It felt like my heart had been ripped from me. It felt like daggers were being shot into my heart. It felt like someone was using a shard of glass to shred my heart. The pain was so strong, I could barely stand. It felt like my knees were turned into jelly, and I shouldn't be standing, or even leaning against the wall. It's like all the happy I have ever held in my body has been ripped out of me, and I'm left feeling cold and empty. You know what it's like when you take a hard hit to the head? That's something else this feels like.
It's the fact that everything I have ever wanted is someone and I'm watching them go.
I'm watching him walk away instead of screaming out for him. I'm watching him leave the room instead of telling him to stay. I am watching the best part of me tell me I am nothing to him instead of waking up... because I can't wake up. This is not a dream.
The one man I have ever truly loved... doesn't love me.
No, instead he's leaving. My blue eyes are trained on him, watching him as he packs.
"Don't do this. Don't go. Don't leave me. I... I need you," the words escape my lips in a rushed whisper as I beg Elias to stay.
He just shakes his and continues packing. My knees finally give out as I slide down the wall, letting the first sob come out. They keep coming, and eventually Elias stops. His head turns and his eyes meet mine. "I'm not staying. I can't... I don't," he stops to take a breath and he looks away. "I don't love you the way you love me."
He shuts his suitcase and it feels like the breath has been knocked right out of my lungs. I close my eyes, and hear the doors shut. First the house door, then his car door.
I pull my legs to me and let the sobs take over.
It's been a couple of days, almost a week. It's Monday now. Hours after El… he left… I went home, and I haven't left my house since. Hell, I've only left my room to use the bathroom. I called Hunter and the bosses already to let them know I 'wasn't feeling too good' and that I wouldn't be in Monday. They said they understood and told me to feel better. Other than that call though, I haven't spoken to anybody.
The groan that came out of my mouth was one I couldn't help. I rolled over in bed, now facing the door to see if I was hearing things or if some sound really had woke me up.
Sure enough, I heard cursing in the kitchen. Two voices. I just rolled back over in bed. If It's some kind of burglar, let them find me. I don't care. As the voices traveled through the house I realized they were familiar voices. A soft knock sounds on my door, to which I groan at loudly in response. The door creaks open earning another groan from me.
"Go away."
"Jasmine..."
"Seth, I said go away!" I hear him sigh as I roll over yet again to face the door. "Both of you."
Roman shakes his head as he starts walking toward the bed. I slide to the other side so he can sit. "No," he says as he sits down by my feet.
Seth moves the pillows so he can sit down where they are. Once they're moved and he's seated he puts them on his laps and pats. I move my head there as tears slowly begin to slide down my face.
That's how we stayed, in pure silence. It was all I needed, they were all I needed. That was good, because they were all I had.
So even though I told Hunter I would be out today, I still came to the arena. Seth and Roman dragged me, rather. I was still in sweats but at least I had showered. At least I was getting food into my system again.
But I still looked like shit. I was paler than normal, no make-up at all. I was quiet. Even if you had never met me before, you would know that I wasn't acting like me. I still felt like my heart was being shredded, and I still felt like my head was being held underwater.
Seth and Roman chattered as we walked the halls, finding their dressing room. They were talking about past matches, past fashion styles, and other things. I could hear them, but I couldn't at the same time. As soon as we get in there, Dean looks up. He had been putting on his shirt, but smiled when he noticed us.
As Ro and Seth went to go get dressed, he walked over to me. I was stuck in place. "How you holding up?" My eyes met his, and he immediately knew. He pulled me into a hug, and it took every ounce of strength to not start crying.
I pull back from the hug and waddle over to the corner of the room before turning to face the door and sitting. I heard Dean sigh as I pulled up the hood on my sweatshirt. They all knew, and they all knew I wouldn't be the same for a while. Sure, El… he and I had only been together for two months, but… he was the first guy since college I could trust. And… I really did love him.
There was a brief knocking on the door before Hunter walked in. I shrunk more into the corner, knowing I would have to answer questions.
"Dean, just the member I needed. You have a new feud starting. Roman and Seth are tag team champs, we want you to hold title as well."
"Alright, who you got me against Hunter?" The only other two title holders not currently in a feud were El… him and Daniel.
"Well, we polled a while back to see what title they would like for you to hold. Turns out, your intercontinental champion run was more iconic than we thought. That being said, you'll be feuding Elias." The groan that escaped my lips was a little louder than it should have been. Dean slowly shut his eyes as Hunter turns to me. "Jesus, are you okay? Should you even be here?"
I groan again as I think about standing up before deciding to stay on the floor. "I'm not sick, I'm just... mentally hurt." I look to Hunter as I sniffle. "If my mentality is screwed, I won't be good in the ring. Fans will call me out on it." Hunter nods. "I'll be alright eventually."
Hunter nods again before bidding a farewell to Dean and I. Dean, who is now staring at me, asks the question I was hoping he wouldn't. "Is this going to be okay with you?"
I look up at Dean, opening my mouth only to quickly shut it. Instead I just nod. I'm not going to let him give up a chance just because my heart is broken. He deserves this.
Roman and Seth quickly appear back again, looking a little confused. Roman sits down as Seth makes his way to me. He offers a hand to help me up. "Was that Hunter who just left?" I nodded. "What did he want?"
