A/N: Happy Birthday to me and a new chapter for you.

Also thanks to all those who reviewed on the last chapter. I am not a huge fan of too much angst, so things will lighten up soon. ;)

Chapter 25

"Quinn, wait!"

She couldn't decide whether she felt relieved or scared to hear Rachel's voice cutting through the night only moments after she had turned around to leave. She knew she was behaving childish, but she couldn't have that conversation with Rachel. It would bring back everything. The hurt, the disappointment, and the love she still felt for her. That part was the scariest.

Quinn didn't want to feel those things anymore. All she wanted was peace and a tranquil heart. Being anywhere near Rachel, however, sent her down an emotional rollercoaster, sweeping her off her feet the second she locked eyes with her.

She took one, two, three more steps before she came to a halt beneath a red neon sign that said "Blue Bar". Weird, she thought, but not as weird as facing Rachel again after their almost-kiss.

"Quinn," Rachel said. The sound of her own name from her mouth was something Quinn never got used to.

The blonde turned around hesitantly. Rachel's hair was disheveled and her dress sat slightly crooked around her shoulders, but she radiated some sort of classy elegance, Quinn had not seen on her in years.

"I want to be alone right now," Quinn said, although it broke her heart doing so.

"Can I ask you just one question?" Rachel pleaded. "Just one."

"Uh okay," Quinn replied. She noticed that Rachel shivered slightly, because the nights in New York where still chilly, but Quinn fought the urge to put her arms around her.

"When you came to see my NYADA recital in 2015, why did you just disappear? I looked for you all over the place," Rachel said while she kneaded her hands.

"You did?" Quinn asked in surprise. Rachel just nodded and waited for her two answer.

"Well," Quinn began and let out a long breath. "That's kind of complicated."

XVXVX

Autumn 2015

'NYADA Annual Students' Recital' was written on the white and blue banner spanned from one side of the building to the other. Quinn tilted her head and looked at it from below, once more debating with herself whether coming here had been a good idea.

"Stop blocking the entrance," someone snapped at her, making her flinch and forgetting what she had been thinking about. But she quickly composed herself, shot the unfriendly visitor an angry glare and proceeded towards the entrance.

While Quinn slowly walked through the reception hall and followed the signs indicating where the performers were getting ready for their big night, she clutched the bouquet of flowers in her right hand tighter. Maybe she should've brought roses instead of dahlias. She shook her head as she rounded a corner and entered a long corridor which looked way less luxurious than the impressive front hall. While she approached the backstage area, her heartbeat picked up speed and her palms grew sweaty. Quinn took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was over Rachel. She definitely was.

'So why are you even here then, Fabray?' an annoying voice in her head asked. 'Who comes all the way from New Haven just to see the girl you're supposed to have forgotten about?' Quinn shook off the nagging voice. Friends do that. Right?

Friends. The word sounded foreign and Quinn knew that said term did in no way describe her and Rachel's relationship appropriately. Quinn hadn't seen the brunette since the glee reunion back in 2013. There had been another one, but she had chosen not to attend it. Later she had heard from Santana that Rachel also hadn't been present. Maybe she had tried to avoid Quinn in order to not talk about their promise. Quinn shook her head at her own silliness. Of course that hadn't been it. Rachel probably had forgotten about that stupid school girls' idea long ago. Like Quinn had, too. At least that's what she liked to believe.

Quinn proceeded through the corridor until she reached the last door, which stood wide open. When she entered the ample room, it felt as if she had just landed in another world. She heard singing, recitals of monologues, and people chattering from all sides. A guy in a Victorian era costume almost knocked her over while he seemed to be in the middle of practicing a particular difficult dance move.

Quinn had never felt more out of place, standing there forlorn, the flower bouquet in her hand, among the people set to become the future stars of Broadway and possibly Hollywood. Maybe coming here had been a bad idea. Maybe Rachel was still with that guy she had told her about and didn't even care to see her. After all, she had barely acknowledged Quinn's existence during the last two years.

But since she was already here, she should go through with it, Quinn figured. She had to see her or else she might regret it later. And since she was so over Rachel Berry anyways there shouldn't be anything wrong with being a supportive friend to her, right?

Quinn hid the flowers behind her back and looked for Rachel. It wasn't easy since there were so many students running around, some of them in costume and some of them with hair colors she hadn't even known you could dye your hair in. And then she saw Rachel. She could only see her back, but Quinn knew it was her. She would always know.

Slowly, the blonde approached the nook where Rachel was sitting in front of a large mirror. Finally she got a glimpse of the brunette's face and as soon as she had laid her eyes on the familiar features her heart started beating faster once again. Stupid heart.

Quinn stared blankly at Rachel's reflection in the mirror, unsure how to greet her appropriately after all this time. She still hadn't made up her mind when Rachel turned her head and met her eyes in the mirror.

Quinn saw her flinch and grab her chest in surprise. "Oh my god, Quinn!" she cried out and jumped up from her chair.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Quinn replied and felt a small smile forming around her lips. Rachel was still stunning as ever, but she had gotten thinner and her makeup couldn't hide all of the dark circles that made her look tired and worn out.

