August 29, 2010
~*~ CP ~*~
Carol lets herself be tugged onto Merle's lap now that everyone's eaten. Jazz's birthday supper luckily had enough surplus to add in four new guests. She knew the second she saw Jazz wrapped in Christopher's hug that the guest list was expanding. The five-minute hug where Jazz seemed lost for words at seeing just how much Carol and the other ladies did for his birthday supper was worth the worry over creating so many unfamiliar dishes. She added a couple of extra things as side dishes plus his requests.
"Dishes can wait and someone other than the cooks and birthday boy will do them," he says softly.
Everyone seems pretty happy, even if the living room and dining area are fairly crowded to the point where her seat in Merle's lap is as much necessity as closeness.
She wouldn't have pictured Michonne as the beanbag type, but she's curled up on one with Andre and Honey. The girl hasn't let up much on shadowing the lawyer since she arrived. They're so close, in a way that reminds Carol that this is the woman Honey once tried matchmaking to her father. Merle and Michonne seem to have a unique relationship, more sibling in nature than anyone who knew Merle back at the quarry would have understood.
With Jazz tucked on Christopher's right side with the man's niece between him and Scout, Carol is feeling a little lonely for the closeness of Merle's two youngest. Sophia is relaxed against Merle's legs, but it's not the same as their sprawl a week ago.
Cricket stands, waving a DVD. Jazz must know what it is, because he groans and hides his face. "Since our family is a lot bigger this year, y'all don't all know about the tradition we girls have about Jazz's birthdays. I started it because Scout was always so far away, but even now that she's home, I think the annual sharing of our baby brother's life must continue."
"Don't see your baby pictures getting shared," Jazz grumbles, but he's smiling.
"Oh, the world wouldn't survive that level of cuteness." Cricket sets up the DVD to play and rejoins Tara with the remote.
The first image might have Carol arguing about surviving the cuteness. The Dixon children's dark hair, caramel skin, and bright blue eyes are striking enough in the adult and near adult forms. A six-month-old Jazz in the lap of three-year-old Honey is a heart achingly adorable combination of black curls and blue eyes.
The photos progress through Jazz's life, sometimes also gifting the audience with youthful images of his various family members. Based on the photos taken at celebrations, the Roberts boys have been satellite Dixons a long time. Christopher is in every single one of the group photos, well past the end of high school timeline Carol knows of his relationship with Scout. There's a young woman with Bryce who also has two individual shots with Jazz at school functions relating to music, and Carol assumes she's a wife or girlfriend who was gone before the outbreak, because she's not in the group shot of everyone surrounding Jazz while still in his lacrosse goalie gear from this year.
The part that makes her smile is that despite the apocalypse, they're still adding pictures. Somehow, there's pictures of Jazz with most of the new family as well: cooking with Carol and Patricia, on the building crew with Carl and Sophia, and so on. There's even a shot of him and Lori from what looks to be this afternoon, both going over those flock spreadsheets at the table with a degree of animated expression not often seen on either of them.
It ends not with a still photo, but with a video clip. Merle's distinctive voice at a prior party, based on the wrapping paper debris. Jazz, maybe six or seven, is surrounded by Legos. "Hey, Jasper Benjamin, whatcha gonna be when you grow up?"
The boy pauses in studying the instructions for the Lego set and looks toward the camera. "Everything." It ends with Merle laughing.
"Started real young on that ambition, didn't you, baby brother?" Scout calls out. Jazz just grins and shrugs.
"Hey, birthday boy! Wanna play a little music?" Christopher nudges the teenager.
Jazz looks torn. "Will you play with me?"
"Of course."
The teenager heads upstairs, returning a few minutes later with a guitar case and a smaller instrument case. He hands the guitar to Christopher, who moves to an ottoman and gives Cricket's feet a push to vacate another. She grins and loops her legs up closer to Tara's.
While Christopher tunes the guitar, Jazz assembles what Carol thinks is an oboe, although it might be one of the clarinets, since she knows Jazz had a clarinet in one of the photos earlier. It's been a lot of years since high school and Sophia took an art elective instead of band.
Jazz's quick tuning leads Christopher's further, but then there's a small consultation before they play.
The music is beautiful, almost haunting. The instrument combination isn't one she's ever heard, but it works. It's obvious they've played together before, and she wonders at just how close Scout's ex-boyfriend remains with the family.
~*~ SW ~*~
Shane is enjoying the instrumental music more than he thought he would when Bryce scoots into the spot Christopher vacated.
The other man leans in to ask softly, "just how well is Jasper doing?"
