A/N: Updating two chapters at once. And, Liasonfan, this is for you. Thank you for the support :)

XXVI.

"I know—it's hard to accept—" the man started again rested against the RV, but Rick silenced him with a pointed finger, "Shut up." No, it couldn't be true. The world didn't work like that now.

It sounded too good to be true, and Rick could still remember all too well what had happened last time when they'd gone to something sounding too good to be true. No… he couldn't let another Terminus happen to them, another Governor coming for them.

Alexandria.

Rick looked at the man again. Their clothes were still clean, no stains or dirt or tears over them, their hair were cropped as if by an expert, there were no beards over their face, hell, even their nails were clean. Terminus, his mind screamed at him.

"Do you honestly expect us to believe that you're only out here looking for people to join you into your too perfect for words community?" Amanda asked, walking closer to the man, agitated and frustrated, "Seriously?"

"Yes," the man answered mildly.

Rick had to hand it to the man; he knew how to keep himself cool. There weren't many men who would keep his head cool in front of a seething Amanda Shepherd, himself including. She'd gotten somehow annoyed even before this thing with the strangers had happened, leaving the van with slapping the cupboards' lid furiously, and now she looked like she wanted to tear off some heads. Rick wondered for a second what had gotten her riled this time—they were just being friendly this morning after the last night…now this… Rick grimaced.

He turned his eyes to the man, and nailed him a hard state, "Why, what's your angle?"

"We have limited resources now—"

"And you're ready to share 'em with strangers?" Daryl asked, cutting him off where he rested against the RV's side, next to the man's companion, Eric. Beth was at his side too, crouched at Eric's side, checking out his ankle. The redheaded man was worse to wear, his face covered with sweat, flushed red with pain. They'd claimed that Eric had hurt his leg during the storm last night, trying to running from walkers that attacked the vehicles.

They'd been following them almost a week now, Aaron had explained, while Amanda had taken his gun as they stood hands at their necks. They'd gone to the stone ridge too so they could introduce themselves, but when they'd seen them looking for them, understanding they were exposed they'd decided to turn back to the vehicles, but got caught again.

Rick was still finding it too hard to believe, as the others, except Michonne. Michonne had an expression over at her face, suspicious, wary but still intrigued. She was intrigued, and Rick didn't know if he liked it.

"Yes, I know how it sounds now, but, one is much more limited than the others," Aaron answered, "Good and capable people. We need people, good and capable people to survive."

"Howddya know we're one of your those good people?" Daryl questioned further.

"It's my job," Aaron answered, checking out his friend with the corner of his eyes as Beth probed the foot, "I saw you on the road, we've been watching you—" Rick grimaced further. What annoyed him further wasn't only being followed but also failing it. They'd been so miserable, they hadn't realized it—realized that they'd been followed by these two…amateurs. "You help each other—even under the worst condition, you never turn on each other." His eyes swept to Amanda for a second, "And when—when that old woman killed herself we saw—"

Amanda flinched like someone had hit her—her mouth twitched, her back stiffening—"I didn't mean—I know—"

Rick didn't let him finish the sentence off. He turned back and walked to man, and punched him right at his face.

"Rick!" Michonne exclaimed, giving him a hard look, but he didn't fucking care.

He gestured at Daryl. "Take him inside, secure him. We're going back. We need to talk about it."

Giving him another look, Michonne went to the other man. "Move. Up," she ordered at him firmly, holding him at his upper arm and pushed him inside the caravan. Daryl stuffed the unconscious man inside too, and got to the driver seat as Beth slipped next to his side at the passenger seat.

Rick walked to the station wagon, nudging at Amanda too. "You're with me," he ordered.

Without a word, she followed him.

Inside the car, he started driving for the barn. They would drive until the last path then would make it on feet, hiding the vehicles. Either way, the vehicles wouldn't stay there for long. They were going to leave soon.

