"That is ridiculous," Emma said. "I'm not going to use some sword to kill you."
"I hope not," Regina said. "But we're going to that other world to end this evil no matter what."
"No matter what doesn't include killing you," Emma countered. "Do you not understand that I'm doing this not for the sake of helping Prydain, I'm doing it to help you and that means protecting you. Even if you weren't Henry's other mom, I would be doing this for you because I care about you. I know you don't want to talk about it …"
"I don't want to talk about it," Regina cut her off. "But I think we need to."
Emma was stunned by the turn in conversation.
"Yes, we should," she said recovering quickly.
"I just don't know that now is the right time for that conversation," Regina said. "We have to concentrate on the mission."
"So, you want to avoid having the conversation still?" Emma said.
"More like a delay."
"Fine," Emma said, crossing her arms. "Let's talk about the mission."
"Pouting isn't helping."
"I'm not pouting," Emma said, uncrossing her arms now that she realized she was doing it.
"Again, it's not like I don't think we should talk about it," Regina said.
"Then let's talk about it right now," Emma challenged. "We kissed. It wasn't just me kissing you, or you kissing me. It was a mutual kiss. And I enjoyed it and I'm pretty sure you enjoyed it based on your reaction to it."
"It was enjoyable yes," Regina responded. "But it poses a really big question which is would it have happened if I hadn't been in the state I was in?"
"I think it would have," Emma said. "I think things had started to change even before your sacrifice. In Neverland, we worked together to save Henry. Things were changing, we were changing."
"But surely you don't think that just because of what happened in Neverland would ever lead … lead to that?"
Emma could hear the doubt in Regina's voice, and she guessed she knew where Regina still stood on this.
"I don't know," Emma said. "I don't know if it would have led there, but I can say with all honesty that I would want it to. The only real question here is what do you want?"
Regina didn't know what to say to that or rather she was scared to say what she wanted because she had thought she was going to get a happy ending once before and it was ripped from her. She didn't want that to happen again. She couldn't go through that again.
She could see Emma looking at her, waiting for an answer, perhaps even hoping for a particular answer.
"I don't know," Regina said finally. "No one has really asked me that in a long time. It just seems like my life is constantly being controlled by outside forces or people. I hate feeling like I have to do something because fate or destiny or some seer says so."
"What did the seer say that bothered you so much?" Emma said. "And don't say nothing because I know that is a lie. The way you have talked about her, what did she say that you haven't told me yet."
Regina certainly hadn't expected Emma to pick up on that but sometimes she forgot how perceptive the other woman could be.
"She said I needed to open myself up to happiness once more," Regina said.
"And that bothers you?" Emma asked, clearly confused.
"Yes and no."
"Ok, it can't be yes and no," Emma pointed out. "So, just talk to me. Tell me what is going on in that head of yours."
"I really thought I was going to have another life," Regina said. "I thought – as stupid as it sounds – that Daniel and I would have gotten away from my mom and we would have been happy. Sometimes I think of that life – think about a simple life with him. We would have raised our children in a cottage and been content to just be together. When you asked me before if I ever thought about falling in love again, I said no, and that was true up until a point."
"I lost him though and with that, I lost a piece of myself," Regina continued. "I lost the part of me that was good, that believed in happy endings. I lost my way. And when I met Celine, she said things, things I wasn't willing to listen to or accept because … because she said there was another path for me, a path to happiness. Back when Daniel died, I could have chosen another path, but I couldn't let go of the anger and resentment I felt. And now, now I don't know to trust that I could be happy."
"Don't you want to be happy?"
"I do," Regina admitted. "I just don't know if I can make someone else happy."
"Well, just speaking from my own experience here, but you can be a pain in the ass at times but being with you and Henry makes me happy."
"You are a bigger pain in the ass," Regina said, despite the endearing smile on Emma's face.
"See, we both accept that the other is a pain in the ass," Emma said. "Is it such a radical leap to think that we wouldn't have gotten here on our own?"
"I know you want to believe that," Regina said. "But I don't think we do if I hadn't gone through what I did. I didn't know you or Henry or anyone when I returned here. I was afraid of everything, everyone. Without my memories gone, I wouldn't have tolerated you being here with me, taking care of me."
"Ok, fine, but what happened did happen, so why can't we move forward?" Emma asked. "Why can't you just accept that things have changed between us, regardless of how it happened?"
"What if I can, then what?"
"Then we start exploring this, us."
"You make it all sound so simple," Regina sighed. "It's not."
"I know, but it doesn't have to be as complicated as you want to make it out to be either," Emma responded. "If you don't want to even try to see what this is between us then say the word and I will back off, it's as simple as that."
