Roka had no recollection of how it felt to be trapped in the neverspace. Later the Doctor would tell her that there is no such thing as existing inside it, but if that was the case, how could they have been trapped there? A question she would never get an answer to.
What she remembered was the moment they both had entered the last open crack...
...only to stumble right back into the TARDIS the very next second.
"What the...?" she mumbled confused and hurled around to find the Doctor right behind her. "Are we still not gone yet?"
"Oh, I'm not sure. Not sure at all. Maybe this is a dream, a vision. Maybe we're not experiencing this at all. Maybe it's only..."
"Doctor..." Roka sighed.
He shot straight and clapped his hands together with a smirk. "Yes, yes. Of course. To action, my little impatient human. Let's have a looksie, shall we?"
A bit more carefully than necessary they stepped to the doors and the Doctor left a dramatic pause, his fingers on the handle, barely touching them, before he pushed the doors open. With slow steps he went outside, head tilted upwards to see the glinting stars above their heads. Roka followed and noticed that the surroundings looked like they were standing in a forest clearing, probably on earth.
"Where... is this?" she asked and trod next to the Time Lord.
Her eyes wandered up to the familiar star formations, then to the Doctor, who stood motionless. Only his lips twitched a little, his mouth forming a single, silent word.
"Gallifrey."
"No. This definitely is earth."
He closed his eyes and took in the deepest, saddest sigh a living being could ever do. The moment stretched almost into an eternity, before he spoke up, his voice calm, but barely able to hide his pain.
"Sometimes I visited this clearing, Roka. It's been a long while since I've been here last."
"What's so special about it?"
He pointed upwards, probably at one of the stars. "Do you have the slightest idea how many of those wonderful stars up there are long burned up before their light reaches your eyes here on earth?"
"More than I can count," Roka mumbled. And then she got it. "It's... still there, isn't it? The light of Gallifrey's suns."
"Yes." A sad smile twitched in the corners of his mouth. "Yes, it is." He turned to Roka and now his smile was genuine and widened by the second. "Amy and the Master did it! They brought us back! This is reality. The really real reality!"
"Are you... sure? We've never been gone, have we?"
"Oh, but that's the amazing part, dear." He held up an explaining finger and waved it about. "We can't remember the time we haven't been, because... we haven't been. Brilliant, isn't it?"
She realized he had to be right, but it still felt weird and unnatural. Her heart clenched a little and ached when she thought about how the others had all grown up and lived without knowing about the Doctor. And about her. Although the latter wasn't anything new.
Except for the Master.
How had he fared in the time he hadn't remembered? How long had it taken him? And what had changed during her absence?
She wanted to ask so many questions, wanted to look into his ancient eyes and see the joy of having brought her back to reality. Right now she only wanted to fling her arms around this stupid old Time Lord and hold him so tight, that he would probably hate her for it.
"Okay, let's visit Amy!" the Doctor decided. "She must be waiting for us already. I can literally hear her calling for me."
"Huh? How so?"
He chuckled and winked. "Because she is calling us back right here and now. It already happened, it will happen, and it's happening now. You know... wibbly wobbly and all that." He waved his own words away and ran back to the TARDIS.
Already he wanted to fling some levers and hit buttons, but then he stopped himself and looked Roka up and down.
"What?" she asked impatiently and arched a brow.
"You look rather horrible, I might say," he announced with a thoughtful look and peeked into a tiny mirror on the console. "And I as well. My, my, Doctor, you look like you came back from the dead!"
He chuckled at that and threw a mirthful glance at Roka. She only rolled her eyes and strode to the doors to the inside.
"Then let's get a shower first. If it makes you happy. Well, I'll do at least. Now that you had to mention it, I do feel rather grimy and raggedy." She sighed and went to do what she had told.
When she came back the Doctor was clean as well and already about to push buttons and pull levers and somewhere along the lines he dropped everything and rushed into the wardrobe, dragging Roka along, to get them some proper clothing.
"For the wedding," he explained. "Of course it's the wedding. Makes sense, doesn't it?" He hummed content and dug out a suit and a cylinder for himself. "Something old, something new," he mumbled smiling and held a black dress shirt towards Roka. "Something borrowed," he almost sang, pushing fitting pants and shoes into her arms, "something blue." With that he handed her a tie that had the colour of his TARDIS.
Roka looked at the clothes. "That... looks almost like some school uniform."
"It's only a suit." The Doctor winked and smiled. "Thought you weren't the type for dresses. And I've seen many women looking extremely decent in suits. So try it on!"
"Okay, okay." She shrugged and went into a cabin to change.
To her it still looked a little a uniform, but it really only was a suit, cut to fit a woman's form. The cloth was smooth and mostly black. Only the vest had a midnight sky blue colour, complimenting the neck tie. She looked at herself in the mirror and wasn't quite sure if she liked it or not.
