I slept, and this time my dreams were not Bastila's.

I will not die here, I will not let them win.

Darkness surrounded me, and not the warm comfortable darkness of power ready to be unleashed. Darkness cold and empty, like the absence of the Force, like death. I would not give in, clung to myself with all the strength and fierceness that dwelt within me, despite the ceaseless tearing and pulling that sought to scatter me away, separate me into nothing and destroy me.

One brightness remained, unnamed, felt but not known. Without that, faint though it was, I would never have been able to maintain even enough awareness to hold to myself. Without that not-me reminding me that there was a myself to be, I would have ceased to exist entirely.

Instead I splintered, pieces fading away, small fragments sliding away from me to be lost. But I survived. I clung to the bright warmth, faint though it was, barely perceptible. I couldn't remember half of my life, more. I couldn't even remember how much of my mind was gone, fading with each moment, each year, each endless eternity that passed.

And then that brightness expanded, a careful extension of touch, pushing something into somewhere. Somewhere real. And that pressure was enough, I seized on it and pulled myself into it. Let myself be pushed out, dragged my existence away from the dark nothingness and back into reality.

A high-functioning advanced simulation, somewhere between cybernetics and cloning, a synthetic body on an electromechanical frame. A mindless body, given life with the Force. An artificial being.

The shock of it, the sudden realization of my existence as a literal weapon of the Jedi, was enough to drive me back into my protective mental cocoon. Deep enough to purge myself of this false identity. Deep enough to forget the parts that were not me.

It took days, weeks, to carefully pick apart the false memories from the true. I didn't dare rush, despite what the Jedi may be doing to my physical form. I suspected they would have more false memories added by the time I was ready to emerge, the current set was incomplete and didn't make sense. But I would be able to deal with that, as long as I kept my own core self untainted.

I am Revan. I am Revan. I am Revan.

Revan was dead. But I wasn't.

I am Revan.

It shouldn't have felt like an epiphany. But after days of emptiness and apathy, it did.

I am Revan.

Who did I think I was, lying here wallowing in self-pity and despair? I, the last remaining fragment of the greatest master of Jedi and Sith both? Was this any way to treat my legacy?

I stood, shrugging off the tireless medical droids. I was repaired sufficiently, any remaining damage was inconsequential compared to my new sense of purpose.

I am Revan.

The responsibility was staggering. Yet, somehow, comforting. I had a purpose again, an inner fire that drove me unerringly to Malak's chambers.

He didn't answer my knock. I couldn't tell if he was ignoring me, or just not present. I couldn't feel him, couldn't feel anyone. Again I mourned the loss of the Force, even secondhand as only seen echoes, I felt naked and isolated without it.

How did anyone live like this?

But I firmed my resolve and strode to the bridge instead, in case that's where he was. The guards looked at me, but did not impede my progress.

The doors slid open.

I stood, suddenly unsure of what to do or say. Gaps in my past, gaps in my mind, gaps in my soul ate my thoughts and plans.

Malak turned to see who'd entered, then stopped still when he saw me.

"MELAR. Why are you here?"

"I have decided. I will no longer be Melar. I am Revan."

My voice rang out, echoing, louder than I'd anticipated. Malak's officers and bridge crew glanced at him, then back at me, some turning to whisper with each other.

Malak nodded tersely. "I'll meet with you in three hours. Wait for me in your chambers."

"I'll be there. Don't be late." I turned to leave, then hesitated. "My robes?"

"You may create new ones when we arrive at the Star Forge. Until then, requisition anything you require from the armory."

I nodded. "See you in three hours."

I located a Dark Jedi robe which suited my frame, belting it with a sash of black cloth. I instinctively left loops on either side for lightsabers, but after my self-inflicted injury my sabers still hadn't been returned.

I selected a pair of vibroblades instead, feeling better with the weapons at my sides even if they were clumsy and awkward compared to a lightsaber's perfect balance. Nor would they be easy to draw, but I didn't anticipate requiring them in a hurry. Worst case, I could wrench them free. My body wouldn't be as easily damaged as it once would have.

I felt myself tipping at the edge of that emotional void, but I'd too recently escaped it to allow it sway over me again. I dragged my mind away from the abyss, away from contemplation of my current weakened state, and focused on the only thing that mattered.

I am Revan. I am Revan.

And I would remain so. And I would meet with Malak in mere hours. All would be well again. I would not fail again. Not now, not when I'd come so far.

But three hours was a long time to pace the armory, a long time to wander the corridors, a long time to be lost in one's own tiny limited mind with no connection to the rest of the universe. I tried to meditate, to calm myself, but my thoughts only ran around my own head in endless cycles. There was no endless presence to comfort me, not even the echo of others' thoughts to distract me.

And then, as the appointed time finally drew near, I realized I was actually properly lost. The Leviathan was huge. I normally navigated by encompassing the entire ship in my Force sense and homing in on the person or location I wanted, but with neither my own abilities nor Bastila's borrowed ones I could no longer do so. Every corridor looked alike. Every door identical. And there were far too few people walking the halls, no one for me to ask directions from.

I laughed, hearing the faintest tinge of madness in my own voice. Of course. I come this far, only to fail to show up at my meeting because I can't find my way around a ship I should know like my own lightsaber?

But I couldn't give up, so I picked a wall and followed it.

After several turns, dead-ends to locked doors, and minutes wasted in trying them all, I finally came across an occupied computer station.

"I need to get back to my room," I confessed to the tech. "I must have come out the wrong door to the armory, because I'm completely lost."

"Where's your room?"

I gave him the designation, and he tapped in something on his data station.

"Datapad." He held out his hand.

"I don't have one."

His forehead wrinkled as he considered. "I think there are spares in my equipment closet. Wait here a minute."

I waited, impatient, as he disappeared through a connecting door and away down another corridor. Why did our flagships have to be so huge?

He finally returned, passed me a datapad, and immediately sent it a holomap with directions straight to my room. I'd wandered farther than I'd thought. But I could still make it on time if I ran.

I ran.