Chapter 28 – Ghosts

It wasn't long until Rose and I molded ourselves into what looked like a normal couple. Except for our family and close friends, no one would ever suspect there was anything off about us at all. We were even going through longer spans of time where neither of us mentioned or even thought about the truth of our history. Rose wasn't the angry lesbian alter hell bent on destroying me anymore, and it was hard to even remember her that way. She gave me her full trust, and in return, I gave her my full devotion. We were in love, and we couldn't imagine that ever changing.

"I think we should move," Rose said one afternoon. "This place is feeling… cluttered."

I looked around at our big, sparsely decorated, spotless apartment, and I knew exactly what she meant. There were too many ghosts there. It was time for us to take our next step; whatever or wherever that may be.

"I can call a realtor," I offered.

She nodded absently. "Yeah, that would be good. There was something else I wanted to run by you too," she said hesitantly.

"Okay. What is it?"

She bit her lower lip anxiously, which sent my head spinning into a graphic dejavu. But I just shook it away and forced myself to focus.

"I want to sell the bookstore," she said unexpectedly, taking me aback.

"Why?" I asked, feeling oddly numb on the topic.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's never really been my thing, and I feel like it's time to pay Charlie back for his contribution on the initial purchase. He's up for retirement soon; he could really use that money."

"So… if you don't want to be a bookstore owner, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know yet. I mean, I won't sell it until I've figured everything out, so we won't take a hit financially. But… I think I've reached the point where I'm ready to do what makes me happy… whatever that may be."

I inhaled deeply. "Okay."

"Okay?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, okay. It's your bookstore. It's completely up to you."

"It's Bella's bookstore," she corrected me quietly.

Just the mention of her name gave me a painful stabbing sensation in my chest. I had gone so long trying to not think about her, or even feel her loss, but the pain was still there, just like I knew it always would be.

"It's your bookstore," I disagreed just as quietly. "Bella's gone. She's not coming back. It's your bookstore. Your decision."

I didn't want Rose to see the pain on my face, so I excused myself to the bathroom.

Thankfully, it only took a minute to re-bury those emotions. I had become somewhat of an expert on keeping my feelings for Bella locked up tight, so putting them back in that vault wasn't too difficult.

When I came back from the bathroom, Rose apologized for the suggestion, but I insisted it was fine and she had every right to do it. With nothing decided for certain, we put it on the back burner and decided to leave it for another day.

We went back out with Garrett and Kate that evening, and I should have realized beforehand that it was a bad idea. The rollercoaster of life wasn't quite finished with us just yet, and that night marked the beginning of another loop…

"Rosalie?" a soft voice murmured from behind.

The four of us were shooting pool together at our favorite dive, when we were interrupted by an all too familiar face.

"Emma," Rose responded, surprisingly calm.

"Wow. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you here?" Emma said awkwardly.

"Nor was I expecting to see you. You don't come in to Forks often," Rose pointed out, seemingly mildly miffed.

"My girlfriend lives close by, so…" Emma explained uncomfortably. I looked to Rose's face for a reaction to that news, but she didn't flinch in the slightest. "So, how have you been? You wouldn't really talk to me the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, well I wasn't in the best place when you showed up at my door out of the blue," Rose told her evenly. "It was pretty hurtful at the time, but I am sorry I lashed out at you like that."

"If I had known coming there would be painful for you, I wouldn't have come," Emma said apologetically. She stepped closer to her to try to make their conversation a little more private, but I couldn't help but keep listening. "I thought… I thought we could maybe work it out. I'm with someone now, but… I think I will always be waiting for you deep down. I just had to see if there was another chance for us."

"Oh Emma," Rose said with a sigh. "Look, what we had was special… and I'll never forget the love you gave me, but I wasn't hurt because you were at my home, I was hurt because Edward had called you. And I wasn't angry at you when I lashed out that night, I was angry at him."

"Why?" she asked surprised. "He thought… I guess we both thought you still loved me."

"I will always care about you, because before you, I honestly didn't think I could ever be loved for me, but… I realize now that it was never right. I know how loving someone is supposed to feel now, and I'm sorry, but I never felt that for you. I'm glad you found someone new. You truly deserve all the happiness in the world."

With tears in her eyes, and a forced smile on her lips, Emma nodded, and then said goodbye.

When Rose turned to look at me, I meant to hug her and tell her how much I loved her, but her angry expression, and pointed finger in my face, forced me to freeze.

