Hijikata agreed to my demand and I got a team of three to guard Miura at night since it was more likely that the Tosa would strike when it's dark and also because even if I was trying my best to guard him day and night, i still needed to sleep a few hours sometimes, leaving him vulnerable.
Chizuru was absent most of the days now, back to the compound to help Sannan with his researchs. She was very enthusiastic on the subject and was speaking about it every evening when she was coming back to share dinner with me. She really thought her efforts could pay and that she could save Sannan and Toudou's life. And why not Souji's. I didn't tell her that I thought it was vain and that her hopes would probably be disillusioned.
« Fujita-sama. » i heard coming from the shoji « I believe there is a woman outside waiting for you. »
Could it be possible that Sen had returned to try to have us called Yukimura ? If that was the case, I would gladly explain to the princess where she could shove her opinion... In a more polite way of course.
I got down the stairs, following the innkeeper who showed me a woman I had never seen in my life. Another demon, maybe ? Or a mistake.
« Are you sure she asked for me ? »
« She didn't give your name but she made a rather persuasive description. From your kimono to the color of your hair and eyes. » he answered with a shrug. « Do you want me to ask her to go away, Fujita-sama ? »
I looked at the woman in her simple solid sky blue kimono with a beige obi who was sitting at a table with a tea, eyes closed and head bent towards the cup to scent the aroma. Her long silky eben hair cascading on her back, only tied by a kanzashi at the level of her hips was giving her silhouette a royal aura. When she noticed me, she smiled and reported her gaze on me. Two big chestnut eyes. The same as Chizuru's.
« Yuki ? » i murmured.
If it wasn't for the eyes, I would have never recognized her. The absence of makeup and hairpins was changing everything in her. Her mouth seemed smaller, her nose a bit bigger and I could see some wrinkles starting to appear on the corner of her eyes, looking like little duck palms. I was amazed how makeup could actually change a woman.
I sat with her, wondering what she could want from me. I hadn't forgotten that she betrayed me and tried to have me poisoned. Maybe I should have just got back to the room, ignoring her, but even after what she did, I still felt a kind of tenderness for this woman that I've seen for so long and had be so supportive of me. I sat in front of her and she smiled shyly. I ordered a tea and waited for her to talk.
« Sai... »
« Fujita. » i corrected.
« Fujita-han. » she started again « I am glad to see you well. »
Maybe I should have said the same to her but somehow, I couldn't. I still had no idea of what was bringing her here and I was keeping my guard up.
« Would you agree to walk with me ? » she asked in voice full of hope.
« I can't leave the Inn. » i eventually said in a toneless voice without any emotions.
« I see. » she chuckled sadly « Seems like our roles have been reversed. »
The innkeeper came back with my tea and I thanked him. I took the cup in my hand to warm them and blowed slowly on it.
« I never got the occasion to... thank you... For buying my freedom. » she tried but my face remained expressionless « I would never have done it you know. » she said, her sad expression back.
« It's irrelevant. » i replied « you had the vial in hand. Your intent doesn't matter. »
« I guess... »
« What do you want, Yuki ? » i asked her, trying to get the truth out of her eyes with an icy gaze.
« I don't even know. » she confessed « Help maybe, love, forgiveness, even pity... In the end, I just want you to care... »
I did care. But I couldn't say it to her. Not after her betrayal. I could forgive but I couldn't forget and she would never have another chance, whatever my feelings towards her were. The moment you start surrounding yourself with people that had betrayed you, you're already dead even if you don't know it yet.
« You know » she continued to confess, looking at the window pensively « I think I've loved you for quite some time now. » she paused but I stayed silent « When you started to see me, it was because I was looking like the woman you loved but... You saw something else in me. You let me be myself with you and never treated me like an interchangeable oiran... And maybe you reminded me of my first love a little bit. » she chuckled « I knew I'd never have you and I didn't have any illusions but I fell for you anyway. »
Was she expecting me to tell her that I loved her too ? I didn't know. I've asked myself this question before. Maybe I did love her in a way, a long time ago. Not with the same passion that I was loving Chizuru but with tenderness for that beautiful caged bird who only wanted to spread its wings. Looking at her at this instant, she had nothing in common with the Shimabara fox I used to know. She was talking in a small voice, shy, vulnerable. I wanted to protect her but my mind was already made up. I wouldn't do anything more for Yuki.
She reached inside her sleeve and got out the wooden hairpin I bought for her years ago, the one she was always wearing at every one of our encounters. I've been wondering a lot if she was putting it on to please me or if she had been wearing it on a daily basis.
« Apart from this simple kimono, it's the only thing they let me take from the Hanamado. » she explained « it's the only thing I wanted to take anyway. » a cloud passed in her gaze and she sighed before speaking again « things have been harsh, you know. Normally, a bought oiran has a man helping her out but I was left alone... Not that I didn't deserve it but... I don't know if you can imagine how it went... I had no money, no home... Life outside wasn't as exciting as I thought... » she chuckled sadly again « I even tried to get back to the Hanamado but they refused to take me back. I didn't know how to survive, I never had to work before and I didn't know how the outside world worked. I tried oiran houses, geiko... Even low-ranked pleasure house but none would take me in at my age... » she sighed again « I sell my body near the Kamo river to fishermen. They give me food for it and they helped me get a roof. » she chuckled nervously « never would I have thought that one day, I'd trade silk sheets for mud. I don't think the outside world suits me better, in the end. »
I felt sorry for her. Truly. And a little responsible too. I bought her and left her without anything. If it wasn't for me, she'd still be covered in silk and gold, eating the most refined food, reading books, dancing, playing go... Laughing... And probably still fantasizing on the world outside the window. But sometimes, a sweet lie is so much better than a terrible truth.
« Do you need money ? » i asked her.
« No. » she laughed « that's not why I came. I just wanted to see you one last time. Just tell you that... I would never have poisoned the man I fell in love with. I just wanted you to know. » she finished her tea and stood up, bowing to me « I wish you the best with your woman, Fujita-han. Farewell. »
« Farewell, Yuki. » i said in return.
I watched her go with her sad smile. I didn't move, didn't stop her. We spent some time on the same path but now was the time of the crossroad. I reported my attention on my cup of tea and noticed she left the hairpin with the fox head. I took it in my fingers, scrutinizing it and remembering all the moments we shared. Shimabara fox...
I stood up and exited the Inn to give it back to her. Looking around me to see if Yuki was still around, I saw her a bit further, leaning against a wall. Her sky blue kimono was now covered in crimson blooming flowers of blood around her stomach. I saw the kaiken in her hand and knew there was nothing left to do. I kneeled before her and grabbed her hand.
« I... thought you couldn't get out... didn't wanted you to see that... » she whispered.
« Yuki... »
« Thank you. For everything you ever did for me. »
Her voice was getting weaker and the hand holding the kaiken dropped it on the floor, not strong enough anymore to hold the short blade.
« Hanamado Yuki... » she murmured « Born a farmer girl. Raised an oiran. Dying a prostitute. » she chuckled with pain « Remember me as I was, not as I am now, please, Saito-han. »
« I will. » i just said.
A few seconds later, Yuki died in front of the Tenma-ya. Her corpse was removed from the street and I had no idea what would become of it. Hanamado Yuki, who never had the chance to choose anything in her life, had eventually chosen her own fate.