virgintines day
almost two months had past sinse wolf glickes ill-fated attempt 2 steal christmas. the douchebag vgc cheater had finaly gotten out of hospital from all his broken bones after falling off the roof and he was imediately back to being a lil bitch. thoughts of santa and christmas cheer were long out of mind. now it was valentines day. a time 2 get laid for all people who arent 600lbs fat fucks like faggot ass kevin robinson fuck u bitch.
"so raichu what r ur plans 4 valentines day?" wolfe asked his partner in crime.
the raichu sniggered and showed wolfe a peace of paper with his plans on it. "sneak into the day care, cuck all the trainers male pokemon and then leave them to raise your eggs?" wolfe repeated which his raichu nodded. "haha nice! as for me im going to give stds to as many people as i can lol. then i might go and laff at some incel losers later."
but wolfe would not be the star of our holiday tale this time. while he and his trusty mon were having the time of there life things were not going so well for sum of the other washed up villains from rr. kaphotics the loser hacker was determined that this would be the year that he could spend valentines day with someone other than a bodypillow or his right hand. the fat hacker was aproaching some mildly atractive bitch (like a 5 at best) and was about to put the moves on her.
"h-hey there baby" kaphotics sayed in his awkward stuttery voice. "they call my dick metapod because uh..."
"because its small, green, and its never used for anything!" interupted a chad.
the chad and the woman both burst into laffter at kaphotics and left to fuck.
"goddammit i hate those chads!" the manbaby spat as he stomped his feet and threw a bottle of soylent at the wall. "i WILL get laid this year damn it! i will! i will! i will!"
he went off to find another barely fuckable woman who might take pity on him or have some kind of self-esteem issues and tryed another of his pickup lines.
"hey girl, ive got a plate of tendies with your name written all over them!" he sayed as smoothly as he could. "come back to my moms place with me and itll just be u, me and my gardevoir bedspread all night long!"
"lmao no" the girl laffed before kicking him in the balls and walking off.
"what the fuck is wrong with women these days?!" kaphotics cryed in an impotent rage. "why do they always go with those awful douchebags? never a nice guy like me!"
however kaphotics was not the only member of our rogues gallery having girl troubles that night. serebii was feeling particularly defeated as he watched tyrone fuck his wife for the 84th time that day.
"OH YES YOUR DICK IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN SEREBIIS LIMP MICROPENIS!" serebiis wife moaned as tyrone finished inside her.
"yo shut yo bitch mouth up ho" sayed tyrone. "dat whiteboy serebii alright"
serebii smiled briefly as tyrone defended him
"yeah its thanks to weak bitches like him that my broke ass got somewhere to stay 4 free haha! oh yeah, gayrebii go and make me some mo fuckin chicken strips u bitch!"
serebii sighed finaly having enough. "ok tyrone ive finally had enough. whose house is this were living in? yeah. thats right. my moms. so y dont u show me some respect for once huh?"
"hahahaha no!" laffed both tyrone and serebiis wife. "oh yeah it valentines day today right?" tyrone added. "serebii u need to take me and ur wife out for a nice romantic meal tonight. if u dont im gonna tell ur momma 2 kick ur bitch ass out lol"
"yeah his mom fucking hates him" serebiis wife added. "she only bought him this house so hed move out of her basement lol. and she only doesnt ask for rent because the thought of him living here as a cuck brings her so much joy it doesnt matter."
serebii gritted his teeth and went to make meal plans. at that same time, smogon and james turner were discussing the future of there mcdonalds together.
"after looking at order statistics for the last 3 months, i think beef is overcentralising the restraunt meta" smogon telled james. "chicken and fish have no hard counters to beef so i think we should ban it."
"SMOGON RIGHT!" james turner bellowed as drool ran down his chin. "BEEF AT MCDONALDS BURGER TOO NORMAL. TOO LOGICAL. JAMES TURNER NO LIKE LOGICAL AND NORMAL! JAMES TURNER WANTS TO CREATE AAAARRRTTT! ALL BEEFBURGERS ARE BANNED FROM JAMES TURNER RESTAURANT!"
"heh nice" smogon smirked. in truth, he didnt care that there was a lot of people eating beefburgers. he just wanted it banned because he didnt like it and wanted his favorite meats to be the only viable ones.
"YOU KNOW SMOGON" james turner sayed. "I LIKE HAVING YOU AT MY RESTAURANT A LOT MORE THAN THAT FAGGOT DUMBDUMBHEAD SEREBII! ALL HE DID WAS MINDLESSLY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING I SAYED LIKE A LITTLE BIIIITTTCCCHHH! SMOGON USE SMART THINKING BRAIN AND TELL JAMES NEW IDEAS OF HIS OWN!"
smogon smiled and nodded. "i have to admit working for you is not so bad. it feels good to actualy have a job and earn my own money instead of being a useless fucking parasite. maybe more manbabys should try it. oh yeah speaking of manbabys its valentines day isnt it lol? why dont we put on a special tendie sale: the forever alone special? half price off all tendies if you show up here on your own, for tonight only."
"GOOD IDEA!" james turner cheered. "JAMES TURNER MAKE LOTS OF MONEY WITH SMOGON IDEA AND BUY MORE PAINT TO INHALE! YEAAAAAHH!"
"yeaaaah!" smogon cheered along with him.
it was at around this moment that all three of ours storys would come together. smogon decided to film a comercial for they're mcdonalds and posted it on r/incels the favorite subreddit of all permavirgins.