Amanda gave him a look, twisting her head, "It feels like a trap. Do you think it's?" she asked.

Rick shook his head, "Even if it wasn't, I'm not inclined to risk it," Rick said, "But they need to hear it."

Amanda gave him a look, "Why? They—we all will follow you at the end."

His eyes skipped from the road for a second, and he gave her a look. Sometimes she spoke so plain, so honest, but so heavy, each time he was taken aback. "They need to hear it, know the risks." He paused, "I'm their leader, Amanda. This isn't a democracy, but I'm not their tyrant, either."

Her eyes found his, too, and they shared a look, and she smiled at him, not one of those annoying ones with a derisive edge, but a small warm, kind one, "You're really one of a kind, Rick Grimes, has anyone ever told you that?"

He smiled back, returning to the road, "What do you think then?" he asked to her.

"Just what you say," she shrugged, "We don't know. We don't know anything now. Maybe they're what they say, maybe they aren't. There's only way to find out."

One way to find out… He wanted to kiss her so badly again, he had to grip the wheel tighter in his hands, "We could try Washington, too," he said, "We have food and vehicles now."

"We don't know about that, either," she shot back, "One or another, it's all the same," she repeated his words, "I just want to…be safe." Rick nodded solemnly, but couldn't bring himself to say her there was nowhere safe anymore, but he didn't need to, either. She already knew it. They were never safe now. Something broke in him, because he realized Amanda had probably never felt it, never felt safe enough to trust anyone, always wary, always depending on herself—always at the edge. Like Daryl, she was a hedgehog, driving her quills out to bite anyone who dared to approach, but at the same time craving for the contact—caring and feeling responsible, Rick had seen her with Whitney.

"Amanda," Rick asked, because he wanted to know—because they were trying to find out, "Why did you get mad at RV?"

His sudden question caught her by surprise as she snapped her face at him, looking startled. Then staring at him, the corner of her mouth turned down, and he realized he'd pissed her off again. "Do you honestly not know?" she asked back in challenge.

And yes, he did, but he just…wasn't…sure. Shaking her head at him, she turned to look at outside. Rick cleared his throat a little then. "Michonne and I…we're just…" he started, but she cut him off, turning her head back at him.

"Wait, lemme guess," she snickered with a derisive smile, "You're just friends, right?"

He grimaced, "I'm not sleeping with her," he snapped. I'm sleeping with you, idiot.

She looked at him directly in the eyes. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Why you're not sleeping with her?" she clarified, "Don't tell me there's nothing between you two," she challenged with heated look, "I'm not a fool."

This whole talk was going so wrong Rick wanted to kick himself for starting it. "I don't know," he said, "We've never tried to find out." He paused, giving her a sidelook again, "Never wanted."

It'd hoped that would calm her down, but she got pissed even more. "Oh, so, you're trying to find it out with me only because she's never wanted to do it with you?" she barked out a bitter laugh, "Too bad you've left to me, Sheriff."

"What? What are ya talking about? That wasn't what I meant."

"Hmm… are you then just waiting until she wants to find out? And I'm what? Your pastime activity?" she asked and let out another bitter laugh, "Let's fuck Amanda until something better come up?" she sheeted out through her teeth.

"Amanda, what the hell are you talking about?" he repeated, biting each word. He was getting angered too. Where all this was coming from? He knew she got her quills all drawn out, but this was ridiculous. And was that really what she thought of him…someone who would play with her like that because he couldn't get the woman he wanted? Who did she think he was?

He gave her a hard look as she stayed silent. "So that's what you think?" Rick asked, "That I'm killing time with you?" His eyes skipped between her and the road, "Amanda, do you honestly believe I couldn't be with Michonne if I wanted?" he asked.

