"And so, today we begin with the noble art of kadou." the immaculate older woman said, evaluating each of the woman (and Gai) like they were fresh meat. "You will be expected to learn how to present at both chakai and chaji. Today, we have two new students. Please introduce yourselves."
She looked at Regina first, so she bowed.
"My name is Jiraiya Rejina. It is very nice to make your acquaintance, please take care of me." Regina said as demurely as possible.
The woman echoed the greeting back. At least that hadn't gone badly. Tsunade had drilled her on princessy introductions. Regina hadn't been particularly worried about this part.
"I am Might Gai," he bowed a little lower than Regina. "Nice to meet you."
Their teacher's lips quirked for a second. But everyone repeated back, and then introduced themselves.
"I am Hyuuga Amai." One older woman said sourly, leaning her head back so that she could look down her nose at them.
Regina and Gai were pretty tall, even sitting down. She had to lean reeeeal far back.
'Either this woman is having the worst day in human history, or it's a severe misnomer.'
"The Hyuuga are a storied and highly respectable family. I am thrilled to make your acquaintance." Regina lied through her beautiful teeth. She remembered the other pleasant little Hyuuga who'd spent last Thursday pounding her kid into the pavement.
And their clan head, who was also a dick.
That or may not be a theme.
'Are the Hyuuga my enemies now? It seems like a sign that they're everywhere I go, annoying me.'
No.
She refused to acknowledge people that way. She had loftier goals, and would defeat the fine arts. Mere human beings weren't worth that much effort.
The woman smiled politely, but in a way that put Regina's hackles up. She would eat Regina for breakfast if she could, all while pretending she was a polite lady of good breeding.
Regina immediately resolved to be so goddamn good at tea ceremony. She'd hate every second- the tedium, what she considered unnecessary ceremony, the bitter tea.
'Let my hatred fuel me and my success.'
She made it her mantra.
Nakayama-sensei led them through the very beginnings, evidently for Regina and Gai's benefit.
"The preparation is the most important aspect of chadou." She said sternly. "When guests arrive before the appointed time, fresh tabi must be available in a pleasing way." She gestured lightly to the aesthetically arranged tabi that Regina and Gai had also changed into on their way in.
"They then enter a waiting room, where you must have a suitable and seasonable presentation in the tokonoma. Your guests must also be served refreshments while they wait. What are the acceptable drinks to be served in the waiting room?" She looked around the room with hard eyes.
"Hot water, kombu tea, roasted barley tea, or cherry blossom tea." Hyuuga-san said easily.
Regina got the feeling Hyuuga-san did not need lessons.
"That is right, thank you, Hyuuga-san." Nakayama-sensei gently clasped her hands together. "We will practice preparing these aspects today, to perfection."
'Oh, snap. We haven't even gotten to the matcha.'
Well, that made some sense. It couldn't just be about the matcha making, if it was one of the three noble arts.
Regina belatedly remembered that she'd forgotten incense appreciation classes- the three classical arts of 'refinement' were chadou, koudou, and kadou. But that was so rare and expensive that it was probably ok to wait for a while to start- if she took everything at once, she'd mostly just adopted Naruto and Sasuke in order to have the privilege of paying for their expenses. She'd never be able to see them again.
"It is now summer."
'No kidding.'
"There are particular flower arrangements and tatejiku that are appropriate for display." Nakayama-sensei gestured to a roll of scrolls and a set of flower arrangements.
"It is important to give the suggestion of nature with your arrangements." She lectured, looking particularly severe. "This is not kadou."
"The flowers in chadou are those typically found blooming at the moment in nature. Nothing out of season or presented as an ikebana arrangement." The red and white flower was brought forward to the table.
"Mukuge is a typical flower of choice for July. See how it has been arranged by its stem to look as natural as possible, complemented by leaves of silver grass."
It did kind of look like it had been plucked fresh from a meadow somewhere, in its beautiful bamboo basket.
"The circle reed around the top of this basket implies a safe adventure and return home. It is therefore a very appropriate arrangement for families of shinobi."
Everyone in the room said, "Sou desu." in unison.
It was the obvious answer and very socially aware, but Regina always kind of felt creeped out by it.
Then she went on to explain that the tatejiku in the room would also need to be seasonally or atmospherically relevant. If it was a ceremony at night, a painting of rabbits might be used, for their relation to the moon.
