Hello! Welcome back to another chapter of undercover aka another attempt I'm making of getting my life together through crafting this story about Emily. If you don't write FF, then it's probably really hard to understand but I write things I have really felt when writing Emily in this story to make it that much more believable. I literally close my eyes and try and remember how I felt and then I type. So grateful for all those that are still sticking around. XOXOXO
Fat raindrops splash against the glass windowpanes as Emily follows them with her eyes. The water glistens and gleams as it runs down the window in long tracks.
"Are you ready?" Hotch stands on the opposite side of the room holding a wheelchair in place.
Involuntary, Emily pulls Jack tighter against her chest as she turns her head to look at his father. "I'm not getting in that." Her voice is flat and uninterested, mechanical.
Hotch sighs "Emily, this is not up for debate. We've been over this, it's hospital policy."
It's been two weeks since Emily had almost been killed in the barn. Her physical wounds had healed enough to be let out, but it was a different story for her emotional scars. She hardly spoke, she hardly ate, she hardly lived.
"It's okay Emily when I got my tonsils out the doctors made me get in the wheelchair too. It's fun!" Jack chatters excitedly from under her arm and bounces up and down slightly at the memory.
Despite the situation, Emily feels her heart melting at the excitement in the young boys' voice. His innocence always has a way of making her feel better.
Emily ruffles his hair gently and looks down at the young boy in her arms "I'm sure it was very fun, Jack. Why don't you go look for JJ and your father and I will be out in a minute okay?"
"Ok!" Jack hops off the bed and is out of the door a few moments later, happily bounding down the hallway in search of the blonde.
Such a good boy.
Silence fills the room in his absence. The smile that had been on Emily's face slowly diminishes until it's gone completely. Her body feels heavy again, a numbness settles back over her.
"I need to see him" Emily states looking back towards Hotch "I have to see him before we go home." There is no emotion in her voice, only an icy cadence that leaves no room for an argument.
"Em, I don't think that's a good idea….."
"Well then it's a good thing it's not up to you, isn't it?" Emily's eyes are hard and her jaw is clenched in anger.
"I want to be in the room with you."
"Absolutely not."
"Then you are not seeing him."
"Aaron."
"Emily!" Hotch snaps angrily and crosses his arms.
The tension is thick in the air as the two have a silent standoff. Dark brown meets dark brown as they both wear similar expressions of frustration.
"Fine" Emily spits out sharply. It was clear to her that she wasn't going to back down and she had to see him. "If you have to be there can you please not say anything? I don't want you to interrupt, okay? I just want to talk to him."
Hotch nods in response and places his hands lightly on the wheelchair once again. He raises his eyebrows subtly and looks down at the chair.
"There is no way in Hell I am getting in that."
Emily walks out of the hospital and takes a deep breath of fresh air. In the end, she hadn't been made to sit in the wheelchair (much to Hotch's frustration) and was able to walk out of the glass doors a free woman.
It was raining, but that made no difference to the brunette as she stands to let the drops hit her freely. She angles her face upwards to allow the rain to splash her face.
A habit she had indulged since she was a child, standing in the rain always brightened her mood. The first time the Prentiss family had been stationed overseas, Emily had found herself feeling homesick. The only thing that made her feel better was standing in the rain- rain that made her feel like she was back home.
"You're going to get wet" Elizabeth Prentiss admonishes lightly as she fusses over her daughter and attempts to bring an umbrella over her hair.
Emily shakes her head and swats the umbrella away "I don't care." Rain cleansed away the bad
That's what it feels like as Emily stands in the rain like everything Patrick had done and said to her was being washed away.
The honking of a horn pulls her out of her peaceful state of mind as two black SVU's pull up.
Hotch hops out of the first one and jogs lightly to the curb to grab the bag Emily had in her non-injured wrist. "Let's get you out of the rain."
Emily simply nods and hands him the bag without protest, the calm state she was in having been shattered by reality.
"I'll see you back in DC, Emily" Elizabeth pulls her daughter into a hug and squeezes hard enough to get her emotions across but light enough to not aggravate her injuries.
Never before had Emily allowed herself to fall into her mothers' arms for comfort, and never before had Elizabeth put so much emotion into physical contact.
Good may come from bad after all.