The words were pompous, he knew, but he was also true. If he really wanted—if he really wanted, Rick knew he would have done whatever he was trying to do with Amanda with Michonne, too. He didn't know why he hadn't wanted to—Amanda was right at that, there was that thing between them too, they had survived too much together, shared already too much, but something always kept him off from taking the last step, and Michonne had never tested their boundaries, then Amanda came with kicking and screaming, testing all the boundaries, pushing all of his damn buttons, and Rick…well, damn, Rick had found himself…intrigued.

Sometimes Amanda even reminded him of Lori. Lori was never shy off pushing his boundaries, too, never shy off challenging him, and Rick suddenly realized how much Amanda really looked like Lori, the same tall slender figure, the same green eyes, the long auburn hair… that had always been his type, always—Good lord! Was that why he was this infuriated with her—because Amanda looked like his dead wife—or because she was simply his type and Michonne just wasn't? He didn't know, and he felt disturbed of the answers too.

But his question had finally calmed her down, because she was looking at him with a less murder intent, "I'm trying to find it out with you, okay?" he told her then, parking at the clearing Daryl had found close to the barn, and snapped because he was getting really irritated where the conversation had turned to, "So chill down, and stop being jealous."

Her face twisted with anger, and she shook her head, "Sometimes I really hate you, Rick."

He opened the door, and answered like he'd before, "You hate that I'm right."

"No," Amanda hissed at his back, "pretty sure I hate you, too!"

# # #

Rick came to the caravan and pulled Aaron back to his feet, his face solemn, his jaw set, and after she'd closed the car's door with a thud, Amanda was marching toward the barn mad, so Beth knew they had another fight on the road while coming back. Beth wanted to sigh, but she didn't want to make Rick any crosser. Beth just wanted to talk with this Aaron.

She wanted to understand. She always believed there was still good people in the world, even after the Grady, and now her belief was being tested. It was too much, too much even for her. Rick started dragging Aaron to the barn with a curt order, "Move," as Daryl did the same with Eric, with only a bit less aggression.

Beth also wanted to talk to Daryl, wanted to learn what he was feeling, she knew he wouldn't trust anything like this—but there was no time. Daryl gave her a look, pointing with his head to get ahead, and she knew it was because he wanted to see her ahead of him…wanted to be sure…even if they'd turned back to the barn. She obliged, she wanted him to see her, too, know that she was okay. He needed that, so Beth was willing to comprise. She moved ahead and fell back with Michonne who was taking the point, her face grim too.

"Do you think we should try our chances?" Beth asked to the older woman. She wondered what Michonne was thinking now. The older woman had told last night this wasn't the world, and Beth had objected.

Michonne gave her a look, measuring, then slowly said, "We stayed out too long. If there's a chance, we need to try it. We need to see it."

Beth's eyes wandered around, "I want to see it, too," she said in return, accepting, "I just can't believe there's no…catch."

Michonne shook her head a little, and only said, "I don't believe none of us would believe it."

"What you said last night," Beth then asked, "About this not being the world, did you mean it?"

Stopping, Michonne looked at her for a while then she started walking again. "I don't know, Beth. I just know at some point we have to let it go…start living again." She waved her arms, "This isn't a living."

And yes, it wasn't. Inside the barn, Rick had started retelling what had happened to the group, and Beth found Amanda at the backside, keeping her distance. "What happened again?" Beth asked.

Amanda grunted out, "Had another fight."

Beth sighed. "How do you manage to fight this much, Amanda?" she asked curiously, because it was getting weary, Rick must have felt it too, and Beth was getting worried.

Amanda gave her a look. "Frankly, I've got no idea. He just…" She paused, as if she was mulling something over her head, "Sleeping with him doesn't come to me good, I guess," she then said, "Makes me... lose my shit."

So they'd slept again. Beth thought they were taking it slow, but she'd also thought Rick would have taken it only as well as Daryl had. "I'm not sure if that's the reason, Amanda," Beth said knowingly, and watched a faint flush rose to Amanda's cheek as she ran her eyes away, and Rick was the only man who would bring such a reaction out of Amanda Shepherd. "So did you sleep again?" Beth asked.

