"Sh – She can't be –" Sirius choked out, eyes dripping with tears. Sirius stumbled, pressing his back against the wall as he shook violently, he couldn't seem to stop. The whole world seemed to be closing in on him, an excruciating pain rising at the back of his head.

"Padfoot," Remus extended his arms towards Sirius, holding him at an arm's length.

"Tell me you're mistaken," Sirius demanded, as he wiped his tears off with the back of his hand.

"I am so sorry," Remus whispered, shaking his head.

"Sorry? What am I going to do with it?" Sirius snapped, his nails digging into his palms. "Who did it?"

"We don't know," Remus answered, dropping his hands to his side.

"Do you know?" Sirius jerked his head towards Peter, who was standing like a statue in the hallway of Sirius's house.

"No," he replied, his voice flat, eyes fixed on the ground as he shook his head.

"Of course, you don't," Sirius spoke from between his teeth. He straightened up, and pushed past Remus, walking towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked, stopping Sirius dead in his tracks.

"She might still be alive, I need to go help her," Sirius replied, yanking the door open as he walked out in the cool evening breeze. He couldn't believe that she was gone, it wasn't possible. Early death doesn't come for people like Marlene. Maybe her whole family died and she survived, as she always did. Maybe she was injured, but she was alive for sure. She had to be!

"SIRIUS!" Remus shouted, jogging up to him, catching a hold of his wrist, stopping him.

"WHAT?!" Sirius shouted back as he swung around, gritting his teeth.

"Don't go there," Remus pleaded, tilting his head to the left, the sombre look on his face was unbearable to Sirius.

"WHY?" Sirius could feel his rage coming up like magma, just as destructive. He didn't care if he was standing in the middle of a street, he was blinded by rage. "I NEED TO HELP HER, ALRIGHT? YOU SHOULD'VE GONE THERE TOO TO HELP HER BUT INSTEAD YOU CAME HERE TO TELL ME THAT SHE DI – DIED."

"The whole house is destroyed, there is no way anyone survived," Remus told him, holding Sirius's wrist tighter as he tried to escape Remus's grasp.

"BUT SHE DID! MARLENE SURVIVED! SHE ALWAYS DOES – SHE MUST'VE GOTTEN OUT SOMEHOW!" Sirius needed his best friend to understand, it was simple, so why couldn't Remus grasp it?

"HOW?!" Remus snapped back. He took in a deep breath before he continued, softer this time, "She didn't know how to apparate."

"If you say it one more time Remus –" Sirius's eyes widened, tears threatening to spill, his teeth clenched together, "Don't bother showing me your face. EVER." Pulling his hand away from Remus's grip, Sirius bolted down the street. Quickening his pace, he broke into a sprint, clutching his hands tightly by his side.

As soon as Sirius reached Marlene's house, it felt like concrete drying inside his chest. Four bodies laid beside each other on the cold damp grass, a number of aurors flooding the place, but no heed was being paid to the bodies.

Sirius had to cover his mouth with his hands to stop the sob from escaping his lips. The scarlet liquid had already dried around their clothes and faces, as they laid there in a peaceful slumber. The bruises on their exposed skin looked painful, their ashen white skin making it more pronounced.

Marlene laid on her brother's left, closest to the house. Before Sirius could stop himself, he tumbled towards her as if some magnetic force pulling him. His legs began to shake as they gently folded, bringing him to his knees beside her. His brain stuttered for a moment, eyes instantly scanning her whole body.

"Marlene?" Sirius whispered, too scared to touch her. What if he hurt her? It already looked like she was in pain, the way bruises lined up on her body. His eyes froze wide open, in an expression of stunned shock.

He ran his index finger on her cheekbone, and he instantly shivered, feeling her cold skin against his own warm skin. 'She must be cold,' he thought, but his body wouldn't move, mouth opening and shutting like a fish, he had no idea what he was doing.

"Wake up," he choked out, gulping in the lump in his throat. Lowering his head, placing her hand against his cheek, kissing her palm. "Don't sleep anymore, please wake up."

When her expressions remained unchanged, Sirius let out a sob, scooting closer to her. Pushing away the stray lock of hair away from her face, his hand found its way to her shoulder, he gently shook her. "Why are you doing this? Are you angry with me? I will explain everything," he asked, all of a sudden it seemed like his body was drained of all its energy. "I am sorry love, please wake up," he begged, desperate for any response.

