Original Publishing Date: 12-15-19 (Still v behind, send coffee and health)

Author Note: CONTENT WARNING: This is a VERY mature chapter! This is not smut, but it does detail some parts of lovemaking, so viewer discretion is advised!

Day Ten of Hamliza month: Kisses

Eliza laid on the bed she shared with Alexander, eyes closed and curled up tightly so that nobody was able to properly look at her. In the nearby nursery, their miracle child, their angelic Little Phil, was sound asleep in his bassinet while his siblings slept or otherwise occupied themselves throughout the Grange. For another evening, she found herself alone with her thoughts while her husband worked tirelessly in his office. He'd been even more of a family man since the soul-crushing death of their eldest son by way of a horrendously unfair duel, but he still wanted to provide a kinder, more comfortable life for his family than he'd had growing up, so she would still spend evenings alone until he crawled in much later in the morning to join her in bed.

She had several sewing projects that she could typically be happy to do until she grew more fatigued, but she could not seem to rouse herself from the depressive slump she'd collapsed into bed with. She could no longer bear to look at her body any more than absolutely necessary, and thanks to many of her projects being for herself as a result of recent pregnancy, it would be impossible to do them accurately and attractively without the mirror and self-measurement. Having eight beautiful children had taken its toll on her body through the years, and given that she was quite insecure in her figure post the birth of their much-adored second daughter, her confidence was completely lost with the birth of their final son as well as the never-ending, torturous grief that the loss of their firstborn brought. Being the generous and fairly private person that she was, she did not care to bother her loved ones with such frivolous talk when she knew they'd protest her self-deprecation with vigor, but it mattered tremendously to her (which only made her inner turmoil worse.)

She was so consumed with her self-hatred that she did not notice the bedroom door opening, and she was positively startled when the bed creaked down and a pair of warm arms wrapped fully around her torso. "Alexander! You're done quite early!"

"Why are you lying here all alone in the dark, my dear?" Alexander murmured as he adjusted against her, his body fitting against hers naturally from the all years they'd spent being close to each other, but now it only reminded her of the flaws he so intimately knew of her physical frame.

"I suppose I do not feel my best," Eliza mumbled weakly by way of excuse. "I do not want to infect you with my ailment."

"Shall I ring for a doctor?" At once he was sitting up again, his eyes frantic as they scanned her and his hands quickly clutched hers. "Do you reckon that it's fever? What have your symptoms been? Are you feeling faint or fatigued?"

She wanted to brush him off with general excuses for a temporary sickness spell, but the way he was looking at her made it clear that she could not lie to her husband. The two of them had already lost so incredibly much, and neither of them had the slightest idea what they would do or how they would go on without the other. She did not figure that his heart would be able to bear more breakage now, and there was no reason other than her more selfish inner voice that she should push him away now. The poor man had been punished enough for the heartbreak he'd caused, and she had certainly endured enough of the painful separation to last the rest of the century.

"I…I am afraid this condition is more within my head," Eliza explained carefully. "I…regret to tell you, but my confidence concerning my…very well-worn body has waned more severely tonight. I am sure it is nothing that a night of sleep cannot ease the pangs of, so please, do not worry yourself too adamantly."

"Your confidence is diminished in concern to your 'well-worn' body?" Alexander echoed with evident disbelief lacing his words. "Why on Earth would you speak with such negative connotation to yourself? You are the most beautiful and flawless woman in this country! Hell, in the world!"

Silence enveloped them with the silent answer for some of her doubt. Eliza knew well that the affair that her husband had participated in was more about his own weaknesses and less about the gorgeous young girl that seduced him, but it was not lost on her how this youth compared to her own aching, drab body. Nearly all of her youthful attributes were sagging and wrinkled, showing her age more than her face gave away, but even her eyes had developed deep bags and marks to rival even her husband's while lines lightly adorned her cheeks. She was beginning to be respected more as an elder by those in her life despite the fact that she'd just born a perfectly healthy child, and that bothered her more than she could've anticipated it would.

