Chapter 33.2
The next few days proved to be some of the most taxing in Paul's life.
He hadn't felt this shaken in a long time. The only thing that kept him from vanishing to the woods for some time to get rid of some pent-up energy by killing walkers, were Harry's still ill health and Daryl's permanently worried frowns.
That and the thought of leaving Harry's side as long as that man still lingered in Alexandria (and worse in their home), caused Paul's stomach to churn in deep unease. On some mornings it felt like something of the weight of a small elephant had settled on Paul's chest, driving all air out of his lungs, before he had even set a foot out of bed. On those mornings he searched all most frantically for Harry's face on the pillow next to him and for Daryl's big calloused hand that usually rested on the wizard's delicate hip, after often restless and taxing nights…
Paul tried to be subtle when he felt for Daryl's heartbeat and checked Harry's breathing – 'tried', being the word here – because every time he got caught by understanding, slated blue eyes in a knowing look that never failed to cause Paul's throat to grow tight.
Most of their nights were now cut short by Harry waking with a start and a scream on his lips, shaking and sweating. Daryl and Paul would then gather the small teen into a close hug, mumbling soothing words as a sobbing and hyperventilating Harry tried to get his breathing back under control, before they all settled for a fitful rest waiting for the sunrise. Daryl and Paul had tried to coax the small wizard into telling them what he was dreaming about but the teen had been tight lipped about it and even if Paul tried to push the feeling down…
He couldn't quite curb the bitter jealousy that rose in him every time he remembered that Snape… and fucking Negan (!) probably knew exactly which horrible memories haunted Harry in his dreams. Paul couldn't help himself. He resented those two assholes even more now for their intimate knowledge of the teen's past.
Negan, who seemed to think that he had any right to talk about Harry, like he knew what was best for the small Brit and Snape who breezed through their home with sneers, distain and disapproval directed at Daryl and Paul that you would make you think he cared about Harry, until he turned his focus on his former student and piled bitter insults on the green eyed youth.
Paul had worked years on reigning his aggressive impulses in and he was proud to say that he didn't lash out at people anymore. He had trained hard for that. The only thing that got him in trouble now a days, was his damn smart mouth, his love for adventures and reckless men.
Even with the world how it was now, he only killed when he really had to and it never came easy to him but damn… he… He wanted to do something! It itched in his fingers to pick up where Daryl had stopped with Snape!
Anything to get the asshole to shut up for once!
Anything to feel capable again!
Anything really to feel safe again!
In the nights when Harry would have managed to sleep, it was Paul that woke them all with violent night terrors, haunted by cyan eyes dulled by death, Harry's shrill screams and Dolohov's cold mocking smirk.
Instead of berating him for disturbing the little bit of rest they got, his two, exhausted lovers then always took him in their middle. Daryl would run his strong fingers through his Paul's long hair and Harry would sing softly to calm him down.
But even when his lovers' gentle touches eased some of his angst, even when the morning sun chased away most of the night's shadows… some of the helplessness and panic he had felt when Harry had announced that he would go after Dolohov without them, openly rejecting their help – some of that deep unease still remained with the former scout. It clung to him, stubbornly refusing to fade.
It started to feel like a half-healed wound that had started to fester. Paul knew he should talk about it with Harry and Daryl… but…
Fuck!
Who was he kidding? They already knew, that he wasn't alright. And, how couldn't they? When all it took, was losing sight of Harry for even a second to send Paul into frantic panic. Oh, they knew… he saw it in those big green eyes that looked at him with guilty regret and apologies.
And yet he couldn't bring himself to open up to them. Not wanting to lay another burden on them.
As it was Daryl seemed to be the only one without nightmares… or as Paul suspected, his older lover was barely sleeping at all…
As the days passed the hunter looked dreadfully exhausted for it. He saw it in the way Daryl's shoulders seemed constantly tense in potential defence and how frowns of worry constantly clouded his face. Slated, dark blue eyes followed his and Harry's every move with gazes as sharp as a hawk's. In fact, their strong hunter hardly ever left their side these days, probably driven by the same maddening fear for Harry's health and safety as Paul.
The slender Brit was still in the long process of recovery.
While magic easily dealt with normal wounds, injuries inflicted by magic or worse by the darker arts had proven to be an entirely different matter. 'A few more potions' as Snape had laconically promised, had turned out to be fifteen different ones per day over the next three weeks to counter the damage Dolohov's spells had left on Harry.
Even with his injuries healing or on the mend the small wizard still experienced episodes of strong pain. The green-eyed youth had suddenly toppled over in anguish several times by now.
Two days ago, Paul had found Harry crumbled on their kitchen floor. Well, after a full blown panic attack, because their little lover had been missing from their bed at 5.15 in the freaking morning. Apparently, their boyfriend had snug out of the bed for a glass of water after another bad nightmare and hadn't wanted to wake them just yet.
The sight of Harry's fallen body on the floor, so incredibly still, had nearly given Paul a heart attack. For one terrible moment he had feared that…
Harry had looked so lifeless… that Paul had stood frozen in the doorway, not finding the courage to move, fearing that he would only find dull and unseeing, green eyes staring back at him.
Daryl had been the one to shoulder his way into the kitchen and who had picked Harry up without hesitation. Only the hunter's sigh of relief, when he found the small wizard breathing, had shaken Paul from his stupor.
Daryl had then proceeded to pull him into a soft embrace with Harry safely cradled between them, allowing the former scout to rest his head on the hunter's shoulder. Just soaking in the closeness between the three of them as Daryl place loving and reassuring kisses on his hair.
But it wasn't just the fainting spells that worried them. At other times Harry's hand would begin to shake and twitch uncontrollably, causing the teen to hiss in pain. And, more often than not, to drop whatever he had been holding in that moment. Hermione had explained to them that those were common side effects after overexposure to the Cruciatus curse. These were supposed to pass over time with the help of the potion regime the young witch and Snape had worked out for Harry and which in turn was the cause why the two witches and the Potions Master were still in Alexandria.
While McGonagall helped with the rebuild and clean ups, gaining a lot of respect from Rick and the others. She was also a very necessary peacekeeper between Snape and literally everyone else. Paul's head often reeled how incredibly rude the man was to everyone, beside the old woman that would take no snide from anyone. But Hermione proved that she had at least learned to ignore her former teacher's snark, when she started to work with Snape on Harry's supply of potions for the next weeks.
+++ Flashback+++
It had taken only one look into Harry's work room for Hermione and Snape to decide that the green-eyed teen had neither enough potion supplies nor apparently the skills to brew what was needed.
The discussion that had evolved around that had been incredibly rude at least to Paul's ears. He and Daryl knew how proud Harry was of his small study room and to see someone else dissect it like this, rubbed Paul the wrong way.
Snape hadn't wasted to opportunity to lay openly into Harry and his apparent lack of skill in the subject of potions, filling the air with distain and maliciousness. Hermione, while certainly well-meaning and of course a lot more friendly in her wording, hadn't been any less harsh in her assessment that Harry would be out of his league to brew those specific potions for himself.