"Don't you dare make fun of me for this, Cullen! I don't want to hear a single word on how your magic dick made me straight."

I tried to take her threat seriously, really I did, but I couldn't help but break down in laughter. I was vaguely aware that Garrett was laughing with me, but it wasn't until I noticed Kate laughing too, and watched Rose's stern grimace melt into her own giggles, that I lost control of my mouth.

"Well, my dick is pretty magical. I'm like a fucking unicorn," I choked out through my hysterics.

"Ugh!" Rose growled, unable to hold herself together. "Well, you're lucky you have that magic dick then, otherwise I'd leave your ass here and your balls would turn a beautiful shade of blue."

Her words made us laugh harder.

My fit of laughter only ceased when Rose shoved her tongue in my mouth and forced me to shut the hell up. Of course, that move only gave me a hard-on, and because we knew it would end up being one of those marathon type of nights, we said goodbye to our friends and headed home.

Knowing Rosalie had fully chosen me over any other, including her first love, I was beginning to think nothing would ever come between us again. We tentatively started looking for new living arrangements, and Rosalie embarked on a little solo soul searching as she tried to discover where her passion for work would lie.

All and all, things only seemed to be looking up for us. Of course, like with any rollercoaster – what goes up, must also come down…

"What's wrong?" I asked Rose on the third day of her most recent sour attitude. "If I'm doing something that's upsetting you, just tell me."

"No, it's not you. I'm just frustrated. I've been looking for a new career for over a month, but nothing I've come across seems even remotely fulfilling. And then I start to feel bad because I know you hate your job but never complain about it. I should just be grateful I have a life at all, but I can't shake this empty feeling I have deep inside my gut."

"Well, we just have to keep searching for ways to fill that hole," I told her determinedly.

"Edward, I don't want you to think that this feeling inside of me has anything to do with you, because it certainly doesn't. I've honestly never been this happy or content with my home and my own personal life, and that's because of you, but I just… It's like I have this nagging feeling inside of me that something is missing."

"We both know why you feel like that," I said gently.

"Yeah, but I keep hoping that one day that feeling would go away. I mean, they're gone, and I can't get them back, so how long do I have to suffer like this? I mean, someday I'll feel whole again on my own, won't I?"

"I hope so," I said sincerely.

Her spirits seemed to lift after that conversation, and I was so grateful she confided in me. Rosalie had never been the most open emotionally, so her increasing transparency was incredibly special to me. However, her drastic mood swings suddenly became more frequent, and for an entire week straight, I couldn't utter a word without pissing her off. It wasn't even the fun angry Rose when she would take out her aggressions in the bedroom, this was a distant and depressed Rose that reminded me all too well of the version of her she was when she first lost the others.

We continued to have our ups and downs, but through it all, I never lost an ounce of faith in us. Never did I fear she'd walk out on me or I'd come home to an empty apartment. Despite the world seeming to spin around her, the one constant I knew with all of my being, was that she loved me. There was no possibility of a future apart; we could and would get through anything together. Or, at least, that was the one thing I thought was certain…

Rosalie had been particularly affectionate one evening – tender almost, which was uncharacteristic for her, and such a stark change from her most recent attitude. Even on her best day, Rosalie rarely ever did anything softly, but that night was different. In between her sweet kisses to my shoulder and neck as we watched TV together, I'd catch her staring off into space vacantly, which was more than a little worrisome.

"Babe, please tell me what's wrong?" I practically begged. Her eyes looked so sad, but she seemed to fight it off to the best of her ability.

She snuggled herself closer to my chest. "Nothing. I just really love you."

"I love you too," I replied wholeheartedly.

"Edward," she said, without looking up at me.

"Yeah?" I asked before giving her an affection kiss to the top of her head.

"Promise me something."

I kissed her again. "Anything."

"Promise that we will always be a family –that you'll never stop fighting for us… no matter what."

"Babe, you're scaring me."

"Just promise," she insisted.

"I promise; as long as you promise me the same in return."

As a response, her lips found mine for the most tender kiss I had ever received from her. She brought me back to our room, and probably for the first time, we made love with a gentle but somehow still intense passion. It was sensual and warm, and everything Rosalie usually wasn't. I didn't even realize how much I missed making love like that until she was falling asleep peacefully in my arms. I kissed her eyes, and then followed her into unconsciousness without a care in the world.

I should have known then that my security would be short-lived. I should have realized immediately that her gentleness was actually her way of telling me goodbye…

The next morning I woke up alone. It wasn't the first time Rosalie had gotten up before me, but it was definitely the first time I had a gut feeling that something was terribly wrong.

