I'm not sure what's happening anymore but I've got the impression that the world has gone mad. Our very leader, Pain, nearly eradicated the Hidden Leaf and almost captured the nine-tails but then Naruto, the Jinchuuriki, defeated him, and funnily it felt as if Konan was praising him. I couldn't ask Konan for more details because all of a sudden my water broke, a week earlier than expected. The surprise must have prompted it.

I was exhilarated to meet my baby, find out whether it was a boy or a girl and what they would look like but I couldn't help but feel anxious about all of it: the process of giving birth and what would happen after. Everything would be so different and I didn't feel prepared for any of those things. I didn't even know how the process of childbirth goes, all I knew was that it would hurt for a long time.

I still felt fine but after a few hours, the contractions started becoming more painful. Thankfully, Konan consistently checked on me and told me that she sent the word to Deidara so he could return. I'm not sure how much time had passed but I think it took me an entire day of pushing and getting a panic attack in between, which the nurses helped me with. There was not much I can remember during this time except for the pain and my fear until it was finally done.

At last, I met my baby.

A beautiful healthy baby boy was carefully placed in my arms, looking a little dazed but he did not cry. He had fine brown hair and his eyes were blue, although they were not skyblue like Deidara's, they were darker, like the color of the ocean. With that being the exception, he almost looked just like his father, he didn't get much from me. The face structure and the eye shape were all after his, even the brilliance in his expression was there. I examined him more and found a tiny toothless mouth on each hand, drooling a little. It was so adorable. Looked like he inherited Deidara's Kekkei Genkai but I hoped he would have an affinity for music as well. He was wonderful and I teared up. My most precious artwork.

I know I already asked Konan but I wanted to hear it again.

"Will he have a good future here?"

"Yes. He will live in a future full of hope and light, where flowers never die… He will bring light to this dark world..."

I raised my brow, startled by her sudden strange statement. She simply smiled before leaving the hospital room. I found her behavior a bit odd recently but I suspected she must be grieving after Pain's death, they were close after all. I decided not to dwell too much on it and focused my attention on my lovely son.

Deidara arrived almost an hour later, his steps reluctant as he entered the room.

"The kid couldn't wait for me, huh?" He tried to crack a joke but it completely failed to cover his nervousness as he scanned the room and when his eye spotted his child he suddenly looked very shocked as if he had never seen a baby before.

"You can't claim that he's not yours anymore." I softly opened my son's palm.

"Oh..." Deidara looked even more shocked now. "He's got my… my..."

"He'll be able to do the same artworks as you."

He gave out a nervous chuckle.

"So… what should we name him?"

"Hiroaki- he's full of radiance and brightness."

"So you chose without me, hm."

"I did all the work so it is my right to pick the name."

"Hey, I kept you two alive all these months!" He pouted, making me laugh.

"Do you want to hold him?" I held out little Hiroaki to his father but then he cried for the first time. I took him back and comforted him.

"He doesn't even like me, hm!"

"Well, you're not exactly the perfect image of a dad."

"Well, it's not like I'm ready to be one. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, hm..."

"Neither do I."

"But you've done great, hm." He leaned over and kissed me. I smiled back at him, happy that he believed in me. It would take some time, but I'm sure Deidara would do great as well in his own way.

I felt better after two days and left the hospital, cautiously wrapping my baby in clothing before going home. I've never been this careful in my life and with every step I took, I made sure our baby was okay.

For some strange reason we never saw Konan again after I had given birth and that worried Deidara greatly.

"I figured Konan would be in charge of the Akatsuki now since she's second in command but it's weird that I can't find her anywhere. To think Naruto defeated our leader… How could that happen? Unbelievable, hm! "

"I have no idea, I was just as puzzled as you are."

"Well, maybe she's off somewhere doing business."

But in the coming days we still haven't heard from her and it seemed like it wasn't just us who were uneasy about her absence.

Some villagers protested outside, requesting their 'god' and angel to come out to see if they still protected this village, while another fraction scolded them for making demands towards their divine leaders. Then a rumor spread that they had been defeated and somebody else had taken over the village, which caused mass panic as people tried to find out if this was true.

"What is happening here? Do you really think someone also killed Konan?" I asked Deidara, worried for Hiroaki's safety. It was hard to imagine someone beating Konan, she seemed very powerful, even being able to defeat Deidara's former partner to bring him into the Akatsuki.