"Better than I ever would have expected," Scout replied. "But then he's always done best with a set of goals ahead of him. Had a bit of a bump coming out of Atlanta when he had to help save the elderly from human predators, but Shane helped him through it."
Bryce glances at Shane, in his usual position as Scout's backrest. "Good that he had you to lean on."
"Bryce's wife was Jazz's fifth grade teacher. She's the one who recognized the Asperger's."
"And started his music lessons," the other cop says softly. His expression holds enough grief as he turns back to watch the musicians to make Shane tighten his arm around Scout in reflex.
She looks over her shoulder and then follows his gaze to Bryce. The signal comes for 'later' and he nods.
As the song ends, Bryce joins in everyone's applause, but after a glance to Audrey confirms the girl is sound asleep against Scout, he rises and exits out onto the back deck.
Scout starts to slide out from under Audrey, but Daryl's hand lands on her shoulder. "Best not be you just now, che'lu. Your happy is just beginning. I'll go."
Christopher and Daryl exchange a look and the younger man encourages Jazz to begin a new song. Daryl leans close to Lori to say something Shane can't hear and she nods. Daryl's exit from the room includes a stop to rustle a bottle of liquor out of an upper cabinet before he disappears into the dark as well.
Under the cover of the music, Scout explains. "His wife died of cancer last November."
That explains the difficulty with music that is already hauntingly sad, if his wife initially taught Jazz to play. She must be the woman he hasn't met from the photo montage.
The thought of that loss brings him to lean forward to kiss the side of Scout's neck gently. She reaches down to lace their fingers together and squeezes in response.
~*~ MD ~*~
"You're looking mighty pensive for that bath," Merle says. Carol is immersed in the water, a scent of jasmine wafting off the steamy water. He's glad to see her using some of the luxuries available to her for once.
She doesn't answer, so he kneels by the tub and braces his arms on the side, brushing the knuckles of one hand against her shoulder. "Tell me what's bothering you, Mouse."
"I'm just... adjusting," she says at last. The uncertainty in her voice bothers him.
"Adjusting to what, darlin'?"
"I got a little spoiled. The older ones have their own lives and paths, but Jazz and Honey and Sophia..."
Ah. While there is no mistaking Sophia's love for him, he can understand the uncertainty Carol still bears. He knows his kids, knows they all love Carol, even though the older ones aren't looking for a mama. But he's certain by now that the younger two still need one.
He reaches out to cup the back of her neck, urging her to look at him.
"Right before supper, I said 'go tell your mama' to send you the message the trucks were returning. Boy didn't even hesitate, Carol, just trotted right off. He might not be ready to call you mama directly, but that's who you are in his mind. And you saw his face at supper tonight. I think if you asked the moon of him, he'd be out back building a rocket ship the next hour."
Her smile is tremulous, but it's there.
"It'll take him a bit to reorient with Christopher back. In his own way, Christopher's been more part of Jazz's life growing up than Scout, because he only left long enough for nursing school. Even then he didn't go far, just to Atlanta. And Bryce and his late wife stepped up a lot once Daryl transferred for work. He'll circle back to us."
"And Honey?"
"She's at that selfish stage Sophia hasn't introduced you to yet. She's not thinking about how her abandoning everyone for Michonne is making anyone feel. Give Michonne a few more days to talk her round."
"They are very close and she wanted you to date Michonne, didn't she?"
"She did, but as much as I love 'Chonne, it was never a glimmer of a possibility. She's a good friend, better than I deserved at times. Honey... she's had a case of hero worship on Michonne since she was just younger than Sophia. But it's easy to idolize someone you only see a few times a year."
"I always thought Honey hero worshipped you."
"Might be true on some things, but when Honey was twelve, some dipshit teacher had the balls to call her a half-breed right in class one day. I was telling my lawyer about it on a trip to the city, thinking there wasn't much beyond the school's inadequate discipline offer. Michonne overheard. She was a year out of law school and she slaughtered the district. Not sure the woman kept her teaching license by the time it was all done."
"So, Honey sees her as the warrior who saved her from that teacher."
"Exactly. She toyed with the idea of becoming a lawyer for a while before Michonne convinced her she lacks the vicious streak needed. I could have pulled my kids out and put them in private school. But the way it went, it protected kids who didn't have that option."
"So, things will probably cycle back around once she realizes Michonne's safe and sound?"
"Most likely. But if they don't, based on prior teenage behavior, we'll rise in importance to her once she's gotten enough of Independence to appreciate parental pampering again." He leans in to kiss her, hoping she's reassured. "Budge up and I'll join you."
