I'm in a consult with a new patient. He reminds me of Edward. Well, not a lot, but there are definite similarities, chiseled features, same height and build; yet so far from the person I'm comparing him to. I smile wryly to myself, similarities aside, the total package just doesn't add up to the near perfection that is Edward Masen. Edward is more than just physically beautiful. He has such a strong presence, his confidence, sometimes bordering on domination, is softened by his warm heart and personality. I shake myself from my mental wandering. You're a professional for God's sake, how can this man permeate every thought you have?
This patient is having marital problems and was referred to me by a mutual friend that he prefers to keep anonymous.
He's Ryan Jeffries, a young lawyer. His wife, Amanda, it seems, is not overly thrilled at the thought of therapy. So much so, that she decided not to show up for their first scheduled session. He was expecting her to meet him in our reception area. Poor man, he was so embarrassed to admit that she had not shown.
According to Mr. Jeffries, he caught his wife being unfaithful. They're newlywed and in their early twenties. I've rarely seen a man this shattered. Generally, anger and humiliation are the dominant emotions when I first meet a person in this situation. But this man seems like he's having difficulty in burying the hurt. He will not be able to properly deal with his feelings until he and his wife are truly open and honest with each other.
"Mr. Jeffries, I understand why you've decided to seek help, and I would be happy to help in any way that I can. I'm pleased that you're here, but to really help you and to save your relationship, which I understand is what you want, it is vital that I meet with you and your wife as a couple. It takes two people to make a relationship work. Do you think she could be persuaded to attend future sessions?"
He runs his hand through his hair a few times, and I'm unintentionally, reminded again of Edward.
"My wife…she's a little embarrassed about coming to therapy. In fact, she's embarrassed about the whole ordeal that's put us here. She's not quite ready to talk openly about her infidelity."
"It's an understandable response. Do you think that perhaps you could talk to her, now that you've met me, and make her feel more comfortable about coming? I would like to schedule you for another joint appointment, but before I do, I suggest you speak to your wife about coming to see me privately for her first session. Maybe she'll feel more comfortable if she meets me alone at first. And then, at the next session, I could try to accommodate you both by perhaps starting the session with her on her own and then bringing you in. We'll play it by ear, Mr. Jeffries. My aim is to help both of you, I'll do whatever you need. I'll schedule a tentative appointment for your wife for next week. She'll hopefully keep it, and then we can move ahead from there." I pull out my Blackberry and slot in the appointment and forward the details to Leah.
"I'll make sure she attends, Doctor Swan. She has to." He says determinedly, as he stands.
"I hope to see you again, Mr. Jeffries, you and your wife. Please stop and see my receptionist on your way out, and she'll provide you with an appointment card.
My office phone rings.
"Your mother is on the line for you, Doctor Swan."
"Thank you, Leah. Put her through."
While I wait, I try to collect my thoughts. I haven't spoken with my parents since I left Miami a month ago, and I've yet to them about what happened with Jake. They're still under the impression that we're engaged.
"Hi, Mom!"
"Don't you Hi Mom me, Isabella Marie Swan. Why haven't you called? You've been avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you, Mom. I've just been really busy with work." I wince at the lie.
"Sweet Pea, I know work is important, but you're engaged! You and I should be planning your wedding. What do you say to your father and I coming to visit you soon, then we can get started?"
I hate lying to my mother, and I'm sure she can tell every time I try.
Silence permeates the line, I'm thinking of something to say, and she's waiting for me to say it.
"Mom, I would love for you and Dad to come and visit, but there isn't going to be a wedding." I finally say.
"Oh, no. What happened?" She exclaims, dismayed and worried, I can tell. I don't want to get into explicit detail over the phone, especially not at work.
"It's complicated, Mom, but I promise that I'll talk to you about it later, when I get home."
"Are you alright, Sweet Pea? You sound…"
"I'm fine, Mom. Give Dad a hug and kiss for me, and I'll call you later."
"I look forward to your call, sweetheart. I love you."
"Love you too…bye."
