The South Park Saga Continues...
The next day...
The kids of South Park visited Peter while at the hospital, who was still in a comatose state.
"I don't think he's going to get better." Chris said.
"Maybe we can tell another story to past the time?" Karin suggested.
"Yeah! Hey Newton, you did Star Wars the last time! Tell us another one!" Stan added.
"Okay, this is the story of the movie with the greatest plot twist of all time."
A long time ago, in a distant future with droids, blasters, and the force...
Music: Yeah, this happened again.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK...
It is a dark time for the rebellion. Although the Death Star was destroyed, Darth Vader was still out there. Imperial troopers have driven the rebels out of their base on the ice planet Hoth. But you know the story.
What you do not know is that there was an alternate ending in the video game "Revenge of the Sith" and that it had an ending where Anakin made a successful jump over Obi-Wan and killed him. Now Vader had the high ground. Anyway, he goes home to the Emperor only to kill him after getting his red lightsaber. Now THAT is different.
Also on a side note, due to backstage issues, the roles are now changed. Seriously, what's a Jewdi? A pun? Seriously? It does not make sense to me. But, I decided to make the change anyway.
This is what happened...
We see the Star Destroyer deploy several probe droids around the galaxy. One of which landed on the ice planet Hoth. Rebel Commander, Luke Skywalker (Kyle Brofloski) is patrolling the area.
"Hey, can I make a pun? I'm a Jewdi." Luke said.
No, let's get serious. Anyway, Luke was patrolling when he spotted something off into the distance. He took out his binoculars.
WHAM! A large Wampa (Scuzzlebutt) attacked Luke and took him to his cave.
The rebel base, led by Leia (Wendy Testaburger), Han Solo (Stan Marsh) arrived to tell the news.
"I'm leaving the rebellion." Han said.
"What? Why?" Leia asked.
"I couldn't find Luke. Besides I need to pay back Jabba the hut."
Han walked out of the base, but Leia stopped him.
"You said you were going to stay!" Leia said. "And we need you!"
"I see what's going on. You have feelings for me." Han said.
"No, I want Luke Skywalker. Besides, you leaving is going to mess up the rebels."
Another rebel fighter showed up.
"Hey, speaking of Luke Skywalker, we haven't heard from him yet."
"I'll go look for him." Han said, getting on a Tauntaun.
Meanwhile, Luke managed to free himself from the Wampa cave by using the force to get his lightsaber. He then hacked off the Wampa's arm before running out of the cave. Then...
Luke collasped onto the ground.
"Luke..." A voice said.
"Obi-Wan?" Luke said, looking up.
A vision of Obi-Wan (Garrison) appeared in front of him.
"Why didn't you just stay in the cave?" Obi-Wan said.
"I..."
"You will go to Dagobah. Learn the Force from my master, Yoda."
"Yoda?"
And with that, Obi-Wan disappeared. At the very same time, Han found Luke unconscious and ran up to him. Behind him, his Tauntaun collapsed due to hypothermia.
"Aw, damn it!" Han said.
He took Luke's lightsaber and cut a hole into the Tauntaun. Guts spilled out. Han stuffed Luke inside the warm, gooey inwards. But that took a toll since they had no escape. A search party had found them shortly after and took them to their base.
Meanwhile, on the Star Destroyer...
Vader (Cartman) was now viewing Hoth. As he made his way to the camera station for the probe...
"Oh crap, he's coming!" One of the Star Destroyer crew members said while slacking off.
As Vader passed by, they pretended to be busy. Vader made his way to two other crew members, General Tarkin (Tweek) and Admiral Cody (Craig).
"Gah! Wasn't Cody in Revenge of the Sith?" Tarkin panicked.
"Let's just move on." Cody said.
Vader approached the two men.
"Hey Tarkin, do I smell coffee?" Vader asked.
"Uh... no?" Tarkin said nervously.
"Whatever. How's the scouting units going?"
"Oh! They're doing well. I think this must be the rebel base." Cody said, showing Vader the monitor.
A image of the rebel base appeared on the monitor. Then suddenly, Vader lifted Tarkin in the air and force-choked him to death.
"What was that for?" Cody said.
"I smelled coffee. Tarkin lied to me! Anyway, you're in charge!"
"Yes sir!"
On the rebel base, a scout team had spotted a probe. They reported this to Leia.
"Alright, everyone. We need to evacuate into space where we're literally sitting ducks. But better dead tomorrow than today." Leia said.
"Leia, on the radar!" One of the rebel soldiers said. "The imperial fleet has exited hyperspace too early! This should give us time to evacuate!"
A group of rebel soldiers all climbed onto their snow speeders, while another group had set up a trench to scout.
"I can see them!" Another rebel soldier said.
The Imperial fleet had arrived in All Terrain Armored Transports or AT-AT's. A scout soldier had taken out his binoculars to scan the walkers.
