Have a Christmas Special on the house. I'm feeling good this vacation.

Frieza Day

This city is known as Freezer. It is part of the country Ice Chest, located within the land of Frostbite. Throughout this land, a holiday is being celebrated. The holiday known as Frieza day. Here in the city of Freezer, it is particularly momentous. After all, this the capital and all the lands richest have at least some stake in being there. In the capital, they say, Frieza day is done right.

He would come in the night of course. He would go down people's chimneys with a giant sack of goodies and leave with no one the wiser. He was the calm, benelovent and friendly Lord Frieza. He would ride a circular space ship manned by his father King Cold and maintained by his brother Lord Cooler. They always gave fantastic gifts and brought smiles to everyone's faces. Except one man.

Let us go down into the city streets, past the large and ostentatious businesses and apartments in Uptown to the dingier environs of downtown where businesses and apartments mixed together in an unholy mess. Here a short man with distinctive hair stood, dressed in the uniform of a police man. His name is Vegeta and tonight he has some new recruits.

"Look I'm just saying, we don't always have to do this bit."

"Shut up Nappa."

"I mean… what're we gonna do? Realistically I mean. It's just one holiday."

Vegeta scowled at the bigger man.

"Right, right. I'll stop talking now."

Vegeta slapped his truncheon into his open palm. "Good. With the general complaints out of the way- yes what is it Constable Raditz?"

The man put his hand down. "My hair itches. It's been itching since morning. It might've been the snuff from the cigar shop bust last night. I think I might be entitled to some renumeration."

"Oh, you're allergic to snuff now are you?"

Raditz shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, it itches," he insisted stubbornly. "Wasn't itching before that I can tell you."

"And it's the snuff, is what you're saying?" Vegeta probed. His truncheon created an audible smack in his palm.

"Why yes. It couldn't have been-"

"It didn't seem to be a problem last night." Vegeta was glaring now. "I distinctly remember having to order you away from the snuff boxes multiple times."

"Well yes, and that is the problem right. Ordering me away from snuff? How could you? I'm going into withdrawal. It's withdrawal I tell you-"

"I will have your nostrils on a hook if you don't shut up right this minute."

Raditz went quiet.

Vegeta nodded. "Now… your names, recruits."

"Riku."

"Naya, sir."

The two recruits in question stood at attention in the cold. The city was covered snow, and they were all in their furs. The recruits were by far the slimmest of the team and looked like their furs had swallowed them up entirely, leaving only their faces showing.

"You're missing a 'sir' Lance-Constable, Riku."

The younger Saiyan stared blankly. "Am I? Did I leave it somewhere, do you think?"

"Are you trying to be smart with me?" Vegeta growled.

"I thought we were supposed to be smart," Naya cut in. "It was in the books. I read it."

"That's not what I-"

"What's a sir? Do you think I could find one in time for the Watch?"

"I didn't mean-"

"It's the gold badge thing isn't it? I knew I shouldn't have sold it."

Vegeta froze. "You what?"

"It was Hogan's. He had a good deep fry going. Elixir of the gods he called it. Damn right it was. I'm still warm inside."

"So an elixir was solid?" asked Nappa.

"That's Hogan's frying for you. Brings the solid out of anything. It even had these wiggly bits in-"

"CAN WE GET BACK ON TRACK PLEASE!"

"You didn't have to yell," Raditz grumbled. "Some of us are still in withdrawal, you know."

"SNUFF DOESN"T EVEN WORK THAT WAY YOU IDIOT!"

A nearby apartment window opened up. "SHUT UP YOU LOUTS!"

"Ma'am I can have you arrested for obstructing police in the execution of their duties."

"Oh so catching Frieza Christmas is a duty now. Mind showing me where that is in your Watch policies?"

"He breaks in and enters-"

"Oh come off it you bloody git! Go home!"

The window slammed.

The policemen shuffled in the snow, watching Vegeta.

"Would you like some Hogan's too?" Riku offered.

Vegeta turned around with a hiss. "This conversation never happened. This is a normal night and you lot will obey me!"

"I mean sure, if you've got some Hogan's."

Vegeta shot Riku a withering look.