She giggles. "You're going to smell like flowers tomorrow."
"Something tells me my crew will appreciate that more than what we smell like by the end of the day."
But she moves and he strips out of his boxers in order to slip in behind her. Once she's settled against his chest, he reaches for the body wash. Maybe he can't entirely promise her security in his daughter's eyes, but he can make sure she knows how much he appreciates her.
As his fingers brush against the small bump under the skin on her arm, he pauses and runs his thumb along it. He's never considered another child, especially with his youngest being such a surprise. But Carol's ten years younger than him and she's such a good mama.
She turns to look at him, then down to the thumb against her arm.
"I know I made sure you were covered when we started down this path, but that's not a no."
She covers his hand with hers. "Maybe later, once the other babies are safely here."
That's an answer he can be happy about.
~*~ SW ~*~
There's something that's innately wrong with Shane getting stuck in his own head so quickly after the euphoria of sex fades. Scout hasn't even moved away from him yet, instead nuzzling at his throat with a series of small nips like she often does after taking the lead in the bedroom.
Having any sort of doubt about her devotion when he's still surrounded by her warmth is a sign his mind needs a serious readjustment.
And she's sensitive to the mood swing like she always is. "Where'd you go?" she asks softly, raising up on her forearms to look at him.
"Just something someone said tonight." Something he doesn't want to consider makes sense, but it does.
She frowns and shifts her weight, causing the pendant to thump against his own chest. "I'm not going to make you tell me, but if something has you worried, I'd like to know."
He reaches out to rub his thumb over the surface of the pendant, not meeting her eyes. "Did you ever date Bryce?" He knew about Christopher in detail, but she never mentioned any interest in his older brother at all.
"Alaina's bitchy side is showing, I see." She kisses him gently, devoting enough time to it that he's starting to forget the uncertainty that snuck up to plague him. "I've never dated Bryce. Before he married Nora three years ago, Alaina had her heart set on fixing the two of us up. So maybe in her mind, the fact that we didn't pitch a fit and leave dinners where Christopher and his partner were conveniently unable to attend whenever I was home on leave meant we dated, but it was just humoring her."
"She seems to be still aiming for it."
"And that regardless of my own engagement or the fact that nine months later Bryce is still grieving doesn't hit her radar."
She slides away, padding to the bathroom for a minute before returning and taking her time running the damp cloth across his skin too. Shane relaxes under the attention, pushing away the hooks of doubt Alaina set when she caught him alone on the porch for a few minutes.
"Shane? I don't know who taught you to think you're the consolation prize, but you're my first choice. If I had ever had a glimmer of interest in Bryce, I would have told you about it when I told you about Christopher. What I feel for you is so intense it scares me sometimes, because if I ever lost you, I'd be as much of a walking wound as Bryce is."
"Not sure I'd have his strength to go on at all."
She curls up against him. "That's what I want you to promise me. Anything happens, you take care of my family and let them take care of you. You wouldn't be alone. Not ever again."
The thought of her dying and leaving him behind hurts as badly as if he's been stabbed. Surviving that in reality isn't something he thinks possible. "I'll do my best, long as you promise to do your best that it never happens."
He knows they're both always going to be at high risk, as badly as they would've been in the world before with their careers. But they can at least minimize the risk.
"Promise." She's quiet for a minute, fingers curled into the pulse point at his elbow. "I know we talked about waiting until winter to hold a ceremony, but I know what I want for my birthday now."
He feels a thrill at the idea of moving things up. It's the final promise to each other he anticipates. "Gonna wrap me in paper and ribbon?"
"Maybe, but I suspect as a celebration, folks will prefer something along the lines of clothing. But as my gift, yeah, you're exactly what I want."
"I'll talk to your dad and Carol tomorrow. See if Hershel might want to be a formal officiant."
The slow, lingering kisses that lead into them finally dozing off are some of the best he's ever experienced.
~*~ DD ~*~
Daryl's as quiet as he can be, slipping up the stairs into his room. He asked Lori to watch Abby for the night, figuring getting Bryce drunk enough to forget his grief for a while would take most of the night. But the man folded half a bottle in, probably due to the stress of the road. He passed him off to a sleepy Christopher, glad the two men were in a ground level apartment with Audrey and Alaina next door.
But despite his care to be quiet, Lori stirs, and he's reminded she was a cop's wife for more than a decade. She'll probably never lose that extra awareness of movement in the night.
"Abby asked to bunk with Sophia tonight," she says sleepily. "Offered Sophia to sleep here, but I'm thinking it was a sleepover since Sophia went and fetched Molly, Mika, and Lizzie too."
