed Dimitri. I needed his touch.

I needed to prove to myself that there was nothing to be afraid of – I desperately wanted my relationship with Dimitri to reach normality physically, as well as emotionally. And I was determined to make that happen.

I spent the day psyching myself up, determined to bridge this final gap in our relationship. I was worried that as soon as I saw Dimitri when arrived home I would freak out and change my mind, but as soon as he walked through the door, my heart rate picked up and those damn butterflies in my belly just fluttered even more. I knew I wanted this.

He hung up his duster and greeted me with a smile and a peck on the cheek, before immediately starting on making us dinner. It was the perfect opportunity – a wonderful home cooked meal before taking this next step.

I offered him my help, to which he just chuckled and reminded him of the last time I attempted to 'help' and ended up with half the ingredients in my hair. Yeah, probably not a good idea… Instead, I simply sat on the sofa watching him longingly as he expertly navigated the kitchen, occasionally muttering to himself in Russian as he cooked.

When it was almost ready, I set out the cutlery on the table before lighting a few candles. Mood lighting, that's what we needed… I could feel myself getting more and more nervous as time went on. Did he know what I was planning? Would he want what I was planning? Would he reject me?

Calm down, Rose - I thought. This was ridiculous. I wanted this, and surely Dimitri would too? It's not like we hadn't had sex before, after all. I was just afraid that he wouldn't want me in the same way anymore.

We sat at the table as we ate, and I asked Dimitri about his day, listening intently as he spoke. I could listen to him talk for hours, his accent ringing softly in my ears and sending warm tingles all over my body. If he knew something was up, he didn't show it – he was acting no different than usual and I was beginning to wonder if he would realise what I wanted, or if he actually would reject me.

Come on Rose, don't back out now.

After we ate, we cleared the table in a comfortable silence, stacking the plates neatly on the counter beside the sink.

Now or never…

As Dimitri stood at the sink and began washing the dishes, his back turned towards me, I took a deep breath, seeking to calm my nerves and search for a final bout of courage.

I can do this.

I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, before rising up on my tiptoes to reach his neck. His hair was still tied back neatly from when he left for work, exposing his promise mark and many Molnija to me, allowing me clear access for leaving peppered kisses over his skin. As soon as my lips touched his body, a wave of electricity coursed through me, effectively calming my nerves – I could do this. I wasn't afraid.

Dimitri, however, stiffened under my touch. "Roza, what are you doing?" He asked hesitantly, confusion clear in his voice.

I smiled cheekily. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"I'm trying to wash up."

"That can wait, can't it?" I suggested, my intentions clear in my seductive tone of voice, before attaching my lips to his neck once more.

I heard his breath hitch in his throat before he, annoyingly, turned his attention back to the washing up. "It'll harden if it's not done now and be harder to clean."

"So?"

"Rose, stop," he commanded, his voice sincere and laced with frustration.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

My heart dropped in my chest and I instantly felt dejected. He didn't want me, I knew it. Suddenly it felt like all those times back at the academy when I had tried to get him to give into his feelings and just fucking admit that he loved me... Back then it was a constant cycle of rejection, and it felt no different now.

With a huff, I sank back down off my tiptoes and removed my arms from around his waist. Turning away from him, I sauntered over to the sofa and dropped down onto it, my arms folded in frustration. Dimitri must have realised he upset me because not two seconds later, he abandoned the washing up and came to perch on the edge of the coffee table in front of me, his brows furrowed and his eyes concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," I huffed.

"Roza, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He expertly raised one of his eyebrows, showing me that he definitely knew I was lying.

"Fine," I sighed. "I want us to go back to normal. I want it to be like before everything happened."

"It is normal isn't it? We're fine now," He frowned, oblivious to what I meant.

Idiot.

"It's not, Dimitri. 'Normal' means having sex."

His eyes widened and he reached out to place a gentle hand on my knee. "Roza…" His tone was not one I was hoping for; I could sense the rejection on the tip of his tongue.

"I want to be with you again," I blurted out. "Tell me you don't want me too."

I felt his hand stiffen on my knee and he sighed deeply, briefly closing his eyes tight. "I don't want to hurt you."

This time, it was my brows that furrowed.

He sensed my confusion and continued, "I don't want to push you into something that you're not ready for. You've made so much progress and I don't want to ruin that by forcing you to – you know –"

"You're not forcing me, Dimitri. I want this," I stated, moving closer to the edge of the sofa, closer to Dimitri. "Do you not – do you not want to have sex with me anymore because – because he –"

"Roza, don't be silly. Believe me, it's not like I haven't thought about being with you in that way again, because trust me, I have… I just – I don't want to push you."

"You're not!" I exclaimed, leaning forward and resting my forehead against his. "I need this."

"Rose –"

"I need to move on from what happened. I need to be touched lovingly again. I need to erase all the bad memories and replace them with new ones. I don't want sex to be something I'm afraid of. I need to be with you, please, Dimitri…"

I looked deeply into his dark eyes, narrowed by his still furrowed brows. I could practically feel his internal battle with himself – he was fighting to keep his control. He closed his eyes tight and sighed. I wasn't sure how much time passed – seconds, minutes, whatever, it felt like years before he opened them again and spoke.

"I want to be with you more than anything, Roza. You have no idea how much I want you. But," he sighed, "are you sure? I need you to tell me you're sure."

"I'm sure, Dimitri. I promise."

To prove my point, I leant forward more and attached my lips to his, instantly igniting a fire between us. It felt right. It felt familiar. I wasn't afraid. Our lips danced together for a few moments before we had to pull away for air, our breathing hitched and heavy, and we each looked deeply into the other's eyes.

"Make love to me…"

Two chapters in two days - aren't you all lucky!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy it.

Also, I can't reply to guest comments but thank you to Julia for the kind words - yes, my plan is to finish this story first before moving onto No Strings Attached!

Thank you for the kind reviews!

H x