"Alright, alright I can do it for free too."

Vegeta took a moment to recover his temper before nodding. "This evening will be spent hunting down Frieza Christmas and his accomplices. But before that we'll walk you newbies through the basics."

Every single one his men gave him the patented blank look they had all honed to perfection.

"First, this is your truncheon. It is the police man's weapon. It is your best friend. You will eat with it, you will sleep with it- yes Lance Constable Naya? You can put your hand down."

"How do we sleep with it?"

Vegeta paused. "That's- Lance Constable Riku stop laughing right this minute! I mean it!"

The younger police man's seniors were suppressing chortles of their own.

"It's not funny!"

Naya blinked. "What's funny?"

Vegeta rubbed his nose in exasperation. "Nothing."

He glared at his men once more and the chortles immediately subsided.

"Right. Don't worry about how to sleep with it- Riku, I will murder you- there's more to being a policeman."

-FD-

Riku patrolled the street he was assigned with due diligence, pausing at the end of it to pick at his belt.

He rang the bell. "Twelve of the clock and all's well."

He promptly dodged some water thrown out of a nearby window. "We're sleeping jackass!"

Riku saluted. "Noted."

"THE HELL IT"S NOTED!"

A hand reached out from nearby shadows and pulled out from under the street light.

"You gotta be careful with that," Nappa advised. "You might cause a ruckus."

Riku recovered himself quite nicely, upon identifying his assailant. "I was not yelling."

"Be that as it may," Nappa warned him. "This is 244 Street. You see those three buildings at the end of the street?"

"Why yes."

"That's Dodoria's Dunces on the left, Idylicc Zarbones on the right and Zithis' Seasonally Relevant Emporium. Big businesses them."

Riku nodded.

"The owners all live inside their businesses and rumor says they've each got an in with Frieza Christmas. You cause trouble on this street and you're on the naughty list."

Riku raised an eyebrow. "He gives you presents?"

"Well ah… haha… this is just between you and me eh?"

Riku nodded. "Ok."

Nappa looked around in an altogether shady manner before pointing. "Look, there's Vegeta. He always comes here during his rounds."

Riku nodded, stowing his bell away. "So what kind of presents do you get?"

"Well, I got a bottle of Marine Varine once," Nappa said. "Finest liquor to grace this old throat I'll tell you that one for free. Never faced a day with fire in my heart like I did then. You drink lad?"

Riku shook his head.

"What? A strapping young man like you? We'll need to fix that. Maybe we can take a stroll to your place and set things up. You got a chimney?"

"I'm not sure we do. I can't tell from the outside. I stay at Madame's place."

Nappa paused to stare at him. "Madame's place? The Madame?"

"Yes and I Am Not Allowed Upstairs."

Nappa huddled closer. "Look boy if there is any piece of advice I will give you that you will follow it is to go upstairs. You will see things. Pleasurable things. The girls might even give you a good time if they like what they see."

"I Might Catch Something."

"You will catch a lot of things. The point is to catch the things you like in between."

"And the Madame…"

"She might kick you out but trust me it's worth it."

Riku looked thoughtful. "It doesn't sound like it is. I mean I'd have nowhere to stay. The weather is cold. I'd be easier to rob too."

"The feel of the girls will warm you even on the darkest of nights my son. Trust me."

Riku sidled ever so slightly away from the senior officer.

"What's going on here?"

Nappa jumped. "Vegeta! Nothing at all. Twelve of the clock and all's well. You know how it is."

The short captain pinned them with his gaze before nodding. "With me then. This street is dangerous."

-FD-

"We do not plod, we advance," informed Raditz as they moved down the street.

"Advance, right." Naya tried to adjust her foot placement.

"That's it. And you want to curl your toes just like this too."

She did so and they moved together for some distance.

"Yes, yes, just like that."

"Oh my. What's that?"

Raditz followed Naya's gaze to a shop that had a number of people in front of it with large sacks.

Naya pointed. "Is that Frieza Christmas?"

"Don't point you moron, they'll see us! Keep advancing."

"But we're supposed to catch him right?"

"No we bloody well won't! I get good snuff off of him-"

"Oh hey Raditz!"