Then they were given their first assignment.
"Please, choose the most appropriate combination of flowers and tatejiku for your tea ceremony tonight." Nakayama-sensei commanded. "The flowers are in the vases in the anterior room. The selection of tatejiku are in the cabinet."
'Oh god, okay. But hey. It's practice? I just… hoped there would be more guidance before having to do something.'
Regina thought about it. It was summer. What kanji were appropriate? Wind, probably. A night meeting was fairly informal, so a poem wasn't necessary. It was the one at noon with five guests that was the height of sophistication.
Summer seasonal painted scenes would be appropriate.
She needed to decide what was more important to do first. The flowers in the anterior room she'd seen had been plentiful and there was a relatively small variety.
But the tatejiku were one-of-a-kind. Those would be where she would most likely make or break the assignment.
Regina walked to the cabinet to see if there were any labels on the scrolls. They were already on shelves for all four seasons.
So she pulled out multiple ones to check, and carefully opened them one at a time on the table.
One of her 'maybe' options was a rabbit pounding mochi, old-style.
It was an obvious answer.
She carefully re-rolled it, and placed it to the side by her feet. She wasn't letting that one go unless she found a better one.
The next likely one was a painting of rolling mountains. On it, she could see little animals with long ears gamboling in the foliage.
Bingo.
She placed the rabbit pounding mochi back in the cabinet, as well as her other options.
Her scroll was in her place.
So it was time to get a flower. She walked carefully on the wood in her slick tabi socks. It would be so easy to slip and fall.
There were hydrangeas, irises, sunflowers, and lavender, as well as the answer they had been provided, which kind of looked like the famous flowers from Hawaii- hibiscus?
Regina was fairly sure that copying their teacher was just the passing grade. It was the easiest answer of all possibilities.
Or maybe she was overthinking it?
A lot of the other students had chosen mukuge. She remembered that one of her other study abroad friends had complained about their ikebana class- individuality was not encouraged. They were supposed to reproduce their teacher's composition exactly.
It was a lot like being taught by Tsunade, she thought idly, avoiding looking down at her clothing.
Maybe she'd get punished for not choosing the provided answer.
She was definitely overthinking this. She just had to make a choice and see what her teacher said.
Regina doubted there was an answer so wrong she'd be thrown out of the building on her ass.
So she tried to remember what little she knew of Japanese flower language. It was… really really little. She mostly remembered connotations.
She knew hydrangea was pride, because she really liked it and worried about whether it was seen as a good thing or not. Culturally, pride wasn't admired. But also, she was Jiraiya's daughter apparently, so pride was kind of part and parcel with her family reputation.
Sunflowers kind of reminded her of Naruto, and they were a good solid happy choice. Probably?
She decided to listen to her heart. She picked up a few hydrangea stalks, and some blades of grass. As a concession, she picked up a sunflower. She could compare them to her chosen tatejiku and see which flower complimented it better.
Not that she was good at that from a Japanese perspective, either. She considered those color and pattern combinations messy. It wasn't, actually, it was just a matter of cultural perspective. Hopefully she'd get better at it.
She ended up going with her ajisai hydrangea, delicately bending and resituating the flexible stem to look like it was bending in the wind. Wind was definitely summer.
She'd chosen a basket with a narrow mouth and wider bottom, because the long stem needed the support. She didn't know if she was supposed to trim it. No one else was.
When she was happy enough, she left it alone and put the extra flowers back.
Gai had evidently gone with a strong-looking style of kanji that said "wind" and a massive sunflower by itself. She liked his style. It was very honest and up-front.
"Please take a basket, pad of paper, and a pen." Nakayama-sense said, gesturing to the stacks of each. "Place the basket in front of your display, then walk around and write words for the impression each presentation gives you. Fold the papers and place them in the respective baskets."
They did as they were told.
For Gai, she wrote, "bright", "summer", and "friendly".
The next presentation was fairly reserved. It was one iris, sideways in the vase. The thing about irises was that their stems were long and thick- they were normally straight up. Maybe the same wind implication as Regina? The vase was a black lacquerware tube, with gold details.
The scroll was the one she'd initially turned down, with the rabbit pounding mochi.
She wrote "night", "moon", "elegant", and "wind".