"hello there incels!" smogon greeted like a slimy tv salesman. "are you a fat, pathetic beta who is alone on valentines day?"
"im fat!" kaphotics sayed as he watched the comercial.
"im a pathetic beta!" serebii sayed.
"and im alone on valentines day!" they both sayed.
"well then" smogon continued. "come on down to the hoenn red memorial mall mcdonalds and get yourself the bargain of a lifetime! 50% off all tendie products for valentines day, but only if you show up alone! gamers rise up out of your basements, this valentines day, and get yourself some bargain tendies today!"
after he uploaded the video smogon and james awaited the incels flooding into their restaurant.
"their going to comfort eat themselfs into a coma!" smogon laffed.
"ALL THEIR PARENTS MONEY WILL BELONG TO JAMES AND SMOGON!" james bellowed. "WE WILL BE RICH MEN AND CAN BUY ALL THE ART SUPPLIES WE CAN EAT!"
30 minutes later, the mcdonalds looked and smelled like a melee tornament. smogon and james were hard at work cooking and selling tendies to the incels when serebii walked in.
"i know the manager here" serebii telled tyrone and his wife smugly. "i bet i can get us some great deals. oh and the new cashier is an old friend of mine to."
"oh my god its that faggot serebii lol" smogon snickered as he turned back to james who was currently boiling a tendie. "and he brought his bull lmao." he turned back to the counter just as serebii came up and acted profesional again. "hey serebii you cant get our deal lol. i know ur not gettin any pussy tonight but u still technicaly brought a couple hear with u so u cant lol"
"wtf" serebii sayed. "b-but all the times i shilled for ur site!"
"im sorry sir but i am a good, honest mcdonalds worker and i will not be bought off. ur tendies r full price lol."
"omg ur so alpha" serebiis wife sayed. "u can fuck me later after tyrone is done with me."
"wtf he literaly has a koffing for a head!" serebii explaimed. "how can u want to fuck him more than me?"
"hes still more of a man than u bitch" tyrone laffed. "now get me my fuckin chicken"
as this was going on, kaphotics walked in. he had just been rejected 8472 times and was about ready to snap. seeing all the other incels around him gave him a wicked plan.
"my fellow gaymers!" he squeaked in a weak high pitched voice (since hed been kicked in the balls so many times by now lol). "it is time for us to make a stand against the staceys and the chads! for years they have looked down on us, rejected us, called us mean names like 'fatphotics', 'assphotics', 'cuckphotics' and so on and this time its enough!"
the incel took out a gun he had bought from walmart earlyer and put on a joker mask.
"its time for us to rise up against this shitty society! let us become heroes, and have our names engraved in history like other oppressed heroes like elliot rodger and isaac beterbych! gamers rise up!"
"gamers rise up!" the incels chanted. "gamers rise up!"
"oh shit this is not good lol" smogon sayed. "if they rise up they might kill our future customers. call the mall cops!"
"OKAY!" bellowed james as he picked up the phone. "HELLO OFFICER! THERES A BUNCH OF FAT SMELLY FAGGOTS WHO LIVE WITH THEIR MOMS IN MY RESTAURANT AND THEY ARE GOING TO SHOOT SOME PEOPLE! SEND HELP! SEND HELP!"
"uh james u maybe should have not sayed that so loud lol" smogon telled him.
"get them!" kaphotics cryed and his incel army charged at smogon and james.
just as they were about to flood over the counter and force their way into the kitchen, serebii stepped out in front of them. "no stop!" he protested. "i wont let you hurt james turner! even if he is a douche and fired me..."
"and fucked your wife" serebiis wife interupted.
"...and fucked my wife, he is still a part of game freak the greatest company of all time! and for as long as i breathe i wont let anyone say anything bad about game freak!"
"shut up faggot!" kaphotics roared, punching serebii in the balls. the scrawny shill colapsed to the ground. "i am tired of these fucking chads pushing me around and making my life miserable! its time to make a stand! nothing will stop my genocide crusade! death to the staceys! death to the chads! gamers rise up!"
the other incels chanted along with kaphotics.
"omg ur so alpha have my babies" serebiis wife sayed.
"...wait seriusly?" kaphotics asked.
"she is always serious about bein a fuckin ho lol" tyrone telled kaphotics. "go on champ. u proved urself to be a real man. a realer man than fucking joe "the cuck" merrick anyway lol. go and get that pussy."
smogon, james and the other incels smiled and nodded at kaphotics. serebii screamed "noooo!" like analkin soywalker at the end of soy wars the faggot menace.
"its finaly time! im finally going to have sex with an actual 3d woman!" kaphotics cried. "its finaly time!"
suddenly a flashbang flyed through the door, blinding everyone in the mcdonalds.
"freeze! everyone get down!" yelled brendan as he rode in on a segway, backed by a elite team of mall cops. "i heard we got a gamer uprising. wheres the incel ringleader?"
"there!" serebii sayed quickly pointing at kaphotics. "there! there! take him away sir!"
"wait no!" kaphotics protested. "y-you cant take me away! im finaly going to lose my virginity! you cant do this to me!"
brendan looked at him coldly. "if you cant do the time, dont do the crime. take him away boys!"
"noooooo!" cryed kaphotics as he was dragged away to mall jail.
by the time he got out, serebiis wife had died from an std that she got from wolfe glick later that night.