"Hey, check this one out! That one's wearing Crocs!" The scout said as he zoomed into a particular walker.
The AT-AT's started firing at the rebels. A Wilhelm scream had occurred when one rebel soldier was shot by a walker. The rebels all fired upon the walkers. Meanwhile, Luke and the other rebels had fired a steel rope at one of the AT-AT's legs and wrapped it around the other legs. The walker stumbled onto the ground, making it easy pickings for the rebels. But another walker had shot Luke's ship on the right wing.
"Ah! I'm going down!" He said.
Luke's ship crashed into the snow. As he got out of the ship, he took out his lightsaber and ran to another AT-AT up ahead. He used his long shot to get on the walker. When he got in, a bunch of Imperial troopers were on board the walker, all playing cards. They didn't notice Luke there so the latter easily killed the troopers. Luke made it out of there just in time before the walker exploded.
Back at the rebel base, the Imperial troopers have breached in along with Vader. Han, Leia, Chewbacca (Kenny), and C-3PO (Jimmy) all got on board the Millennium Falcon.
"We're never going to make it out here alive!" Leia said.
"Yes we will!" Han said. "Right Chewie?"
(Yes! Leia, keep it together!) Chewie said.
Han activated the Falcon. It took off. Meanwhile, Luke escaped with R2-D2 (Timmy) on his X-Wing. Upon taking off, Luke turned the X-Wing to the left.
"TIMMY?" R2-D2 questioned.
"We're not going to the meeting point R2, we're going to Dagobah for training." Luke said.
Meanwhile, the Falcon was being chased by Tie-Fighters. The Falcon flew into an asteroid field.
"What are you doing?" Leia said.
"Either be a sitting duck, or take risks." Han said.
"But H-Han. Getting through an asteroid f-f-field without crashing is 2-1." 3PO said.
Several Tie-Fighters who chased them crashed into the asteroids. The remaining tie-fighters crashed into the asteroids after dodging several of them.
As Luke flew into Dagobah, he perfectly navigated through the trees and landed safely on the planet.
"TIMMY!" R2-D2 said as Luke and R2 got off the ship.
"Yes, Timmy. I thought we would crash, but we're fine." Luke said.
Luke and R2 traveled through the swamp before being surprised by a green, short creature (Butters).
"Who are you?" Luke asked.
"I'm Yoda." The creature said.
"You're Yoda? Obi-Wan told me that I need to see you to train the ways of the force."
"Okay, I'll teach you the ways." Yoda said.
Meanwhile on the Star Destroyer, Vader got a message from the Emperor Palpatine (Connelly).
"Okay, I have news. It turns out Luke Skywalker is still alive. You need to turn him towards the dark side."
"That's it?" Vader said.
"Yes. Besides we made a music video on encouraging others to join the empire." The Emperor said. "It's called Empire Today. You should look it up."
Note: "Empire Today" is an actual song in real life. Look it up! But it's just "Y.M.C.A."
Meanwhile on Dagobah...
Luke stretched his legs.
"Okay, I'm ready." He said.
"Good. Let's start training." Yoda said.
Music: "Training montage" from Rocky.
Luke jumped over tree branches, lifted rocks like weights, lifted himself over strong tree branches, did curl-ups, climbed trees, pulled through mud and water, and did a bunch of other stuff that was not necessary to the story while Yoda watched.
Music stops.
Meanwhile, Han and the others were making repairs to the Falcon inside a cave when they heard rumbling. Then looking ahead, they saw the cause.
"We're not in a cave!" Leia said.
"Hang on!" Han said as he activated the thrusters.
The Falcon flew out of the cave, revealing it to be a giant slug.
(You idiot, Han!) Chewbacca said.
"Okay, Luke. We can take a rest." Yoda said.
Luke sat down near a pile of moss.
"Tell me Yoda, what is the dark side?"
"The dark side is what happened to Vader. Obi-Wan told me to tell you that he and your father were the best of duos."
"Oh yeah, I never got to know about my dad." Luke said. "Tell me about him. How does Obi-Wan know Vader?"
"Well, Obi-Wan and your father fought alongside with each other as the Jedi, peacekeepers of the Galactic Republic. Vader was a former pupil of Obi-Wan and turned to the dark side because Obi-Wan had replaced him with your father. Thus, he murdered your father and killed Obi-Wan in return. Also, didn't Obi-Wan give you your father's lightsaber?"
"Yeah, actually."
"Now we will continue our training."
Back on the Star Destroyer, Vader sent out several bounty hunters including Boba Fett (Clyde). Han and his group tried to escape on the Falcon, but their light speed wasn't working.
"What do we do now?" C-3PO panicked.
"Something we should've done." Han said.
Han steered the Falcon towards the Star Destroyer. Soon, they were out of sight by them.
"Sir, Lord Vader wants to know about the ship that flew towards us." A crew member said.
"Uh, tell him we blew it up." The captain said.
