"My momma said if I'm the best flower girl in the whole wide world that I'm getting the first piece of cake! After the bride and groom, of course," Raven announced to everybody in the room, fiercely, "And I'm getting the biggest piece ever! Nobody better stand in my way or I will crush you!"
Matthew laughed; "Nice ankle-biter you're raising, Seth, you douche. She almost reminds me of your wife and your cousins."
"Like you're one to talk," Seth mumbled, "Also, someone messed with Lucas' machine. He found it dismantled this morning."
"What?! You gotta be shitting me." Matthew exclaimed. "Tell me you're joking."
"No, I'm not," Seth retorted, confirming Matthew's worst fears, "My guess is that Lucas got weed laced with meth again and took apart his own machine. I mean who else got access to his basement and the know-how to completely pull it apart?"
"Fucking great. Another fucking setback. By the time we get done with that stupid machine, the fucker will die from Alzheimer's or some shit," Matthew groaned, "Every time I think I'm ahead, fate sticks its dick in my fucking ass and rapes me."
"Hush, you drama queen. You'll be fine," Seth chastised him, "I think Lucas is going to review the footage just in case, but if he can unscrew a bunch of parts, he can screw them back in order."
Edd started to sweat over the possibility that he could be caught on tape and all that work only to be a minor hindrance on that wicked machine. What would they do if they found out that he was behind it? What would Matthew do?
Seth's daughter came down the aisle and threw rose petals around haphazardly as she walked. She also had a determined look on her face as if she was hell bent on becoming the best flower girl she could be. She wore a red and white flower girl dress with chunky black leather boots to give her a bit of an edgy look.
Seth cheered his daughter on while Matthew looked away, bored out of his mind. Raven skipped down the aisle, basket in hand. She stopped a couple of feet away from the alter, waiting for the others to arrive.
The bridesmaids were the next to walk down the aisle. Sarah, Lee, and Marie all looked relatively stunning in their burgundy dresses, made up faces, and professionally done updos. They took their places next to the altar.
Then Jimmy came out and looked through the crowd until he was staring at Edd. With a smile, he offered his hand to him.
"C'mon Double Dee, you're a groomsman."
"Me, a groomsmen?" Edd stared at the blond man bewildered, "Ed never told me that I was a groomsman."
"Of course, silly," Jimmy replied, "You and Eddy are both groomsmen just as Ed wanted you to be. Speaking of whom, have you seen Eddy?"
"No, I haven't," Edd answered honestly.
"Oh, I was hoping he changed his mind. He called Sarah this morning and told her he wasn't coming."
"Seriously? That . . . scoundrel!" Edd hissed, trying not to let someone hear him. He was trying to keep his temper in check, "Well, let's go be there for Ed, Jimmy."
"With bells on my toes," Jimmy cheered.
Edd walked down the aisle with Jimmy right behind him. The fact that Eddy would not call Ed directly steamed him to the core. It ate him alive. It made the normally pacifist man want to get into a physical altercation with Eddy just to demand an answer why.
As he took his place at the other end of the altar, he waited for Ed to arrive. A few seconds later, Ed was escorted down the aisle by Mrs. Kanker, the front of his shirt was stained with gravy. He made his way down the aisle with a big grin on his face. Happy-go-lucky Ed.
Next came May as she was escorted by Ed's father, she walked slowly down the aisle garnering 'oohs' and 'ahs' from the crowd. Her white veil made her skin look paler in the midday light. She carried a bouquet of sunflowers. She took her place at the altar next to Ed.
The officiant's opening remarks and when he addressed the couple was pretty standard. If you've seen one wedding, you seen them all. During this entire speech, Edd's eyes kept meeting Matthew's every so often. Edd tried to focus for Ed's sake, but even he disliked long boring speeches about the importance of love and marriage.
Then came time for the couple's vows. May and Ed looked eager to share their vows with one another. Edd had never seen Ed so happy before.
May started, reading from a piece of paper Lee brought her during the officiant's opening. She read each word as emotionally as she could.
"Dear Ed, I have loved you since before either one of us knew truly what that meant. From my days of playing house with an Ed doll Lee sewed up for me, to sharing this exact moment with you, I've never been as happy as I am right now to stand as your soon-to-be wife. I hope to start a family with you and our unborn child. And most importantly, I want for us to never drift apart. My Big Ed!"
"That was lovely, May," The officiant applauded her and then turned to Ed, "Do you have any vows that you wish to share?"
"Was I supposed to?" Ed blurted out.
Oh no! Edd cringed at Ed's faux-pas. Poor guy probably hasn't been to enough weddings to know that he was supposed to write down his vows. Edd looked around. Matthew was laughing his ass off from the back rows, but that was to be expected. Everyone else was speechless.