Well, definitely better than a dress, she decided and followed the Time Lord back to the console room, snatching a pair of thin black gloves from a rack on their way to done them quickly.
"Ready?" he asked and beamed at her.
Oh yes, she was. After all these events she only wanted to see everyone well, wanted to celebrate this wedding with them and just forget about endings and big bangs and Pandoricas and what not.
.
The Master got up from his heels, his hands leaving his head only hesitantly. So many things had changed in a single moment, so many timelines had been rewritten, shifted and puzzled together completely anew.
Like his own.
He remembered the feeling of awaiting someone standing next to him as a child, only to find no one there. He also remembered turning around and seeing the brightly smiling face of a blond boy in that place. He remembered doing things so horribly it even exceeded his own capacity for evil. He also remembered how the Doctor had been there to prevent him from doing exactly that. All those realities suddenly existed in the same place for the Master, even though those that now hadn't happened slowly started to fade and feel more and more like a dream.
But not all of it faded.
.
"Okay, Doctor. Did I surprise you this time?" Amy's voice asked from outside the TARDIS.
With a smug smile gracing his face the Doctor swung open one door and stepped out to her.
"Er, yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. How lucky I happened to be wearing this old thing." He gestured towards his clothes and waved into the room. "Hello, everyone. I'm Amy's imaginary friend... But I came anyway."
All guests were suddenly chatting loudly, confused and whatnot about the appearance of this man they had all thought to be nothing but a figment of Amy's imagination.
Roka couldn't help it. She used the distraction und wrapped her arms around the bride. Amy giggled and hugged her back tightly.
"I'm so glad I could bring you two back," she mumbled. "Oh, but I'm sorry it took me so long! I don't even know why... But it doesn't matter, right?" She beamed at Roka and stepped back a little. "You're here again, that's the important part. And look! The Master made it here too!" Amy cocked a brow. "Wow, weird... I remember him visiting me as a child and telling me stories... but it's like a dream, not like a real memory... I wonder if that really happened."
Roka chuckled and glanced over at the Time Lord. "I'll ask him."
"Yeah, head over. He probably missed you," Amy teased and then went after the Doctor.
The Master stood a good bit to the side, somewhat blending in with the guests and somehow also sticking out as if he were dressed in some neon clothes. He wasn't of course. Instead he wore the favourite attire of this regeneration. A black suit, but without the jacket, and therefore a blood red tie around his neck.
His eyes were glued to Roka, but they were not filled with anything anyone could call joy. Roka swallowed hard and felt her mouth going dry. He looked like the man she had met so many years ago, distanced, cold... and so incredibly lonely. Not the slightest hint of warmth was in his eyes, no glinting amusement or playfulness.
His eyes never left her as Roka came closer.
What happened to him?, she wondered.
And then they stood in front of each other, and the air was cold and filled with static electricity. It was unnerving to look at him, the sight let her heart clench and she swallowed once more.
"Hello," Roka muttered shyly.
No response.
She licked her lips because they were so horribly dry and she suddenly didn't know where to look anymore. Finally she peeked up at the Master again and tried another smile.
"I'm back."
He nodded.
His shoulders sank down and a deep, almost ragged breath let his chest rise. It seemed as if all energy vanished out of his body and as if he would simply collapse to the floor at any moment, never to get up from it again.
It pained Roka to see him like this and she stretched a hand out, hesitated for a moment, and placed it over his hearts.
"What happened to you?" she asked carefully.
The Master stared at her hand at his chest, his eyes flickering back and forth between it and her face. So slow as if he didn't have the physical strength anymore, he lifted his hand to enclose hers into it.
Only to push it away from him.
Without another look he walked away, vanished into the crowd and finally left the building even.
Startled about his reaction Roka stood still for a while, unable to comprehend what had just happened. This was not how she had imagined their reunion. Not at all.
"Come outside, I think we need to have a little talk."
Roka turned around and glanced into a friendly smiling face, framed by golden curls. River looked as if she too was a little puzzled, but also willing to maybe shine a light on the situation. They made their way through the celebrating crowd, but exited through another door than the Master had. Here they found themselves in Amy's garden, the shed that had once been destroyed by the Doctor's TARDIS, decorating the untended grass. It was still bright outsight, although evening was drawing closer by the minute, and the aestival air brimmed with heat and the noises of busy insects and birds.
"So... Who are you?" asked River after she had observed Roka for a bit.
"Wh... what?" Roka blinked perplex at the blond woman. "Why do you ask that? Last time we met, you acted as if we'd known each other for ages. But then again..." She pondered over the incident with the angels. "The first time we met, you also didn't know me. But there you told the Doctor you'd remember the Pandorica opening. So it must still be in your future." Puzzled she looked up and cast a confused glance at River. "Which means you can't remember me in your future, but you could in your past? How in the Vortex is that making any sense?"