Paul and Daryl bristled on their lover's behalf, who was surprisingly silent after he had been so verbal in his anger with Snape before. But this time the green-eyed teen was just leaning against the doorframe, watching his former classmate and professor roam through his things, listening to their commentary.
Different versions of - "Oh Harry! How can you find anything in this chaos? Why won't you use the organizing system I showed you and Ron back in third year." – "I told you, you should have taken the copy of Smith's 'Healing potions III' with you." – "Haven't you read any of the books I recommended." – and – "Potter, it is easy to see that four years of magical education have been wasted on you. You cannot store Shrivelfig like that." – "Are you daft, boy? Even a first year would know that you can't combine Asphodel and Aconite like that." – and quite a few hissed 'Dunderhead's - were sneered out and had Paul feeling indignant about them, without being addressed himself.
But Harry just calmly continued to observe Hermine and Snape, bustling around. His green eyes flashing now and again with different emotions.
Sadness and grief, anger and exasperation, fondness and gratefulness… battled in those expressive orbs.
It occurred to Paul then that it must be strange, almost unreal to see his old life mingling with his current one, like this.
An old teacher and a childhood friend… in the home Harry now shared with two men, who were a lot older than him… that had to be odd, right?
Even if it was just a few years ago… Paul couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to see his old friends or co-workers from the martial arts studio running around in their home.
Like nothing had changed… like all those old irrelevant problems that had filled their heads back then, still mattered… like the world wasn't in shambles.
Invoking the memories of totally different kind of troubles and heart aches…
Invoking the memories of easier times, of warmth and comfort… times of friendship and youth…
And at the same time, it had to drive home… which persons were missing now… they all had lost so many.
Paul wasn't sure what or who Harry was seeing when he looked at Hermione and Snape, but although the green-eyed teen stood right next to them, he also seemed to be so very far away… almost out of reach.
In a bout of sudden angst, the long-haired ninja abruptly stepped forward, grasping Harry's shoulder, startling the slender wizard out of his haze. For a moment astonished green eyes only stared at Paul, before his lover's face softened in understanding.
Pinching the bridge of his nose Harry sighed mutely. After throwing Hermione and Snape bustling through the room one last, long look, he gently laid a hand on Paul's bearded cheek.
"Thank you, Paul. Let's have some tea." The small wizard mumbled with a weak smile.
Daryl grumbled darkly in agreement, jaws and hands clenching and unclenching in apparent restless tension, obviously not sure if the situation called for a fight or not.
The hunter was almost back to the grumpy and rough attitude Paul had witnessed all those months ago when the man had threatened to leave him in a tree… back then when he had still thought that Harry had died. He seemed to vibrate with unreleased stress. It probably didn't help that none of them had gotten a full night of rest since the whole Dolohov-debacle.
In the kitchen they found Tilly staring at a strange tabby cat, Paul had never seen before in Alexandria. The foreign cat sat unnaturally still as both felines regarded each other stoically. Tilly seemed to regard the unknown tabby cat with stoic scepticism.
When the other cat took notice of them, it jumped off the table in one fluid movement. But before it could land on the floor, the feline started to change form… until Minerva McGonagall sat down on one of their kitchen chairs.
"Mr. Rovia, Mr. Dixon and Mr. Potter, how nice of you to join me." McGonagall greeted them, without breaking her renewed staring contest with Tilly.
"Hello, Professor." Harry chirped, while he gently pushed Paul's and Daryl's hanging jaws back up, to close their gapping mouths.
"It's been a while since I've seen your animagus transformation. It's always quite fabulous to witness. And I see that you met Tilly."
"Thank you, Potter. But I have to say that I'm quite impressed with your pet. It's quite unusual for a non-magical pet to tolerate an animagus as well as she does." McGonagall observed her head thoughtfully tilted to the side. "She certainly seems to be very… aware. Not quite unlike Mrs. Grangers… unique familiar. I think it's possible that one of Tilly's ancestors might have been interbreed with a Kneazle. It would explain why the animal has developed such a strong bond with you, Mr. Potter."
Paul watched as Harry blinked a little startled at their rather cute cat, that was indeed watching them with rapid attention now… as if she was trying to gauge their response to that theory.
Sitting down in front of the feline Harry reached out to Tilly to pet her behind the ear. "That's an interesting thought, Professor. But honestly, I couldn't care less if she was a half-breed or not. She was there when I needed her the most, helping me to face and work through my biggest fears. She chose to be my safety blanket and my friend in all of this. Her being magical or not wouldn't change what she became to me."
Apparently, that was the right thing to say because the small cat started to purr loudly, rubbing her head firmly against Harry's hand and scratching fingers.
"Is that so, Potter?" Paul thought that he saw a very pleased smile flittering over the stern face of McGonagall as she watched her former student. "You know, your parents would be very proud of the young man, you grown up into." She added gently after a short and thoughtful pause.
Harry ducking his head in response and sucked a quivering breath, his fringe hiding his eyes. With shaking hands, the slender teen busied himself with making tea.
"Would you also like a cuppa, Professor?" the green-eyed teen asked, clearing his throat awkwardly and Paul left his heart size in sympathy. He knew the bitter sweet hurt that came with such well-meant words.
"Ah, yes my dear. That would be very acceptable. I admit that it is quite a challenge to rebuild so many houses and streets with only limited magic. It is really worrying how many of those Inferies have appeared around Alexandria." The elderly woman was clearly taking a break from the clean-up in the streets and building Alexandria up again.
Paul had been awed how she had easily repaired some of the intense damage. The only down side was that all that magic really proved to be a magnet for walkers. All three of their British visitors had been surprised and worried by the display of huge herds piling before the walls of the community.
"To be honest it makes me fear for Hogwarts quite a bit." McGonagall sighed heavily. "I know that you already warned Mrs Granger about it when you first came back to Hogwarts… but to see the consequences of it, is quite a different thing."
"The school is so far of the grit that the big herds haven't reached it yet. But you're right, it is possible that there will be a time when there are no further distractions that the cumulated magic in Hogwarts will draw them north." Harry nodded in solemn agreement.
"Surely there is a solution for that?" Paul asked gently. "I mean Hermione is already on the problem, right?"
+++Flashback end++++
And indeed, Hermione had started to spend all her spare time on the watchtowers around Alexandria. She found it incredibly fascinating to study the forming and movements of the herds that had been attracted by the fight and now by the clean-up. She and Eugene talked endlessly about traveling-patterns and possible ways to influence the herds through more or less subtle means. Together with the resident genius, she had studied their half-failed plan to redirect the gigantic herd that had nearly destroyed Alexandria all those months ago. The intelligent young woman was already working on ideas to protect her home with and without magic. Physical barriers and runes were discussed, as well as blessings and baits.
Hermione had taken residence with Tara, Rosita, Siddiq and Eugene. And Tara and Rosita had both grumbled about the long and excessive science talks the bushy haired witch and the chubby man with the mullet shared every night. Siddiq would sometimes join them asking and answering medical questions about how the walkers worked. The young doctor was very interested in the potions Harry was taking and had started to study a few of the books Harry had brought with him about healing magic, fascinated by the whole concept. He had also talked with Harry, who had used potions once to heal Ezekiel's foster son Benjamin.
