Hey guys welcome back! My phone was being weird, and the original document of this got deleted, SOOOOOOO...

Dick: shame, too. I believe you threatened to murder me.

Tim: oh, yeah. She did. What did you call her?

Jason: Jelly-legs.

Tim: within reason, dear brother, she tried to murder you.

Dick: shut up...

I line Break

Alfred jumped slightly upon entering the kitchen. Dick was sitting at the table, surrounded on all sides by a bunch of important-looking papers. Alfred would have thought Bruce would be the first one up... and certainly not at this hour. He was enough to get out of bed at 10 in the morning.

"Good morning, master Dick," Alfred greeted, getting a cup from the cupboard.

"Mornin Alfred," Dick answered, not looking up. Alfred set a kettle on the stove and turned it on.

"Might I ask what you're doing up so early, sir?"

"Jason's little stunt yesterday gave me a whole stack of papers to fill out," Dick said. He yawned a little. "Hey, Alfred, what time is it?"

"2 in the morning, sir."

Dick looked up at him with a "confused puppy" look on his face.

"Why are you up so early?"

The kettle started whistling, so Alfred grabbed it and poured the water into the cup he grabbed earlier. He then removed a hot chocolate package from the dresser and poured it into the boiling water, gave it a stir, and set it down in front of Dick.

"Sir, I'm always awake this early in the morning."

Dick frowned and took a sip of the hot chocolate.

"And you complain about us."

"Well, sir, it is my job to complain about your well-being," Alfred told him. Dick smiled warmly at him.

"Doesn't mean we can't start harassing you about yours."

Alfred chuckled and rubbed the top of Dick's head affectionately. Dick was too much like a puppy... it was hard to resist. Dick sighed and Alfred withdrew his hand.

"Do you think these papers can wait until later? I don't wanna do them," he asked. Alfred chuckled.

"When are they due?"

Dick thought for a moment, checked the papers, looked at the file they arrived in, and shrugged.

"It doesn't specify... so, is that a 'good to bed, Mr. Grayson, or Jason won't be the only one not getting any cookies'?"

Alfred laughed at the impression. It was on point... except for a couple of things.

"No, this is a 'go to bed, Master Dick, or I'll grab one of Master Bruce's tranquilizer guns'."

Dick gasped dramatically and stood up, rearranging the papers in the folder and giving Alfred a hug.

"Goodnight, Alfred!"

"Sir, might I remind you that it's morning?"

"Right... good morning, Alfred!"

Dick bolted back up the stairs with the silence and grace that only he could muster. Alfred sighed to himself. When did his life get so weird, and yet so fun?

5 HOURS LATER

Dick walked back down the stairs, yawning. He saw Damian, Tim, and Jason speaking in hushed tones by the couch. The girls were sitting off to the side, whispering.

"Um, ok."

Everyone jumped when he spoke. Alfred could be heard working in the kitchen.

"Do you guys want the next story?" Dick asked. He knew that there was no chance they would tell him what the whispering was. No problem, though. When it comes to cookies, Jason sold easily. Good thing their enemies didn't know that. He'd sell them out in a heartbeat for Alfred's cookies, but nobody can bake like Alfred, so to get that, they would have to capture Alfred, meaning they would need to already have the information that they would kidnap him for.

In other words, trying to make Jason talk by using cookies was more of a waste of time than a worrying plan.

"Alright, let's finally tell The North Wind and the Sun."

Once upon a time, the South Wind and the Moon were out on a stroll. They ran into the North Wind, Batman, and the Sun, Superman.

Jason snickered.

"What?" Dick asked him.

"That's a bit ironic," Jason answered. "It's like 'Batman v Superman' or something. Lemme guess, you're the South Wind and Jon is the moon?"

"Close, but not quite," Dick said, catching onto Jason's train of thought. "Conner is the moon."

Tim frowned.

"Wouldn't it make more sense if Damian was the South Wind and Jon was the Moon?" he asked. Dick shook his head.

