A/n: I own nothing. A gift for my pack mate Fract.

Ichigo sighed as Karin's harsh gaze locked on his own, daring him to answer Yuzu's innocent question.

'Why work with him if you think he's evil?' had been the question 'he' being Mayuri.

"He's a scientist he...has skills that are useful..." Ichigo ventured swallowing his own bile.

"Hat and clogs has the same skills," Karin hissed venomously. She was strong-willed and surprisingly perceptive. An annoying combination he found. He gave her a 'not helping' look and returned his attention to Yuzu.

"Yes but he...did something bad and was punished."

"So he's like grounded?" Yuzu asked.

Ichigo sighed and nodded, close enough.

"But you said this Mayuri was worse," Karin prodded. Ichigo growled and glared at her.

"Soul Society doesn't agree."

"So punch them until they do," Karin snapped with an unspoken 'duh'.

Ichigo blinked.

"That isn't..." a thought occurred to him." That isn't the way to handle some things but...you may be on to something."

Karin's eyes lit with a fierce battle-glow and Ichigo quickly amended himself, "Not about the punching. Politicians and warriors are different and not all situations can be solved by violence...or should be," he added quickly seeing her doubtful look.

XX

As soon as he could get free, he booked it to Urahara's shop to discus his idea, proud of himself to be the idea guy for a change.

When he showed up he quickly detailed his plan and Urahara simply cuffed him...hard.

"Hey!"

"They won't take me back!"

"I can try to convince them, you totally proved yourself better than him," Ichigo said fervently. A long pause followed.

"I doubt they feel the same but even if you could convince them I'm not interested," Urahara said his voice tight, on the edge of breaking. Ichigo was surprised but pretended not to notice.

"Why? You're perfectly suited to it, hell you created the job."

"Because there's a reason they use Mayuri."

Ichigo stared at him not following.

"They will expect the same from me...I do not wish to be involved in that," Urahara said firmly.

"That's exactly why you have to do it, because you can..." Ichigo searched for the word, "Scam them. You can get the job done...and still do the right thing."

"You place to much faith in me," Urahara said tightly with a forced laughed.

"Maybe...But I think even if you laugh and scheme like people are pieces on a chessboard I feel like...to be girly for a sec...I think you feel for their loss. I feel like you grieve your choices even if you never show it and that makes a difference."

"Not really except maybe to make me less efficient."

"It makes you try to save people where you can."

"It makes me not want the job," Urahara snapped.

Ichigo lost patience, "You'd let people die, rot in vats of acid, forced into kamikaze attacks, used as test subject for every fucked up torture machine he devises just to keep your conscience clean?"

Urahara's expression took on a thoughtful look and he rested a finger against his chin.

Ichigo waited straining not show triumph or eagerness.

"Yep."

"Coward!"

"Yep."

Despite the jaunty answer Ichigo caught a flicker of fear in the scientist's eyes.

"What are you so scared of?"

Urahara said nothing.

Ichigo's eyes widened, "You won't turn into him."

Urahara closed his eyes and when he opened them again they carried the implacable will they'd held when he'd fought Aizen.

"Yes I will."

"Even if that was true and I don't for a second think it is, you would still be the lesser of evils."

"I think I liked you better before I got you interested in philosophy."

"Would you fucking stop it!"

Urahara blinked and Ichigo pressed his advantage, "Stop fucking making a joke out of everything I'm serious. If you could save even ten people or gave a few a merciful death instead of torture then it's your duty to do it."

Urahara gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes and reminded Ichigo more of Aizen, than of anything he'd ever seen on the shop keeper's face.

"Since when have I cared for that?" the light tone didn't match that smile in the least and a cold feeling flowed through Ichigo.

Ichigo swallowed anger and fear and tried to think though his reply, "You always have. You've always helped people even when they spat in your face." he dipped his head in acknowledgement that he'd been one of those.

"To serve my own ends."

"Bullshit."

"Really?" that arctic smile again.

"Yeah not to say you didn't achieve things for yourself but I've never seen you let an innocent be hurt if you could stop it."

Urahara opened his mouth then closed it, the smile faltered and his shoulders slumped.

"Then imagine what that job would do to me," he whispered.

"What the fuck does it matter if you can save people?"

"Out," Urahara's eyes were frozen steel the word granite hard and without inflection.

"What?"

"Get. Out."

Ichigo did, in haste.

XXX

Urahara slammed the door shut behind him and stalked down to his lab before slamming and locking that door as well. He sank down, back resting against the door and crossed his arms. He exhaled a shaky breath and drew in another. A sob broke free then another. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door sobbing for his shame, his fear, his anger at himself and Soul Society and the universe at large. And lastly he sobbed for his guilt past and future. Lord knew it would probably be his last chance. And for all the guilt he bore he spared a thought for the maggot's nest prisoner who's worst instincts he's indulged like encouraging a junkie. He'd been proud of himself for that one, finding a use for the outcasts. He buried his face in his knees, even though the lab was sound proof.

Two days later he opened the door to find a sheepish looking Ichigo.

"Hey so uh..." Ichigo rubbed a hand through his hair.

"You talked to C46," Urahara said.

"Uh yeah...they said the jobs your's if you accept," Ichigo said obviously trying not to show his surprise that Urahara knew.

He smirked, "You can be...persuasive."

"God why's everyone always think I'm only good at violence we just talked," Ichigo said misinterpreting the statement as Urahara had mostly intended.

Urahara laughed.

"So...is there any chance you'll reconsider?"

"Yeah in fact let's leave now," Urahara said, maintaining a straight face despite Ichigo's hilarious expression.

"Oh man...really?" Ichigo looked at him suspiciously and Urahara nodded. "That's...see it was mostly a pride thing so I had to sort of tell them that you were begging to come back and..."

"You had no plan b?"

Ichigo said nothing.

"Idiot!"

"Well it worked didn't it?"

Urahara nodded bitterly as they headed to the senkaimon .

"Thanks."

"No problem." Persuasive son of a bitch.