His walls collapsed in an instant, tears cascading down his cheeks, falling from his chin onto Marlene's shirt as he sobbed into her chest, hands clutching onto her. When he finally allowed himself to scream – raw and human – it tore through everyone's heart. It made hair raise at the back of everyone's neck as they stopped with whatever they were doing, watching him holding onto Marlene like his life depended on it.

Sirius had no idea how long it was since he was crying, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. Even through his tears, he could make out it was Caradoc, sitting next to him. "We need to move," he told Sirius.

Cradling Marlene against his chest, Sirius shook his head, turning his attention back at Marlene, kissing her forehead over and over again. 'I won't let you go now,' he promised her silently.

"Let go Sirius," Caradoc whispered, trying to loosen his grip on Marlene, "we need to move them before the Death Eaters come back."

Sirius couldn't forget or forgive how two aurors along with Caradoc tore him away from Marlene, as he desperately tried to hold onto her. Flailing his arms towards her as the distance grew between them, he screamed – the loudest and most piercing scream he had ever let out, and he cried as if his brain was being shredded from inside; but those cold and cruel wizards only increased the distance between them, not understanding that Sirius needed Marlene.

A week later, Sirius was lying on his bed, eyes wide open as he stared at the ceiling. A week had passed since Marlene was resting six feet under the ground peacefully, and Sirius was not. There was an emptiness in his heart, the feeling of nothingness. He turned to his side, clutching onto the pillow tightly as he closed his eyes. Wasn't it too cruel to witness so many deaths at such a young age? Sirius wondered how long it would be before his brain shut off, cutting the part that grieved.

If anything was worse, it was the fact that Sirius had to pretend like he was doing alright, continuing his duty towards the Order. Not that he resented it, after all, the Order was primarily trying to protect his godson, his best friend and his best friend's wife – the only family he had. He tossed in his bed, turning towards the table where he had kept Harry's first birthday present.

Sirius had been excited to give it to Harry himself, and watch it as he opened it. But for passed few days, he hadn't been feeling anything but empty. He was wrenched that he wouldn't be present for Harry's first birthday, but nonetheless, he was going to send it.

Unable to sleep anymore, he threw his feet off the bed, getting up and walking to the table. His eyes drifted to the only photograph of Marlene he had resting on the table. She was smiling back at Sirius and then looking down at her feet, and as tears started to pool in his eyes, he ran his fingers on her face, he picked it up and got up from the table. Shoving it in the inside pocket of his long coat, he threw the coat back on the floor, making his way back to the table.

He pulled out a piece of parchment and began writing the letter.

'Dear James and Lily,

Happy 1st Birthday to Harry. I am sorry I cannot make it to his birthday, there is some unavoidable Order's business, but I will visit as soon as I can. I had already bought him this present in advance, and was looking forward to watching him open it. I hope he likes it. Also, tell him how much I love him.

I hope that both of you are doing well, don't forget to write to me and tell me how my godson celebrated his first birthday. Take care of the three of you.

Love,

Sirius.'

As soon as he had sealed the parchment, Sirius picked up the gift and the letter and made his way to the other room where he kept his owl. Opening the cage, he helped his owl out. The owl held the letter in his mouth and Sirius opened the window of the room. "Take it to James's," he said in a monotonous tone, the owl tilted his head before picking up the present in his talons. Spreading his wings, he zoomed out of the window, disappearing behind the horizon.

When Sirius returned after the mission, he already had a letter waiting for him. He picked it up from the floor, and smiled. Sitting on the couch he opened the letter and instantly recognised Lily's handwriting. His smile grew wider as he noticed the photograph.

Harry was riding his broomstick as James chased after him, and Lily laughing at them. Sirius wondered if they had a good birthday celebration, and began reading the letter.

'Dear Padfoot,

Thank you, thank you, for Harry's birthday present! It was his favourite by far. One year old and already zooming along on a toy broomstick, he looked so pleased with himself, I'm enclosing a picture so you can see. You know it only rises about two feet off the ground, but he nearly killed the cat and he smashed a horrible vase Petunia sent me for Christmas (no complaints there). Of course, James thought it was funny, says he's going to be a great Quidditch player, but we've had to pack away all the ornaments and make sure we don't take our eyes off him when he gets going.