The others were fairly standard. She wrote "summer" a bunch, and there were no more rabbits. Basically everyone else had chosen the same flower as the model.
"When you are finished, please go to your stations and read your comments." Nakayama-sensei intoned, sharp eyes sweeping over the room. Regina had no doubt that she had critiques. She wouldn't have been recommended if the woman didn't demand utter perfection.
She couldn't honestly read the notes in her basket. That was going to be hard.
She did catch the ones she was looking for: "summer" and "wind". But there were others she couldn't quite make out.
"Please redo your presentation as you see fit, according to your comments."
It was actually really smart to teach it this way. Just memorizing wasn't helpful. If your guests didn't get the message you were trying to send, you may as well have not sent it at all.
Regina genuinely respected that.
She waited until the other students had mostly left the room, and tapped Gai on the shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Gai-san. I'm not very good at reading handwriting. What do these say?" she whispered, handing him the notes.
He read them with good cheer. But his brow furled on reading one of the last ones. He looked around the room.
"Most of them say 'pride', 'night', 'casual', 'friends', 'summer', and 'wind', Rejina-hime." He held up one. "This one just says 'conceited'."
"What do yours say?" She asked, feeling mildly hurt.
"Same things, mostly, but one does say 'childlike'."
He was very full of Youth, but Regina doubted the author of the note intended it that way.
"Do you have concerns regarding my notes?" A voice behind her said, sounding very polite.
It was Hyuuga-san. Of fucking course.
"Hyuuga-san!" Regina eye-smiled. It did not really move her mouth much.
Gai twitched a little bit. Huh. That was odd. Normally the dude seemed to be totally solid.
"Was this yours?" She plucked the offending note out of Gai's hand and proffered it.
"We wish to become proficient at the noble art of chadou, Hyuuga-san," Rejina said, trying to sound full of humility, "would you be so kind as to explain what gave you these specific impressions?"
Hyuuga-san gave her an equally fake smile back. "I am glad to, Jiraiya-hime."
Something about the way she said 'hime' made it sound vaguely like a question.
"Chadou takes a very long time to learn properly," she continued. "You have done admirably for being foreign and lacking the earlier education."
'Okay, so. Very insulting. I will fight this entire crappy clan with my bare hands.'
"And Might-san, you may find that your… particular tastes… are unsuited to the art." She smiled, but Regina watched her take in Gai's hair, clothes, and strong eyebrows with a punishing kind of condescension. It was so light that others wouldn't notice it. That was genuinely the worst part. No one would believe she was being awful. She sounded like she was giving the nicest advice and compliments. Her tone was immaculate.
The real thing Hyuuga-san might have been a master at was bitch-fu.
It was classy. Regina admired it, even as she was temporarily devastated and upping her commitment to tearing this woman apart with her teeth instead of her hands.
"Thank you for your wise counsel." Regina replied, even though she hadn't actually provided them with any advice.
She elected to change nothing about her presentation, as only Hyuuga-san had said anything bad about it. Regina wanted to see what Nakayama-sensei said, instead.
"Rejina-hime, will you not alter your display?" Gai asked quietly. He seemed to be vibrating again.
"No. Will you?" She asked, taking a seat on her cushion in as prim and elegant a fashion as she could muster. She saw Hyuuga-san narrow her eyes out of the corner of her vision.
She wasn't trying to get a rise out of the woman, but damn if it wasn't happening.
He looked at it, obviously calculating.
"If you like it, I'd say leave it and see what Nakayama-sensei says." She suggested, fluttering her eyelashes down to the floor. She didn't want to exacerbate the situation by actually making eye contact with an elderly woman who would doubtless find it offensive.
He grinned and followed her movement, sitting down on the floor.
They waited for another five minutes while the other students fluttered around. Regina thought that some of them had been overcorrecting- they had way too many plants, or they'd switched moods entirely. It meant that their flowers and scrolls weren't as cohesive as earlier, even if earlier they'd been boring.
'I guess I'll see how that pans out for them.'
"Disorganized." said Nakayama-sensei, walking around the room. "This scroll has fall imagery on it, a month too early." She kept walking. "This one clearly implies the sun, when the gathering is at night."
It panned out pretty much how she'd thought, apparently.
Hyuuga-san received the small praise of 'rather good', which Regina figured was probably about as high as Nakayama-sensei went.
