AN: If you're triggered by the second flashback then don't read the last part. I also learned from this fic that it's not the reviews that matter (although they make me happy)

Chapter Thirty Three

I know that Kuon's trying and I'm so happy about that. He knows how much Moko used to mean to me but somehow the Moko that I thought I knew has vanished. I smile as I see the dinnerware set that Rose and Ana have. They are cute and princess themed. Something about having children really makes you appreciate the small details.

"What happened to his voice?" Moko asks me in Japanese and I stare at her. First off, it disturbs me that she is speaking in Japanese but that's only because I've been surrounded by the English language at home for years, it's our primary language at this point. Secondly, I must be sensitive when it comes to Kuon because that sounds like heavy judgment to me. "Does he always sound like that?"

My eyes widen as she says that and I turn to her. Yes, he always sounds like that but that's what a person who has had a head injury sounds like. In fact, compared to most survivors he has a strong voice and control over his actions. A lot of people have to even learn their alphabet or they just make beeping or humming noises. Kuon might slur his words but they are discernible to me. We can communicate even if I have to be a translator for other people.

"Well," I tell her eyeing her slowly and cautiously, not sure if she actually is willing to show Kuon respect or not. "With a head injury it's sometimes difficult to speak at all. Kuon's doing really we-" I try to explain but Kanae shakes her head and it leads me to stop midsentence.

"He sounds like a baby," she says and I freeze. I look at her in shock. Yes, he's slurring his words together and maybe it might lead someone foolish and uneducated to think he's mentally slow when he's not but a baby!? Kuon has a lot of shame from what happened to him that he shouldn't be carrying on his shoulders. All he was trying to do was be nice and friendly and welcoming. He has every right to make demands and try to control the situation and I should have never let Kanae into our house. What the hell is her problem!?

"He must act like one too," she says and I pull back. All that Kuon has done towards her was say that it was nice to see her again. He hasn't done anything wrong. She really wants to be mad at him because he's trying to be nice to her. I feel a cold shock through me and I stand in complete disbelief. "Such a burden, mo," she says and I hear alarm bells in my head and a coldness which is turning from shock to anger.

"A burden?" I laugh bitterly, my eyes narrowing. "Are you saying that my husband is a burden to me? That the man I love is a burden, that he's a chore? You're kidding yourself." I start to think if how hurtful those words are and I am hoping that Kuon didn't hear them. He's been recovering so much I don't want to cause his progress to derail. "Kuon Hizuri is the best person in my life. He means more to me than anyone with the exception of Rose and Ana. Kuon Hizuri should never be called a burden, my life would be much worse without him there beside me."

"Does he wear a diaper?" Kotonami asks and I look at her. She nods but I don't want her assuming anything. "Let me guess, it's very common for a wife to change their husbands diaper after they have an accident if they are brain dead."

I feel my demons start to swarm and I can't help but to want to reach out and strangle her. I look at her before grabbing a dishtowel so I can hold onto something. "You know what, don't even talk about Kuon! He has given up so much for me and he's an amazing person!"

"But you have to change him?" she asks and I feel pushed into a corner. Truthfully, he changes himself with difficulty so sometimes I want to help him but he's always so ashamed of that. I don't care though. He might have incontinence pads but it's a tiny price to pay in order for him to be alive. I feel tears in my eyes.

"I don't have to change him!" I yell at her, "he does that for himself. It might be hard to watch him struggle but Kuon is strong and independent and I love him. I've always loved him. He's an amazing father. He is really sweet with a great sense of humor, he's protective and strong and -" I pause as I see her starting to leave the kitchen. What the hell is she doing? Where is she going?