The senior officer descended into a stream of curses as the figure in front of the shop drew closer, revealing…

"Goku?"

Goku waved and grinned cheerily as he held up the giant sack over his shoulder. "Hi! Good evenin' isn't it?"

Naya stared. "Who's he? He knows you?"

Raditz shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well…"

"I got a good haul tonight," Goku explained.

Naya raised her eyebrows. "So you were stealing?"

Raditz seemed to snap to attention. "No he wasn-"

"Yeah!"

A face was palmed with the calculated forces necessary to produce a smack.

Naya looked at Raditz. "Should I arrest him?"

"No. God knows the moron deserves it."

"Hey, I've got an edjacation too!" Goku frowned in a rather child-like manner. "I know how to count. I can read too. See that name tag? Imma read it now. It says 'Last Con Stable Naya'."

"I mean it's not a bad try…" Naya fingered the name tag within her furs.

Goku grinned proudly. "Why thank you, I had to guess some of it."

Raditz looked into the skies. "This is not happening."

"Wanna see me count? That's one house, two houses, three houses… many houses, more houses-"

"Alright that's enough Kakarot-"

"You can't call me Kakarot! We agreed. You're disrescpetin' the satity of our 'greement!"

"And you're making an ass of yourself!"

"I am not an ass! I just happen to have one."

"I refuse to address this part of the conversation. Look, just go home Goku."

"No really should I arrest him?"

"No Naya, you cannot arrest my idiot brother!"

"I'm smart too!"

"Isn't that favoritism?"

"No it's not. It's for the sanity of other inmates."

"Ah… being around him is… mentally straining. I see…"

"Are ya'll insultin' me?"

"No, no Kakarot- Alright! Goku dammit!- We were just discussing introducing you to some people later. Why don't you take your haul home and wait for me?"

Goku nodded and shuffled off with his giant sack. As he went a small loaf of bread fell out that he promptly picked up, blew on and stowed away once more.

"He robbed a bakery," Naya observed.

Raditz suddenly felt very tired. "Look he does this every year ok. Just let it go… please…"

Naya looked thoughtful. "You know, I think I understand why you use the snuff now…"

-FD-

The policemen had gathered at the ringing of a very special bell. They were all on a very specific rooftop. Vegeta paced before his men.

"We have the bastard," Vegeta growled. "He's gone right down that chimney over there. And the minute he comes out, we're going to bag him. He even left his father and brother outside."

King Cold and Lord Cooler gave jovial waves from the sleigh they were sitting on. Each wore distinctive red caps and had bells dangling from their tails.

"This is new," Cooler noted. "I've never been arrested before."

"Neither have I," King Cold agree. "There's a certain dashing quality to it… like I'm a beautiful pirate."

"You're all criminals and I will stuff you in a cell with no key in it."

"That does sound interesting."

Vegeta scowled. "Why have they not been handcuffed yet?"

"None of us brought any, sir," Naya supplied helpfully.

"And why is that?"

"Well, we weren't planning on arresting anybody with cuffs," Nappa explained. "The metal gets cold Captain. It sticks to things, and it's hard to operate with mittens on."

There were general sounds of agreement from the other police officers.

Vegeta stared. "So how exactly were you planning to arrest people this evening?"

"We weren't sir," Nappa said. "Usually a good warning and some smacking around cures any tomfoolery around this time of year."

"We can always arrest them later when it's not a holiday," Raditz agreed.

"Can I just say that I believe that is a fantastic policy?" said King Cold.

Vegeta whirled on him. "You shut up!"

"Oh my."

"We could tie them to the sleigh or something," Riku suggested. "Just don't ask me to do it."

"New recruits don't get to dictate which orders they take," Raditz informed him.

"I was only new this morning," Riku affirmed. "Now I'm old. 16 hours old to be exact."

"Time is relative yeah. 16 hours old isn't older than 10 years old. It's younger than 10 years old, so it's young." Nappa folded his arms, nodding sagely. "That's how time works."

Riku paused, seeming to reflect on this latest revelation. Then he asked, "How old must I be before I'm not new?"

Nappa paused. "Now that's a good one."

"Should we have a benchmark, do you think?" asked Raditz.

