Although I really wanted to talk to Snape when McGonagall had left, he began to avoid me. I was not sure why – maybe because he was worried I would try to stop him from doing what he planned. And he was probably right, because I could not let this idiot sacrifice himself.
Now, as I had already begun to believe that the Easter break spent together with him could turn out to be pleasant, I suddenly realised that I was completely alone in a town which I did not know, in a house that terrified me. Although I found it hard to admit, I understood that the only bright side of the holidays was Snape's presence, and now, as he had started avoiding me, I could not be happy.
I spent that evening in the living room, finishing my glass of Elf-made wine and reading a book which I had found on one of the countless shelves in the house. I could get back to the room Snape had prepared for me, but there, I would live in a completely different world. In the living room, I could see him at least by accident.
I turned the page and sighed deeply. I let the book lay on my lap while I leant back in the armchair, letting my back rest a bit. Then, I closed my eyes, but not to allow myself some daydreaming; only to let them feel some relief. I had been reading for a couple of hours already, and the light in the room was so dim that it was not that easy. Of course, I could just light up my wand, but I did not want to do that, finding it a bit uncomfortable.
"You're still here?" I heard a quiet voice. As always, Snape had appeared at the moment when I had expected him the least, moreover, he had done it so quietly that I had no idea when he had entered. "It's late, you should rest."
I opened my eyes and tipped my chin to look at him. He seemed even paler than ever, and the scars on his face glistened softly. I remembered one of the first nights I had spent in his room, when my gratitude had still been the only warm feeling I had had for him. When had it changed so radically? At which point had he stolen my heart?"
"I am resting," I replied, paying no attention to Snape sighing in impatience. I closed the book and put it onto the table, then stood up and walked over to him. He frowned, as though he did not trust me completely.
"I guess I didn't say it clearly," he stated, his voice sounding slightly cool, but this cold was lined with concern; I knew that side of him too well already, so I could not help but hear that. "At this hour, I want you to be asleep, Shirley, not read some rubbish."
I could not stop a smile from tugging at my lips. At that moment I wished I could take his hands, put them close to my face, just like he did sometimes... but I was aware that he had not been avoiding me all day to get any romantic gestures right now. He looked tired.
"I have a feeling that you'd need sleep much more than I do," I noticed. I did not manage to stop an impulse and in the next moment, I caressed his cheek gently. Snape glanced at me suspiciously, as though he thought I was up to something, but I, knowing I had done nothing bad, did not look down.
"Why are you doing that?" he asked out of sudden, and I blinked and moved back slightly. I had no idea what he was talking about, and since he could have meant my touch, I would rather not risk angering him.
"Why am I doing what?"
"Everything. A few hours ago you still didn't know what you felt, and now..." He stopped, probably not knowing what to say, or maybe not wanting to say it out loud. After a moment, he added, "You betrayed your thoughts in front of McGonagall."
"I got the impression that she knew perfectly well about everything," I stroke back, folding my arms over my chest. "She wasn't surprised at all."
"Then you don't care that someone could see us together... realise that there's something between us?" he asked, and I felt that was a tricky question. I had no idea why, but he was trying to provoke me.
"Of course not. You told that a couple of weeks ago... that I'd never cared about what other people said, right?"
I had no idea whether I had let him provoke me, or not, but at last, I understood I had done exactly what he had wanted me to do. Otherwise he would not smile the way he did now: triumphantly.
"I haven't expected that of you, Shirley. But I'm glad that you're ready to risk at least that," he answered, then he himself reached out his hand towards me and gently cupped my cheek, caressing it with his thumb.
My nervousness began to leave my body. Unconsciously, I closed my eyes and leant into his hand; his touch was really in some weird way pleasant, it made my heart beat faster.
"In a couple of days we'll be back at Hogwarts. I wonder if you'll still believe that with Longbottom around."
He should not have said that. I took a deep breath into my lungs and turned my head away, breaking our contact, even though, to be honest, I regretted that, because I knew Snape would not start looking for it again.
"You asked me to trust you, remember?" I said after a while, once I had mustered enough courage to look him in the eye. "Back then, you told me that I didn't have to like you, but I needed to trust you. But you don't trust me at all."
I could not fail to notice the grimace upon his face. He let the hand, which he had been holding in mid-air until now, as though expecting me return to my previous position, letting him keep caressing me, fall by his side
"It's not you I don't trust, Shirley," he answered, his tone sharp and disagreeable. "It's that idiot I don't trust. Especially not after what happened in winter..."
"He didn't do that of his own accord!" I protested.
"Stop defending him!" growled Severus, and I immediately stepped back. "On his own accord or not, he has done it. I won't be able to protect you if you keep moving away from me so stubbornly, Shirley."
I had not wanted to make him furious, but I knew that the fault lay on both sides. It meant, though, that I was not without a fault, and because of that, I felt ashamed. I reached for his hand, but he avoided it and turned back to leave.
"Come back here," I implored, but my voice sounded totally differently than I had planned: rather as though I had demanded him to stay. No wonder Snape ignored me. His steps were long and fast, and I knew perfectly that if I did not come up with some idea quickly, he would really leave.
My heart skipped a beat when I noticed him reaching his hand out and the door opening. I had no more than a few seconds.
"Yes, Severus, my answer is: yes," I said, this time loudly, however also more delicately.
Snape came to a halt. He did not close the door, though, which meant that a single misstep, one wrong word or gesture would be enough to make him leave. Yet he did turn to me, looking at me irritably. I knew that look perfectly, but although it did sent chills down my spine, I did not look down.
"What a yes?" he asked sharply.
I swallowed. It was not supposed to look like that. I got an impression that I was in some way blackmailing him, although I really did want to give him such an answer.