She nodded, "Last night."

Beth smiled faintly. "I told Daryl last night I loved him."

Amanda turned to her, "Hmm… what did he say back?"

Beth sighed, "He said…fuck first."

Amanda shook her head, smiling tiredly. "Remind me again why we're still sleeping with these guys…"

Beth chuckled out softly at that. "Well, I don't know you, but I love mine quite a lot." Amanda huffed, "Do you…?" she then questioned openly, and wondered if Amanda would answer this time; it wasn't sleeping with Rick that made her lose her shit, not at all… "Do you love Rick, Amanda?"

Amanda's eyes moved toward Rick, and she looked at the man as if trying to decide, and she muttered, "I—can't seem to hate him." Then her face twisted, as if she remembered something, "Jerk," she hissed.

Beth sighed. "Do you think how life would be if we go there?" Beth then asked as Rick continued to explain Alexandria to the group, "If it's what it's," she said, "we then could be…normal."

Amanda pursed her lips, "I don't know if we could be ever normal again, Beth. Being normal is like innocence…once you lost it, you can never gain it back again."

Beth's eyes turned to Daryl, and she wondered how he really would take that place if it was really what they were claimed to be. She'd been thinking if it was a trap or something like Grady, she hadn't been thought of that, not truly. But Daryl… Daryl was used to things being ugly. She wondered how he would react in an environment like Alexandria. He hadn't even come inside the house when they'd camped before in their farm, but always kept his distance, away from the house. Would he…try to stay out again?

She didn't want him but Daryl had his own comfort zone, as well, and it'd taken her slashing her wrists to take him out of there. A tremor passed through as she realized Michonne was right, they'd stayed out too long. So she told Amanda the same, "Michonne says we stayed out too long," she said, "and I agree."

…And watched the older woman's face soured, her lips pursed, and she grunted. Then Beth knew. "Oh my god!" she breathed out silently, "Did you…did you fight with him about…Michonne?"

Amanda's face completely turned off, she twisted her head other side, refusing to answer. Beth shook her head. "You're jealous of her," Beth then slowly whispered out.

Amanda jumped down from their perch, not dignifying an answer, but her annoyed silence had said it all.

As Amanda went to stand against the wooden at the other corner, Rick had started handing Aaron's pictures to the group. The pictures had clear views of the town, the wall, the houses, the solar grid… everything. Aaron had come prepared. "The town built as an eco-friendly sustainability project," he went on, "so they have their own solar grid, cisterns and eco-based sewage filtration. And that means they got power and water."

They all looked at Aaron and Eric when Rick finished. "And we could just go there?" Maggie asked, frowning, "Just like that? They would take us in?"

Daryl grunted, turning aside from the small opening at the door. He was watching outside with Glenn, "He said there'd be auditions."

Aaron answered hurriedly at his tone, "The decision is Deanne's, our leader. She makes the final decision, but yes, I believe she will. This is her idea, she charged me with finding people."

Jumping from their perch too, Beth walked to him. "But if we go, we're free to leave at anytime we choose?" she asked. She really didn't want to walk into a trap like Grady with her feet then got caught like a fly in a spider web.

"Yes," Aaron said.

"And there won't be any debt on us, nothing to pay you back?" she shared a look with Amanda as the other woman looked away. Aaron shook his head again. "You won't force us to do…anything?" Beth questioned further.

Another head shake, "No... We all have jobs, but we don't force anyone to do anything they would feel uncomfortable with or anything they don't want to do," Aaron clarified, "Deanne says we need to start rebuilding the civilization, and we need to have good people for that."

At that Amanda snorted out, shaking her head. "You know…I've have heard before…" She said, walking toward the men too, "Rebuilding the civilization, you say?" She shook her head with disgust, "I've had my run with the leaders with big ambitions—" Her eyes momentarily shifted to Rick, "It never ends well."