"Rose?" I called to her as I pulled on my sweatpants and set out to search the apartment for her. "Babe?"

I told myself that I was just being paranoid and that she was there somewhere, just like any other day, but as I looked in the living room, and the kitchen, and the bathroom, only to find them all empty, deep down I knew. I didn't know why or how, but I somehow knew everything had changed since those short precious hours I had held her in my arms the night before.

"Rosalie?" I said one more time with a desperate last twinge of hope. But that hope quickly faded.

She was gone, and for whatever reason, I knew she wasn't coming back.

Just then, a sound behind me made me jump. I was momentarily startled, but not enough to turn around. Instead, I just stood there and listened carefully to the sound of the spare bedroom door creaking open. In the back of my mind, I figured it could be the cat, but every other part of me knew that it wasn't.

I felt as though I had somehow turned to stone, and those brief few moments seemed frozen in time. It wasn't until I heard her meek voice whisper – "Edward," that I finally came back to life enough to turn…

There, before me, was the face of my love, but behind her eyes was the very reflection of my soul.

"Bella?" I murmured, suddenly overcome by emotions.

I wanted to run to her and wrap her in my arms and never let go. I wanted to fall at her feet and thank the lord and all things holy that she came back to me, but I was also drowning in the sudden grief of knowing the life I had created with Rosalie was gone.

Rosalie was gone, and I had no idea when or if she would ever return.

The possibility of losing Rose was excruciating, but at that very moment, all I could focus on was the traumatized and very confused shadow of a woman in front of me. She looked more like a ghost than a real living, breathing person, and I knew she needed some major help.

"Bella," I said again gently while reaching my hand out towards her. "It's okay, baby; everything is going to be okay."

Her eyes were clouded with tears, and her entire body was visibly trembling. This was the very first time she had been conscious since she attempted to take her own life; a fact that just about made me break down with her. My own vision became flooded as I considered all that she was suffering through, but I refused to let the tears escape. I had to be strong for her. I needed to make sure she got the help she so desperately needed.

"It's okay," I told her one more time, hoping with all hope that she would find even a fractional amount of comfort in my voice.

Her tortured eyes left me to dart around the room.

"What am I doing here?" she asked, with her voice breaking as a vocal representation of her shattered soul. "The last thing I remember…"

"I know," I cooed, taking a step towards her, but she only took a step back.

"We broke up," she said, letting her confusion morph into suspicion. "Why am I here?"

I swallowed roughly. "I… we… Rosalie has been living here with me. She…"

"Rosalie?" she asked, her confusion increasing tenfold. "She hates you."

"She did," I agreed. "But she doesn't anymore. We worked through all of our issues, and we… we've been together."

"Together? I don't understand. What do you mean by together?"

Something caught her attention on the end table by the couch, and I knew exactly what it was – pictures. Framed pictures of Rose and me doing various activities. Kate and Garrett were even in some of them. But the one picture I knew stood out was the one of us kissing at the billiards.

"Wait," she said slowly as the truth began to occur to her. "You and Rosalie are together? Like, together, together?"

I would never feel ashamed for loving someone, but the look of betrayal in Bella's eyes made me question everything.

"It happened slowly," I tried explaining. "Neither of us even realized what it was until we were in the middle of it. Bella…"

I reached for her again, but she scowled at me and moved towards the door.

"Rosalie?" she questioned again; except this time she was angry. "Really? I probably would have understood it if you said you were still with Alice or even Tanya after we broke up. But Rosalie? I can't even begin to fathom how you could do that after all the shit she put us through?"

"Baby, listen," I murmured, but that just made her angrier.

"Don't call me baby!" she shouted at me. "If anyone hated Rosalie more than I did, it was you!"

"I know. And I did. But it was just the two of us for a long time, and we grew to rely on each other, and understand each other, and…"

"It was just the two of you for a long time? How long? How long has it been since I… since I…?"

"Took those pills?" I finished for her. The words were excruciating as they fell off my tongue, but they needed to be said. We all had to face what she did and what the repercussions were.

"How long?" she repeated, not wanting to say the words out loud.

"It was almost a year ago now," I admitted regretfully. "I'm sorry, Bella. We were beginning to think… we thought you weren't going to come back. You and all of the alters have been missing since that night; all except Rosalie."