Edd leaned over and whispered in Ed's ear; "Tell her how you feel about her."
"Feel? Oh right!" Ed turned to May and stated, "You're very pretty in that dress. You're always pretty to me even when you're eating boiled eggs with ketchup in the middle of the night. I hope we are together long enough for our little dickens to grow up big and strong!"
Edd looked around again. Everyone seemed satisfied with Ed's impromptu vows. 'Phew! That was close!' Edd thought to himself as he leaned back into a pillar near the altar.
After their vows, they exchanged rings. Ed got a decent gold band that didn't seem out of their budget and May got a decent gold band to match her wedding ring.
Then came the big moment to signify them as a couple. The officiant announced; "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride."
Ed leaned over May and kissed her on the lips. May giggled and put her arms around her new husband. At one point of time, he would've ran from her kisses and embrace. Now, he seems to welcome it.
When Ed and May headed down the aisle, the bridesmaids headed down first, followed by Jimmy and Edd. Then everybody at the wedding followed them into the main area of the park.
May turned around and threw the bouquet over her head. And who better to catch it than Edd by complete accident. He nervously laughed and tossed to bouquet back to May, giving the girls who were trying to catch it a quick apology and a chance to catch the bouquet themselves. He even got a strange look from Matthew as if he were trying to catch it. Oh well!
While Ed and May were heading to cut their wedding cake, Edd was stopped by someone grabbed him by the shoulder. He turned and saw Kevin staring back at him.
When Kevin finally spoke, it was somewhat hostile towards Edd; "Yo, Double Dweeb, what the fuck is the psycho doing here? You're lucky that Nazz had to leave early, otherwise she would have busted him for violating the Order of Protection."
Oh great! He nearly forgot that part of the Order of Protection against Matthew stating that he cannot be within so many feet of Sasha.
"My apologies, Kevin. I had to be here for Ed and make sure Matthew stays out of trouble at the same time. If I left Matthew alone for even a second, there's no telling what kind of criminal mishap he would've gotten into."
"Whatever, just keep that lunatic away from him - and from me for that matter," Kevin demanded.
"Yes Kevin," Edd robotically agreed, wanting to not provoke the man any further.
God, he needed a drink. First Eddy didn't show up and then Matthew nearly got arrested. Ed's not showing any sign of distress, but that doesn't mean that he's not hurt by Eddy's absence.
Edd filled up a plastic cup full of rum at the alcohol table. After that, he made his way towards the table where Ed and May were cutting the cake, after which, they fed each other a piece.
Of course, Seth's daughter got her wish and got a big piece of cake. Edd waited a little bit before getting a piece, which he washed down with straight rum.
Then it was time for the couple's dance. Luckily the drink table was near where they were having dances, so Edd could watch them and drink his rum. Matthew joined him at the drink table moments later.
"Attention, everyone!" Sasha could be heard from the speakers, "The couple is about to begin their first dance, so step on up and support them through this beautiful union!" A few minutes later, he announced the first song. "This one goes out to the lovely couple; Young Turks by Rod Stewart."
Edd watched as Ed danced with May. He was pleasantly surprised that the lovable oaf could slow dance. Then he remembered Ed dancing with all three of the Kanker sisters when they were 12 in an attempt to get the girls off their backs. Ed was just full of surprises sometimes.
It was kind of an odd choice that Sasha picked a song about teenage rebellion for the couple's song, but he supposed it fitted them. Two young, carefree individuals who ended up with a baby.
He downed another cup of rum as the song ended. Sasha announced that the next one would be for couples only. Oh great, just what Edd wanted to hear. A great way to remind Edd that Eddy would rather put up with a narcissistic sociopath than be with the ones he loved.
However, he could . . . No! There's no way that . . . He couldn't . . . After a few drinks, though, he decided it might not be a bad idea after all. Screw it . . .
"May I have this dance?" He offered his hand to his soon-to-be dance partner in hopes of getting a dance in.
His soon-to-be dance partner looked at him with an expressionless look on his face; "Fuck no. No way. I don't dance."
"Oh, you'll dance with me," Edd decided to pull one of Matthew's manipulative tricks in order for him to get his way. He uttered, "If you don't, I'll never sleep with you again."
"Wouldn't that be more of a punishment for you than for me?"
Edd gave him a look in response, waiting for his little threat to sink into Matthew's thick skull and watching the thoughts read across the mans face. After a moment, Matthew heaved an irritable sigh.
"Fine," he snapped back finally, "but don't make this a habit."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Edd shot back as he led Matthew to the dance floor.