"I can hear you, you lying sack of chump." Vader said as he force choked the captain.
It is revealed that the Falcon hid among the trash floating in space, but Boba Fett found them.
Back on Dagobah, Luke was still training with Yoda. While training with the force, Luke saw a vision.
"What do you see?" Yoda asked.
"My friends. They're in trouble!" Luke said as he got on his X-Wing.
"Wait! You must complete your training!" Yoda said. "Besides, you can't duel Vader. You're need to be experienced."
"Why don't you fight him?" Luke asked.
"Okay, you can go." Yoda said.
As Luke left, Yoda watched him with the Force Ghost of Obi-Wan.
"That boy is in a lot of trouble." Obi-Wan said. "He's was our only hope."
"No, there is another." Yoda said.
"Huh? You never told me?" Obi-Wan said.
"This Jedi managed to defeat the Second and Ninth Sister of the Inquisitorius." Yoda said.
"What's the Inquisitorius?"
"It is considered the most dangerous dark side Jedi third to only Vader and the Emperor. Vader and the Emperor killed all of them for there failure to find this Jedi. But this Jedi only defeated the Second and Ninth sister because he had something the other Jedi don't."
"What is it?" Obi-Wan said.
Before any of that is revealed, we immediately jump to the next scene.
The Falcon flew into the Cloud City on the planet Bespin.
"Why are we going here?" C-3PO asked.
"We're going to see Lando Calrissian." Han said as they landed in the Cloud City.
The group stepped out and Lando (Token) greeted them.
"You're Lando Calrissian?" Leia asked.
"Yes, let's go inside." Lando said.
"For what reason?" C-3PO asked.
"For dinner." Lando said.
Lando had taken them to the dining area. When they got in, Vader was there, still talking to two other Stormtroopers.
"Aw, Damnit." Vader said. "Too late."
Han picked up his blaster and fired at Vader, but Vader blocked it with the Force. Vader then disarmed him. In walked Boba Fett. Vader and Fett took Han to be imprisoned in carbonite, while the imprisoned Leia, Chewie, and C-3PO watched in horror.
"I love you." Leia whimpered.
"I know." Han said as he went down.
"Wait, did they have any romantic moment before this?" A Stormtrooper said.
"Not that I know off." Another one said.
Soon, Leia and the others were taken to a cell.
"I can't believe we were betrayed by Lando." Leia said in her cell.
Suddenly, blaster fire occurred and the Stormtroopers guarding their cell were all dead.
"What the?" C-3PO said.
Lando arrived to save the day. He unlocked the cell of Leia and her group.
(You son of a bitch, Lando!) Chewie said, choking Lando.
"They... threatened... to... kill... me..." Lando wheezed.
"Let him go, Chewie." Leia said.
Chewie let go of Lando.
Meanwhile, Luke and R2-D2 made their way to the Cloud City. When they landed in search for Vader, R2 got separated from Luke.
"Welcome Luke Skywalker." A voice said.
Luke activated his lightsaber.
"I will defeat you, Vader!" He said.
Both he and Vader dueled each other. Meanwhile, Lando and the others found R2-D2 and made their way to Boba Fett's ship.
"Crap! They got away!" Lando said.
"But at least we know where they're going." Leia said.
"You do?" C-3PO said.
"I heard from the Stormtroopers. Boba Fett's taking Han to Jabba the Hut."
More Stormtroopers arrived. The group made their way to the Millennium Falcon.
Meanwhile, the duel with Vader continued onto the central air shaft of Cloud City.
"Join the dark side Luke, and rule the galaxy!" Vader said.
"Never!" Luke said.
The duel continued. Vader knocked Luke's right hand away before hacking it off, disarming him.
"Hey! A free lightsaber!" said a guy down below.
"There is no escape, Skywalker." Vader said, cornering Luke.
Luke backed away to the edge.
"Don't make me destroy you. Join me Luke. And we will rule the galaxy together!"
"I will never join you!" Luke shouted.
"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."
"He told me enough." Luke said. "He told me you killed him!"
Epic moment in 5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
"NO... I AM YOUR FATHER." Vader said.
"Wait, Luke I am your father?" Luke questioned.
"No! It's No, I am your father!" Vader said.
"Oh." Luke said. "No... that can't be... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" He screamed.
"Join me, and we will rule the galaxy like father and son." Vader said.
"No..." Luke said as he jumped off the edge.
Vader watched him as Luke fell down.
Luke fell down the air shaft before grabbing onto an antenna.
"I see him, I can see Luke!" Leia said from the Falcon.
The Falcon was brought over so that Luke can land safely inside. The Falcon departed just as the Tie-Fighters were closing in on them. Luke was fitted with an artificial hand as the rebels left in search of Han Solo.
THE END?
Okay before you notice, yes I know it's starting to deviate from the original trilogy, but there was this one thing that was so interesting looking into my research that I had to include that part in. What is it? Not today!