Quinn looked down at the flowers she had pulled from behind her back. Her hand was slightly shaking and she prayed that Rachel wouldn't notice. "They symbolize strength." She handed Rachel the flowers. "I thought you might need some since it's your final year."

She kept her eyes on the flowers, fearing that if she were to look at Rachel it would all come back to her in an instant. She had just broken up with Valencia from musical theory class, but why did she never even think about her for a second? Why was it always Rachel?

"T-thank you. They are beautiful," Rachel said and made an awkward gesture as if she were to hug Quinn, but she didn't and instead an uncomfortable silence settled in the space between them.

"I didn't expect you to come," Rachel said. She could've said 'I'm glad you came' but she didn't. Quinn swallowed heavily while she started to realize Rachel might not be as happy as she was about their encounter. She better didn't tell her she had planned on coming here for months and had spend the last weeks playing out different scenarios of their reunion in her head.

"Well, I happened to talk to Kurt the other day and he kind of invited me. I figured he'd get more than enough flowers, so I only bought yours," she said while she kneaded her hands nervously.

She finally risked a glance at Rachel and wished she'd be able to read in them like she always had been able to. She wanted to see everything Rachel had been through and know how she was feeling about Quinn, yet the only thing she could see were tired brown eyes as deep as the Atlantic ocean. One glance was simply not enough to read in them, but Quinn knew she couldn't meet her eyes for longer than that. Only one second more and she'd be wrecked.

"Oh I see," Rachel said quietly.

They drifted into silence once more and Quinn desperately tried to think of something to say to make it go away. Maybe she should step forward and hug Rachel. Maybe that'd take away the awkwardness. But the appropriate time for a hug had already passed. When Quinn eventually opened her mouth to ask Rachel about tonight's performance, a tall, muscular guy suddenly appeared out of nowhere and spoke to Rachel: "Rachel, you ready for a last minute practice?"

He completely ignored Quinn, which made her hate him already. However, what she hated even more was the look he was giving Rachel. As if she were his prey. And Rachel didn't even seem to mind. Could it be that she was into him? Maybe they were together? And with that the carousel of thoughts started spinning in Quinn's head and suddenly all she wanted was to get out of the room, far away from these feelings and her past.

She didn't even notice that Rachel was trying to say something when she blurted out: "I was just about to leave anyways. Sorry, I held you up Rach."

Quinn turned around and was set to leave, but Rachel suddenly held her back. "Wait," she said and that one word alone was like a nail was being rammed into the walls she had built around her heart, leaving cracks all over them. Quinn knew she had to leave. But then there was Rachel's hand around her wrist.. And a second later the feeling of Rachel hugging her.

Quinn didn't even realize she had slung her arms around the brunette as well. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to ask her whether she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. Finally she admitted to herself that the actual reason for her being there had been exactly that. But she couldn't voice any of her thoughts. Not with that guy standing here. She wouldn't say anything unless Rachel asked her about their promise. If she didn't that would mean she had forgotten about it.

"I'm really happy you're here," Rachel whispered close to her ear. Quinn could feel a tear rolling from the corner of her eye as she thought: 'Please, Rachel. Please.' But Rachel didn't say anything.

Quinn just wanted to stand there and hug Rachel forever, but in the end, she decided she had to be realistic She couldn't live like that forever. Especially since Rachel seemed to have moved on long ago. Quinn knew she had to do the same.

Quinn pulled back and tried to smile. "Good luck for the show."

"Thank you. If you want, you can join the after-party. Maybe we can catch up," Rachel said, a hopeful expression in her eyes.

"Let's see," Quinn replied even though she had no intention of joining a party which would only make her unhappy. She didn't want to do smalltalk and pretend she had moved on.

"It was good to see you," Quinn said. "And good luck for the show, even though I don't think you need it."

Quinn was about to walk away when some invisible force seemed to hold her back once more. If she left now when would she ever see Rachel again? What if she would regret not telling her about how she still felt about her? Maybe she should say one last thing. Give her a hint about her feelings or something.

Quinn took a deep breath, but then her inner voice of reason chimed in: 'Stop being pathetic, Fabray.' Quinn shook her head slightly, trying to compose herself.

"Bye Rach," she said and cast a last glance at the brunette who was looking at her with hopeful eyes. She wondered if Rachel understood the real meaning of her goodbye.

XVXVX

"I went after you that day," Rachel said softly after Quinn had finished talking.

"You did?" Quinn asked in surprise.

Rachel nodded. "I did, but it doesn't matter anymore, I guess." She looked at Quinn expectantly, but the blonde didn't give her an answer.

"Why did you kiss me that night in front of Breadstix?" she suddenly burst out.

"W-what?" Rachel asked while she took a step forward, slowly narrowing the distance between them.

"When we saw each other one year after graduation, you...you kissed me. But then you just left and I never understood why," Quinn explained. A small lump formed in her throat, because even after all those years, thinking back to that day still left her hurting.

Rachel sighed. "I hadn't planned that. In that moment I just thought I'd never be with you, like ever. Just once I wanted to feel what kissing you feels like."