"Well, that's indeed peculiar." River held up her wrist that wore a Vortex Manipulator and let it wander over Roka for a bit. "There are a few weird readings about you, but nothing that would cause such a thing. Your matter isn't as dense as it should be in a human body."
"Yeah, I know." Roka shrugged. "It used to be an unstoppable process. But the Master prevented it. It's not progressing anymore."
"I see..." For a good minute River only paced up and down, head tilted upwards in thoughts.
"People also tended to forget my entire existence," Roka continued to explain eventually. "Usually within a few minutes. That also stopped, but maybe... it's still affecting you for some reason?"
The curly woman stopped and nodded, then shook her head. "Ah, I don't know. It all makes not much sense. Somehow I do remember you, you know? But not like... this." She waved her hand up and down over Roka's appearance. "You were so much younger, and blond. And you lived here... with Amy."
"Uh... wait. No. I mean, yes. I grew up here, but I've never met Amy in that time."
"She can't remember it either. I just asked her about it. No one here seems to remember you."
"Of course not." Roka shrugged and looked away. She didn't want to think about it. "That glitch made even my parents forget about me. The only person, who was ever able to keep me in his mind was the Master... Long story."
"The Master... well, he is a mystery too." River's eyes glinted sarcastically at those words.
"He acted so weird, right now," Roka muttered and thought back to their encounter. "As if he couldn't bear to see me. But before the Pandorica he... Well, he wouldn't have reacted like that."
Again River held up her obviously modified VM and typed in a bunch of things, her eyebrows raising and falling, her mouth eventually dropping open as she gazed back at Roka.
"You never existed. You and the Doctor. Right until now I mean..."
"Yeah, I know that. But shouldn't it have all reverted back to when we had existed?" She arched a questioning brow.
"Yes, yes, but come, take a look."
River waved her over and showed her the small display. There was an official document displayed on it, showing Roka as a child on an unsolved missing children report.
"The Doctor already found that. It's from when my parents forgot me more and more. They must have thought I vanished... and then forgot about it."
"That's not the mystery here, dear."
The blond woman tapped a button and revealed another file. It was a normal, not at all weird profile of Roka. Her name, birthday and all that was on it. There also was a picture of her, but here she was older, maybe around eighteen. And all data was there, her school career, a report from the night Josh had gone missing... and that was all. As if she had gone missing too one day.
"But I've never lived that life," Roka mumbled perplex.
"No, you didn't."
Both women spun around at the voice from behind. The Master stood there with his arms protectively folded over his chest, his eyes cold and his look torn from whatever plagued him.
"What.. do you mean?" Roka enquired with a dry mouth.
"Yeah, that I'd love to know too," River seconded.
"It means..." the Master stared up, his eyes glued to the darkening sky, "I'm not and never will be able to forget you. And therefore you never vanished from existence at all, even with the Pandorica."
"But..."
"But..." he repeated darkly, glaring down at her with what could almost be called hate in his eyes, "...it was like with plastic Rory. A duplicate of some sorts, if you want. Created..." There he stopped and turned his head away, unwilling to speak another word.
"Oh, deary," River suddenly muttered, her voice warm and understanding. It reminded Roka of how Amy so often reacted. "Your memories were strong enough to create another version of her, but not to bring the original back, am I right?"
The Master snapped his head back up and shot her a - truly - hateful glare this time.
"No, that's not it." He shook his head and stepped forward, towering over Roka, the scowl still etched into his features. "I did none of this on purpose!" he spat. "Stumbled over the other you on accident. Maybe not accident, who knows... our fates are probably too interwoven or whatnot."
"So you met me?"
He nodded and the scowl deepened, his voice suddenly wearing an almost unrecognizable hint of confusion and maybe... desperation? "It felt as if I should remember something important, each time I visited this you. It was right there. Always. But I couldn't remember... I..." His voice broke and the hate vanished from his eyes, got replaced by something much darker and... sadder.
Roka had no idea what to make of this. And especially was she confused about why he seemed so broken all of a sudden.
"Uhm... so there is a second me running around somewhere?" she asked curiously.
The Master moved his lips as if to speak, but then shut his mouth and glared at her, before he almost whispered, "She died... Because she decided to travel with me."
"Oh..." was all Roka could manage to get out after a few seconds of shocked silence. There was a greater story lurking behind this simple explanation, that she could sense.
"Oh..." River repeated. And then her eyes widened and she stared at the Time Lord, suddenly and seemingly understanding something Roka could not. "Oh, you damn selfish bastard, you," she uttered, and it sounded way less accusingly as the words suggested. "You could have brought them back years ago..."
"Yeah..." was all he offered and sharply turned around to leave the women to themselves again.