And now Tara and Rosita apparently stumbled over written thesis in every room… even the fridge had been used as a writing broad for some kind of equation, that no one else understood. Once or twice Harry had joined those discussions but was mostly still too weak to follow the lengthy, theoretical talks.
And if Paul remembered correctly there was still Natania to consider, who had made it part of their deal to get the opportunity to negotiate a place for her people behind Hogwarts' walls.
This was it!
Daryl was about to lose his mind!
They couldn't fucking find Harry! Anywhere, in the fucking house!
Paul looked ready to faint, pale and sweating, cyan eyes wide in probably unreasonable fear. But Daryl couldn't fault him.
They all were exhausted and drained by restless nights and worries about Harry's health. It was taking a toll on all of them. Paul had almost as much nightmares as their small wizard and Daryl hardly slept at all, kept awake by the constant need to check on his lovers' breathing.
And in the rare instances that he managed to get some sleep, it now turned out that Harry would sneak out of their god damn bed!
The last time this happened, they had found the green eyed teen crumbled on the kitchen floor, unconscious after one of his attacks that had his whole body shaking in pain.
And now it seemed that Harry wasn't even in the house anymore! Daryl cursed colourfully.
The kid could be anywhere… lying somewhere… in pain… shaking... convulsing…
Or worse… lifeless… still…
God damn it! Daryl wanted to scream in frustration. Why the hell was it so hard for Harry to stay put for once?! Why was the kid always running of by himself?
"Ya know why littl' brother. 'cause yer useless. 'e doesn't need yer sorry arse. Yer the only dummy, who didn't the memo yet." Merle's voice mocked him.
"Yer could ask the greasy wizard? To do that voodoo thing to find yer kid."
Daryl could hear his brother's laughter in his ears.
Yeah, fucking damn shit! It would be a cold day in hell, before he asked that Snape guy to find Harry for them.
That the man was still here, was a constant itch Daryl couldn't scratch. That he didn't know where Harry was, when Snape was moving freely through Alexandria and Negan was still held here, had Daryl's heart beating against his ribcage like a drum.
It made it so damn hard to think clearly.
Fuck!
"God, Daryl, where could he be?" Paul asked in distress, hands nervously brushing his long hair back. "Should we look at Rick's?"
"Nah… It's freaking early. He ain't there." Daryl grumbled darkly, leaning back against the counter, as he watched the bright-eyed man stalking even more agitated through their kitchen. With sure hands the hunter intercepted his pacing lover, tugging gently on Paul's beard, much like Harry would from time to time when the hippie ninja was upset.
They all had their little rituals to deal with each other, when they were upset.
Just like Harry would take…
Daryl wanted to groan.
Of fucking course!
Panic and the lack of sleep where turning him into an idiot! Not having thought of this sooner. It would have saved them from running around like headless chickens and some grey hairs. All the tension, the tension and the lack of sleep were clearly taking their toll on them.
"Calm down." Daryl pulled his slender lover into a soft kiss. "I… I have an idea where he may have gone, though." The hunter squeezed Paul's shoulders reassuringly.
Harry buried his face into Buttons night black coat, his breathing swallow and uneven. Pictures of fathomless dark eyes, blond curls, Len's cruel smirk flittered before his eyes interlaced with intermingling screams. He couldn't tell anymore if he heard himself or the little girl, but his ears rang none the less with the noise in his head.
The flood of past sensations and memories threatened to sweep him away… it would be all too easy just to let go. To disappear into the oblivion disassociation promised him. To dream himself away from reality, not having to see, to hear, to feel anymore…
Harry still remembered how it was in the early days when he would drown in all that horridness countless times a day. He had embraced the emptiness and numbness back then. He had survived on it.
But Denise had taught Harry to swim and to endure those memories, he did not need to hide from them and life anymore. Daryl and Paul had given him purpose to feel again, to meet his demons heads-on, instead of trying to hide from them. Together his lovers had raised him out of the darkness and terror that made up so many of his memories. They had given him new memories.
Memories of warm light, laughter and love.
If Harry allowed himself to walk the same roads as before he would lose them and himself. If he allowed himself to drown again, he was sure that he would pull Daryl and Paul down with him.
Harry had to swim again! He just had to!
So, when he had woken up from yet another nightmare without disturbing Paul or Daryl, he had left their bed to calm himself. Refusing to make them his crutch, forcing himself to endure the onslaught of memories, the panic and his weakness. Leaving his lovers, both of their faces lined with deep exhaustion, for a few more hours of much needed rest, Harry had sought out the only other place where could hope to find any semblance of sanity.
Button's stable.
Surrounded by the familiar smell and huffing noises of the horse, with its silky fur under his fingers and the repetitive task of working the brushes over the animal's shiny coat, Harry battled against his demons.
Like this the green-eyed wizard lost all track of time…
Until the stable door was ripped open with great urgency, startling both Harry and Buttons out of their shared little bubble of fragile serenity.
Jolted by the sudden disturbance, the horse abruptly moved its huge body to shield the green-eyed teen from whoever had just barked into the stable. But by this Buttons also accidently pushed the slight teen to the ground, dangerously close to the horse's powerful hooves.
"Fuck!?" Harry heard Daryl curse at the sight of the agitated animal.
To which Buttons answered with an angry sounding snort, aggressively stomping his hooves uncomfortably close to Harry's head.
"Woah!" Paul yelp, when the upset horse made a move in their direction. "Calm. Buttons, calm!" The long haired man had raised his hands trying to sooth the spooked animal.
"Uhm… I think he would be calmer if you would back up a little." Harry nervously offered, peaking at his lovers from between Buttons' sturdy legs.
"Harry?!" Paul voice sounded a little high pitched, a mixture of relief to have found him and renewed worry about his current position.
"Yeah… Stand back a little and I'm sure he let me out immediately. You just startled us both." The green-eyed teen sighed feeling suddenly exhausted.
When he finally managed to crawl out, he was met with anxiousness and worry on two darkly, scowling faces.
He had scared his lovers, again… and now they were pissed…
Shit!
"Get them out of here!" Harry snapped in frustration as he stormed through Rick's front door.
"Harry? What?" Aaron, who was over with Eric and Gracie for a playdate, stuttered at the teen's sudden entrance.
The former Sheriff stared aghast at his foster son. The kid looked terrible! Pale with worryingly dark purplish circles under his eyes, his left hand twitching in uncontrolled spasms.
"Aaron, please, get them out of here! I can't handle it anymore!" Harry turned a very desperate and intense green eyes at the tall man, who swallowed heavily.
"Harry, honey, what and more importantly, who are you talking about?" Eric carefully interjected, both hands held up in a calming gesture, while Aaron and Rick shared a confused and concerned glance.
What the hell was going on here?