With one final squeeze, Elizabeth releases her daughter and hands her off to Robert who instantly brings Emily into his arms.
"I'll see you at home, Emmy. If you need to stay at the estate let your mother know and we'll have a room drawn up for you. We would love to have you."
Emily retracts from her father's embrace and looks up at him with a furrowed brow "Why would you be at the estate?"
Robert smiles and gently tucks a piece of wet hair behind his daughter's ear "Your mother and I have been apart for too long, and I've missed too much of your life. This tragedy has reminded me of what really matters" he lifts a hand and places it gently on Elizabeth's face "and that is my family."
"I….." Emily is at a loss for words as she watches the loving motion of her father's hand on her mother's cheek. Separated parents had been her constant for so long she was going to need more time to adjust.
Robert smiles in understanding and drops the left arm he still had around Emily.
Rain continuous to pour in sheets as Emily moves to stand by Hotch.
"Take care of her Hotchner," Robert says sternly as he loops his right arm around Elizabeth's waist.
Hotch nods simply "Yes sir."
The fluorescent lights flicker harshly and emit a mechanical humming sound. The floors are a bland concrete that pair with the metal table in the middle of the room.
The table that Thomas Young is currently chained to. The orange of his jumpsuit contrasts his pale skin sharply in a way that makes him look like a ghost.
Emily stills just outside of the interrogation room. This was the first time she had seen him since the barn.
It felt like going back into a time machine, and all of a sudden she was strapped to the table with a tattered red dress on.
Thomas Young stares straight ahead through the two-way mirror. Unable to see Emily, but staring at her exact spot anyway.
It sends goosebumps up and down her body and has her breath coming in and out in shorter gasps.
"Are you okay?"
He stands right by her side, his face close to hers. His voice prominent now that she's farther away from death doorstep.
"Does it fucking look like I'm okay? What kind of question is that?"
He looks ashamed as he backs away from her and wrings his hands in front of him again. "I'm sorry."
Emily forces her face to soften "it's okay, I know it isn't your fault. What is your name? My name is Emily." She puts all of her strength in pretending to feel okay like she hadn't almost just died.
"Thomas," he says hesitantly, "my name is Thomas."
"Hey"
Emily jumps as Hotch places a gentle hand on her left shoulder, pulling her back from the memory she had been trapped in."
"Hi" Emily breathes out shakily while stray tear trails down her cheek. Emily wipes it away quickly and aggressively.
"You don't have to do this."
"I do" Emily lets out a deep breath and turns to face him "I do. He doesn't know Patrick is dead, right?"
"He has no idea."
The room is empty save the two of them, something Hotch had to stare down multiple people to achieve. The rest of the team, and the children, were gathering their things from the hotel and meeting Hotch and Emily at the airport.
With a deep breath and a straightening of the posture, Emily walks forward and opens the door confidently.
At the sound of the door opening, Thomas shifts his eyes from the mirror and locks onto Emily. The slowest smile stretches across his face as he follows her every move.
"Hello Thomas" Emily's voice is strong and clear, something she wasn't sure she was going to be able to achieve.
"Hello, Emily," Thomas replies cheerily back as he looks her up and down hungrily.
Drip
Drop
Drip
Drop
"Can you please make that stop?" Emily twits her head to try and catch his dark eyes.
The older man hesitates as he finds the source of the sound. Her blood drips into the drain under her. "I'm not so good with blood."
"Please" she smiles sweetly at him "for me?"
Emily blinks the memories away as she takes a seat across from the man who had allowed Patrick to attack her.
"You look well, Emily. I've missed you. I think about you every day." Though his hands are cuffed, Thomas stretches his fingers towards where Emily has her hands crossed on the metal.
"Ah" Emily hisses sharply and rips her hands out of Thomas's range of movement.
Thomas instantly narrows her eyes and slams his hands against the cold table. The sound is sharp and Emily involuntarily jumps, her heart hammering in her chest.
"Why are you here, Emily?"
"I'm here" Emily spits out, leaning closer as she looks Thomas in the eye, "to ask you how. How you could stand by and watch Patrick electrocute me. How you could watch him stab me. How you could watch him.. rape me" Her voice is shaking and tears sting her eyes.
Thomas lets out a frustrated sigh "I already told you. I owed him. I didn't protect him when we were kids and I….."