Of course, Hyuuga-san's had been the one she had earlier described as elegant. Why couldn't the one she had complimented have belonged to literally anyone else?
Nakayama sensei looked at Gai's. "It is adequate."
Huh. What do you know, Hyuuga-san?
When she got to Regina's, Regina held her breath a bit. She wanted to be good, so good it hurt.
"Good." Then she walked past her, and went to the last woman. "Adequate."
'Take that! And that! I am a fucking champion.'
Regina kept her face still. But there was a heat on her face and a good feeling in her heart. Praise came very rarely for her since coming here, being as she couldn't do anything properly.
It was precious, and to be treasured.
Somehow, that was the end of the two hours. How had that happened?
Nakayama-sensei bid them all to get the hell out of her house, and they did the polite goodbyes.
The night air was a bit cool and breezy. It caressed her skin and blew her hair into her face. It stuck to her forehead.
'Less elegant than maybe I would have wanted.'
She tied it back, reasoning that she probably could have anticipated this issue before leaving Nakayama-sensei's genkan.
When she turned back, Hyuuga-san was looking at her with pursed, wizened lips.
"Thank you, Hyuuga-san." Regina bowed politely. "I look forward to taking classes with you in the future."
Hyuuga-san returned the greeting, and left into the night.
Regina carefully did not say 'what a nasty person, right?'. She wanted to. But she suspected that Hyuuga-san might have bat hearing, the way a lot of people here did.
And eyes in the back of her head.
Like an oni with incredibly poofy hair.
"I believe that we have an appointment with your Eternal Rival, do we not?" She asked Gai, putting her hands on her hips. "I don't want you to be late."
He seemed to spark up at that.
"Yosh!" He exclaimed, with a grin. "We must meet my Eternal Rival at the usual place, for our next competition."
"And where is that?" She asked with mild interest. Was this something she could watch fairly frequently? Was it a good spectator sport?
"The monument, of course!" he threw his head back with laughter.
'The rock with all the dead shinobi names on it? Sounds… cheery.'
She smiled anyway.
"Okay, lead me to it. I suppose you have a camera for me? Is there even enough light? You're going to look like cryptids."
He handed her the camera and cheerily bounded away, gesturing excitedly for her to follow.
The memorial stone was pretty close to a section of training grounds, which were blessedly empty. Regina passed by what had obviously been the site of a mighty battle earlier that day and gave the residual scorch mark a wide berth.
'I really, really don't want to get skewered or burnt by a fucking genin in training.'
She made a note to never come over here without a human shield.
The memorial stone was a massive structure, made of some sort of strong black stone in the shape of a kunai. There were little offerings at the bottom- some flowers, a set of orange goggles, and various trinkets that had evidently belonged to those lost. Necklaces, kunai, and pictures were scattered around its base.
Several of the items were definitely child-sized.
'Christ, this really is depressing. I do not like being here at all.'
She'd never actually had a problem with the concept of her own mortality before she came here. But when it lingered over her like a heavy fog- child killers, body parts in her office, and a dead woman's tongue lolling out of her mouth, she was covered in blood, her life reeked of death-
Regina shook it off. The dead woman who had summoned her hadn't appeared in her nightmares for at least a week. She wasn't getting any more airtime. If she stuck around any longer, Regina would need to start asking for some goddamn rent. She needed that headspace for her laundry list of other problems.
'Sidenote: I should 100% find a therapist.'
She was definitely staring at the thing, now. The world seemed to shake and sway under her feet.
Regina blinked.
'No, it's definitely actually shaking.'
Gai whooped.
"Rejina-hime!" He called, looking thrilled. "I am pleased to be the first to introduce you to my Eternal Rival! We are linked by destiny to continually push each other to even greater heights! Although I am not his match in many of the shinobi arts-"
A wind kicked up and blew at her thin clothes, as well as interrupting Gai entirely.
Regina quickly held down her shirt with her hands, sensing that it was about to start an Incident.
Bizarrely, the wind began blowing in a circle. It quickened in intensity and brought leaves and other detritus into the mix.
Gai gave her a grin and a thumbs up. "He is a shinobi of great influence and a great genius- while I am a genius of hard work! He is a gentleman, a scholar, and a lover of dogs and eggplants! Do not be alarmed- though he has a fearsome reputation, he would never allow any harm to befall any beautiful flower of Konoha."