She looked shocked by my words, but that shock only made her defensive and even angrier. "So, you just figured the best thing to do was fuck Rosalie? How the hell did either of you let that happen? Why would you even want to? She's the worst of the worst, and a lesbian, none the less. And she hates you; she did everything she could to break us up. Why, Edward? Why would you do that?"

There wasn't a single explanation I could give her that would make it hurt less, so I settled with the simple truth.

"I fell in love with her," I admitted quietly.

Tears rolled over her cheeks, and she looked at me like I just stabbed her in the heart. It fucking killed me.

I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to tell her that none of it was true and I would do anything to earn her forgiveness, but I wouldn't lie to her. Not now, not ever. I owed her the truth, even if it caused us both nothing but pain.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I tried, but the words could hardly escape my mouth before she ran past me and straight out of the apartment.

"Fuck," I said, no louder than a breath.

Before she could get too far, I text Charlie, begging him to go look for her. I screwed everything up, and I feared I would only make it worse if I went after her. She obviously needed to get away from me, so I had no choice but to let her.

And just like that, I was back to grieving her loss. However, nothing could prepare me for what I found on my phone…

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself as I noticed the blinking missed message. It was sent from Rosalie's phone, but it was sent at three in the morning. Not only that, but it was a video message; one that I quickly played despite not being in the proper state of mind to withstand the harsh impact that the video would sure to bring.

"Hey babe," Rosalie said as her image came on to my far too small screen. "By the time you get this message, I'll be gone. I wish I could say that there was a chance I could find a way to stay, but the truth is, this is a choice that I had to make."

She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes, and then she seemed to steel her features.

"I swear to you, I honestly thought they were all gone forever, but then something happened. I got the most amazing and terrifying news of my life… During my last physical, they ran some tests, and turns out I was pregnant."

My breath caught as she said the words, but her broken expression made it impossible for me to take my eyes off of the video to consider what her words actually meant.

"I must have accidentally skipped a pill, or we were just part of the one percent where it failed. Either way, I didn't take the news very well," she continued. "In fact, I freaked out, and I didn't tell you, because I wanted to clear my head and come to terms with it myself before I could even utter those words."

She paused again momentarily. She looked so tired, and so sad, but still glorious in all her unyielding strength.

"I was never supposed to be a mother," she continued emotionally. "That's not what I was created for. But then someone brought their infant in to the bookstore, and he was so adorable, and it made me wish… it made me wish that I could find the power within myself to become something I was never meant for… to become a mother. I wanted that baby, Edward. I wanted it, for me and you, but that's when I realized that I really wanted it for Bella. She could only ever dream of having a baby, and I never understood her desire for it, but I could feel her pain in knowing it wasn't something we could do, or should do, with our condition."

She paused once more, but only briefly.

"And then, I lost it," she said unexpectedly. "I started bleeding, and I knew it was gone. But… I think maybe because I was experiencing that vast emotional shift, somehow, I found her. It was like I could feel Bella began to stir, or something. I don't really know how else to explain it. I could feel her just a strongly as I could feel you if you were standing behind me. Our Bella. The one entity that I was created to protect – my only reason for existence... I wish I would have told you about the baby before it was gone, but I just wasn't ready, and I know now I never will be. We both know I'm not a whole person, Edward, and as much as I love you and never wanted to leave, I can't stay. Not when Bella is finally ready to come home."

I had to pause the video to get ahold of my own emotions. It was too much, and yet, this time I didn't have a doubt I could handle it. There would be no more retreating into the depths of my black hole of grief. I loved Rosalie, truly I did, but she was right – her purpose was to protect Bella, and that was exactly what she was doing by giving her another chance at life. I could do nothing but support her decision and be incredibly proud of her sacrifice.

It was difficult, but I pulled myself together and finished the video…

"Edward, I know you still love Bella, just like I know you'll always love me… and Alice, and Tanya, and even Bree. I don't know what our future holds or how it will look once Bella is finally on the road to recovery, but I do know that we belong together. I fought it for so long, but it was inevitable. I never believed in all that sappy 'made for each other' crap before, but I do now. You made me a believer. And no matter which of us is in control of this one life we share – we belong to you, and you belong to us. All of us… and all of you. I love you, Edward, and don't forget to keep your promise to me. Never stop fighting for us, and we will always come back to you. I know we will."

When the video ended, I allowed myself to cry. I cried harder than I ever had before, but before I knew it, I had run out of tears. Once that happened, I pieced myself back together, and prepared to do whatever necessary to see that she finally got better once and for all. It was time for Bella to face the ghosts of her past, so she could truly begin to live…