We had a very quiet birthday tea, just us and old Bathilda, who has always been sweet to us, and who dotes on Harry. We were so sorry you couldn't come, but the Order's got to come first, and Harry's not old enough to know it's his birthday anyway! James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell - also, Dumbledore's still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard.'

Sirius took in a sharp breath as he read the last line, trying not to feel the wound in his heart, still every time he took a breath, it felt like it pierced his skin and heart.

'Bathilda drops in most days, she's a fascinating old thing with the most amazing stories about Dumbledore, I'm not sure he'd be pleased if he knew! I don't know how much to believe, actually, because it seems incredible that Dumbledore –' Sirius curiously turned to the next page to read what Lily had written.

'could ever have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind's going, personally!

Lots of love,

Lily.' Sirius chuckled, shaking his head. Dumbledore and Grindelwald? He wondered what kind of stories Bathilda was telling, but he could assume they were amusing.

Days passed slowly for Sirius and nights even slower. Most of his dreams were filled with Marlene's soft smile and warm words, but sometimes he saw her lifeless body which would jolt him awake. In any case, he would wake up with the feeling of hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness. His mind was always surrounded with questions of what ifs. What if he hadn't pushed her away? What if he had told her he loved her? What if he had tried harder to protect her?

His only solitude was either the Order's missions or visiting James's house. Wormtail seemed distant too, but Sirius couldn't pay much heed to it, hoping someone else would notice it too because his body constantly felt drained of energy.

After a while, his unspoken wish came true. His mind stopped feeling grief at all, it was either because he was too tired or because he'd had enough. So, when the news of Caradoc's death came, Sirius felt nothing – only numbness. He didn't cry, or felt anything other than what he was already feeling.

He was sure that now he would be able to pick up himself once again and fight back with all his strength. After all, the Order needed everyone they could get, there had been too many casualties on their side and if they wanted to win the war and protect Harry, they needed to brace themselves and fight back.

Sirius had ought to know that life had a knack for taunting Sirius. He was the least favourite child of fate and luck seemed to run away at his sight. How could he believe that he would pick himself up when he still had so much to lose?

31st October 1981.

Sirius was going to visit Peter in his safe house. Peter wasn't allowed to leave the safe house, at least not alone, and Sirius wondered if that is what bothered him. After all, staying alone without any freedom was not fun.

Sirius's heart dropped to his stomach when he noticed that the door of Peter's house was ajar. He pulled out his wand in an instant and pushed the door open. 'Not Wormtail,' he chanted in his head repeatedly. If his friend had become a target because Sirius had pursued him to be the secret keeper for James and Lily, Sirius didn't know how he'd be able to live with himself.

He entered the house without making any sounds, but much to his surprise, the house was in perfect shape. No signs of struggles or intruders. He began searching for Peter, but he was missing.

'What if –' Sirius's brain instantly worked in an overdrive, 'he had not put up a fight to begin with?' Sirius rushed out of the house, putting his wand in the pocket of his long coat. Jumping on the motorcycle, he turned the key and the engine made a loud noise.

Once in the air, he decided to go warn James and Lily first. After all, if Peter was in trouble, and if he gave up their locations, they would need a head start to leave their hiding place. Sirius hoped with all his might that Peter would be able to put up a fight till Sirius found him.

Sirius got off his motorcycle, too slowly to be normal as his eyes took in the wreckage of the Potter household. His face ashen, and his heart pounding in his chest, he could hear it in his head. 'Maybe they escaped,' he thought to himself, pulling out his wand, because clearly, they had put on a fight, given the state of the house and James and Lily were exceptional wizards.

His feet pounded against the pavement as he made his way to the front of the house, throwing open the fence door. He could already hear the loud screams of his godson, and a sense of relief washed over him. They were safe and alive! He sighed, putting back his wand in his long coat.

As soon as the front of the house came into view, Sirius halted. There stood a shaggy black-haired man, too tall and broad to be inconspicuous and in his arms was a tiny baby, maybe he looked too tiny because of the half giant.