'That's a weird-ass list, but I like it.'
The wind tube contracted, and then exploded- flinging leaves and twigs and dust into her hair and face.
When she wiped the dust out of her tear ducts, she saw Mr. Me sitting right in front of her on the ground, cross-legged. He was holding a book close to his face.
"So cool!" Gai cheered, clapping. "My Rival is so hip!"
She could tell by the crinkling around his eyes that I, Satake was pleased. With himself or with Gai's great hype man routine, she didn't know. She could feel a twig that was stuck in her now-tangled hair.
'Great. Thanks, Hatake. If you knew how long this took to brush, wash, and dry, you'd know I should be billing you for this.'
"My Rival! It is time for us to again join in glorious competition!" Gai struck a pose.
He didn't really seem to register her being there at all, being that he barely looked up from his book and didn't even respond to Gai.
Regina sighed and began the long work of detangling her hair with her fingers, working out the shit that had been purposefully and (maliciously, she thought) blown into her hair.
"Is that the wind?" he asked in a monotone. "I can't understand you. I only speak Japanese."
"Rival! You are too cool!" Gai wailed.
Then he straight-up WEPT.
More interestingly to Regina, when Mr. Me he tilted the book she could just make out a word or two. Something about a noble shinobi and a princess?
"Oooh, is that the book about me?" She leaned over his shoulder with her fingers still in her hair, trying to get a better look.
He instantly disappeared and reappeared at the edge of the clearing, snapping the book closed. He gave her a betrayed sort of look.
Or, at least that's what she thought. Hard to say for sure. He might have been confused.
'Wait, I definitely said that in English. He didn't understand me at all. lolol'
She regretted nothing. He should have known better than to read a romance book about her in her presence. She had every right to ask about it.
'Especially when he still looks like a mop and was being purposefully rude to Gai. Is that, like, his Kryptonite? The book is publicly available, what is he possibly hiding?'
She cocked an eyebrow at him with a smile. His lone eye narrowed.
"Rival! Are you now ready to begin?" Gai asked with a grin. He was no longer drenched in tears.
'Say what you want, the man recovers fast.'
Hatake lazily looked around the clearing. "What's that?"
Evidently this was going to take a significant portion of the allotted time. Regina took a seat on a log, after inspecting it for fire ants and snake holes. Didn't she have a comb somewhere? She had a very unimportant meeting after this, and she probably didn't want to show up looking like she'd fallen out of a tree.
The lack of banter went on for about five minutes, when Hatake evidently got tired of pretending Gai was just an exceptionally shouty breeze and agreed to a competition.
Which. He had evidently agreed to earlier? That was why they were meeting, right?
Mr. Me was kind of a dick.
Though to be fair, he'd been sacked from ANBU that week, so he probably wasn't at his best.
Regina decided to attempt to delay her final judgment on him until she had a better assessment of his character. Before this, she'd just thought he was awkward. And Gai had literally just provided her with a great recommendation on his behalf. It just probably wasn't his best day out.
"Fine," Hatake eventually sighed, rubbing his temples with his left hand. He didn't put down his closed book of porn, apparently electing to hug it close to his chest. "What 'competition' would you like to do tonight, Gai? It's your turn to choose."
"Yosh!" Gai fist-pumped. "Tonight we will gather flowers!"
"Flowers." Hatake repeated, evidently confused.
"As many flowers as you can in ten minutes! They cannot be taken from people's gardens, and cannot be damaged. The more varieties of flowers, the more points." Gai leaned back and laughed.
Hatake looked surprisingly small in the moment, even though he was definitely tall. Maybe he just wasn't built like Gai. Or he was wilting again.
Regina seemed to remember him doing that.
"We put them there!" Gai said, pointing to the memorial stone. "Rejina-hime will do the counting for us, and photograph the winner."
Ah. There was a method to the madness, probably. Putting flowers on a grave was a cross-cultural similarity. Maybe Gai thought Hatake was depressed about someone who died? It seemed like a safe bet in a shinobi village.
'Wait, wasn't Gai also in the meeting just before the Hokage asked me to make that appointment with Hatake?'
It was probably related. She didn't see how, but their personal lives weren't any of her business.
Regina resumed combing her hair and cleaned the dirt off of her face and arms.
