Stephanie's POV

I need to think. I need to figure out what I want. Is this what I want? Or am I doing this because of Carlos? I need to talk to someone, but who will understand? Lester. I'll call Lester. I dig out my phone as I walk across campus in my fatigues.

"Hello." A sleepy female answers Lester's phone.

"Um, hi. Is Lester there?"

"He is, but he's indisposed right now."

"Please put him on the phone."

"I told you, ("Sweetie, who's on my phone?" "Some chick. I'm getting rid of her." "Give me the phone.") Steph?"

"Yeah, it's me. If you're busy, I can call back." I say, with tears starting to fall down my face.

"Hermana, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I don't know, Les. I'm a fucking mess and I'm on the verge of dropping out. I can't do this anymore."

"Querida, everything will be fine. Tell me what's wrong. ("Are you really going to talk on the phone right now? You were about to fuck me two minutes ago." "Go away, it's my sister. Stephanie needs me." "She's not your sister. You are ridiculous. I'm out of here." "Then go. Don't expect me to call.") I'm sorry, querida, go on."

"God, now I'm fucking up your life, too."

"Stephanie, talk to me."

I tell Lester all about the last twenty-four hours, my fear of having to fight in a war. I tell him about the way I've been feeling all summer. My heart hasn't been into it. I want to do something, I want to be something, but I don't think the Army is it. I can't see myself off in some mysterious place, firing a gun to save my life, to kill others. I still hate using a gun, even though I'm proficient in it. He patiently listens to me, then offers me advice.

"Querida, I know that a lot of candidates for the FBI come from the military or the police. Why don't you talk to an advisor there and see if you can train for the FBI? You'd be good at gathering intel, in working on computers. Maybe that's your niche, intelligence. I think you may even be able to go into military intelligence. You might be able to stay stateside, informing our troops of where to go and what to do. You can help keep men like Carlos alive. You know, that was one of the reasons you choose your major and your minor. You wanted to understand how things work on a global stage."

"Really, you think that's a possibility?"

"It may be, but you won't know until you ask. Don't throw the last two years away. You worked hard, and you're doing great. I'm so proud of you, and I know Carlos is too. Abuela can't believe what a confident, self-assured woman you turned into. You escaped the Burg. If you quit now, I'm afraid you'll fall back into that life. You are meant to fly, Stephanie Plum."

I feel so much better after talking to my hermano. Even after all these years, Lester's still there for me. Now that my problem has been somewhat solved, I ask about the mystery woman.

"Oh, Sofie. Well, she's good to look at but has a horrible personality. The relationship was burning out. If it weren't for the events yesterday, I wasn't even planning on calling her, but after I woke up, I needed a connection. I saw she called me, so I called her back. One thing led to another, you know how it is.
And before you ask, no, I was not about to have sex with her. In fact, I just got out of the shower. I was getting ready to gently kick her out. You saved me the hassle, so I'm forever grateful."

I laugh. "Thanks again, Les. Te amo."

"Te amo, Beautiful."

I reach the office of my advisor, Major Miller. Major Miller is a fair man, he's about forty and served three tours in Iraq in the early 90s. I knock on his door and wait for permission to enter.

"Enter."

I walk in, stopping inside the door and salute.

"At ease. You may have a seat."

I sit down. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Plum?"

"Major, thank you for seeing me on such short notice. I'm here to discuss my options. I'm conflicted as to what I want to do. I know that I have committed myself to serve my country upon graduation, but I'm not sure if I can do that. I know that if I drop out, I must pay tuition, but I can't afford that. My parents don't support me."

"Does this have anything to do with yesterday? You aren't the first cadet to see me today."

"It has everything to do with yesterday, but also with the way I've been feeling for a few months. The tragedy that occurred yesterday has made me more emotionally charged. Manoso's sister works downtown, a few blocks from the site. We didn't hear from her until the afternoon. Then, his cousin and my best friend, who I consider my brother, was scheduled for a meeting in the North Tower. I didn't hear from him until after 2200. I guess all of that took a toll on me today, not that it's an excuse. It's just, in light of recent events, I don't know if I have what it takes to be at the forefront of the war. I don't know if I can do it."

"I remember, you and Manoso were both under the guardianship of, if I remember correctly, Manoso's grandmother. I know that you are close friends, and only friends." I pick up on the unasked question. I know that people suspect that Carlos and I are more than just friends, but we are careful to never show it here on campus. We don't even hold hands or touch unless we are ordered to doso. I nod in agreement that we are only friends. "I understand the way you feel. My brother is a financial analyst. I was a wreck until I heard from him. I understand your emotional state. I'm disappointed, though. You are the highest-ranked female, the only one in the alpha block. You have a bright future ahead of you. But you're right, I don't think you have what it takes to be a foot soldier. Have you ever considered going into intelligence?"

"Intelligence, Sir?"

"You are a great problem-solver. You see things others don't. Your instincts are second to none. I can make some calls, get you into the US Army Intelligence School in Fort Huachuca, Arizona, but you need to spend at least one tour overseas. You are majoring in American Politics and Terrorism. That course work will leave you very prepared to gather information. Do you think you can handle that?"

"What would that entail?"

"Well, in Intelligence School, you will be trained as a spy, for lack of a better word. You can perform your duties stateside, and with your skills, I think you would be placed in the black ops planning teams. That means that you will gather the information that will be given to our Rangers, SEALs, and other black operatives to have them complete missions that no one will know about. The credibility of your information will keep them alive and safe, or it will kill them. I think you will excel there. Now, you will need to qualify on a weapon, which you already have, and you will be a ranking military operative, but you will be an NCO. You can work your time out in that capacity, you can even make it your career."

I think about what Major Miller is telling me, and I like what I hear. I think I can handle one tour overseas if it's my only tour. I have worked too hard to give up now.

"What do I need to do?"

"Continue to do what you are doing. Now, if your skills are as good as I believe they are, you will work the most difficult missions. You will be keeping your brothers and sisters in arms safe. Well, as safe as they can be behind enemy lines. Some of your peers will be our elite soldiers in a few years. I'm sure they will be more confident knowing that you could be one feeding them the information. Don't blow this opportunity.

"Thank you, Sir. I know that is the path I want to take. I appreciate your time."

"Dismissed."

I salute the major once again and leave. Now, to talk to Carlos.