Amanda then walked to the other corner and found Abraham. He passed her to bottle but Amanda shook her head, refusing the offer as Rick checked her with the corner of his eyes, a glower being thrown at, walking to Carol's side as the older woman fed Judith with the apple jelly they had found. Alexandria had already saved them—saved Judith. This was world—there was no going back from this, there would never be holidays, birthdays, and summer picnics anymore, this… barely existing wasn't really a living.

She walked to Daryl. Whatever they might do, she wanted him to be okay with it. "What do you think?"

"I ain't liking it," Daryl said without mincing the words, "I ain't like nothing that look like coming free… It means you just ain't know the price yet."

Beth sighed, and wandered her eyes around, "We need a roof above our heads, Daryl."

He gave her a look, "That's what you think?"

"That's what I know," she shot back like the last time, "This isn't a living, Daryl—" She paused. "I think the goodness is still possible in this world. When I look at Aaron and Eric, I feel like I'm seeing one of the good people who would do this against at all odds..."

"But—?" Daryl asked, sensing the invisible but in her words.

Beth shook her head, "But I'm known to be wrong." She let out a loaded sigh. She'd been the one writing thank you notes to Dawn, after all. "Michonne thinks we need to go and see it," Beth said then, "We've been out far too long."

Daryl nodded as Rick came back with Judith, and told them for the last, "We have vehicles and the supplies now. We can try our chances too. But if you all want to see it—we'll see it first." He paused again and told them what he'd been telling him since the church got overrun, "One way or another we will find a home."

# # #

He was planning something. Amanda was refusing to believe that Rick Grimes was only going there to see it. She could still remember his word with a perfect clarity. If I'm going there, I'm taking it.

Amanda understood now clearly he didn't want to be that man—like he'd told her before in the church. He didn't want to be a tyrant, but Amanda still knew if he was going there, he was also taking it.

So he must be planning something.

She didn't know what she was supposed to do. They weren't still on the good speaking terms, so she couldn't just go and asked him directly. Well, she could, but she didn't want to be the one who came back cowering. She didn't even know what made her so upset, confronting him like that. When she felt unsure of something, she usually was never confronting about it. So yeah, maybe, she was jealous, so what? He didn't have to such a dick about it—slapping it at her face like that. She knew she shouldn't let it bother her—she should just shoo it away, it was a fly…a bothersome fly bothering her… it was just like that, but that smile they had shared… she remembered the scene again, feeling hot and frustrated… It was her due… She had to be the one who got it, not Michonne or anyone else. She was the one who had gotten his bite, her.

So one slip, one little slip, and she had vomited out her insecurities all over him. How the talk had come to that, she had no idea. Perhaps sleeping with him really didn't come to her good…making her lose her shit... or… she really—well, she had really fallen in love. Either way, she was screwed.

So he wanted her—that part was quite obvious, but what worried her was the afterward. What would happen if someday he simply decided that if he didn't want her any longer—lust was good and nice, but it waned off, and the mistresses always got dumped off—then she would get dumped too, she guessed. It wouldn't be the end of the world. She wouldn't be the first girl in the history who got dumped by the man…ugh.

Good lord! This was stupid, all too stupid.

Amanda wasn't idiot, though. She'd noticed long before while she'd been trying to ready herself for physic evaluations that she had trust issues and fear of abandonment that sort of had crippled her emotional life, but it'd also created her comfort zone, so she hadn't been whining. She'd learned over time to cheat to pass over the tests ADP had forced them to go under mandatory, so no one had bothered her too, or hadn't cared enough even though she'd not passed, it wasn't like that ADP was the best caring police department in the world, a police officer who might have some...issues meant paper work, and if there had been one thing Amanda had learned since she'd been a little girl it was that people hated paper work. But what she was supposed to do now?