Quinn pressed her lips together while she watched Rachel standing on the pavement, shivering and looking forlorn in the twilight of the street lamps and neon lights. If she took a few steps forward, she could just hug her and maybe it would all be okay. Maybe they could start anew once more. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" she said instead.

"Of course," Rachel said and nodded. "You can ask me anything." Her hopeful expression made Quinn's heart clench, but she managed to appear unaffected.

"You said you were doing therapy, right?" Quinn hesitated a second before she continued, because she wasn't sure whether it was appropriate to ask Rachel about it. But since they were already at the point where everything had been broken, she figured there was nothing to lose anymore. "What is your diagnosis?"

Rachel didn't seem surprised at the question, but she took her time to answer. She took another step forward, until she was so close to Quinn, she would have touched her if she had stretched her arm. But she didn't and instead leaned against the wall, right under the 'Blue Bar' red neon sign.

"Impostor syndrome and consequent mild depression," Rachel finally replied. "My therapist said it might be a late consequence of the bullying at school mixed with my unhealthy sense of perfectionism."

Quinn nodded, even though she wasn't sure what she should make out of the news. When Rachel averted her eyes from her and looked up. Quinn leaned next to her against the wall and joined her in trying to detect stars in the night sky over New York, which of course was an impossible task.

"I don't really know what to say," she admitted after a while. "But I am glad you got help."

"You don't have to say anything," Rachel replied.

"So are you...better now?" Quinn asked carefully.

"Yes, much better."

When Quinn glanced at Rachel, she saw her smiling and she couldn't help but smile too.

After a minute of silence, Quinn heard Rachel gulp and clear her throat. She involuntarily tensed up, expecting another uncomfortable question.

"Quinn, you...you were right all along. I'm sorry, I didn't acknowledge that." Rachel looked at her and the smile had changed into a sad expression, making Quinn's heart ache once more.

"W-what do you mean?" she asked.

"Being on stage, singing, bathing in the spotlight, all that had always been my dream. Unlike me, you never forgot that. And every time you reminded me of it, I was too caught up in my own misery to realize that you were right. I am so sorry for saying all those thing to you."

Quinn pressed her lips together as she tried not to cry. Hearing those words from Rachel was all she had ever wanted to hear, but they also tore up the barely healed wound Rachel's past accusations had left inside her. Quinn couldn't avert her eyes from Rachel, even as she noticed that the diva was bringing her right hand up and slowly closed the distance between them.

A tear ran from Quinn's eye when Rachel's hand cupped her cheek. Despite the chilly breeze, her hand was warm and comforting.

"I am so sorry, I didn't give us a real chance," Rachel said. "You didn't deserve that."

Quinn just looked at her while she spoke, one tear after another running down her cheeks. It felt as if the dam she had built around her heart had broken and the water was making its way outside through her eyes.

"I am sorry, too," she finally said in a shaky voice. "I failed to see you needed help. I should've been more understanding, but instead I escaped into drinking and smoking. I should have been there for you more."

Quinn closed her eyes as more tears welled up in her eyes. A moment later, however, she felt Rachel's other hand cup her other cheek as well. "Look at me," she said softly and raised her head.

Quinn opened her eyes and looked directly into Rachel's. "I don't want to be afraid anymore," Quinn whispered and pulled up her nose,

"Of what?"

"Of losing you," Quinn replied. "But for all these years I was afraid. So afraid. And you walked away so many times. I cannot do it anymore."

Rachel didn't say anything for a few moments, but she didn't take her eyes off Quinn. Quinn felt her inhale deeply once and then she felt soft lips on hers. Instinctively her eyes went shut and her mind went blank. This kiss felt different from their previous ones. There was not guilt, no resentment and there were no secrets. Rachel's lips barely moved on hers, yet, Quinn felt her closer than ever. Quinn's arms, that had hung motionlessly at her sides started moving up by themselves, until her hands were around Rachel's waist and pulled her closer.

When Quinn felt Rachel's tears on her face, she slowly pulled back, but only so far that their foreheads were only an inch apart. "Just one chance," Rachel breathed out. "Just give me one more chance. Please."

Quinn exhaled slowly, not able to form a cohesive thought, because it was all so overwhelming.

"Just one day," Rachel continued. "Just spend one day with me. And if you still don't want this anymore, I'll accept it and let you go. I swear."

Quinn nodded and pulled up her nose once more. "Alright."

Rachel smiled before she said: "I am going to hug you now." As usual, she didn't wait for an answer and just leaned forward. Quinn slung her arms around her waist and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder.

"I missed you so much," she heard Rachel whisper against the crook of her neck.

"I missed you too," Quinn replied. She let out a long sigh and tried to think about what she had just agreed to, but she was too tired to think. All she could do was clinging to Rachel and think about tomorrow tomorrow.

A/N2: Some might have noticed that the three flashbacks from the beginning of the story are being retold from the other person's perspective. I took my inspiration from the amazing Japanese movie Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu or Be with you in English. Totally recommend it!

Also, I started twitter recently. If you want you can follow me @winterchild_23