"NO" Emily raises her voice as she slams her hands down on the table "no. I don't want your excuses, I don't want your lies. I want to know how you can look me in the eyes. I want to know how you sleep at night. I want…. I need to know how you could stand by and watch as he raped me time after time, day after day." The tears break free from her eyes and cascade down her cheeks. Her jaw is clenched and her body is rigid with tension.
"I did help you I…"
"YOU DID NOTHING" Emily screeches as her hands begin to shake and her composure begins to slip through her fingers like sand. Emily takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself down "you did nothing and he raped me over and over again. You're worthless, you're worse than him."
Emily's chest heaves sharply as she breathes in and out in short bursts.
"I don't know what you want me to say." Thomas stares down at the table, avoiding any type of eye contact.
"nothing" Emily breathes out, slowly regaining control of herself "nothing. Patrick is dead."
Thomas raises his eyes to stare at her with laser focus "I- WHAT?!"
"Patrick is dead." Emily had thought that telling him would bring her some sort of satisfaction but it does nothing for her.
"You're lying, you stone-cold bitch" Thomas snarls as he leans in threateningly close with wild eyes and frantic gestures.
"I'm not. I saw the life leave his eyes as the blood drained from his body. Do you want to know the best part? He died in the same place where he killed so many people. I won, you two lost. Game over." Emily smirks cruelly before rising to her feet.
"You BITCH. This isn't over! You will never be free of us!"
Thomas lunges forward only inches away from grabbing onto Emily's Yale hoodie. The restraints stop him just before he can latch on.
Emily jumps back and lets out a humorless laugh. "That's where you're wrong. Right now I am going to walk out of here. I am going to get on a plane surrounded by my family and go home and take a shower and sleep in my bed. You are NEVER getting out of here. I hope you think about me every day, think about the fact that I am living my life as a free woman, while you're trapped in a fucking CAGE."
Without waiting for a response, Emily turns her back on Thomas and leaves the room.
It starts off quiet. So quiet, that it goes on for minutes without anyone recognizing what it is.
It's a low tone, a low whine. The sounds are inconsistent and irregular. It sounds like the hum from the engine of the plane.
Emily sits curled up on the couch towards the back of the plane. Her body is turned into the couch, shielding her face from view.
Hotch sits across from her, staring intently at the sleeping woman. He can't seem to fall asleep, can't seem to look away. He needs to know that she is there, that she is safe. Jack's sleeping presence helps calm him down, but it isn't enough.
A whimper catches his attention. He squints his eyes as he looks at her, unsure if he had heard the noise or not.
No one else seems to hear it, and Hotch finds himself shaking off the gut feeling that something is wrong. He moves his eyes from the faces of his team members back to her.
He hears it again.
It's louder this time, more defined.
The sound of it has Hotch on his feet immediately. If he could prevent Emily from having a nightmare in front of the team he would.
She would be embarrassed, wrongly so, and if he could do anything to keep her from feeling vulnerable he would do it.
The unit chief's sudden movement catches every team member's eye. No one had been able to go to sleep, too caught up in their thoughts about Emily.
"Hotch what's wrong?….." Derek had just finished the sentence when a horrible scream pierces through the sound of the jet.
Emily thrashes wildly on the small tan couch. Terrible screams of pain leave her lips as she fights off an invisible attacker. With each scream the sound gets louder, the pain becomes more evident, the pitch more guttural.
Jack and Henry spring awake, the later instantly crawling into his mother's lap for comfort.
"Emily, hey Emily shhh." Hotch sits on the couch next to her and tries to keep her arms restrained without hurting her. With each thrash of her body, Emily pulls at her tender wounds.
It wasn't the first time he had stopped one of her nightmares, and it surely wasn't going to be the last.
As soon as he lays a finger on her Emily screams louder, flinches away from him more.
"Come on man you're making it worse." Derek gets up from his seat and crosses the plane towards the heartbreaking scene.
No one can stand to see her like this, and multiple members of the team turn away to try and to offer minimal privacy to the pair.
Penelope quickly calls Jack over to her side and envelops the scared little boy in her arms.
"I know what I'm doing Morgan, get back." Hotch holds one hand up as he speaks to the younger man.