She sounds uncertain that she's given permission. Daryl lets her off the hook quickly. "Glad they're on Hershel's side of the house then."
She giggles and he smiles a little to himself as he fumbles for his toothbrush in the dim light of the nightlight in the bathroom. He didn't drink enough to be more than buzzed, but he preferred not to go to sleep with the lingering taste.
She's definitely looking at him as he goes to the futon, her outline barely lit by the other nightlight they put in for Abby. "Need something?" he asks.
"What happened to Bryce's wife? She's the woman from the pictures, right?"
"She died of ovarian cancer last November. Went undetected a long time cos she was so young. By the time they found it, it spread so far nothing they did seemed to touch it, bones, liver, eventually her brain. Fought for two damned years before it got so far in her brain she refused more treatment."
He was sheltered from Nora's battle in some ways by living in Thomson. But it also meant the contrast in her health was more obvious each time he visited. It remains one of the worst things he ever stood witness to, second only to Scout's burns.
"That poor man. I was thinking maybe it was recent, since he still wears his wedding band."
"Happened the week before Scout got hurt. We had Nora's funeral the day before we got the call to go to San Antonio."
It had been a double gut punch. He'd been hungover as hell when Merle called, having spent the night with Christopher and every off-duty cop in the area getting Bryce too drunk to remember his grief for a few hours.
"They're family?"
He actually finds himself taking a seat at the foot of her bed. She sits up, pulling her knees up best she can with her now visible baby bump.
"Scout and Christopher were thick as thieves all through high school, dated three years. Bryce came home from the Marines their junior year and just kept getting dragged along to any family event Christopher did. Think Merle helped him adjust to being out of the Corps. Their daddy died before we ever moved here, and he and Alaina have always had a bit of a bumpy relationship after she married his daddy."
"That explains Christopher knowing Scout's given name."
Daryl snorts. "Man's lucky she loves him, calling her that."
"It's a very pretty name, but I can see why she'd be unhappy with it in Georgia."
"It's not unusual back on Guam, where a lot of folks have Spanish names, but yeah, stateside, kids called her salami. Merle already called her Scout, so she's used that since kindergarten."
"I'm surprised she didn't use a middle name, like I do."
"So is Lori your actual middle name or short for something else?"
"It's Lorraine. Sarah Lorraine, actually. It's not that I don't like Sarah, but it's my mother and grandmother's name."
"Too many Sarahs." He laughs. "Her middle name is Camarin, after the patron saint of Guam. By then, she preferred the name her daddy gave her to her mama's."
Lori smiles a little sadly. "I'm familiar with children being more fatherly inclined."
"Your boy still needs his mama. He's just not very good at expressing it at this age." He never thought he would find himself reassuring Lori, but the longer she makes an effort to be a decent person, the more his resolve to keep her at arm's length crumbles. He can't deny the woman's a friend now.
"He's actually better here, maybe because he's not always seeking out Rick's approval over mine. He might actually spend more of his free time with you and your family than Rick."
"Ever think about the fact that where we are, you are? Might not just be us."
She stares at her hands for a minute, twisting them so much he's tempted to grab them to stop her. "And when Abby doesn't need me anymore?"
"Ain't kicking you out just cos Abby's got her independence back, woman. Might get some personal space back without me stuck in it."
She looks up finally. "You don't have to do that. It's been fine, sharing."
He arches a brow and she shrugs. "Pretty sure you take more time to talk to me in the evening than Rick did the last two years we were married. I didn't help matters, but it's nice not to feel like part of the furniture."
"Can understand that." He's not yet willing to share with her just how familiar he is with that feeling. He decides to let her get some rest and rises. "You should get some sleep. Been restless last few nights."
She surprises him by groaning as she wiggles back down under her sheet. He doesn't think she means to him to hear the "not much chance of that."
"Lori? Everything okay?"
"It's not something you can help with."
"If it's something due to the baby, I can try. Got you those clothes, didn't I?" He doesn't really blame the others, but close quarters led him to clue in her need for maternity clothes when he realized how much skin he was starting to glimpse. Patricia's baggier clothing lasted longer.
"This is way more personal than clothes, Daryl. I can deal with it "
"Lori."
She's angry when she sits back up. "Unless you're willing to further my reputation as a slut, no, you can't help."
Oh, hell. He'd missed that part of Carrie's pregnancy with Abby, since she came to stay with Glynnis later on. But he remembers her telling him how much she hated being a single woman through the extra libido pregnancy gave her before bulky discomfort took it away.