"Daryl and Paul! They're driving me nuts. They're bloody smothering me!" Harry threw his hands up, before he plopped down on the couch, dropping his head in his hands. "And I'm pretty sure that I am driving them up the roof, too ." He added dryly after a while and maybe Rick would have laughed if the British youth hadn't looked so wretched and exhausted.
As it was the blue-eyed man was helplessly wringing his hands not knowing what to say, sighing in relief when Eric took over with an eyeroll.
"Ok... Deep breaths and then start from the beginning... So, we can try to make some sense of what you're telling us." The auburn-haired man instructed firmly but soothingly.
Rick watched as Harry inhaled and exhaled a few times, already seeming a little more collected for it.
"I'm having nightmares again...and panic attacks..." The teen finally admitted in hushed tones, a light flush on his cheeks betraying his embarrassment about his decreasing mental health.
"Because of what happened with Dolohov?" Rick asked gently.
"Yes and no... Everything is popping back up. Voldemort, the captivity, the Claimers…" Harry sighed, pushing his glasses up into his hair so he could pinch the bridge of his nose.
Rick shared the sentiment whole heartedly… Seeing Harry in the last months, so bright, happy and healthy… It had made it easy to forget about all those horrors Harry had already lived through, what he had endured to this point and how hard the way to healing had been.
"Snape being here isn't helping either." The green eyed teen huffed, looking drained.
"What's the bastard got to do with it?" Rick scowled deeply.
The man with the greasy hair and the billowing robes creeped Rick out like no other… not even talking about the man's malicious attitude towards Harry.
The young wizard winced a little at the question before he explained to them in halting words why exactly Daryl and Jesus were about to climb the walls... Snape had apparently been a spy in Voldemort's ranks together with Dolohov.
Negan had been right Harry's former teacher had been there when the teen they had been tortured, but not only that… Snape had been forced to partake in the rape and violence against the kid to keep his cover. Because it had been the only way to keep Harry and himself alive.
This had to be one of the most twisted and fucked up things Rick had ever heard. What Harry told them was wrong on so many levels…
"That... That's terrible!" Eric exclaimed, looking absolutely horrified. "I mean to force someone to do something like that... to a child..." The young father looked sickened. "I mean, knowing that if he refused that both of you would die... My god!" Shuddering he pressed himself against Aaron in search for comfort.
"I know... And yet..." Harry sighed, mussing his already messy hair up in frustration.
"And yet, you can't change what you are still feeling?" Aaron guessed sympathetically.
"Yes." The teen sighed feeling forlorn.
"And Daryl and Paul know about all of this?" Rick asked.
He started to see what the problem was… The two men were extremely protective of their lover, especially after what had happened. And thinking back there hadn't been a moment since the attack that he had seen Harry without at least one of his lovers, following him in close proximity and sharp, watchful eyes. Not even when the teen came over to visit Judith or Gracie. If this how they behaved all the time… always carefully watching, hoovering, anxiously overprotective…
Yeah, Rick understood that that would feel stifling and had to be grating for all three of them.
At the same time Rick couldn't deny that even he, felt a certain need to… well, for the lack of a better word… prove that he wasn't useless or as helpless as he had felt when Dolohov had bound them. There were still moments when he would suddenly hug Carl or just had to cuddle Judith to reassure himself that he could. That his children were safe und well. Rick could only guess how it was for Daryl and Jesus…
Harry was strong they all knew that by now but looking at his foster son, the kid looked like hell warmed over. The wizard's injuries had been extensive, and he was still very much weakened as the uncontrolled twitches and shakes in his arm clearly showed.
"Hmmhmm." Harry hummed in exhausted defeat.
"Damn." Aaron groaned in shared dismay.
"Yes. It's a mess." Harry agreed with a huff. "Both of them are tense as hell. Paul is trying to be unobtrusive, but he is restless and anxious all the time. Daryl is either growling or barking at anyone that dares to look wrong at Paul or me. And with Snape's open dislike for me, I fear very much that Daryl will snap and start an open brawl at any minute now..."
Damn, that wasn't good at all… Rick winced.
"On top of all that I am not the only one having trouble finding rest. Neither of us is sleeping very well at the moment..." Harry admitted softly. "Paul has nightmares of his own and are nearly as bad as mine. Daryl… he doesn't seem to sleep at all. I think he just faints every now and then, for a minimum of sleep before he gets up again. I fear he's just bottling everything up until he explodes, you know?"
Oh, yes… Rick knew very well what the teen meant.
"Do you know why they're like this?"
"Dolohov... and I suspect that me running off like I did to fight him... The whole battle... I... It hurt them both... deeply." The British youth sighed, his green eyes brimming with unshed tears and sadness.
Rick kneeled before the raven-haired teen putting a comforting hand on his leg. "Harry, you did what you had to do! If you hadn't done that, we all would be dead... Or worse."
Harry had saved them. Surely Daryl and Jesus must understand that, too…
"Yes... And neither Daryl nor Paul have laid any accusations at me. They're really, really trying hard to keep it under wraps, to play nice with Snape for my sake... Enduring that Negan has yet to be dealt with... They're doing well considering but deep down they're still scared, angry and hurt." Harry seemed pained by the thought that he might had caused his lovers so much distress.
"I can tell that they both itch to get out of here. They need to get out. Get away from all the stress. They are fighters, explorers… I fear that being scoop in like that with me is poison for their mental health, as well as mine. They're both handling the freedom of the woods much better than being trapped in all this tension."
Rick only huffed in amused agreement at the dry smile that quirked around Harry's lips. "The only reason they're still here is that they are too worried to leave me behind. But I can't leave at the moment. Not for a few weeks with all the potions I still have to take." Rick's foster son mumbled. "So, please take them with you the next time you leave to scout and to clear the area of walkers."
Alexandria's leader shared a troubled look with Aaron and Eric.
Both men nodding slightly.
Harry and Paul flinched when the front door was slammed shut with a bang and the tell-tale sound of something getting kicked, had them sharing a pointed look with raised eyebrows.
His face resembling a storm cloud Daryl stomped into the living room, hissing under his breath like an angry cat.
"Rick's sending us out tomorrow, you and me, Paul." Slated blue eyes glared venomously through the window as if he could glare Rick into submission over the distance.
"What?" Paul gapped at the hunter, before his expression turned more serious. "Why now? And why both of us?" Bright cyan eyes glanced at Harry, who looked somewhat guilty and determined at the same time.
"I asked Rick to do this." He offered a little hesitant.
Loaded silence filled the room as Paul and Daryl processed what Harry had just told them. Where Daryl had brimmed with anger and nervous energy before the hunter was now very still. And Paul felt his own pain at Harry's words mirrored in slated blue eyes. Daryl's usually hard features had the habit to become very soft for a moment, betraying his insecurity and vulnerability, before closing off with a harsh scowl.
"You're sending us away?" Paul asked, with a sour taste filling his mouth.
"Are we that useless to you?" Daryl suddenly barked, his fist connecting loudly with the wall behind him, causing Harry to flinch.