Crowding only made it worse.
"Hey Em it's okay, it's me." Hotch sinks further into the couch and shifts her body into his chest. It was a personal movement to do in front of the team, but he doesn't care.
It's his scent that always pulls her out of the nightmare. It is the one thing that she can pick out in her dreams that pulls her to the surface. A flashing light that says what she is seeing isn't real.
Emily's eyes spring open and she sits up and away from Hotch incredibly fast. She breathes sharply in and out, a hand flying up to her mouth to hide her whimpers.
"Emily it's okay…." Hotch reaches out a hand to put a piece of hair behind her ears.
Emily flinches at the contact and rockets off of the couch. She storms down the plane and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
As soon as she gets into the bathroom tears cascade down her face. The quick movements she had made leave her winded, and she grabs onto the counter for support. Black dots dance at the corners of her vision but she refuses to pass out.
"Emily?" She hears JJ's muffled voice from outside the door. "Emily are you okay?"
"Go away JJ!" Her voice is hoarse and sharp as she continues to breathe in and out heavily. She aggressively wipes the tears on her face away with the back of her shaking hand and then quickly moves her hands back to the counter for support.
Her knuckles turn white as she grips the counter harder and harder.
"Emily…"
"Go away, Jennifer." The voice that comes out isn't hers. It's deeper, more sultry. It's Jade, she realizes.
Jade is a defense mechanism, one that she doesn't appreciate in the slightest. If she slips into the comfort that Jade brings her it will be dangerous. She can't allow herself to slip, to stumble.
My name is Emily Prentiss
My name is Emily Prentiss
My name is Emily Prentiss
My name is Emily Prentiss
Emily looks up into the mirror and does a double-take. She looks awful. She hates how she looks. She looks exactly how she feels: weak.
Tears wet her pale cheeks. There are scratches and bruises all over her face, dark circles stain her the skin under her eyes.
Anger wells up in her system as she stares at her reflection. She feels disgusting, small, out of control. Anger coils tighter and tighter in her gut until she feels like she's going to explode.
Emily cocks her uninjured fist back and drives it forward into the small mirror. It happens so fast she doesn't even process the movement until it's too late.
The glass shatters under her fist and falls onto the countertop in waves.
"Shit" Emily breathes out frantically as she brings her fist into her chest and fights the tears that sting her eyes from the pain.
You fucking basket case! Get it together!
"Emily are you okay?" Hotch stands on the other side of the door with his hand on the knob. "Can I come in?"
Emily doesn't answer. She sinks to the floor in a puddle of tears and clutches her hand tighter. Blood trickles down her wrist and stains her clothes.
When she doesn't answer Hotch turns the knob and walks in. The mirror catches his eye immediately, and then he sees her. "Oh, Emily…." Without hesitation, he sinks to the floor of the small bathroom and closes the door behind him. "What happened?"
Emily hangs her head "I got mad, I'm so sorry Hotch I….."
"It's okay. Can I see your hand?"
Hesitantly, Emily stretches her hand out.
Hotch gently takes her hand in his and frowns when she winces. "How does it feel?"
"like I fucking punched a mirror."
Despite the situation, Hotch's lips curl into a smile. "I can see that, you've got a mean right hook you know that? Remind me never to piss you off."
Emily lets out a sharp laugh and shakes her head "I didn't mean to do it."
Hotch nods and looks into her eyes "do you feel better?"
"Yeah, I think I do."
"Then I'm glad you did it. Of course, I wish you hadn't cut yourself but there's nothing we can do about that." Hotch tilts his head and raises his eyebrows.
Emily smiles. His nonchalant attitude makes her feel more at ease, and he knows it. Everything he does is to make her feel better. Every action, every emotion he shows on his face is for her benefit.
He acts as if punching and breaking a mirror is no big deal, and she couldn't feel more grateful.
Hotch stands up and brushes off his pants "I'm going to go get the first aid kit. It doesn't look like you need stitches by some miracle. Don't punch any more mirrors while I'm gone?"
"You wish, Hotchner."
Sorry for the length in time between updates but a girl has to live. Also, I'm not sure how much more I can do with this story. I will for sure show Emily's recovery process but that won't be many chapters so this is wrapping up. Leave me a review pls :) rlly motivates me to write