"I will stay with you," I said so quietly that I could hardly hear it myself. I was terrified to such an extend that I did not even notice Snape's reaction. "Here... in this house. I'll... I'll help you make it a real home for you."
Before I noticed, he was already standing right next to me.
"What did you say?" he asked, pretending to be harsh, but his voice was too soft for me to be scared. I looked up and into his eyes.
"I'll help you feel at home in this building," I replied, curling my hands into fists. My nails dug into the palms. I did not notice when Snape reached for my hands, but as he touched them gently, I relaxed them.
"You're a real witch, Shirley," he said, his voice strangely mild. "Are you sure there's not a drop of Veela's blood in you?"
I could not help but smile. Although to many those words could sound like offensive, I knew that it was nothing but a compliment. Snape was definitely not used to saying nice things, but I did not feel bothered by that; I was able to understand which words of his were compliments, and which were not.
"I'm afraid that there's only Muggle blood running in my veins," I answered a little cheekily, remembering him constantly mentioning my dirty blood at the beginning of the school year. No wonder he now grimaced slightly.
"How long will you keep reminding me about it?" he asked, looking at my face, as though there really was something fascinating about it.
"As long as it's necessary," I replied, slipping my hand out of his grasp, so I could softly caress his face. Rarely did I find enough courage in my heart to show my warm feelings towards him in any way. It did not surprise me, then, that Snape seemed to be a bit surprised by my gesture. However, it was probably a pleasant surprise to him, since he smiled gently, burying his face in my hand.
It was one of those few moments when Snape revealed his other face to me. The part of himself that was gentle and emotional, which – as it seemed to be – he was ashamed of. However, it did not mean that I liked only this face of his. I liked him also when he was cold... because I knew that he was still the same man. Besides, I had met him when he had been like that: cold and nasty. It was that cold and nasty Snape who had been caring about me all the time.
"You look terrible," I said quietly after a moment. "You must be tired."
"You have a strange concept about what one should say right after confessing love to someone," noted Snape.
I blushed a lot, but did not look away.
"It's good I care for you, isn't it?"
Severus sighed, then gently took my hand off his cheek and brushed his lips against it so softly that almost unnoticeably. Finally, he moved away from me, turning back, so I no longer could see his face.
"You should rest, Shirley," he spoke up.
"So should you. Or maybe, especially you," I answered, frowning. Something about the tone of his voice bothered me.
"If I fall asleep, I won't be able to stay by your side in case an uninvited guest appears," he replied, tucking his hands into the pockets of his robe. "This house is safe... but it doesn't mean that it can't be broken into. We don't know who wants to hunt you down, and it might turn out to be a powerful wizard."
"Not who wants to hunt me down, Severus, but who wants to hunt us down," I said quickly. "And you won't be able to protect anyone if you're so tired!"
Snape turned towards me and glanced at me in a way in which he had never looked at me before. I wanted to say something, but could not think of what could be said at such a moment.
"I brought misfortune upon you," he said quietly. "I thought I were protecting you, and yet... yet I brought misfortune upon you. How could I even think that someone like you... I'm so much older than you, I should've known better."
He was about to go away when I ran over to him and embraced him tightly, not letting him go any further. I buried my face in his back.
"You gave me all the best," I protested, "and now, we're in this together. You and me, Severus, and together, we can do this. Until now, we always have."
I felt him gently touch my hand, and I was sure that he smiled, even though I could not see his face. Maybe that was the way Snape guessed my thoughts? Maybe it had nothing to do with Legilimency?
"Go to bed," he said only.
"I won't go to bed until you do this," I answered firmly. I knew well that he was exhausted. At the same time I could not help but wonder how many nights he had spent sleeplessly, thinking that I was in danger.
"Never in my life would I have thought that I'd hear something like that from you," he said with a large dose of irony. "Why don't you tell me you'll take me to bed yourself?"
This time it was him who surprised me, and he did it to such an extend that I blushed, having no idea what to tell him. Apparently he had not meant anything inappropriate, so why did I react like that?
"Go and change," he added after a moment, probably sensing my embarrassment, but what I heard then shocked me even more. "I'll join you in a moment."
He freed himself from my embrace and walked in the opposite direction. For a moment, I stood motionlessly, not quite sure what I should do, but finally, I decided to get back to my room to change into my pyjamas. Whatever was going to happen now, I would at least be ready for bed, and if Snape came to check on me, he would not be able to scold me.
Soon, I found myself in my room, which once again seemed to be completely surreal. And now... now, I felt that it was really mine, if I was bound to stay with Snape forever.
My heart began beating faster as I realised that. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and noticed that my cheeks were quite flushed, and my eyes glistened strangely. Of course, I did look like I was tired, but at the same time... I thought I looked prettier than usually.
"Darcie Snape..." I whispered to myself, and my reflection smiled softly. I wondered if it was one of those enchanted mirrors, or I had smiled myself.
After a moment I turned back and approached the closet to get my pyjamas out. I washed myself and got changed, then sat on the edge of the bed. If I lay down now, I thought, I won't fall asleep, anyways... is there any point in trying?
Before I found an answer to my own question, I heard a knocking on the door. After a moment, I saw Snape peeking into the room, already wearing his usual, black nightshirt.
"I thought you were already asleep," he said, and I was not sure if he was teasing me, or he had really thought so. "If you don't want me to stay awake, let me sleep by your side. This bed is big enough... and last time you didn't seem to be disturbed by that."
"It's your house, and the items in it belong to you. You may do whatever you want to them," I answered.
"To the items, yes. But not to the people," he noticed.
"The people also belong to you," I whispered as he got close to me. "And they trust you immeasurably."