We All Have Secrets

AU . Post 3x16. Sarah and Connor connect in the most unexpected way as he treats her father. Season four and five alternative version with all Rheese twists. Now continuing my stories timeline.

Hi guys! Happy almost Christmas, hope you all have a wonderful Holiday with your family, sorry for the long wait but I've recently been going through some personal stuff since I lost my Dad who I had recently reconnected over the summer and he passed last month, kind of what Connor and Cornelius are experiencing up to this point in the story, truth be told, it was very therapeutic but I did struggle a bit to get this one out.

Also, just a heads up. We might do a bit of a a time jump on the next chapter.

Sarah brought up a new pillow to bed just as Connor came out of the bathroom, the baby had a crib right there in their room, but after being away from him for what felt like an eternity, she didn't dare to leave his side.

For some reason it soothed her to watch Finn's little chest rise and fall. "Hey, what are you thinking about?"

"How much I love him. So much that I would do anything for him." Sarah said, she felt Connor's good hand on her cheek. "And I hope I can get past this feeling of guilt."

"Sarah…"

"No, I just..." She settled herself in bed. "It's been almost two years since all of this started and I can't shake this feeling that I am still the man's daughter, that Finn is his grandson, that we will never not be linked to him."

"I felt the same way about my father when I left Chicago, I couldn't really get rid of my last name, and what had happened to Mom but when I went to Mexico, it was a place where I was just Connor and everything about my past didn't really matter."

"But you came back."

"I couldn't run from it forever. No matter how hard I tried to, but you learn to live with that part of your past, I know it's not the same with Robert because of all the horrible things he did babe, but you have to know you are not alone, you have me and Finn to get you through this, get us through this." She had tears in her eyes as Connor moved his hand to brush her cheek again. "I love you."

"I love you too." She replied as she kissed him softly.

The next few weeks in Chicago passed without any crisis,it was almost like it was the calm before the storm. Sarah was back at working at Gaffney, almost done with her residency which she was clearly behind on, but Dr. Charles made her feel like she could actually finish it. All talk of New York had been put to rest for the time being, they had other priorities.

She was consulting on a patient with Ethan when she got a call that Cornelius had been brought in. "Sarah…" Claire hugged her close as she arrived into the room. Connor who had also gone back to work in the ED, walked in a moment later.

"What happened?"

Will looked at Connor. "Your sister says he was complaining of chest pains."

"I told you, I'm fine, Claire's overreacting."

"Dad, you've already had a heart attack, don't tell me not to worry please." She replied her voice betraying her annoyance. Connor glanced over at Will who handed his father's chart to him.

"I paged Dr. Latham." Will said. Connor examined the chart. He might not be a surgeon anymore but he understood what he was seeing, his father might need a very invasive procedure to fix the valve in his heart. Too risky for someone who had just had a heart attack.

"I thought you might be in here." A voice said as Connor looked up to see Sarah. He was hiding in the doctor's lounge. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just tired, it's been a little harder than I thought to get back into the rush of the ED. Don't tell Goodwin." He sighed, throwing his head back.

"My lips are sealed." Sarah said taking a seat beside him. "If you want to go, I don't think anyone would judge you."

"No, Claire had to go home. I'm going to go check on my Dad."

"Is he still refusing surgery?" He nodded. "Well they did explain the risks…"

"And he's making the wrong decision." Connor said. "The heart attack made the valve malfunction and they didn't fix it the first time around because he was to frail, but without it…"

"He'll go into heart failure."

"Yeah, talk about ironic, huh?" Connor stood up. "I knew this would happen and I ignored it."

"Connor…"

"No, I should have insisted on them replacing the valve after the heart attack."

"Would he have survived it?" Connor looked at her. "Would he now?"

"There's a 10% chance." Connor admitted. Sarah stood up to close the space between them.

"10% is better than nothing, but maybe he just doesn't want to take that risk." Sarah told him, her hand to his cheek.

"Cornelius isn't a person known for not taking risks." He replied.

"Maybe there's so much more at stake now than there has ever been before." Sarah said, making Connor freeze. For the first time since his mother had gotten ill, he had somewhat of a relationship with Cornelius and the man had just had two grandkids, that was a lot to put in perspective. "Look, I'm not saying, he shouldn't have the surgery, but maybe he's just afraid."