I know that I'll have to keep my promise. Sugarcoating the situation would probably be best. If I tell her the truth, she'll tell my father, and then there'll be hell to pay. I'm angry at Jake, but I don't want to see him harmed.
I felt that way the other night. I was so sure that he and Edward were going to tear one another apart. Thankfully, I was able to get the situation under control before that could happen. Edward surprised me when he backed off when I asked him to, but I know it won't be the last I hear about it from Jake. He's figured out that something's going on between Edward and me, and he's not happy.
Other than that, our night went well; that is, until I practically threw myself at him, and he rejected me for a second time.
I had a hard time accepting his 'It's not you, it's me' excuse, given his penchant for sex, in fact, by his admission he loves it. So, for him to walk away from it twice, made me believe that he didn't really want me.
As a patient, his sexual advances were almost relentless. Now, every time there's an opportunity for intimacy, he pulls back. His shift in behavior leaves me feeling unsettled, uncertain, something I'm not used to.
My cellphone rings, and I can't contain my silly grin when I see that it's him.
"Hello." I answer in a lilting voice.
"Wow, someone's in a good mood. Please tell me it has everything to do with me?"
"Mostly."
"Mmmm. I'll accept that. How's your day?"
"It's been good, pretty slow, actually. I don't have that many patients scheduled. How's yours?"
"Just the opposite. I'm probably going to be in surgery most of the day and well into the night." He sounds exhausted, and he lets out a yawn. "I'm sorry."
"That's okay. You sound burned out already, and it's only midmorning."
"I know. I got paged to come in late last night. One of my patient's took a turn for the worse, and I had to schedule an emergency quad-bypass. I thought I'd be able to see you today, possibly take you to lunch, but I don't see it happening. Things are still pretty hectic around here."
"It's fine." I try to hide my disappointment. I haven't seen him in a couple of days, and to my surprise, I find that I miss him.
"I miss you."
He renders me speechless as he confesses to my feeling exactly.
"May…maybe you can come by later, after you're done with work?"
"Hold on a second…thanks, Jess." I wait while he talks to someone. "Hello?"
"Hi, I'm still here."
"Listen, I have to go, but I'll try and see you tonight, if not, I'll call you a little later."
"Okay…bye."
"Oh hey, I'm taking my nephew to the park tomorrow. I know it's not romantic or anything, but I'd love it if you'd come along."
"I wouldn't want to intrude."
"You wouldn't be. We can discuss it later; I have to go. Bye, Bella."
I mentally kick myself for not telling him. The truth is, I miss him too.
The day passes quickly, and I decide to work late to catch up on some paperwork, as I don't have anything else to do. When Leah hears of my plans, she decides that she'd remain behind as well. Although she says that she has work to do, I suspect that she's only staying behind to keep me company.
I order in dinner for us both to show her my appreciation.
"Thank you for dinner, Doctor Swan."
"You're welcome, Leah, and thank you for staying late. I'm sure you have better things to do."
"Are you kidding me? My roommate is out with her boyfriend, and I'm new in town, so I don't have many friends. It's just me and my Jack Russell terrier, Milo."
"I'm sure he keeps you on your toes." I chuckle.
"He does, and he's great company, but I can't wait to delve into some new social activity. It gets pretty boring going straight home to my pet every night, no matter how energetic and entertaining he is."
Leah's young, extremely pretty and a vibrant woman. She seems fun to be around. I wouldn't generally make friend with my employees, as I like to keep my professional and personal life separate, but she is a real sincere person, and I like her.
"We should hang out sometime. I don't have a wide circle of friends either, but Rosalie and I go out after work often, and she insists that I join her in these God-awful kickboxing classes."
"Oh, my goodness, I love kickboxing! I used to attend class often back home. I could never find anyone to go with me though."
"Then your search is over. We'll all go together," I insist.
"Thank you so much, Doctor Sw…"
"Please…call me, Bella," I cut her off. She smiles exuberantly.
We enjoy easygoing conversation over dinner. She seems ecstatic and eager to spend time with Rosalie and me. We then spend a couple of hours working and then get ready to leave for the night.
