Sorry for the long wait! Holidays and food kept me busy ;) Hope you all enjoy this next installment. Read and be Merry!

CHAPTER 32

Oz. Charlie's soul.

Charlie slowly rose up to her feet. She carefully looked around herself, eyeing every detail her mind had recreated. She was surprised at how much she had remembered. The design on the motel room's bedspread, the shade and texture of the carpeting, the sickening way the scent of alcohol infiltrated the room from days past and the image of shadows casting themselves against the walls everytime the lightning struck.

"Where are you?" She called out to her darkSelf. "I don't see you!" Her legs felt like they were in molasses. She was immediately paralyzed with the rush of the same fear and panic she had felt that night. Her doubts about confronting what had happened bore into her mercilessly. She called out to her other half. "Charlie?!" She yelled this time. "Where the frack are you!? I need you." She begged.

She felt prickly goosebumps rise up and sweep over her arms and down the back of her neck. Her heart beat fast like that night back at the Blackbird, her thoughts chaoticlq. What if she was wrong? What if this didn't work? What if she had just condemned herself? Alone? And where the hell had her darkSelf gone to ?

She felt hot tears trickle down her face as a maddening thought entered her head. If it didnt work, she wouldn't have to fight so hard anymore to just survive. She would just simply fade away. She'd be... Free.

The thought of giving up began to wiggle its way into her heart once more. For it wasn't a new thought. She had had it many times before. Since Cas had helped her to rememeber what Styne had done to her, that thought had picked a dark and out of the way corner in her head. It crouched ..ready and waiting to pounce and defile and lay ruin to her whenever she fell into those weak moments of anger and depression and loss over what had happened. Powerful overwhelming feelings and that damn thought was like a little seed that gave her a semblage of peace if she just Let go, it told her. Just. Let. Go.

She squeezed her eyes closed. She loathed the thought that made her not want to fight for herself. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" She yelled out defiantly.

And as she tried desperately to shove that thought out, his face suddenly popped into her thoughts.

Dean.

He had been fighting for her this whole time like she should have been fighting for herself. He had been there every step of the way trying to convince her she had to, NO that she needed to keep fighting for herself. That she deserved to continue despite the bad things. He still saw a light in her that she thought had been savagely extinguished by Styne.

Then her thoughts fell to the Kiss she had given him. She reached up and touched her lips still feeling the sensation and warmth of his lips pressed against hers. She fell into that moment with him again and surprisely, the memory gave her that same sense of peace. It caressed and comforted her being from everything else. And even though she had kissed him, Everything had been in his kiss back.

darkCharlie had not lied.

She opened her eyes reminding herself where she was and found that the doubt and confusion, the desire to give in and give up still lingered; insidously. And there it was again. Her indecision. Her fear. The wretched things had created this mess. And if she let it, it would be her permanent undoing. She felt untethered.

Then there was Dean in her head again, reeling her back from the chaos.

He had vehemently hated her decision to stay and confront the past, right down to his very core. It had been written all over his face. He had been scared for her. He had been scared for himself. And despite trying to convince her otherwise, his eyes inevitably told her she was right. He knew it. And she knew it.

A strike of lightning lit the room and it brought Charlie back to her present situation. She looked up above her and found a ceiling had formed. The rain pounded harshly against it. It was deafening. And the thunder. It rumbled and shook every part of her being. She felt like she was floating away and she realized then and there she needed a tether. Something that would keep her grounded and not stray from her purpose.

And it was then she knew Dean would be that tether.

Then she felt it, an inner nod from darkCharlie. She wasn't alone. The merge had begun. They were on the right path.

Charlie remained still and waited until she heard it; the angry pounding on the motel room door. She took a deep breath and exhaled slow with purpose.

It was now or never.