"I don't have time anymore to investigate. We better leave immediately before a civil war breaks out, hm!"

He was absolutely right, there was no point in staying here anymore. Deidara flew us out of the village to look for somewhere safe.

It was so difficult to take care of a child without a stable place and we had to keep transporting more often to find supplies. One time we were attacked by a bunch of shinobi who recognized us as Akatsuki members while we tried to get diapers and they didn't even care the slightest that we had a baby with us!

Travelling was also hard because Hiroaki disliked being carried while walking and would cry until we took a stop. He preferred to fly which calmed him and made him fall asleep. Even though I covered him with a myriad of warm clothes to protect him from the chilly air while we were flying, he still developed a cold and cough. I played healing songs for him that eased his cough a little but it just wouldn't go away. Did my songs not work on babies? I was so clueless and worried. I glanced at Deidara but one look told me that I should expect the worse.

"We can't keep him like this, hm..."

My heart sank. With everything in disarray, how could we keep him safe?

"We should leave him in one of the big five villages. That's our best bet, hm."

"Which one?"

"We'll discuss that later, hm. Let's look for shelter first before he gets any sicker."

We returned to the abandoned house where we fought so many months ago. After feeding little Hiroaki, I sang to lull him to sleep. Deidara was sitting in the same room, working with his explosions. Funnily enough, Hiroaki never woke up when there was an exploding sound, perhaps he got used to hearing them during the time I was pregnant. Looking at his sleeping face inspired me to write a song and I supposed it was time for me to work because I haven't touched my guitar since giving birth.

I walked up to Deidara and carefully handed over our baby.

"Where are you going?" He asked me.

"It's time for me to work on my art. I didn't get to let loose for a while."

Hiroaki then woke up and upon seeing his father holding him, he started to cry loudly.

"He really hates me, hm..." Deidara tried to return him but I shook my head.

"Time for the two of you to bond." I smirked and left the house with my guitar.

I was thinking of writing but then I realized I just wanted to play, let out all the anguish, anxiety, frustration, fear, uncertainty, doubt, excitement and happiness I had been feeling these past few months. And I just played, there was no theme, just raw emotions pouring out indefinitely.

Around an hour and a half later, I felt so relieved. To ice the cake, I roared. Everything felt so much better, as if a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders. This is the power of music- it heals your soul, relieves you from your emotions and demons like nothing else. All of the turbulence of emotions I felt for so long was soothed within a short time by music.

When I returned, I was blessed with the view of Hiroaki sleeping soundly on Deidara's chest, while the blonde cleaned the snot that dripped on his cloak with tissues with a distressed expression.

"That looks like an improvement." I chuckled.

"Took him almost half an hour to stop crying, hm. Showed him a few explosions but he would cry again after five minutes and I'm low on clay."

I smiled and took a seat next to him before relieving him off his fatherly duties.

"We need to think about where to leave him, hm."

"Are you sure? What if we won't be able to see him again?"

"That's why we need to win the war. Once the Akatsuki gains power over all lands, we can easily go to him. But right now, he's just too fragile, hm. He can come with us when he's a bit older. "

I didn't want to be separated from him but Deidara was right, it was too dangerous. He's already sick and to think there were shinobi who would attack us even though we brought a tiny baby was too risky and it was better to leave him somewhere safe.

Like Deidara said, one of the major villages was the ideal destination. They had better protection, healthcare, education and everything else necessary for his future. But which one should it be?

The Hidden Stone was out of question. People there knew Deidara and would immediately recognize him as his son and cause unnecessary complications when we come for him.

The Hidden Leaf was also not a good option since Pain just nearly decimated the place and was under heavy repairs, which meant they were short on supplies.

I didn't like the Hidden Sand either, for the reason that Deidara had defeated the Kazekage and might not treat our son well if they found out, and also because it was a desert area, not a really nice place to let a child live in.

That left the Hidden Cloud or the Hidden Mist.

"What about the Hidden Mist? Kisame seemed alright."

"No, no, if our son pursues art he will only be surrounded by sword-fighting obsessed brutes who will hinder him from getting inspiration. Not a good choice, hm."