Go talk to him, Beth offered in her mind, Go talk to him. Yeah, good point. But how? She couldn't go and tell him she had fears that he was only fucking her until he got bored or got ready again for another relationship, and then he would move on, dumping her off for someone else, for something better.

Her face soured like she'd eaten something rotten, bile in her mouth. Hadn't she just told him that in the car? Rick wasn't an idiot—she'd been more on the accusing part, of course, but he would've surely read between the lines.

Maybe she should just go and make him jealous in return, payback was a bitch, and Amanda could get very bitchy when she wanted. She knew he didn't like her hanging out with Abraham, and she also knew it wasn't only because of the drinking. A girl noticed this kind of stuff, and she could test the waters a bit… a girl also gotta keep her skills sharp… She stopped the thoughts. That was losing shit, something she shouldn't do, something they wouldn't afford, either.

She had to be reasonable. They had too many problems—things were hard on the road but focused on the staying alive they'd managed not to bite their heads off. They were trying to survive here, and it never ended, it just never ended. She was sure this Alexandria was going to be another hell—because she just knew if something was sounding too good to be true, then it was false. Even if it wasn't, then it was even worse. The good were always worse. A few times the foster homes were good, and she'd used to feel herself secure for a little while, but then when it was gone, it was so much harder… losing the good was so worse than losing the bad… She remembered Rick…she remembered her fears, and shaking her head, she stood up. No plays, no pushing buttons. She had to be…normal. Talking to him, like people did. Looking around, she went to find him.

He was outside the barn, talking to Carl, his hand on his hip, he looked like instructing his son on something, then his hand moved to Carl's shoulder and he gave it a squeeze, smiling at the young boy—and something in chest tugged—another tug deep inside her throbbed, and she almost dropped on her knees and started crying to him—but for what, she didn't know. She wondered if that was a normal reaction, too, seeing a man, a man… you're…well, in love with. Because there was definitely something with him that turned her insides out, something that clawed at her insides—her needs before she'd met him had been always quite simple, but the damn man was really making her want…more. Family, love, babies, being his—completely and utterly—being his… It must be hormones, she decided then. It surely must be hormones. She was in her early thirties, and something with him was making her hormones go crazy at the last exit. She'd read about some shit like that, women getting…cravings after her thirties, the time rushing towards the menopause, so it was definitely that.

"Hey—" she called him softly, cowering… Hormones… it must be hormones… "Can we… uh…can we talk for a moment?" she asked.

Seeing her playing nice, he narrowed his eyes, and walked to her. He moved her further from the barn, from others where they could be alone. Then he looked at her, waiting for her to speak. "Um…" she said, fidgeting on her feet, but couldn't start.

"What's it, Amanda?" he asked tersely, "We're leaving in an hour. We need to prepare."

"What're you planning?" she asked then, she had never been the one rounding the words, "Don't tell me nothing, I know you do." Crossing his arms across his chest, he gave her a look. She pressed on, "We've already had this conversation, Rick."

He nodded stiffly, "Then the answer is pretty obvious."

"Are you—will you take it?"

He shook his head. "I'm still not that man. I'm going to see it. If they're what they claim to be, then it's fine. We'll get along. But if they're not…" He paused, and shook his head, giving her another look.

"You're taking it."

His eyes turned sterner. "I told y'all I'm gonna find you us a home," he said, "and I will."

Her insides swooned in a way that wasn't certainly appropriate for a grown up woman, and nodding she smiled at him, remembering it was exactly the reason she'd decided to trust him at the first place. She sat down at a tree root and patted the ground at her side. Taking her hint, he followed her too.

"Do you know why I decided to step down at the church and let you take the lead?" she asked then, but continued without waiting a reply, "You don't have big ambitions, Rick. The only thing you care about is your family. You don't want to save the world. You don't want to keep the order. You don't want to rebuild the civilization. You just want to keep your family safe." She smiled a bit shyly, running her eyes away a bit, but continued, "I've never had big ambitions, too. There's always one thing I've ever wanted—to be safe—to feel safe—" She shook her head, words falling out of her with a long sigh, "This world—this world is like a nightmare of my every childhood fears." She paused, bowing her head, a bit taken aback that she had let out that much, and still continued, "Nowhere is safe. You're in one home today, and in another tomorrow. It just never ends."