"This is what you caused," she tells Kuon switching back to English and she gestures to me. I look a mess but it's not because of him. "You can't even let Kyoko have friends," my eyes widen and I open my mouth to argue but she cuts me off. "It would be better for everyone if you were dead, you're unable to provide for your family. You're weighing everyone -"

"That's enough you bit—" Father says as he stands up and I see the anger and protectiveness in his face. I don't know if I've ever heard Father say that word before, he's usually so respectful and he's a feminist, he wouldn't hurt a woman on purpose. "My son has done nothing wrong. He's suffering physically, do you need to make him suffer emotionally as well?" I turn to look at Kuon who has a glazed over expression and he seems to be focused on the space before him, tears in his eyes. I feel so dirty and all I want to do is run over to him, hug him, prove how much I love him.

"Get the hell away from him. Maybe that bast—Fuwa isn't the only one we need to file a restraining order against because I repeat, my son has done nothing wrong, nothing to harm either you or Kyoko. Of course you've never felt love, you wouldn't attack my son if you were capable of it. I want you out right now but this isn't my hou-"

"I want you to get the hell away from me, Kotonami" I whisper and she stares at me in shock. "I never want to see you ever again. If you do see me in public then do not approach me, I will not acknowledge you." I tell her before glaring at her sharply. "Get the hell out."

She looks between Father and me and then stomps out. I turn to Kuon. He understood all of that, didn't he? I kneel down in front of him knowing that the tears are streaming down my face. He looks so distant. "C-corn?" I ask, my voice breaking. "What she was saying, those things aren't true. My sweet Corn," I whisper as I try to avoid the sobs I want to release so badly. "Can you look at me? I'm so proud of you," I try to tell him. I reach for his hand but he pulls it away, still not making eye contact. "I'm so so proud to be your wife," I say honestly but he's still frozen. I stand and put my hand on his cheek but he grabs my wrist, directing me away from him.

"G-ge' 'ay fro'e" he says not even looking in my direction. I sit there silently for a moment. I hurt him, well not me but since I invited Kotonami into the house, it's because of me that he got hurt.

I nod with tears in my eyes. "I love you, Kuon," I whisper and he shakes his head not believing me. "The girls adore you," I take a deeper breath and finally allow the sobs to overcome me. "Would you like Father to take you to his house, if that's okay with him?" Kuu nods and I see he's sympathizing with me. We both know Kuon belongs here.

When Kuon nods it breaks my heart. I don't want to turn the responsibilities of helping him over to somebody else however I understand his emotions. At least he'll be with his parents who won't let anything bad happen to him. I stand up, seeing the internal pain he's going through and start to cry. "I'll get your things," I tell him feeling like Kotonami has ruined everything.

…

….

I turn to Kanae and smile, I'm excited to be moving overseas but I will truly miss her. I remember when I was much younger and I wanted to know her secret and I grew jealous thinking that I was only her second choice. I'm a hypocrite. I would follow Kuon to the end of eternity but unless Kuon was there as well, I wouldn't follow Moko.

"Are you sure that I can't convince you? That guy, he's not really giving you a -"

"Kuon said that the decision is up to me in the end," I tell her whilst smiling. I know that he would continue to act in Japan if I really wanted to stay here but he has his parents in Hollywood, he has had dreams since he was a kid of acting there. I really want to support him."

Moko sighs and rolls her eyes, "You are so different than when I met you. You swore that you wouldn't let a man control you."

I blush. "That was before I fell in love with Ren. Kuon is so different," I smile happily.

"Mo," Kanae sighs. "I wish you luck," she tells me and I smile. I don't need luck. I trust Kuon to look after me and I'll look after him. I've never felt this much love directed to me before.

…

….

This was my room when I was a kid. Of course, it's been redecorated into a guest room and my belongings are safely in storage from when I was young but this was where I slept as a child. I am a child. As much work as I've done to be mature and adult and accomplish my dreams, I am only a child in a man's body. I shiver at the thought of that.

I am the reason why Kyoko is losing her friends. I am only giving her grief. I am cursed to hurt the people I love and that's why I never wanted anything precious to begin with. I should be dead. I can't stay here with a clean conscious knowing that I'm stealing from my family. I hear a knock on the door and see Dad come in with another bowl of soup. I'm not hungry. I can't burden them any longer.