"Hagrid?" Sirius asked, walking towards the blurry man, who blocked the entrance to the house.

"Sirius?" Hagrid questioned back, as he gently rocked Harry in his arms. Sirius's eyes widened when he noticed a slash across Harry's forehead, blood oozing out of it, as Harry flailed his arms towards it. "What're yeh doin' ere?"

Sirius felt a surge of emotions wash over him, his eyes widened as he tried to look past Hagrid inside the house. Why was Hagrid holding Harry? Where were James and Lily? "J – James and L – L – Lily?" Sirius stuttered, his eyes started tearing up.

Hagrid sighed and shook his head, "They didn't make it – they're inside. You-know-who is gone too."

Sirius's breath hitched in his throat, slowly his walls started tearing down once again, the only support that helped him stay up and tears busted through like a dam being broken. Sirius could hear his heart pounding in his head. He felt his body shaking once again, a shiver running down his spine. He gazed around the wreckage with his eyes almost as lifeless as the rest of those who died in the war.

The ringing sound in his ears was piercing and once again it felt like the walls were closing in on him. His hand reached towards his heart, as he clutched onto his coat, trying to hold his heart in its place as he felt it wither away.

He was anchored back to reality when Harry's wail reached his ears again. The boy was barely a year old and orphaned? Sirius couldn't help but reach towards Harry, "Give him to me Hagrid, I am his godfather, I'll take care of him." Sirius knew he needed something, or someone to keep him sane. He needed to hold Harry in his arms and comfort the baby and let him comfort Sirius.

"No, Me orders from Dumbledore, I've to bring him to his aunt's," Hagrid shook his head, placing a hand on Sirius's shoulder, but Sirius didn't care to look at Hagrid. "Yer godson's gonna be safe."

Sirius swallowed his anger, as his vision became blurry with tears. Harry's safety was paramount and Hagrid was right, he'd be safer with Lily's sister, and once he found out if Voldemort was gone, he could take Harry with him. Once he found out what happened to his brother, and avenge him, Sirius would find his way back to his godson.

"Take my motorcycle then, it's faster and safer," Sirius offered, stepping closer to Hagrid as he extended his arm towards Harry, taking his chubby hand in his own, he pressed his lips to his tiny fingers. 'You're going to be safe now, I'll come find you,' he promised, smiling as Harry calmed down before Hagrid walked away.

Sirius froze in his spot, his eyes widening the size of a saucer when a pair of legs came into his view. He wasn't ready to see it – but his brain had already given up, shutting off and feeling numb; his body on the other hand continued. Trembling he walked towards the pair of legs, and he gasped loudly, his own legs giving up as he landed next to James, whose eyes were still open but cold.

Sirius covered his mouth with the back of his trembling hand, but the sobs still escaped as he tried to look away from James. He felt as if he had been hit in the gut and he doubled over in pain, letting out a muffled sob. "I am sorry," he whispered, his hand reaching towards his fallen brother.

He didn't break quietly, it was like every inch of his being screamed with all it's might as Sirius took James's hand in his own and pressed his forehead against it, screwing his eyes shut, trying to forget the nightmare. How was he supposed to continue?

Placing James's hand back, Sirius scrambled off the floor, rushing to look for Lily. Hagrid wasn't the most observant one, and maybe he was mistaken. Because Lily couldn't be dead too.

He raced up the stairs, adrenaline pumping through his system and he instantly fell on the ground too as soon as he white and lifeless face came into his view. Pain flowed out of every pore of his being, as he crawled towards Lily, turning her to her back.

Sirius could feel bile rising up to his stomach. He was grasping for air, his throat burning as a silent scream erupted from between his lips. He was losing his mind – again. His friends remained on the ground – unmoving, unthinking and unblinking.

Sirius cried and cried – until his cries turned into something else. It boiled up in his stomach and then came out like wildfire, consuming him. It was as if his brain was hardwired for vengeance all of a sudden and only one name repeated in his brain – Peter Pettigrew.

A/N: Hey Readers,

Phew! That was a lot to wrap up in one chapter. The story is finally coming to an end, only one part left to tell. I would be updating the final chapter soon, so look out for that! Thank you for your constant support, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Leave a review and let me know. Hit that Follow and Favourite button if he liked the story!

Thanks!

-JT