"Hey—" he called at her, and touching at her chin, he lifted her head up. "We still have each other. You're my family, too."

She stared at him and questioned, "Am I?" she asked directly, "Today at the caravan, when we found the food, I felt happy we found them for Judith. I looked for you—wanted to share the moment with you, wanted to smile at you but when I looked for you were already smiling at Michonne. Didn't like it, Rick, not a bit." She paused, "So was I jealous? Yeah, I was." Her eyes turned shaper as she fixed at him a look, "I'm not the sharing type."

"Hmm—" he stared at her back, "Never thought you would be."

"Good," she shot back, "As long as we're clear. 'cause I really want to try this out with you, too" she paused, "I didn't mean those, either," she continued vaguely, but she knew he understood, "I know you're not that kind of man. It's just sometimes even if you know it, it's hard to…feel it, you know what I mean?" It was usually like that, fear blocked the reason, and you just couldn't feel it, even if you knew it… "Then I lose my shit."

Still staring at her, his eyes searching, Rick slowly nodded, "I know," he said, and she feared he was going to ask more, demanded to know more, but he only continued, "It's okay. I lose it sometimes, too."

She gave him a small smile, feeling relived. "I know." She turned the smile into a rogue one, putting a wicked edge at it, because talking was getting so heavy, and she hated that, too, "Why do you think I was enjoying pushing your buttons that much?" she laughed, leaning on him, "I knew when you lost it, it was gonna be something spectacular…" His eyes kept staring at her, intense and darkened, and she pushed further, "you were making me so wet with all those grunts and bites—"

She yelped as he jumped on her and nipped at her neck, her hands grabbing her shoulders. "Play nice."

She laughed, trying to pull herself away from him. "But I am…I'm playing nice, Rick. I didn't go and try to make you jealous back. Didn't test the waters… I know you don't like me seeing with Abraham, too. I could—you know—try… But I played nice, came to talk to you instead."

His eyes lifted up at hers from her neck. "Why you didn't?"

"You know me…" she said then with a smile, "I can very reasonable when I wanted."

At that, Rick only snorted.

# # #

"You ready?" Beth asked to Daryl, extending her hand before they stepped into the caravan for Alexandria.

Over his shoulders, Daryl looked at the horseshit smelling barn, the place he'd ever heard a woman telling him she loved him, loved whole…this and that, whole package. The place he'd ever told it back, too, said a woman he loved her back, this and that, whole.

Turning back to her, Daryl grabbed Beth's hand.

He knew it was going to be damn awful, that Alexandria, he knew there was a catch, and worse he knew even if there wasn't a catch, he was going to stand out like a sore thumb in those white pristine houses. He didn't belong there—he would never belong in a place like that, but that was where his family was going—there was where Beth wanted to go—so hell, once again that was the end of the story.

He could go with Beth even to the hell.

"C'mon, let's go," he said, tugging at her hand, "Smells like horseshit anyways."

Beth chuckled, smiled, and gave him a little peck on the lips, "I'm always gonna remember this place," she whispered before she stepped in the van.

So a'm, Beth, he thought, following her in. Always.

# # #

As Glenn and Abraham worked on the RV's battery, Rick had come to her side. "There's only a few miles left to the town," he said.

Amanda nodded, "Yeah," and looked at him, "Having jitters?" she asked.

He gave her a pointed look. "Do you have Aaron's gun still with you?"

Understanding lit in her eyes, "Yeah."

He gestured with his head, "Good. Let's go." Turning aside, he looked at Carl, "We're coming shortly."

Carl nodded. They started walking. "The leaders who have big ambitions…" Rick said as they went through the woods, "They worry me too, Amanda," Rick said.