I look past Seth to Dean who has taken a seat on the other end of the couch. He looks up at us, and answers the question. "Talk about giving me a title run. I'll be feuding with Elias."
Roman's head snaps up as Seth looks back at me. "It's a good thing. A good opportunity, besides it'll be nice to see all three of you hold gold."
It was the most I had spoken since Elias crashed my world, and over half the words were cracked but they understood. I just stare at Seth's hand before closing my eyes and leaning my head against the door, my messy hair falling in front of my face a little.
There was another knock on the door before the door just swings open. "Why are you asking to feud me? Is it to get revenge for her?" I curl up as tightly as I possibly can, wanting to be invisible.
"What are you talking about? Hunter came-"
"That's bullshit. You're just mad because we-"
"Stop." The word escaped my own mouth in almost a whisper but it was loud enough for everyone to hear. The room was now filled with silence. I slowly stand up on my own, moving my hair out of my face and taking my hood off. "That's not true. He is mad, yes. They are all, yes. But, Hunter came to him." I hated my voice in that moment. It did nothing but crack the entire time.
All eyes were on me, except for his. He wouldn't even look in my direction. No, he only looked in my direction when I felt my feet carry me towards him.
"What are-"
"Hallway." I said nothing else but I left the room and slowly he followed me, shutting the door behind him. He's barely looking at me. "Come back." He closed his eyes and I felt the sobs getting ready to wrack my body. "Please. Come back. We can talk about this- whatever this is. Please." His eyes are closed still. I don't know what I'm doing, it's like something has possessed me. I feel my feet bringing me closer to him, before I put a hand on his chest that is covered with a thin shirt. "Don't leave me."
His eyes open and for the first time in ages, I can't get a read on him. "I already left." He takes a few steps back before walking around me.
I slowly feel myself fall to my knees, as the sobs begin wracking my body. Seth opens the door and helps me up, walking me back into the room. I fall onto the couch, and scream. The door opens again and I stop screaming as my body begins sobbing and coughing. I crane my neck and see Mandy putting her phone on the table.
"I'm sorry sissy," she whispered. I stand up and walk over to her and she opens her arms. I walk into the warm embrace of my sister, glad to have one member of my blood family around; just one member that I trust.
Elias' Point Of View
It's the end of RAW, and The Shield are laying waste to some group from NXT. I roll my eyes and shake my head as I watch them on a monitor.
"Ice cream makes everything better, lass."
I look at the Irishmen trying to see who he was talking to. Sheamus being so tall though, was blocking them.
"Mint chip? Or peanut butter," Sheamus asks his mystery companion.
"Peanut butter," I hear Jasmine's voice whisper, causing me to tense up. She's talking to him again?
"I'll get it," Sheamus says as he starts to walk to the fridge we have in catering.
I see her hand dart out to grab his arm. She probably wants a chocolate drizzle.
"Can you put chocolate syrup on it too?" I snort as I look away from them. "And sprinkles?"
I frown to myself. She doesn't like sprinkles.
"Anything ya want lass."
"Make it two, Sheamus."
My head jerks back in their direction at the sound of that demanding voice, knowing that it belongs to the woman I blame for breaking Jasmine's heart. Jasmine leans her head on the traitorous bitch's shoulder and they have a hushed conversation.
I groan and shake my head. That fucking bitch…
"Do you blame her or do you blame yourself?"
I glare at Finn as he stands by me and looks up at the monitor. "Both."
"Then tell her."
"I can't, and you know that Balor."
"Jasmine will for-"
"She would be destroyed. The two people she's been trusting of the most in the past month… fucking before her and I got together. Fucking while she was in the hospital." I shake my head and look at her table to make sure she didn't hear.
"She's forgiving. She'll be hurt but you're killing her right now." He walks away and I roll my eyes before I make my way to the back.
I get into my dressing room and groan. I hated this. If only… I sigh as I check my phone, the damned phone that started this.
I'd hate for her to know… that when she was in the hospital for her neck and head, you were fucking me every night.
Just before her and you got together.
I heard that part of your conversation with Finn
It'd break her fucking heart
Oh wait…
You already did.
Now meet me in my room tonight.
I was supposed to room with her
But she's going home.
She has a match tomorrow night, and then they're writing her out on storyline injury.
Only she knows how long she'll be out.
Sheamus and I are done.
I lock my phone and groan as I throw the damned thing on my dressing room couch.
Buzz buzz
End Of Book One
A/N: Not gonna lie, I wrote this ages ago. I wrote it several days. I started it and whenever I was in a certain headspace, I would add on to it. This is indeed the end of this book. There might be a second one. I haven't fully decided yet. It's more so up to you guys on if there'll be a second book.
The texter will be revealed some point in book two. That's all I'm going to say about it right now, but I'm typing up chapter one(or a prologue, haven't decided) as we speak.
Okay, so reminder about the questions! You can ask me questions, and you'll be able to ask certain characters questions as well. You can comment them or inbox them, or even tweet me ( KathrynMB_ )
Characters you can ask questions to: Jasmine, Mandy, Seth, Roman, Dean, Elias, Finn, Sheamus, Mystery Texter
I'll give you guys a week to get questions out.
Until then, ciao. Much love, stay safe, and thank you for helping me get to this point.