"Hey," Dad says as he puts the tray on the top of the chest of drawers and comes to sit on the guest bed opposite me, I still feel alone and broken. Everyone would be better off without me. "How are you doing? Are you feeling any better?" I don't know how to respond to that with this insulting slurred speech. I can feel the tears in my eyes and Dad reaches out for me but I flinch away from him. "What you heard, Kyoko doesn't agree with that. Remember what she said, she's proud of you and your progress, she loves you, you're never a burden to her or any of us."

I look away. I don't feel hungry. I've heard the truth now. I've heard how much of a burden I am to my family, to the people I considered friends, the girls would be better off without me. I don't know what to say to him without it coming out messy.

"Do you want some time alone to think?" Dad offers and I nod. He squeezes my shoulder lovingly but I pull away. Dad puts a buzzer down in front of me. "If you need anything then just press this and your mother and I will come see you immediately."

I nod. I won't be pressing it. Even if I'm dying on the floor, I can't take advantage of him anymore.

….

…..

"What are those?" I ask Daddy as I point to the wall where he has guns hung up. He says it's his collection. I wonder if we can play with them. Daddy looks at me very worried before staring at the toys.

"Those aren't toys," Daddy says before getting down next to me and pulling me into a hug. "Promise Daddy that you'll never play with them?" he asks me and I'm confused but I nod slowly. Daddy pulls me into his arms and picks me up, kissing my head and I laugh.

"It would break Daddy's heart if you got hurt so you mustn't touch," he kisses me again and I look at him. They aren't toys and they would cause pain? "How about if we play catch?" he asks me and I nod. Catch must be a lot more fun than these toys.

Daddy takes me to the backdoor and gets the ball. I look back at the room with the toys. I really wonder why Daddy seems so scared of them.

….

….

Something doesn't feel right. I know that I'm worried about Kuon, that is most likely what it is. I know that Kuon has a strange way of thinking ever since he felt he destroyed Rick's happiness. No, maybe it was before that and I just didn't notice. I sleepily walk downstairs and then notice that the light is on in the room where I keep my movie memorabilia. I keep posters in there, props, my collection of - I race down the stairs. I should have locked them up.

I manage to get into the room and my heart stops but my body speeds up, it's like an out of body experience. Kuon has a gun to his forehead. He has a fricken gun to his forehead. He's going to kill himself. He looks up surprised to see me and I take the miniscule opportunity that I have and slap the gun out of his hand, there's a loud bang but the bullet goes into the floor instead of into his head. I pick it up desperately and unload it, staring at him with wide eyes.

If I was a moment later then I wouldn't be here with my son alive, he would be a bloody corpse on the ground. I feel myself shaking as I scan him for any other weapons. He doesn't have any. I feel my entire body shaking and I feel horrible for what I next do, it's not fair but I shove the wheelchair so that he falls onto the ground and then I pin him down. I know that with how weak he is, he can't push away from me.

I grab my phone and whilst shivering call the emergency number, once I get to the dispatcher I try to fight through the shock and pain. "Hello, I need to get an ambulance or the police or I don't know but my son just attempted to kill himself." Kuon struggles but he's too weak to fight against me. If I was even a couple of seconds later… "He doesn't seem to have any wounds but I'm terrified of a repeated attempt." They tell me that they'll send an ambulance and there's a very deep pain in my heart. "Thank you," I whisper.

I don't even want to guess what Kyoko's reaction will be when she hears this. I hear Julie at the doorway, she's gone extremely pale and is trembling. She looks at the gun and then me on top of a conscious Kuon and tears stream down her face as she pieces together what happened.

"Thank god he's not hurt," she whispers as she puts a hand over her heart.

End of Chapter Thirty Three

Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated

Thank you to Kaname671 for reviewing Chapter Thirty Two