"Benchmarks are a fantastic way to keep track of thresholds within an organization." Cooler saluted. "I commend you sir!"

"Silence criminal!"

The idea of a benchmark seemed amenable to all.

"How do we choose the benchmark though?"

Naya was confused. "Why are we marking benches?"

"We want to know how employees grow old," Raditz said. "Honestly this sounds like a problem for them phisolophers from up town. The fancy ones with the posh names."

"Like Lord Foshwizzle of Crete," Nappa added, more than pleased to show that he knew some posh people.

"There was Mr. Ponsey Upcreek," Riku said.

"Oh he had something up his creek alright," Naya muttered. "He came out in his bath towel yelling 'You reek!' Can you really blame me for knocking him right the hell out-"

Vegeta had had enough. "CAN WE FOCUS PLEASE!"

The policemen straightened out into a line of diligently blank expressions.

"Right so in order to catch- Yes what is it Riku?"

Frieza crawled out of the hole and observed the proceedings with some bemusement. He glanced at his Father and Brother who waved at him.

"You've finished then?" Cooler asked.

"It's about the sir you were talking about earlier."

Frieza nodded. "Yes. What's this all about?"

King Cold was positively delighted. "They want to arrest us!"

"Yes what about it?"

"That's not my last name."

Vegeta blinked. "What?"

Frieza smiled. "I'm glad you both had fun."

All three individuals of the Christmas Family gathered on the sleigh.

"You told me I was missing a sir when I gave you my name."

Frieza made to mush, then stopped. "Did we check to make sure no parcels fell over? Cooler you've got a track record you know."

"I checked it over twice," Cooler grumbled.

"Yes I did. I was talking about-"

"That's not my name," Riku insisted.

"You checked it over twice the last year too and we still had some parcels missing."

"Now, now boys, don't fight. I'm fairly certain Cooler didn't forget anything. Did you son?"

"No, Father."

"But it wouldn't hurt to check yes?"

"Yes, Father."

"My name is just Riku. There's no sir in it. You can't call me Riku Sir."

"Well, yes I know that but that's-"

"People's names are important."

Cooler got down, grumbling and proceeded to examine the sleigh one more time.

"Is everything there?" Frieza asked.

"Yes," Cooler replied, response clipped.

King Cold clapped his hands together. "Delightful! Now get back on and let's get going."

"Would you listen to me? You have to refer to me as sir, whenever you address me!"

Riku looked confused. "Your last name is sir?"

"No! The way Naya does it. Naya!"

"Sir?"

Riku looked dubious now. "But you wanted my name."

"Should we say goodbye to the please-men?" Cooler asked.

"I think they're busy right now."

Frieza nodded. "Perhaps next time."

"I wanted you to address me as sir when you were telling me your name!" Vegeta snarled. "That's all-"

There was sound of sleigh sliding through snow. Vegeta whirled immediately to see the Christmas Family taking to the air.

He stared after them.

"Is he alright?" Naya asked.

Nappa shrugged. "He does this when he's really upset."

"This is normal?" Riku asked.

"Nope," said Raditz. "He has simply become so angry that he has no idea what to do."

There was a pause as the newer recruits absorbed this information.

"Will he figure it out any time soon?" said Riku eventually.

The senior officers shook their heads, with Nappa adding, "Not usually no."

Vegeta fell to his knees, staring into the skies.

"Well I for one am tired of being in the cold," Naya said.

This was a general sentiment shared by the rest of the Watch.

Riku looked around. "Anybody want Hogan's? We can get the leftovers about this time. S' free."

This was another idea that was generally amenable to the members of the Watch. Slowly, they shuffled away one by one, leaving the roof empty.

Vegeta's gaze stayed skyward, watching the twinkling stars into which the criminal he had finally captured had disappeared. He'd had him right there! There was no greater moment than this. Frieza Christmas would finally have been in a cell where he belonged. He was gone now… to places Vegeta could not reach.

Vegeta's breath was but a whisper. "Kill me now."

You know the drill. Next chapter will come when it comes. Thanks for sticking with me despite the inconsistent posting.

Merry Christmas again and a Happy New Year!