"If I lose to you, I will do cartwheel laps around the village 500 times!" Gai held out his finger and struck a pose.
It was interesting. He hadn't really done that in front of her. Was the posturing for Kakashi? It vaguely reminded her of her and her friends goofing around.
Particularly when someone was sad.
Regina thought about them. Kenda, Michelle. Her childhood best friend, Victoria. She missed them a lot.
God, when would everything stop reminding her of everything she'd lost? It was intolerable. She blinked back a tear, and listened while Hatake complained about Gai setting ludicrous self-limits and conditions again.
What time was it anyway?
"Sorry to interrupt, but I have an appointment at 9." She called out, wishing that she had a watch. "I don't suppose you could start?"
They were off like a shot.
She noted that this time, Hatake didn't blow a bunch of soil in her face.
Both of them reappeared within what she presumed was only a few minutes, dropping armfuls of flowers on the sides of the mass gravestone.
Regina stared at them. Gai's side was riotous with color- and she wondered how far they had to be going to get those flowers if they weren't looting some granny's gardens.
Hatake's was more muted, he'd grabbed a large number of two or three kinds of flowers first. His were sorted.
By the end of ten minutes, she was pretty sure she didn't want to count them all.
But she did.
208 flowers for Gai, of 21 varieties. Hatake had 332 flowers, of five varieties.
Weirdos.
It was one point per flower, and an extra ten points for every variety. That left Gai with 418 points, right? And Hatake with 382.
"The winner appears to be Gai-san." She said, snapping a picture while they scrambled forward. "Gai-san, do you want to pose with your flowers?"
Oh, did he ever. His grin was literally blinding in intensity and brightness. How?
"I don't know if I need the flash…" she muttered to herself. She took one with flash anyway, and one without. "Here's your camera, Gai-san."
She tried to hand it back, but Gai raised his hand. "Rejina-hime! Can you get one of myself and my Eternal Rival, first?"
"Oh! Sure." She stepped back and got them both into frame. Two camera pops later, Hatake had disappeared and she handed it back to Gai.
He took it and held it over his head triumphantly.
"A good win." He grinned. "Well, Rejina-hime, you said you had a meeting? What about your two youthful companions?"
"Naruto and Sasuke?" She winced with regret. "Unfortunately, it couldn't be helped tonight. They're in Sasuke's hospital room, supposedly doing homework and making very glittery art."
He seemed sad about that. "I am sorry if my diversion with my Eternal Rival distracted you from your obligations."
Gai was nice. She appreciated that. "I don't mind, for one night. I do need to meet Shimura-sama at Hanami, though." Her face started to react in disgust, but she schooled it back. "Hopefully it won't happen very often that I'm out so much."
"Would you like for me to check on them?" He asked, sounding sincere.
"I would love that. Naruto needs like… much love. All the time. So much." She brushed all the wayward petals off of her clothes. "And I bet Sasuke would love to meet you when he's conscious. They both really need adult role models."
He gave her a thumbs-up and a grin, and jumped into a rolling cartwheel. She watched him careen down the path.
"Huh. So even if he wins, he does it anyway?" She considered that. "I guess he counts it as training."
She walked down the path back into the village, and tried to make sure she looked presentable. Even though she was going somewhere she didn't want to go, with a person she did not want to spend any time with, for mentoring she didn't want.
Lots of 'not wants' in there.
The restaurant was gorgeous, in a refined and classical Japanese way. Oddly, it was also basically empty.
She was led to her table by a distinctly aloof waitperson.
Shimura-san was sitting at the table, looking very stern.
"Rejina-hime." He said. "You are looking well."
"As are you, Shimura-sama." She bowed, and sat down in her provided chair. "You wished to meet with me?"
He adjusted in his chair, drawing attention to his covered arm.
She wondered what had happened to it. Couldn't have been that recent, right? He was retired. But she didn't remember that he had it covered the week before.
"It is time to begin your training and apprenticeship." He said plainly. "We begin tonight."
Whatever Hokage-sama was, he wasn't wrong. Shimura-san got right down to it.
"Very well." She blinked, adjusting to the fact that he had formally offered her an apprenticeship. She hadn't anticipated that. Foolish. "Please, teach me, Shimura-sensei."
"Shishou," he corrected, examining her. "Call me shishou."