Wide green eyes flittered over them in alarm. "No! Merlin, no, of course not!" Harry shook his head in denial.
"Then why? Why did you ask Rick to send us out tomorrow?" Paul mumbled, trying to comprehend why Harry had gone behind their back like that, when the teen was still ill, when they had tried everything to shelter him, when Snape and Negan still lingered in Alexandria… The long-haired man couldn't wrap his head around all of that…
Not with that iron fist sizing his heart…
"We can't go… it's not safe…" He mumbled, feeling afraid and confused at the same time.
"Nothing will happen to me!" Harry snapped impatiently at him, green eyes desperately urging his lovers to understand, but Paul wasn't sure what…
"Snape…!" Daryl growled furiously, a look of mulish stubbornness on his face.
"I ain't going anywhere as long as that asshole is still here. None of us is. I ain't leaving you alone again!" The hunter barked, sounding…
OH… so Daryl felt jealous, too. That bitter, completely irrational jealousy, that resided under all that fear and insecurity Paul felt. And if that gleam in Harry's eyes was any indication the small wizard had also noticed it.
"Are you fucking jealous?" The slender wizard snapped incredulously. "Of Snape?"
"He raped you." Daryl growled back.
"Yes, and while I probably never forgive him for a lot of things, he didn't really have a choice about that. I can assure you that the thought of touching me again is probably as revolting to him as it's to me." Harry hissed, green irises glowing with the wizard's temper.
This was not good. Not good, at all. Paul thought as he watched his lovers glaring art each other.
"Daryl…" Paul tried to intervene but two pairs of eyes directed their furious glares at him, telling him clearly to shut up.
"No, Paul. Let him talk! I knew there was something on your minds since the attack. At least Daryl is talking now, instead of still trying to bottle it all up under a damn mask!" Paul flinched under the accusation. He hadn't drawn away from his lovers!
Or had he…?
"I didn't…" Stumbling over his own thoughts, he pressed his lips to a tight line. "I didn't want…"
"What? You didn't want to burden me?" Harry had crossed his arms, starring angrily at Daryl and Paul.
"Why do you always insist on being the one to be hurt?" Paul couldn't help but shoot back in exasperation letting his head drop into his hands while Daryl was drawing up his shoulders in defence.
"Yer said, we were useless. Dead weight ta ya." The hunter finally groused, sounding angry and sad at once. And Paul couldn't help but share some of the same bitter feelings…
"You left me. You left us." Those words escaped him almost as soft as a whisper.
It hurt to say them out loud, with his heart beating so incredibly fast and a ton of stones dropping in his stomach. And yet it felt freeing to say them. Like a festering wound that had been cut open to drain the puss. Painful relief.
At the window Daryl sucked in a breath. "Do ya know what it felt like when Negan – fuckin' Negan – raved on and on about how we could let that bastard Snape close to ya? Touch ya? Have ya seen how he looks at ya, now? Like he knows ya in and out!" The archer's voice sounded strangled with emotion.
"I know you did it to punish Negan… but you also gave him something you haven't even given us… And now he shares those memories with you…" The former scout admitted and even as he spoke, he felt so fucking foolish for saying something like this. But his stupid mouth wouldn't stop blabbering.
"It felt like you didn't trust us. Not against Dolohov and his magic or with your memories…"
Harry stared at them out of wide green eyes, tears glittering but not yet falling.
Paul could see how he was biting on his bottom lip, messing up his hair again and again in nervousness but still forcing himself to listen to the things that had troubled Daryl and Paul for days. The long-haired man had to admire the British youth for his resolution and determination to see this through with them, when it would have been so much easier to ignore their unease and to stay silent.
"It felt like we had lost you and we came so close to losing you. And what is worse even when we tried to help you… we were so useless, like you had said. Snape was the one who saved you, he was the one who killed Dolohov…"
"When ya left ta fight Dolohov, it felt like ya were saying goodbye for good. I felt small." Daryl mumbled lowly, not looking at either of them. Both of his lovers knew what it had to cost him to admit to feeling this weak.
"It was as if you didn't need us anymore…"
"Stop!"
A stray tear rolled over a pale cheek and Paul's breath hitched at the heart-breaking sight, causing the bearded man to finally snap his mouth shut.
"I'm sorry… but please!" Harry hiccupped weakly, his voice breaking under the emotional strain. Tears were falling freely from his eyes no matter how furious he rubbed at his eyes, trying to kept his composure. He seemed almost desperate in his attempt to allow them the opportunity to speak their mind without holding back for his sake.
"I'm sorry! Just… I need a break… Just for a moment, please…"
Daryl made a sound like a wounded bear and with long strides he hurried over to Harry. The green eyed teen leaned heavily on Paul's shoulder and as Daryl's big hands caressed soothingly over tear-strained cheeks. A small part of Paul enjoyed that Harry sought comfort from them, although their words had had to hurt him.
Drained, all of them cuddled together on the couch, just soaking up each other's presence. Tried of worrying all the time, exhausted by the emotions shared between them and despite the morose mood relieved to have unearthed the shadows weighting on their minds and hearts.
"Oh, Darlin'! Can't stand it when yer hurtin'." Daryl breathed into Harry's fine raven hair,
softly kissing the crown of his head.
"Well, despite what you might be thinking I don't bloody insist on it! But do you think me blind to your suffering? And right now, you're hurting me by hurting yourselves!" Harry groaned, desperation and pain clear in his eyes. "Don't you understand? I don't want you to keep things from me. Don't shut me out just because you think I couldn't handle it. You're allowed to be upset with me, as I'm allowed to feel sad for hurting you, my heart and soul." The British youth placed sweet kisses on their lips before curling up more securely against them.
Paul watched as Daryl clenched his eyes shut, effectively hiding the wetness in them. The scout chuckled in loving defeat, what could they say against that…
Harry was right. They had tried to deny their feeling hoping to spare him, but they had grown so tense because of it that they hadn't helped their little wizard at all… They hadn't understood or even realized that they couldn't care for Harry if they didn't take care of themselves, too.
"I already lost one family. I can't lose another one." Paul admitted to his worst fear.
"I know. I think we all understand. That's exactly the reason why I went after Dolohov in the first place." The green eyed youth whispered softly.
Paul rested his head in the crook of Harry's neck while nimble fingers played with strands of his long hair.
"I know." He mumbled back.
"Good, because I also know that you two would have done the same thing for me if our roles had been reversed. I think, it's only natural that we want each other to be safe. And sometimes caring for each other hurts. I think that might be part of the package." Harry said drily.
Daryl grunted.
"Worth it."
"So that means, Daryl and I get to stretch our legs for a bit tomorrow?" Paul asked, feeling so much lighter now, that he even grinned a little in excitement at the prospect of getting out of the community.
"Ya heard, our boyfriend. We're gettin' kicked outta the house." Daryl grumbled in gruff amusement.
Against the skin of his neck Paul felt Harry's lips stretching into a relieved smile, tension finally bleeding out of the exhausted teen.
Silence settled over them. Not uncomfortable, but peaceful for once.