"Yeah," she said, "You can never know how they would end up like—" She paused, jumping through a falling long, "At first I thought Dawn didn't have the bite, you know. It was all talk, talk, talk with her… Then I understood… it was like…talk, talk, talk…then bam!" She let out a sigh, "She shoots you in the head or throws you off an elevator shaft. She was unpredictable. Her faith made it even worse."

For a second, Rick's feet faltered and he gave her a fleeting look. "You were doing with it with her, too, right? You were testing her too?"

She smiled bitterly, "I've been doing it for a long time, Rick—" she said, "as long as I know myself." She paused, threading through tree roots, "Foster homes aren't kinder gardens. You have to be prepared."

His face turned stiff, "How many were you rotated?" he asked.

She shrugged, "Stopped counting after a dozen." She gave out a sigh then, "I was lucky, I guess. I wasn't abused—raped-or got tortured or anything. Got beaten a couple of times, but pretty sure it was better than what Daryl had to survive." She again shook her head, "It was just…unstable, lonely. And the fear was always there…uncertainty…" She stopped again, seeing a half destroyed cabin, "It was always there…" she repeated in a whisper, remembering those times….wondering each time she set a foot into a new house, if her luck would turn this time—Even when someone told her she was beautiful, she used to get so scared.

She turned and looked at Rick, shrugging with a smile. "Well, look at me, talking about my childhood. I'm getting old." She took the gun out and handed it to him, "What are we going to do with this?"

Looking at her, Rick took the gun then pulled her in his embrace, his arms circling her tightly. He didn't say anything, but Amanda still understood what he was saying… and she almost cried, then he titled his head down and kissed the crown of her head.

She forced out a laugh through a lump in her throat, trying to pull back, "I've still got brains in my head…"

He sniffed with a laugh and looked at her. "Don't test anyone, okay? Let me deal with it. I will deal with it." Letting her go, he crouched down and found an old blender's container in the pillage to hide the gun it, "You don't have to do this now."

They shared a look as he hid the container, and stood up. "What I'm going to do then?" she asked, not refusing the idea…but being curious, almost intrigued.

Rick shrugged, "Whatever you want."

# # #

There it stood, Alexandria—the walls and everything. Rick stayed in the car for a second, waiting—he was going to see it—He wanted to. He just wanted to have his people, his family safe, secured… He didn't have big ambitions. Only that. Be them safe—then perhaps they would get to live again.

Then he heard it—slowly coming from the other side of the wall—at first he couldn't even recognize the sound—it was so faint—barely audible and it'd been so long since the last time he'd heard it…

Children playing…

Next to him, on the passenger seat, Amanda, twisting aside, smiled at him, and Rick wondered if that was how it was supposed to… his life… from now on, if that was how it was supposed to be, Carl and Judith seated on the backseat, and Amanda seated on the passenger seat next to him.

She placed her hand on his. "Ready?" she asked.

He nodded, remembering the gun they had hid in the woods, the realization clear and open in his mind. He was here… and there was no going back.

He opened the door and stepped down, went to back side to take Judith…his little baby girl… children voices in his ears.

He was ready.

# # #

One thing was sure as fuck, it didn't smell like horseshit.

All eyes at the door were looking at them, waiting them to get inside as they stood still at the gates. Aaron looked at them, "It's going to be okay," the good looking guy said, "Please, come on in."

Still no one took a step in, they were all waiting warily. Daryl stood at the edge, Beth at his side, well, they were here at least.

So…they should better get over it.

A jitter came from the bins at his other side at the road, and Daryl twisted aside, raising his crossbow, and killed a possum that had come out…

He bent to take the dead animal from the ground, Beth shaking her head with a sigh next to him, and he looked at the men at the other side. "We brought dinner."

Rick gave him a look, a tilt of head, and started walking in.

Without a word, they all started following him.