Roka shook her head and blinked a few times. None of it helped to ease her confusion.
"I don't get it," she finally admitted and peeked at River.
She had an almost teasing smile on her lips now.
"I've seen that expression before," she stated. "Oh, that's a look... what a look he gave you." River chuckled a little, especially when she saw the frown on Roka's face. "What a selfish fool."
Roka grunted annoyed and rolled her eyes. Why was this woman as irritating as Amy? "Spit it out already. This is about me after all!"
"Oh dear, oh dear." The curly woman stepped next to Roka and laid an arm around her shoulders. "I think he chose not to remember. Subconsciously maybe, but nonetheless he did." She threw a short side glance at the still puzzled Roka. "Don't you get it? It was perfect in a way. There was a version of you who was able to lead the live you never could. Without being forgotten and all that. And a version of you that seems to have been willing to follow him. Maybe even... loved him."
And finally she understood too. The whole picture suddenly snapped into place, even though she didn't have all the details. Somehow they had met, under completely different circumstances, but had still found together. This other her had even decided to give up this live, just to travel with the Master.
And then she had died.
And he still remembered this alternate live, with this alternate Roka...
She swallowed hard and left River's side. Her doubled existence probably was the reason the blond woman couldn't quite remember her anymore after the Pandorica. It made only halfway sense to Roka, but there was no other explanation to it. It also wasn't the most important matter at hand right now.
"I have to find him," she explained and rushed away.
By now the sky was clad in a deep, burning pink, the sun drawing a fire over the horizon as if it wanted to burn the whole planet.
Roka pondered about where the Master could be, but she didn't have to look long. He simply stood leaned against one of the decorative trees in front of Amy's house, glancing up at the window that belonged to the red-head. He long heard her steps, but didn't react until she stood almost next to him. Only then did he turn his head and revealed all the sadness and pain he had been hiding before.
"You cursed me," he uttered. "There was a whole new life, a whole new me, but all I did was..."
To fall in love with her... again.
"Or maybe I cursed myself," the Master added and pushed his hands into his pant pockets. "Would have been so much easier to forget you after Gallifrey. To let you vanish. To not bother if you become an undying ghost. Why the hell did I ever make this my problem in the first place?" His brows knitted together and his nose wrinkled almost in disgust at her sight.
Roka wasn't mad about those words. She surely wouldn't react differently after an experience like that. It still hurt. But who was she to complain? He had chosen her duplicate because she had still been able to reciprocate his feelings. He had gained what he had wished for all this time. Only to lose it and get... her as a replacement.
"I... can leave," she eventually said, pushing a dead leave around with her foot. "Me being here only hurts you." She shook her head and took a step back. "I don't want that, Master."
"It's fading," he said quietly, staring up at the bleeding sky. "Soon this life will be nothing but the faint memory of a dream."
Roka nodded, unsure what to respond. She remembered her own Vortex Manipulator. The Doctor had used it to control the Pandorica, but since that technically had never happened, she still wore the device. A slight smile creped onto her lips and she glanced up at the Master.
"Thank you," she said, "for finding me. For giving me a real life. You did more than you probably know. And now I can look forward with a smile again." A sigh escaped her, deep and sad. It was hard to say goodbye, but if not now, then probably never. "Well... maybe I won't be smiling that much for a little while. I don't want to leave you. But, I guess it's-"
The Master turned around, got his hands out of his pockets, his eyes unreadable.
And then he suddenly pulled at her and drew Roka into his arms, held her so tight it made her gasp. There was no room left to move, so she rested her head against his chest, breathed in his familiar scent and listened to his racing hearts.
It took Roka a few seconds to overcome her surprise, but then she slid her arms around his torso and held the Master as firmly as she was able to, eager to let him forget what he had experienced in this alternate timeline.
"Don't you ever dare leaving," he uttered into her ear. "I don't allow it."
His embrace was so warm, his presence so soothing, Roka wanted nothing more but for this moment to last forever. Her own heart matched his frantic rhythm, her head felt light, almost a little drowsy.
And in that moment she found something in herself she had thought to be lost, but had actually been there all along. She would not tell the Master about it. Not yet. Not when his wounds were still fresh and needed time to heal. But she would be there for him, she would stay close. And in the end they maybe would be able to fix what had been broken so long ago.
.
A/N: Phew... That whole Pandorica thing turned out quite lengthy, didn't it? ;D
This whole mess was planned to be a lot shorter, lol. But my brain was against it and the chapters kept growing and growing... *whistles innocently*
Always loved that episode though. It has so much... power in it. There wasn't much about it I would change, but I also don't like plain rewrites, so I took this "backflash" route instead. ;D
Also... the Master wants to let you all know he will come and eat you, if you don't leave a review. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Next issue: fluff galore! Be prepared! 👀