It's nine o'clock, and I still haven't heard from Edward. I think it's safe to assume that I won't be seeing him tonight.
"Everything is in order and filed, Doc…Bella." Leah hurriedly corrects herself at my raised eyebrow. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, I think we're pretty good. Besides, it's getting kind of late. You should get going. Thanks a lot, Leah."
"Any time." She quickly gathers her things.
I decide to send Edward a text before I pack up and leave as well.
I wish him a good night and let him know that I'd be working late. I finally relent and end the text by saying what I really feel, "I miss you," I type, then stare at it for long moments, before I pluck up the courage to send it.
I know I shouldn't feel so afraid to admit my feelings, especially if they're genuine, but I can't help keeping my guard up. I've always been cautious about guarding my heart, and after the fiasco of my last relationship I'm even more reticent. With Edward, and his reputation and deadly charms, I feel like I need to be extra cautious.
Leah pokes her head in and whispers.
"There's someone here to see you. Should I tell them you've gone for the day?"
Thinking that it must be Edward, I don't bother to question the person's identity.
"No, no. That's fine. Give me a few minutes then send him in."
I quickly check my appearance and loosen and fluff out my hair. I remove my glasses and apply lip gloss.
Three short taps sound and the door slowly opens.
"I'd given up hope of seeing you tonight."
"Well, I'm glad I could surprise you."
A female's sarcastic voice speaks, and I whirl around in surprise at the person standing in my doorway.
"What are you doing here, Lauren?" I can't hide my annoyance and disdain, the memory of her abhorrent deception still to fresh for niceties.
"Lauren? Do you always refer to patients by their first name?" Se frowns. "Anyhow, I came to see you. I have a few questions that only you can answer, Doctor Swan. Well, not only you, but I'm sure my soon to be ex-husband will refuse to answer any questions I might have."
"Okay, firstly, you severed our doctor-patient rapport some time ago, Lauren, so I don't feel I need to continue extreme measures of propriety with you. Secondly, what questions could you possibly have for me?"
It's apparent that I've already abandoned all well manners just at the mere sight of this woman. I can't help it, knowing what I know now.
"Well, it's more like question, not questions. I only have one question for you, Doctor."
She saunters in and takes a seat. I frown at the audacity of her, as if I owe her something.
"Are you fucking my husband?"
My cell phone rings, but I ignore it. I gape at her.
"Cat got your tongue, Doctor Swan?"
I shake my head in disgust.
"I'll take that as a yes," she smirks.
"You can take it any way you wish, Lauren. Have you come all this way, to inconvenience me, just to ask inane questions?"
"You're an attractive, smart woman, Doctor Swan." She gets up and dramatically paces around my office, fixing me with a malevolent stare. "One would think you could find someone better than a lying, cheating, married man to screw around with."
I breathe out slowly to calm myself and to try and contain the raging torrent of anger and disgust that burns like bile in my throat.
"You gamble, Doctor?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" I snap.
"Just wondering. Your poker face is impressive, but I can tell by your eyes that you're dying to lash out."
"Okay, I'll bite. You obviously have some agenda, so why don't you say what you came her to say, and then leave."
"Wow! Where's all your animosity coming from, Doctor. What happened to everything will be okay, Lauren? We haven't had enough time,' and all that other bullshit?"
"I've done nothing but try to help while you were my patient."
"Help?" she scoffs and turns her back on me.
"Would you like to hear a story, Doctor?"
"Not particularly. I don't have the time for stories or games, Lauren. I would prefer it if you just say what you have to say."
"Alright." She turns to lock eyes with me. "You're no better than me or Irina. He will cheat on you. You can bank on it."
"Is that all?" I walk across the room, unaffected, and start tidying my desk.
"I bet you think you're different. I bet you think you can change him, bring out the good in him. I'm sure it's easy for a woman such as you to get completely blindsided by a man like him; hell we all did. He's gorgeous, successful, sexy as hell and beyond excellent in bed."