Connor gave this another thought. He'd never imagined his father as being weak, but maybe he did have a weakness after all, but it was hard for him to wrap his head around it. "Do you want me to come with you?" Sarah asked him.

"If you want. My father for some reason behaves when you are around."

"My mother is the same way with me whenever you are in the room. Funny huh?" Connor smiled.

"Guess we are good for each other, huh Reese?"

"Guess so." She offered him a hand and they both headed to see Cornelius.

"Dr. Reese, Dr. Rhodes, he just settled down." Lily the nurse who was caring for Cornelius said to them with a smile as they stepped into the room.

"I get the two of you? What's wrong?" The older man asked as Connor headed straight for the chart and Sarah took the seat next to the bed. "Shouldn't you be home?"

"We wanted to check on you first." Sarah said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like you are going to shrink me into getting surgery…" Cornelius said to Sarah who somehow was left dumbfounded. The man could read her as good as his son could.

"We just think it's the way to go since you are stronger." Sarah said. "And you'd be in the best hands with Dr. Latham and Dr. Morrison."

"And I might die on the table, correct?" Cornelius said, Connor looked up from the chart for the first time. "Just tell me something, as a doctor, without surgery, how long would I have?"

Connor turned to the bed. "Connor?" He had heard what his father at said and he sighed.

"It's hard to say. It could be 2 weeks; it could be a year."

"So, I could get to see the kids first birthday?" Cornelius asked. Connor felt like he was in front of the man his father had been before his mother had gotten sick. A man that lived only in his memory.

"It's possible, yeah."

"Then I like those odds better than having just a few more days." Cornelius said.

"Dad..."

"I've made up my mind Connor, please respect that."

"You want me to respect you wanting to die?"

"I could die during surgery, couldn't I? Why is that different from me wanting to put my affairs in order and spend time with Finn and Elizabeth?"

Sarah turned to look at Connor just as his pager went off. "I need to get downstairs."

"Connor…"

"I'm fine Sarah, just… let me know as soon as Dr. Latham gets the discharge papers okay? I don't want Claire to have to drive back here." And with that he was gone. Sarah turned to her soon to be father in law.

"I haven't been able to understand my son since he was 10, since his mother died...I didn't make any of the right decisions regarding my kids and I guess I'm paying for it now."

"There's a lot of paying for past things around here lately." Sarah said with a sigh. Cornelius stared at her. The man hadn't enquired about Sarah's problems in the least even though he had wanted to, but it was then that he took a chance.

"How are you paying for something? You didn't do anything wrong." He said. Sarah was utterly surprised by the tenderness in the man's voice. "It was all your father's doing."

"I know, but now I'm paying for it too I guess, for dragging Connor into the whole thing, for putting his life and Finn's in danger. I keep wondering if I had turned my father away at the first opportunity…"

"Then he wouldn't be behind bars Sarah. He wouldn't be doing time for his crimes. He'd be dead more likely but how is that justice for what he did to you or my son? To those girls?"

Sarah felt tears creep into her eyes but she didn't want to break down in front of Cornelius Rhodes, no matter how much a brush of death seemed to had turned the man around, he was still Connor's Dad. "Sarah?" A voice said behind her just as she was about to reply. It was April. "You weren't answering your page and Dr. Charles is looking for you"

"Sorry, I still have like an hour into my shift." She said to Mr. Rhodes. "I better get back to it."

"Thanks for the save." She told April as they headed to the elevator together after saying goodbye to Cornelius.

"Not a problem. It wasn't intentional though. Dr. Charles did send me to find you, but what's that about?"

"I don't really know." Sarah said honestly. "But better me than Connor, I don't think it's good for either of them to lash out on each other you know? They are just making progress on their relationship."

"Oh, so he is going home?"

"Yeah, he's refusing surgery."

"And I take it Connor isn't too happy about that?"

"No. He is most definitely not." Sarah sighed. "But enough of that. How are you?"

"Fine for now. Nausea isn't too bad and plus Ethan is being so supportive I can't really complain, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm so happy for you guys, sorry I haven't been around on my head much to say that but you two deserve it."

"Hey, no worries, you had your own trouble and baby to care for. We get that, we're just happy you and Connor are finally done with all that drama and now you can focus on what's important. Like, a wedding maybe?" Sarah had barely thought about the fact that she was engaged, in the past few months it all had been about surviving the ordeals of the trial and focusing on her new baby that the engagement had taken a back seat.