Regina knew Emma didn't actually want to "back off" as she put it, but it meant something to Regina that she was willing to.
"Maybe we should wait until we are done with this business with the cauldron first before we make any decisions."
"In other words, you want to stall again," Emma said. "Fine, I won't bring it up again until you feel comfortable talking about it."
Regina could tell that it was anything but fine with Emma, but she realized she was more willing to face the unknown with the cauldron than to face what the seer had predicted.
Still, she didn't feel good about just leaving things like this with Emma either.
"I don't think I ever properly thanked you for watching over me when I didn't even know who I was," Regina said. "And I never apologized to you for saying you took advantage of me when we kissed. So, thank you for all you did."
"You're welcome," Emma smiled. "And I don't plan on relinquishing my watching over duties just yet."
"No, I suppose not," Regina replied. "Then again, I guess I will have to keep an eye on you as well on this mission."
Emma smiled even larger and Regina felt better for delaying what she figured was an inevitable conversation.
"Ok, so what's the plan then. We get to Prydain, take down this Silas fellow, destroy the cauldron and get home," Emma said. "Simple enough."
"I think it will be slightly more complex than that," Regina said. "The first thing will be getting to Prydain. The well is the gateway but last time it took magic for it to open – powerful magic."
"So just jumping in isn't going to do it?" Emma said.
"No," Regina said. "I'm afraid not."
"Yet someone I know tried that," Emma smiled.
"I didn't try exactly."
"I had to tackle you."
"Well regardless," Regina said. "It's going to need magic which is why I assume Bobby is really here. He can travel between worlds – that is his magic and while he can't bring others with him, I think when he uses his magic at an already established gateway he will be able to keep it open for us to pass through."
"Once we get there then what?"
Regina breathed out. "I am guessing the gateway will let us out the same place I originally appeared there which is in the forest near Taren's place. We will head there and then … and then Taren will die."
Emma let a few moments of silence go by before saying, "I'm sorry."
"Thanks," Regina said. "You know, he could be annoying – annoying in a way that was sort of endearing. And he loved to talk – it's a wonder he ever shut up."
"You really liked him?"
Regina nodded. "He is a good person. There has been a real lack of those in my life I realized," Regina said. "But Taren, he never looked at me like I was the Evil Queen, even when I told him I was. He refused to believe that I wasn't that person in his book – the one who was meant to destroy or activate the cauldron and he always believed I was going to destroy it."
"He has faith in you," Emma said. "And you are going to live up to that faith."
"With your help and the help of your parents apparently," Regina said. "I have to say I still find that one to be odd."
"Well, they weren't going to let me go by myself and I wasn't going to let you go by yourself," Emma shrugged.
"Yes, but you realize this isn't some jaunt to another realm. There are real dangers," Regina said. "To do this we have to get to the cauldron and with an army already amassed at the border I'm not sure how we are going to accomplish that. Unless …"
"Unless what?"
"Unless we have one of our own. One that couldn't be defeated because it couldn't be killed."
"Please tell me you aren't suggesting that you actually use the power," Emma said.
"Why not? With that kind of army Silas won't stand a chance. We could march right up to the castle, destroy the cauldron and be done with it."
"No," Emma said standing up. "We aren't doing that."
"Why not?"
"First of all, an army of the dead may be unstoppable but think about how that works. You set an army of the dead upon an army of the living and you are going to end up with a lot more dead," Emma said.
"But I will be controlling it. I can tell them not to kill," Regina said, standing up.
"You said yourself, you don't like how that magic feels inside of you," Emma said. "The more I hear about it, the less I like it being inside of you. We're not just on a mission to destroy the cauldron, we're on a mission to get your own magic back."
Regina didn't say anything for a several heartbeats and Emma thought she looked stressed suddenly.
"Of course, you're right," Regina said, shaking her head a little. "I shouldn't use the cauldron's magic. But we do have to find someway to get to where it is being held and for that I'm afraid I have no answer."
She sat back down and Emma revised her opinion – Regina didn't look stressed, she looked tired, like maybe all of this had been wearing on her more than Emma realized.
"What if we were back in the Enchanted Forest – what would you have done if you had to get by an army without your magic?"
"I wouldn't have not gone into such a situation without my magic," Regina sighed and then said. "I suppose I would have consulted with the general of my army about it."
"I don't suppose your general is somewhere here in Storybrooke that we could speak to him?"
"Yes," Regina said. "But she isn't my biggest fan."
"She?"
Regina stood up. "Yes, she."