I flush at her words, my anger reaches new bounds, but I gather all my professional training and personal resolve and just keep gathering the things I need to take home with me.
"What are you twenty-five, twenty-six? I know that you can't be much older than that."
"What's your point, Lauren?" I slam a drawer and glare at her.
"My point is, that you are exactly the kind of woman Edward preys on, young, pretty, easy to victimize."
"Victimize! Now there's an interesting choice of word," I point at her. She frowns at my sudden outburst. "Let's get one thing straight, I am nothing like the women Edward has come in contact with, and regardless of my age I'm not naïve. And I most certainly could never be compared to the likes of you."
She narrows her eyes at me.
"And if you're referring to yourself as a victim of some sort, well then that says a lot about you."
"Stay away from my husband!" She stalks over and slams a fist on my desk.
"Or what? What are you going to do, Lauren?"
"You don't want to screw around with me, Doctor Swan. I can make your life a living hell. I'm sure the Medical Board would be interested to discover details of bedside manner. One call and you could lose your license, just like that!" She snaps her fingers for dramatic effect.
That's it, I won't be bullied by her, or anyone.
"You could very well make my life difficult by spouting garbage like that, but I don't think you'd want to risk going to jail."
"Jail? Why the hell would I be going to jail?"
"Get out of my office, now, Lauren or I'll take pleasure in enlightening you."
"Enlighten me? She scoffs. "You can't do a damned thing to me. You're the one who's likely to face a trial. God only knows how many other women's husbands you've slept with, while claiming to help them."
"You are seriously disturbed. I feel sorry for you."
"We'll see who's sorry, bitch," she snaps.
Her threat hangs ominously in the air. I can't have her leave with the intention of going to the Board.
"You voice your ridiculous accusations to anyone, and I'll go to the police and tell them what you've done, Lauren. I promise you."
She glowers at me menacingly.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about what you did to Edward. I'll tell all of it."
"Enough!" Edward roars, and we both flinch, startled by his presence. He stands in the doorway, almost incandescent with fury.
Lauren immediately goes on the attack. "What did you tell her?"
"If I were you, I would leave. Now." His voice is now eerily calm.
Like me, she can see just how dangerously angry he is right now and storms out without another word.
He watches her retreat, probably to make sure she actually gets into the elevator, then slams the door so hard, that I reflexively wince.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I beg your pardon?" I ask in surprise.
"What exactly are you going to tell, and who exactly are you going to tell it to, Bella?"
I'm mute with indignation, and then, as I see how angry and obviously hurt he is, I realize just how imprudent my discussing something that he told me in confidence and in trust, was. And also, how wrong it was of me to threaten to go to the police, it is not my place, not my business.
"I... I'm sorry, but she came in here, accusing me of sleeping with you, and threatening my career…I just lost control, Edward."
He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He shakes his head and turns his back on me. I watch the agitated rise and fall of his shoulders as he battles to regain control of his emotions.
"You were going to mention to her about what I confided in you that night?"
"Yes," I whisper.
"Then you went a step further and threatened to call the police on her for what she'd done?" His voice escalates.
"Yes!" I lower my eyes, no longer able to withstand his laser-like gaze.
"So, I'll ask you again, what exactly are you planning to say? Were you planning on just showing up at the police station, as my therapist, and saying Lauren, my wife, drugged and assaulted me? Is that the gist of it?"
"I don't know! The situation just exploded in a matter of minutes, Edward!"
"I asked you to drop this line of thought, and you agreed, and now here we are again."
"Lauren…"
"I don't want to hear about Lauren! Did you think about what this would do to me, how it would make me feel? I don't want anybody else to know about this, Bella. Did you stop to think how people will look at me if it becomes public knowledge?"
His eyebrows knit together in anguish, and he runs a hand through his hair.
"I can't… people can't know that about me, Bella. They just can't." His voice breaks, and like an echo of his torment, I feel my heart crack at the thought that the relationship I thought I could have with this man, is at an end.
I reach out for him, but he shakes his head and steps back.
"This isn't going to work." He walks out, leaving me standing there, in shock.