"Did I say something wrong?" April asked as she noticed Sarah's demeanour change.

"No, I just… I hadn't really thought about it since it happened, that's all."

"Well, if you need anything, you know we're here for you, don't you?" April said with a slight squeeze to her shoulder. They had reached the ED and Dr. Charles was waiting for Sarah, she took a last glance at April until she sneaked away to a page and Dr. Charles called for her attention. She was meant to be reviewing with him for her tests in the upcoming weeks and she'd totally forgot.

It was about an hour or so later that Dr. Charles freed her of her studies that she headed to the lounge after she'd gotten a text from Connor that he too, was ready to go home. The ride to the Estate was quiet. They really hadn'targued against still living there because if they were being honest, there was always someone around to help with Finn and Lizzie and Sarah actually felt bad leaving Claire with her father in such a frail state of health.

"Good night children. How was work?" It was Katie. "Someone's been eager to see Mommy and Daddy all day." Their baby was almost four months now and he seemed to be more alert to everything around him, more so when either Connor and Sarah were in the room.

"Here, I'll take him. Hi bud, I've missed you, come here." Connor said grabbing him carefully from Katie.

"How's your father?"

"Other than refusing surgery? He's fine. Where's Claire?" Connor asked her.

"She's waiting to have dinner with the two of you. Lizzie is already down for the night but I couldn't get this one to settle."

"Oh, two minutes with Connor and he'll be down." Sarah said. "He's like the baby whisperer." Connor had gone ahead in search of his sister with Finn as Katie turned to Sarah.

"His father used to be the same way when he was a baby, there was no calming him down until Mr. Rhodes arrived." Sarah couldn't help but blink at the admission. "Connor of course doesn't know that, but I remember it so well, it's so sad now that he is sick, he actually is starting to have a somewhat relationship with his children, especially Connor."

"If he doesn't have surgery, he might have more time, because there's a high chance he might die during the operation." Sarah told Katie.

"And yet Connor isn't so sure he agrees with his decision?" The woman said, knowing him so well.

"It's the surgeon in him talking but yes." Sarah said as they arrived into the dining room. Just like she'd said it would happen, Finn was already fast asleep in Connor's arms as Sarah greeted Claire and Eric.

"Here, I'll take him." Katie offered kindly. "You all better eat before it gets cold." And with that she was gone. The table was quiet for a moment.

"I'm looking for some nurses for Dad as soon as he comes home. Let's hope he likes them." Claire said as they began to eat.

"So, you are agreeing with this? Him not having surgery?"

"He's just as competent to make his own decisions still Connor, and he has valid reasons to say no, I know as a doctor you don't think it's what's best but what about as his son?"

"Do you really want him to maybe die in the house with the kids around?

"Connor…"

"Because that might happen Claire."

"I know it might but I'm trying to be hopeful here. He wants to be here for a little longer than a few days Connor. He's making plans for all of us, the babies. He knows he's going to die without that surgery but maybe he just wants to make the most of the time he's got left for once."

Connor didn't answer. He finished his dinner and said he was going to check on the baby. "What's gotten into him, does he want Dad to die?" Claire asked Eric and Sarah.

"Honey of course not, but he's a doctor, he's thinking that way, maybe to not have to think on just how much suffering your dad might go through? I did a little reading and heart failure is not an easy thing to deal with or care for."

"He's right Claire. If your Dad was his patient, he would insist on doing the surgery."

"But he's not, is he? He is our father and I for one amupset about him dying." And with that, she too left the table.

"Those two, how are we meant to get them through this you are the expert Sarah, any tips?" Eric sighed.

"I didn't even have a clue with my own father, but if you ask me? Each of them needs to deal with this the best way they know how and we're meant to just be there showing them support I guess."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think…" Eric was now embarrassed. "I'm an idiot."

"You are not, it's fine, you are just worried about Claire."

"And you about Connor..."

"Yeah, I don't know what his father dying might do to him and that scares the hell out of me."

That night, Sarah knew Connor was restless and more so she knew he was awake and his mind was going. She might be the overthinker but it was starting to rub on him too. "Connor? You want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Whatever is bothering you?" She said to him, cuddling closer. "About what Claire said."