And he's probably insane and maybe a little further into the bottle than he thought because he's speaking before he can stop himself. "Could help."
Hell, the look of complete shock on her face might be worth what he's said.
"Daryl, you can't be serious about offering to sleep with me just because being pregnant has me missing it."
"Well, technically, I don't have to sleep with you to help out with that."
He watches her process that, figuring she's smart enough to figure it out.
"So, you're offering a helping hand?"
He laughs at the suspicious tone of the phrasing. "If that's what you want, yeah."
"And what does that do for you, if you don't want sex?" She frowns, then looks a little hurt. "You shouldn't offer if you don't find me attractive at all."
"Ain't that." He sighs and sits down on her bed again, closer this time. He does capture those twisting hands this time. "Damn, your hands are cold."
She lets him warm up her hands by rubbing them gently between his. It gives him a chance to gather his thoughts for a conversation he's never actually had to have.
"It's not a matter of finding you attractive or not. Anybody with eyes and a brain can see that much about you. It's more that I'm not wired to have sex easy as most folks."
"Like being asexual?"
Huh. He's surprised she knows that term. "Close. Never had a name for it til last year or two when Cricket sent me a bunch of web links after some med school discussion. Never had a good idea before that. Most people just think I'm still hung up on my ex-wife or that it's something to do with being raised Catholic."
"A friend gave me a book after the Kinsey movie came out. She thought maybe some of the issues Rick and I had were because we married too young before he could figure out he was gay. He isn't, and the book didn't help in the long term, but I remember that term."
"Well, then you got the general idea, probably."
"I can't ask that of you, if sex isn't something you like."
He realizes he still has her hands and lets them go. "Not that I don't like it. Just need more than just a pretty woman for it. Never actually slept with anyone but my ex-wife."
"No one would ever understand."
"Ain't no one's business but ours."
He thinks she looks more afraid than interested when she finally leans toward him, her hands rubbing his shoulders nervously. "We'll try kissing," she suggests.
Daryl closes the gap for a kiss, knowing she's too nervous. He's always liked kissing and touching, part of what puzzled him when the rest didn't follow easier. It takes her a minute to get past the worry, but once she does, it's just a matter of learning what she likes.
It takes about half an hour of making out like teenagers before either of them speaks again. She's gasping softly, fingers scrabbling against his shoulders where she's gotten under the button up he unbuttoned but hadn't taken off yet to sleep.
He's about to ask her if she's okay, when she beats him to it, looking a bit worried about the fact she's explored his chest and shoulders.
"That's good," he tells her softly. "I like being touched." He twitches the end of the tank top she's wearing and she moves to help him tug the garment off. She's not wearing a bra to bed, so she's fully exposed. Keeping his eyes on her expression, he sheds his own shirt and takes his kisses to her chest. She arches against him and rocks against the ball of his hand when he slides his palm against her through her pajama pants.
Her libido must be really driving her crazy, because she cries out, muffling herself with her own hand. She shudders, making a soft mewling sound as he rolls her against his chest.
Actual sex may not appeal as much, but this he does enjoy, having someone fall apart against him.
~*~ LG ~*~
Lori's a little embarrassed to realize she fell asleep after unexpectedly climaxing without even getting all her clothes off, like a teenager.
She's even more embarrassed to realize Daryl didn't just tuck her in and leave for his own bed. Her top is back on, and she's pulled against his chest. One of his big hands is cupped against her lower belly.
"Can go back to my bed if you want me to. Didn't want you to wake and think something was wrong."
She thinks about what will be said if this ever gets out. Daryl's family is protective of him, although she suspects after earlier that they may be worrying too much. But she is growing to depend on his quiet company and right now she thinks she might cry if he did leave the bed.
"Stay." She's weak, and maybe it means she really can't stand on her own like Daryl himself accused, but she needs this.
"This okay?" He twitches his hand against her belly.
"Yeah." Everyone is so polite about her pregnancy that Daryl's only the third person to touch it, and that's if she includes the medical checkups. "Daryl? What if Abby comes in?"
"You gonna run off from her if you decide you want more than just this?"
"No. I'll be part of her life long as you'll let me."
"Then it won't matter if Abby sees us. But she'll tell Carl."
"I don't think he will care. He shrugged off that the baby's Shane's, and other than checking to make sure it didn't bother me if he mentioned it, he knows his dad's moved on in a casual sense."
"Then we covered the only two that you need to worry about." He readjusts the sheet over them. "Get some sleep. Baby's gonna steal that from you soon enough."
She yawns, feeling him laughing silently against her back, and does just that.