"They have the same kind of rivalry that Bats and Supes have. Conner and I can stand in the same room and have a normal conversation."

"Define a normal conversation?" Damian asked. Jason and Tim snickered while Dick explained.

"A normal conversation is a conversation that does not involve swords, guns, knives, batarangs, laser eyes, wings, mystical rings that can bring people back from the dead, spray-painting the batmobile pink-"

He was cut off by the large fit of laughter from his brothers. He waited for their laughter to die into giggles before finishing.

"And how much melatonin someone should slip into a speedster's food for them to fall asleep. You'd be surprised how long it takes. We went through, like, ten 8-millimeter bottles or something."

"It was Wally, wasn't it?" Tim asked sarcastically.

"Nope," Dick said. "Bart."

Tim fell on the floor in laughter. Once he had finally calmed down, Dick continued with the story.

Batman and Superman had been arguing nonstop for the past week! It was either who's cooler or who's hotter. No one knows!

"Ok, Bruce is cool- he's awesome, even," Tim interrupted. "But I wouldn't exactly call Clark 'hot.'"

"Well, he's the Sun, so deal with it," Dick told him.

Me and Conner had finally had enough. We told them to find a way to prove who was better: the Sun, or the North Wind?

A man was walking by with a heavy coat. It wasn't a particularly cold day, but it wasn't exactly warm, either. Conner got an idea.

"Whoever can take the coat off that guy first is the best," he said. Batman and Superman accepted the challenge immediately.

"Well, that's not fair," Damian pointed out.

"What isn't fair?" Dick asked.

"The sun could easily win that," Damian said. "All he has to do is warm up first."

"The sun has to warm up?" Jason asked. Damian looked at him. He was about to say something before face-palming.

"Todd, I will murder you one day."

"Can't wait, little demon."

Dick cleared his throat. Jason and Damian returned their attention to him.

(Yes, this is a bit of an unfair battle, but I have to say something really quick: the ending of the story may end up surprising you. I'm going to tell two different versions of the ending. You will hear them both. Ready?)

ENDING 1:

Batman went first. He blew on the guy, but he only wrapped the coat around himself tighter. Bats blew harder and harder, but the coat did not come off. Finally, he had to give up.

Superman shone bright, getting closer to the man until he was sweating. He had to take off his jacket due to the sudden warmth, thus declaring Superman the winner.

Batman, in a fit of hurt pride, flew off and wasn't seen again. They say he's still angry about losing.

"The End."

Tim's hand was in the air immediately.

"Yes?"

"The man didn't question anything?" he asked. Dick shook his head.

"Nope."

ENDING 2:

Batman decided to go first. He whispered something in Dick's ear, who nodded with a smile on his face. The two started blowing on the man, spinning around and around until they were dizzy.

But their efforts were not in vain, for they had summoned a TORNADO around the guy. The jacket slipped off his shoulders, then off his arms. He grabbed onto the jacket for as long as he could, but he eventually had to let go. Once the jacket was out of his hands, the tornado stopped, and Batman was the winner.

The man glanced up at the sun quickly, seeing two clouds and the moon all chilling in the same patch of sky. He raised his fist and shouted some unpleasant things at them. I'll let you use your imagination for that one.

"The End," Dick said. His brothers clapped dramatically. Dick also took a dramatic bow. He glanced at the clock. It was 10 in the morning.

"Looks like we're finally back on schedule!" he exclaimed. He had to admit-ever since Dick went down with the headache of the ages, they've been off schedule. Wally and Roy showing up certainly didn't help at all. Now that they were gone, things were back to a normal-ish state.

"'K guys, our next story is East of the Sun and West of the Moon."

Line Break

Dick: I just realized that you used a Megamind reference.

Tim: screw that! Batman v Superman? SERIOUSLY?

Jason(dramatic): OH!!! WOE IS ME, WOE IS ME!!!!!

Shut up or I'm kicking you out of here.

Jason(whispering): how come she hasn't done it yet?

Tim(whispering): I don't know.