"You know that Daryl and Jesus would flip if they knew, that the moment they leave town, you go off to see Negan, right?" Carl's slightly berating tone was betrayed by the skip in his steps and the excited glint in his blue eye, as they marched in hurried steps to the cell that still held the Saviour's leader.
"He is right, you know?" Hermione injected a little more carefully.
She was nervously biting her lip and Harry was almost sure that she was worried about Daryl's and Paul's reaction, when they found out about this. And while feeling a little guilty about going behind his lover's backs, Harry knew he needed to see Negan at least one more time…
The Saviours' leader and the green eyed wizard now shared some of the most horrifying experiences the British teen had lived through… and even if Harry wasn't exactly sorry for burdening the older man with his memories… the part of him that would always fear to become like Voldemort felt a certain gut-churning guilt for inflicting that burden on anyone else. He couldn't deny that he felt a tiny amount of… responsibility for Negan.
So, he just gripped the gigantic tome about the mind arts, he had chosen to take with him, a little tighter. Harry just needed to speak with Negan and he needed to make sure if there had been any lasting damage after what he had done.
And his bushy haired friend wasn't only a brilliant witch but even after all the time they had spent apart she was still able to understand him so well…
Even if Hermione was nervous now, it really hadn't taken much to convince her that he had to talk to Negan again and that he needed her help doing it. Like Carl there was an excited air around her betraying her glee to learn something new and to gain a deeper insight in the ominous mind arts.
The three of them had just reached the door leading to the cell area when they heard talking. The voices stopping them right in their tracks.
"You're here to finish me off?" They heard Negan ask, typical sarcastic humour twisting his tone into something close to gloating.
Alarmed Harry shared a wide-eyed look with Carl and Hermione. But before he could rip the door leading to Negan's cell open, the sound of another familiar voice froze him.
"I have to admit the thought crossed my mind..." Snape's voice drawled laconically. Beside Harry, his bushy haired friend sucked in a startled breath.
"So what? You'll kill me with that green spell you used on Dolohov?" Harry swallowed heavily, when Negan asked this, sounding a little unsure now. Carefully the three teens creeped closer to the door, opening it just enough to peek inside.
"Well, you have been the one to guide Dolohov here and to Potter. You were the one blind enough to agree to a vow with a man like that." Snape mocked with an audible sneer, but apparently Negan wasn't one to back down so easily.
"That's rich of you to say!" The Saviour's leader snarked back. "Remember, I saw you! You were in cohorts with Dolohov and his master even before me! You also worked with them although you knew what they were was!"
A furious silence stretched on for a few terrible seconds that had Harry almost storming the room, only Hermione's hand on his shoulder holding him back.
And then Snape answered…
"I did. The first time around while I was still young, long before the scene that Potter so misguidedly showed you. I have been blind, too, back then. Blinded by prejudice and the need to prove myself. I can tell you I paid dearly for that mistake." Harry's former teacher whispered, sounding bitter and forlorn.
And despite the fact that Snape's words cause the hairs on Harry's neck to stand, the green-eyed teen could barely suppress an annoyed snort.
Yeah... Snape had paid dearly, managing to evade Azkaban and instead landing a post as a Hogwarts Professor must have been awful. Hermione snugged him firm with her elbow, throwing him an uneasy glance.
Ah, she still knew when he was being stupid.
"From what I learned in the last days... I have to say I'm surprised that you decided to work with Dolohov at all..." Snape seemed genial interested in that moment and Harry could just picture the way those dark eyes were scanning Negan, so well. "After building your little empire so thoughtfully that even now Grimes and his allies are unsure how to dismantle it… Why in Merlin's name take on a loose cannon like Dolohov? Someone so obviously more powerful than yourself and impossible to control..."
Negan's response was a mirthless chuckle. "Honestly? I thought I could handle him…"
Both men seemed to share a totally unamused snort at that.
"Fucking stupid… I know." Negan sighed. "But after what I heard from that woman, Jadis, about the vow and what I had seen Green eyes do… I really thought that I could… that I could safe my community and the strength I've built there. The Saviours were always meant to be a power! I promised that to myself when I took over! I promised this to…" Suddenly Negan broke off into an awkward silence.
Harry felt like he knew already what the man had wanted to say… there was a certain tone in his voice now, like all those months back at the Sanctuary when he had gone to collect Tara and Carl.
That tone that brought forth the shadows of the people you have once loved and lost… and it seemed like Snape had caught onto it, too.
"Who did you promise this to?" He asked intrigued, his voice for once not as cold or scalding.
Again, silence filled the space between those two men, as Snape's dark eyes bore into the Saviours' leader. And when Negan finally answered it was barely above a whisper, choked and raw with grief and unvoiced regretts. "My wife."
"Lucille." Her name hung in the air like a prayer.
"She got bitten?" The Potions master asked in a strange tone.
"No, she had cancer even before all this started… but she still had to see how the world went to shit before she…" Negan took a shuddering breath.
"You loved her a lot." Snape observed and for a second Harry thought he sounded sympathetic. Negan laughed dismissively. "You wouldn't have been able to tell from the way I treated her, though." Harry didn't have to see him to know how Snape raise his left eyebrow at that.
"Fooled around on her, like the dick I am. She knew but never said anything, she bore it with a loving smile and sad eyes, you know. I thought that she was weak, but damn I was so wrong. That woman had a backbone made of fucking steel! Taking me up on my shit, never once stopping so low as giving me a well-deserved tongue lashing. It took her getting ill that I… that I realized that I didn't want anyone else. And then she was dying. Withering away under my fingers, while the world around us started to fucking rot. And when she died… she made me promise to stay strong… to safe people." Negan laughed again.
It was a sad, broken sound.
"As if I have ever been strong…" He mumbled, between wet choked sobs. "I couldn't… I couldn't even put her to her final rest… too fucking weak to pull the trigger against her or me. So, I left… And tried to survive with the baseball bat by my side, she had given me for our 15th wedding anniversary. When I found the Sanctuary, I thought I had found my purpose… and I swore on her death that I would build that place into something great. That I would be the strongest fucker in this fucked-up world and until Green eyes appeared, I was just that…"
Harry sighed , his head and heart reeling with conflicting thoughts and emotions. He didn't want to feel sympathy that had brought so much pain over their communities!
"You know… It is strange, almost eerie how Potters every existence has driven his enemies again and again into stupid and desperate attempts to get rid of him, only for them to perish themselves in the results…" Snape mused softly.
"What?" Negan rasped, frowning in confusion.
"You and Dolohov rushed to take the boy out of the picture and it ended with him dead and your imprisonment… and most likely with your execution as well. Like that woman did when she tried to trick Rick Grimes into an alliance… and fell to the vow she made so thoughtlessly made with Potter. The Dark Lord, my old master you spoke off, was equally determined to see the boy dead, twice. And it costed him his life and his power… twice. And there are always those that get caught in the cross fire where this boy is concerned." The former Death Eater explained and Harry shivered, as the weight of guilt of the deaths surrounding his existence settling on his shoulders.