"May I try something?" He asked softly after at least a couple of minutes of the uncomfortable unspoken tension.

"Go ahead," she replied quietly, tinges of guilt trailing her words.

Alexander gave a thoughtful nod before sliding out of the bed, leaving her feeling cold and somewhat abandoned despite her logical thoughts that he would be back shortly. She did not anticipate how he came to the foot of their bed, nor how he gently unbundled her from both the sheets and her own self until she was laying flatly before him, legs spready slightly and feeling entirely exposed before his calculating gaze.

"Alexander-" She whined weakly, encouraging him to quickly lean down and press two gentle kisses to the tops of her feet, something so unprecedented that she let out a small squeak.

"I love your feet because they help you get from place to place, and they ground someone as incredible as you to the world," he whispered tenderly against her flesh before easing back up onto the bed on his knees. "And…I love your ankles, because they help you keep your balance and stay comfortable when you're going through your day."

He proceeded to tenderly kiss each of her ankles, something that made her laugh softly despite her confusion. "My Hamilton, what in the world are you on about?"

"Well, my most beloved Betsey has clearly lost her means of identifying every perfect aspect of her body, so I intend to remind her of how I just adore every part of her!" Alexander replied with complete confidence that left no room for protest.

And so, Eliza laid obediently as he trailed his lips up her legs, whispering compliments against her skin, occasionally making her giggle. He loved her shins because they were strong and adorned with 'markings of a good life'. He loved her knees because they helped her bend down to give affection as well as talk to their children. He loved her thighs because they gave their babies a soft place to brace against during birth. He spent extra time between her legs, mumbling endless compliments that sent her into complete extasy and made her feel positively empowered. It had been quite some time since she was the sole recipient of pleasure, and she was too breathless and high from such continuous, expert elation that she did not even insist on trying to give him similar treatment when he gently denied it in favor of pampering her.

He loved her hips because they helped her turn and do all that she made up her mind to do. Her loved her belly because it kept their children safe for nine months, and because it meant she got to enjoy all the lovely foods in life. Again, he paid special mind to her stretch marks, the long, red and pink blemishes that she found to be so glaring, but that he praised endlessly for her health and for her body's resilience to adjust and sacrifice to make life. He loved her arms because they helped her effortlessly take care of things and hold her family close. He loved her hands because they were warm and dainty, and because they were expertly skilled in so many fine activities. She moaned hungrily when he praised her chest, and even allowed herself to put her hands over his and ask softly for more. She allowed herself to release all of her doubts as he kissed her skin, mumbling praise and moaning out pleasure as they both engaged in intimacy that finally allowed release to the tension and pressure that lives plagued with tragedy built up. They were certain, a solid and real force full of passion and love despite all of the changes that their lives had brought. Eliza was eternally grateful to be reminded of this now.

"My angel," he crooned softly once they were cuddling in the aftermath of their lovemaking. "May I finish my validations?"

"You still want to?" She panted softly, humming in pleasure despite herself.

He did, and he did. He loved her shoulders because they carried weights- both physical and emotional- greater than most could even imagine. Her loved her hair because it was long and beautiful, and how it showed her graceful aging. He loved her neck because he could kiss it and feel her heartbeat when he did. He loved her chin because it helped her intake delicious things, her mouth because her lips were soft and they were something he kissed often, her nose because it was more attractive than anyone's else's. He loved her eyes because he could see into them endlessly, see how the golden flecks sparkled and danced in the light, and see her inner beauty with crystal clarity. He loved her forehead for how it wrinkled when she scrunched her nose, and because it was a prime kissing location as well. He loved her head because it was level, and he needed it desperately to counter his's heatedness.

"And I love you," Eliza whispered blissfully, finally tucking into his embrace and relaxing fully against her life partner. "I love you…And I love me when I am with you."

"As I do so intimately to you, my Betsey."