"He can't make up for lost time Sarah, he's 20 years too late." Connor said bitterly. "At least not for me and I'd rather him have the surgery and the possibility of living more than just past the kids first birthday."

"So, him wanting to make up for lost time is what scares you?" He didn't look at her. "Connor, hey, I know it's your doctor mind going when you say he should have the surgery and I know he was a pretty crappy father, but he's still here for a reason and so are you. May I remind you weren't expected to survive after the accident? Shouldn't that tell you something?"

Connor slapped himself internally. Her father had just been convicted of murdering a number of people, including intending to kill him and Sarah and here he was lamenting his self centered father who had given him everything he had ever wanted, even if he hadn't been what Connor had craved the most growing up.

His father was somehow still looking out for him in his own way and he seemed to adore Finn. Maybe he reminded him of a younger Connor, of a simpler time of his life.

And he wanted to rob him of that? Rob Finn of his grandfather and the opportunity of leaving this world at peace?

"I don't know what to do…" Connor admitted.

"I know you feel the need to fix everything Connor, but you need to choose the things you can and can't fix, your father's health isn't one of them but maybe the relationship you two still have is worth fighting for?" Connor smiled weakly. "...if not for him, for you, and for Finn.

"You've become quite the doctor Sarah Reese." Connor said proudly after a moment. "I'm so proud of you."

"Good, it's taken me long enough." Sarah said with a smile, leaning to kiss him. "And you are a good son and a good father, you need to understand that, alright?" She said as they broke apart. Connor nodded softly as they settled down to sleep, cuddled against each other. "The rest we'll deal with together."

Connor woke up to the sounds of whimpers, Finn was just waking up and Sarah had had such a long week with her studies he had wanted her to sleep a bit longer so he slipped out of bed and went straight for the baby. "Shh… buddy, it's okay, I got you." He headed down to the kitchen to get a bottle, his leg and bad hand hurting from the cold weather. His leg's impairment was mostly evident at night when he was tired and cold. "Connor?"

It was Claire. Baby Lizzie was in her arms as she fed her. She had had some trouble breastfeeding because of her small frame and the amount of milk she was producing so she had had to complement it with formula. Connor took one of the bottles with Sarah's milk from the fridge and warmed it up for Finn before settling besides his sister. "I didn't want to wake up Sarah, she's been studying so hard."

"Good, and at least he seems to like you all the same as Sarah, somehow this little girl likes Eric better than she does me."

"I'm sure that's not true Claire."

"No, it is and I don't mind. I was the same with Dad growing up, up until Mom got sick. Everything changed from that moment, didn't it? Including Dad…" He nodded. "You really think he should have the surgery?"

Connor sighed as he turned to look at Finn. "You want my opinion as Connor or as Dr. Rhodes?"

"Both?" Claire begged.

"I think he should have the surgery." Connor said firmly."But it's not up to us, is it? It's never been, he's too stubborn."

"Who does he remind me of I wonder?" Claire smiled sweetly at her brother. "I'll talk to him, see if I can convince him, you are the expert and my brother and I trust you on this."

"Thanks Claire." Connor smiled. Glad, that they had finally agreed on something for a change.

"Okay, wait I thought he said no to surgery?" Will asked Connor the next evening as they headed down to the ED for their shift. "And now?"

"He wants to be walked through the entire procedure." Connor said. "I guess Claire came to talk to him earlier, I just hope I'm not wrong." Connor said running a hand through his face.

"You are doing what you think it's right, if it was Pat, I'd trust you to make that call Connor." Will said to him, patting his shoulder softly.

"Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Halstead, we have an MVA coming…" Maggie said to the both of them as they were about to finish their coffee.

"So much for quiet huh Rhodes, you up for it?" Will asked Connor.

"I have to be eventually don't I?" He replied. In the last few weeks they had not given Connor a lot of incomings because they had wanted him to settle back into the pace of the ED slowly because of his hand and his apparent limp but Connor wouldn't let them slow him down. He'd already lost too much to let that be one more thing to be taken away from him.

What did you think guys? So I've decided maybe I'll continue with the story after the time jump and not end it so soon, would that be something you'd like? Lord knows I need my Rheese writing fix after these last few months.

Happy Holidays again guys! Read you soon :)