"How about the Hidden Cloud? I think they're pretty advanced."

"Most of the people there have lightning affinity and since he's born with earth affinity, he'll only get bullied."

"Then where do you suggest?"

"The Hidden Stone."

"What? No way! They'll know for sure he's related to you!"

"That's the point, hm. Ohnoki will know he's my son so he will keep a close eye on him."

"But isn't he going to make things more difficult for us if we go there? Plus you told me all that bad stuff when you still lived there and now you wanna bring him there?"

"I wanted to destroy it much earlier but now I realize they can be useful for one more thing: to raise our kid. They owe me that, hm. And when the right time comes, we'll get Hiroaki back and make them pay for not realizing the true value of art!"

"So we'll let him grow up there and then destroy it? Don't you think he's gonna hate us for that?"

"No, he's gonna realize the talent he has for art and conceive that he needs to expand his artistic horizon outside the village, and that's where we come in, hm."

I blinked. Was he insinuating that our child will grow up just like him? Well, it is a possibility but it was not definite. It didn't matter to me, all I wanted was for him to have a happy childhood and be protected from the likes of Orochimaru.

"But what if he doesn't want to be an artist?"

"Nonsense, both of his parents are artists and he's already born with a gift. No matter how much that old fart might discourage him, art will be his nature. And hey, maybe when he gets older, he'll be interested in learning an instrument. One way or another, inspiration will call him, hm. "

I still felt a little skeptical. He sounded so confident but there was no guarantee that things would go so smoothly. But if what he suggested were to happen, other villagers might not understand him and he could get bullied.

"What if he won't make any friends?"

"He'll pull through. You survived worse, I'm sure he got some of your resilience."

I frowned.

"Hoi, don't make that face, it's gonna be fine, hm. If you're really that worried we can send him a sibling."

"I'm gonna kill you if you get me pregnant again."

He simply laughed.

"Besides, don't you think it's better if he stays with someone we know rather than being raised by a complete stranger? That ancient oaf may not know shit about art but he raised me and I survived alright, hm. Plus, Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi have always been friendlier than me around kids..."

He had a point. Come to think of it, it would be somewhat like leaving Hiroaki with relatives. I suppose I would prefer that although I still had a few doubts. Deidara seemed to sense this and placed his hand under my chin.

"Trust me, hm."

At that moment Hiroaki let out a whooping cough and I knew we had to act now. As sad as it was, his health and security had to come first.

We left for the Hidden Stone and as usual I had wrapped Hiroaki with warm clothing, scared his cough might get any worse.

It broke my heart to know that I won't be seeing him for a long time and that he would grow up with no real parents, just like us. They might even tell him terrible things about his father. Well, that was something to worry about later. What matters most is that he has a good home and gets his cough treated.

Deidara still knew the outlay of the village and led us to where he believed would be the optimal place for the villagers to pick him up. I teared up as I lay Hiroaki, who was still sound asleep, in a basket with a note stating his name and the need to have his cough treated. My resolve wavered and I suddenly didn't want to pull through with this plan and just take him home, find a way to work it out. I blamed myself for not being able to create a healing jutsu that could cure him. Back then, I had failed to heal Kimimaro and for some reason I have not learned from that failure, to expand my music and practice healing songs that cure illnesses instead of injuries alone, and now I have failed to heal my own son! I had failed as a mother and as a musician.

"Hoi, we should go. The sooner they find him, the sooner he can get treated, hm."

I nodded, still feeling disappointed in myself and followed him.

We hid in the bushes as Deidara created a few birds that exploded loudly, the blast alerted the guards and they came to check what happened. When they spotted the baby, they read the note and picked him up. At that moment, Hiroaki started crying, I could hear him from our hiding spot. He was probably scared of these strange people and I wanted to run and grab him, stroke his hair and lull him to sleep.

Deidara held and pressed my hand. "He'll be safe, don't worry."

"Are they really going to have him treated?"

"Of course! Just because they have no aesthetic empathy doesn't mean they would turn down babies."

I watched the guard carrying Hiroaki disappear through the village gate, the last glimpse I would get to see from him and I couldn't help but cry uncontrollably.

"Shh, it's alright." Deidara held me. "We'll see him again soon, hm."

But for some reason, I had a feeling in my gut telling me that it would never happen.