"That sounds pretty harsh." Negan rebuked, a frown carrying in his voice.
"You don't know him as long as I do. Where that boy goes, trouble follows. Weak, foolish and soft-hearted, he struts around big-headed like his father before him, blinded by arrogance that the world revolves around him." Snape bit out bitterly.
"Are you sure we're talking about the same kid?" Negan asked lightly. "I mean, he irritated the shit outta me but…"
"That stupid boy is going to find a way to get you off the hook." Snape interrupted him rudely.
"Wait! What?!" Negan sputtered.
Yeah, Harry shared the sentiment. That was not what he was doing! It wasn't! He was here to get Negan of the hook for anything just because the shared some memories now! He really just wanted… to make sure Negan's head was alright! Yes!... before his most likely execution…?!
Under Carl's and Hermione's amused stares Harry groaned quietly in dismay… even his friends had understood what was going on even before he himself had. Merlin, even Snape had seen it somehow…
"You wouldn't be the first he takes pity on. Potter like his father is guided by sentimentality and a foolish believe in people's inherent goodness… and it has come back to bit him and those around him in the arse, time and time again." Snape sneered in cold bitterness.
Beside Harry, Hermione had grabbed his shoulder, shaking her head wildly with a fierce look in her eyes that dared him to believe any of Snape's rash words.
"You knew his parents well?" Negan asked in interesst
"His father was nothing more than a rich bulling jock!" Snape seethed in pure hatred. "He…"
"What 'bout his mom?" Negan's question cut right into the Professor's rant.
"Lilly." The name of Harry's mother was only uttered as a sigh, like it was something scared. And in strange way Snape sounded just like Negan had when he had talked about his wife.
Grieving and regretful.
"Lilly?" Negan asked into the meaningful silence and Harry waited if Snape would answer with a rapidly beating heart and barely daring to breathe.
When the Potions Professor finally spoke. His voice lacked his usually intense sharpness, instead it was soft and almost warm with fondness. "I grew up in the same small town as her… we were childhood friends. She was like a breath of fresh air. Beautiful, lively, smart… popular. And when we got to Hogwarts, a magical school… when she met other wizards and witches besides us…" Here Snape drifted of awkwardly.
"She ditched you." The Saviours' leader cut in crudely.
"No!" Harry's former teacher snarled furiously.
"Oh, come on!" Negan laughed a little mockingly. "I worked as a baseball coach at a high school. I know how these things work. Pretty, popular girls like that, they don't hang out with guys like you."
"Guys like me?"
"Oh yeah, even now I can tell that you have been the creepy, loser-like type, who the other kids just hated or shunt or picked on. Kids are cruel like that. And they always sniff out the runts of the litter on the first day. Taking your sunny demeanour in consideration, spending time with you, must have been a total blast." Negan taunted with an audible smirk.
"Shut your mouth, muggle!" Snape barked in agitation and Harry had heard the man's voice seldomly so shrill. "She wasn't like that! She was not! She tried to stay friends with me! She did! I drove her away! I started to associated myself with his followers! I… I called her that wretched name…"
Harry closed his eyes against the pain in the Potions master's voice, while Hermione stiffened for a second. They both could easily guess what Snape had called Lilly and why it had been the last nail to their friendship's coffin.
"She didn't turn her back on me for who I was, but for who I had become." Snape finished sounded utterly wretched. "And after that… I did everything to prove her right… Without her friendship, it didn't matter any longer if I delved deeper in the dark arts than ever before. Until I gave the Dark Lord the first part of a prophecy, I had overheard… It spoke about a child born to vanquish him. A Child who would be born in the last days of July. And I was still so blindly loyal back then…"
Wide-eyed and worried Hemione and Carl grabbed Harry's arms as he swayed dangerously. He felt so light-headed all of a sudden.
Snape had given Voldemort the clue! The clue that had set everything else in motion…
"I didn't know that Lily was pregnant!" The Potions Professor confessed with a hiss. "I didn't know that her child would be born in the last hours of the 31st of July."
Negan sucked in a breath at that. "Damn, man! That's… that's fucked up."
"The Dark Lord started to search for the Potters. I begged him to spare her life and he promised me that he would but... I defected from his cause and started to spy for the other side in hopes to keep her safe…" Snape was pacing before Negan's cell, mumbling as if he was lost in his memories.
"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside, you silly girl...stand aside, now..."
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead -"
"This is my last warning -"
"Not Harry! Please...have mercy...have mercy...Not Harry! Not Harry! Please - I'll do anything -"
"Stand aside - stand aside, girl -"
Harry's heart sized for a moment when he realized that Voldemort had indeed offered his mother a choice…
Voldemort would have spared her life, because Snape had requested it…
Harry felt sick at the realization.
"You begged for her life? Just hers?" Negan sounded incredulous.
"I truly didn't care about Potter or his father and if the Dark Lord wanted the baby dead there was no saving the child any way." Snape offered a little distractedly.
Harry heard Carl cursing under his breath and it mimicked Negan's choice of words quite well…
"Holly, motherfucking shit! You're a cold bastard!"
Snape seemed little aware of Negan's disgust with his actions. "It didn't matter in the end… Potter's father had trusted the wrong friend with his family's safety and the Dark Lord killed both him and Lilly, before he fell trying to finish off the boy." Snape sounded tired… and empty… and far away…
"So, this is you making sure that Green eyes doesn't trust the wrong people again? That I won't be another bad choice? I'm touched, man." Negan mocked a little disbelieving. "Have you grown to care for the kid, after all?"
"For him?" Snape barked in barely veiled frustration. "Expecto Patronum!"
Harry ripped the door open. Just in time to see a silver doe burst from the tip of his former teacher's wand. She landed on the floor, bounded once across the room. When she spotted the green-eyed wizard, she approached him with gentle steps. Harry reached out to touch her, letting her nudged his fingers in a comforting gesture.
From where they touched, Harry felt a wonderful warmth traveling up his arm. And a sound he recognized, although he couldn't remember ever hearing it, resonated in his head.
Hahah hahha hahahaha
A woman's laugh.
Light and joyful.
His mother's laugh.
Then the doe turned her head away and soared out of the open door, where Carl still stood, staring at her in fascination. Harry watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded, he turned back to Snape. His bright green eyes full of tears.
"After all this time?"
"Always," said Snape and it sounded almost defiant, as if he expected Harry to mock him for it.
But the young wizard did nothing but stare…
If possible, his feelings for Snape had just become even more complex than ever before. Harry didn't know what to say anymore...
Whenever he thought, he knew who Severus Snape was to him: a bully, a traitor, a rapist, a death eater...
The Potions master always managed to appear also as something else: a teacher, a protector, a spy, a saviour...
Someone who had loved Harry's mother more than anything else in the world. So much that even now he was trying to protect the only thing left of her in the world...
Harry, himself.
And Harry had no illusions that the potions master did this for any other reason than his dictation to Lilly. So, he said the only thing he could think of...
"Thank you."
Snape flinched.
"Thank you for loving her this much." Harry told the man as earnestly as he could.
Dark black eyes widened almost comically before Snape sneered aggressively at Harry.
"Are you mocking me, boy?"
The green-eyed wizard couldn't suppress the conditioned wince and flinch that came with the word 'boy', barked at him with so much distain. But at the same time Harry started to see something different in the intimating man in front of him...
A strange, lonely boy, who had been bullied so much in his life, that he lashed out with scowls and harsh words at everyone, who could possibly hurt him.
A defence mechanism not so unlike the Daryl's silent grumpiness and rough exterior or Paul's smooth Jesus mask…
It spoke of a boy , who had lost his best friend and the girl he loved to his childhood bully. A young man, who had indirectly set in motion a line of events that had lead to the death of the one person, he had wanted to protect above all else.
And with something close to pity filling up his chest, Harry just shook solemnly his head.
"No, I am not mocking you. That you are still loving her like this, after all this time... It tells me so much about her. And in some ways, you are the only thing in the world, I have left of her now. So, thank you for loving her so much."
"Tsk!" With a scoff Snape turned his head away. "Nonsense! The wolf and that ruddy mutt must have told you…" But this time it was Harry that interrupted Snape with bitter, barking laugher.
"When should that have happened? When Sirius was in Azkaban? Or when Remus was too insecure and scared to contact me?"
"Your aunt…" The Potions professor stubbornly pressed on.
"… hardly ever uttered my mom's name. My parents were persons no grata in the Dursleys' home. Asking about any of them got me but smacked around and send into my cupboard without food." Harry said acrimoniously. "I didn't even know what they looked like before I saw them in the Mirror of Erised. Petunia and her husband abhorred anything unnormal or magical and that included my parents and myself."
Snape was frowning at green-eyed youth.
"Tuney has always been a close-minded, jealous shrew." He admitted softly, startling Harry into a surprised laugh and Carl into annoyed huff.
"That's one way to say it. That woman was a murderous bitch!" The young Grimes groused angrily. "She tried to kill Harry!"
The British teen shuddered at the memory…
The way Petunia had thrown herself at him with Paul's knife… the sticky feeling of her drying blood on his hands… and the dead weight of her cooling corpse in his arms…
"What…?" Snape stared aghast at Harry.
"She tried to stab me, when we met again a few months ago… I… She surprised me… I killed her in self-defence." Harry revealed bleakly before his green eyes bore into Snape's dark ones. "I had people telling me, all that stuff about my father. How alike we seem to be… the good and the bad things." Here he directed a dry smile at Snape.
"But the only thing everyone ever said about my mom was how I have her eyes. That she was a brilliant witch and kind… but there was no one who could tell me what music she liked or what jokes she laughed about…" Harry choked up. "I wish… damn it, it doesn't matter any way." He dragged a hand through his already messy hair, feeling suddenly incredibly tired.
"Just… leave Negan alone. What's going to happen to him isn't our decision any way… Natania and the women from Oceanside, King Ezekiel and the council from the Hilltop have suffered the most under his actions and we need to wait for their vote on the matter. If he lives or dies isn't our call to make alone." Harry sighed, turning away from the two men. He would have to talk with Negan another time.
"How… noble, Potter." Snape commented laconically but somehow his words lacked their usual bite. Harry's former teacher seemed thoughtful and a little exhausted after talking about Lilly.
Muddy and covered in blood and walker guts Daryl and Paul made their way home. With their muscles aching and tired, but still feeling so much lighter than before. And long haired ninja couldn't deny that there was a small spring in his steps that might have been missing in the last few days, while the hunter next to him was puffing utterly relaxed on the cigarette between his lips.
It had been so amazing to move freely through the woods again.
Hunting, fighting and killing walkers again. It always filled him with a certain thrill and it reminded him that they were explorers in this harsh world.
It was always a humbling and challenging experience for the hippie ninja. And as dangerous as it was, he realized that he had missed this. With Daryl by his side, having each other's backs. It had been exciting and most importantly it had been reassuring to be able to do something again. To achieve something again. Paul felt like they had both regained some of their sense of self-efficacy again.
Harry had been damn right to send them out.
And they had been fucking idiots to ever doubt their beautiful and brilliant, little wizard. Their little lover just knew them too well.
He knew of Daryl's need to retreat from the community from time to time, to escape all those people that weren't part of his closest family. The hunter needed the space and tranquillity the woods provided for him. He needed it to sort his thoughts and emotions. And Harry certainly knew about Paul's thirst for adventure, his need to make himself useful. Between them it was no secret how antsy he got, scooped in when this kind of restlessness struck him, since it had been cause for arguments between them before… well, no mostly they had argued about his recklessness…
And if they were honest, all three of them tended to be frightening reckless at times and especially when they thought their loved ones might be at risk… And Harry had been right, had their roles been reversed Paul and Daryl would have probably reacted just the same way as Harry had…
So, yeah… They had been stubborn, hypocritical assholes when their hurt, little lover already knew that they needed some space and blow of some steam to collect themselves and calm their frayed nerves.
As if he had read his mind, Daryl playfully nudged Paul's shoulders. A relaxed grin tugging at the hunter's lips, caused the skin around his eyes of his lover to crinkle adorably. But it was the loving warmth in those slated blue eyes that had Paul's heart soaring.
"Wanna go home, darlin'?" Daryl drawled, his southern accent deep and velvet smooth.
"Yeah. God, yeah." Paul huffed wistfully. A bright and broad smile pulling on his cheeks.
Without conscious effort and without talking about it they quickened their steps simultaneously.
In a hurry to get back to their home.
When they reached their front door, they heard soft voices. In their living room they found an assembly of Alexandria's young generation, who were apparently on babysitting duty. Noah and Carl were sitting on the floor, entertaining Gracie and Judith by building houses and towers with colourful blocks that the two toddlers destroyed with great glee. Tara and Hermione laughed at the ridiculous display and the dramatically overplayed dismay both young men showed when another of their block-buildings fell.
While Beth and Harry sat snuggled close on the couch, singing happily.
"… Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for
Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time
I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
"Hold on to your heart"
Now I know the person that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for
For the longest time…"
Brilliant green eyes caught them lingering in the doorway. Paul shivered a little under the intense stare, not quite unlike the one Harry had given them before their first kiss. Making sure to hold eye contact with them, the wizard started to sing with a with special emphasis.
"I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time
Whoa, oa, oh… "
Daryl quirked a smile at his lovers, his face looking smoother than in a long time. With a soft grumble he pulled Paul over to Harry, where they pulled the teen into a round of much anticipated 'Welcome-home'-kisses.
Under the whooping cheering of Tara, the laugher of Noah and Hermione and an playful groan of Carl, Paul felt something in him finally settle.
He and Daryl had started to cope.
Harry was on the mend.
They would be alright.
None of them notice the tall figure looming on stair-rail on the first floor, observing to the happy commotion in the living room with dark, solemn eyes. Being mournfully reminiscent of days of sparkling green eyes and light laughter. Remembering the woman, he loved.