28: Where Did My Mind Go?

Dean tried so many times to stab Cain with the First Blade. The Knight danced around him with no trouble at all, then threw Dean to the ground. The hunter got right back up with even more determination. Again he attempted to stab Cain, that time swinging in with a punch first. Cain grabbed his wrist and they both began a struggle for the Blade.

"That seems a bit weaker than I would expect from you with the Blade," Cain commented. "I think you can do better." Once more Dean tried to hit him. "Unless…" He paused which gave Dean the quickest moment to hit him twice in the face. "You're holding back." Blow for blow the two began back and forth, each attempt made by the hunter brushed off as if it were nothing.

Dean lunged at him to which Cain grabbed both of his hands. They struggled against one another still for the blade. "What is is, Dean?" Cain taunted. "Do you think if you hold back just enough, you won't succumb? That you will leave this fight the same as you entered?!" In one swift movement he tossed Dean to the ground. "Look to my example, boy! There is no resisting the Mark or the Blade. There is only remission, and relapse!" He yelled before punching Dean repeatedly.

In that moment, Dean thought of Zarya. He saw her get up over and over and over again in so many fights where she should have just stayed down. He thought about what they had been through, what he had done to her, and an overprotective fury sparked violently within him. Above all else he would free Zarya from her darkness. So once more he stood and wiped some blood from his lip while he panted. "You told me that this day would come. You told me that I would have to kill you."

"Is that so?" He held out his hand, flicked his wrist, and flung Dean across the barn through a window. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood my intentions here, Dean. When your pet angel found my burial site, I thought about ending him and swatting him like a fly." Dean forced himself back up and stumbled into the doorway as Cain spoke. "But then I thought about you. Your biggest weakness, the thing I noticed the moment I met you, your courage, your reckless bravado. I let him go, knowing that he would report back to you, knowing you would bring into battle the one thing that can kill me, the one thing I truly want."

Both men's eyes caught the First Blade just laying on the edge of the Devil's Trap, half in and half out. Dean dove for it just as Cain flicked his wrist to pull it towards him and put his boot on it. As soon as his skin made contact with it the old feeling had returned. Dean boldly tried to attack him another time in which Cain grabbed him by the throat and held him above the ground.

"This may be hard to believe," the Knight told him, "in light of what I'm about to do to you, but I care about you, Dean. I truly do. But I know I'm doing you a favor. I'm saving you."

Dean choked from the grip on his jugular. "Saving me from what?"

"From your fate." He tossed Dean back onto the floor. "Has it never occurred to you? Have you never mused upon the fact that you're living my life in reverse? My story began when I killed my brother and fell for a monster. That's inevitably where your story will end."

"No," he choked before trying helplessly to get up. "Never."

Cain stomped mercilessly on his chest to push him back down. "It's called the Mark of Cain for a reason! First… first you'd kill Crowley. There'd be some strange, mixed feelings on that one. But you would have your reason. Probably trying to save darling Zarya from something awful. You'd get it done, no remorse. And then you'd kill the angel, Castiel. Now that one… that I suspect would hurt something awful. But it would come down to sweet, smiling Zarya? Would it not? And then!" He bent down swiftly and shoved his knees into Dean's chest. "Then would come the murder you'd never survive; the one that would finally turn you into as much of a savage as it did to me."

Dean caught sight of the knife tucked under Cain's coat. "No," he snarled in defense with the First Blade to his throat.

"Your brother Sam." Cain relentlessly continued on. "You'll take him out without an inkling of remorse by then. But when you turn and expect to see the only person who did not see you as a monster because she was no better herself, she will not be there. Zarya will take whatever she needs from you, whatever that Mark is willing to feed her from your madness, and watch the world, and you, burn herself. The only thing standing between you and that destiny is this Blade. You're welcome, my son."

His fury burned bright just then. Zarya would never do such a thing. She was a hunter; she was their family. He just had to protect her from the darkness that wanted to claim her so badly. With great haste as Cain pulled his arm back with the Blade, Dean ripped the knife out of his jacket and swung just as the Blade came back down. The sharpness of the knife sliced right through Cain's hand, sending it and the Blade crashing across the barn. He got up quickly while Cain gaped at his bleeding, handless wrist and grabbed the First Blade. His olive eyes looked down at the kneeling Knight with mixed emotions.

"Tell me I don't have to do this," escaped his lips without thought. Zarya's voice haunted the back of his mind. "Tell me that you'll stop. Tell me that you can stop!"

Cain looked up at him probably the same unfeeling way that Demon Dean had looked down at a pleading Zarya. The hunter's eyes closed to ignore the internal agony at Cain's response.

"I will never stop."

The most obnoxious ringing abruptly awoke Zarya, sending her tumbling off of the edge of her bed and onto the floor. Her hand slapped around the top of the nightstand until it shut the incessant ringing off. With a sigh she dragged herself back up to sit on the side of her bed she had fallen off and rubbed her tired eyes. When they focused, the gentle lilac of her walls in Pike Creek stared back at her. She caught the time on the clock that had awoken her and screeched.

"I'm gonna be late!" She exclaimed before flying to her closet while flinging off her pajamas. "I can't be late again dammit!" She fell onto her floor trying to tug on her black pants. "Jackie will fire me for sure!"

Zarya dressed hastily in her waitress uniform before running down the stairs in socks as fast as she could while putting her hair in a (albeit messy) ponytail. She hopped around while tugging on her shoes before grabbing her coat and bag off the hook by the door. The door slammed shut behind her with how fast she closed it but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the car waiting out front for her. The passenger window facing her rolled down to reveal Nick smiling out at her.

"Somehow I figured I could make it back in time before you were just too late," he teased her. "Get in quick before Jackie murders you!" He laughed.

She grinned ear to ear and practically jumped in the vehicle beside him. As soon as her door shut he took right off towards the diner. "So you really got Sarah and Tarin to her mom's before I actually left?"

"Of course I did, because you can't manage time if your life depended on it, Rya." They shared a laugh at her expense. "Sarah even told me if the traffic was clear enough that I could make it back just in time to get you before Jackie ripped you a new one."

She grinned up at him while she hugged his free arm. "And that is why you are my very best friend and I love you endlessly."

Nick got her to work just in time. She ran in after giving him a quick peck on the cheek and slammed her time card into the puncher not ten seconds before being late. Jackie tapped her foot with her arms crossed but there was just nothing she could do. Especially not when they got slammed at lunch and Zarya ran around like mad handling everything to near perfection. To make up for nearly being late (and to pull in some extra cash) she even did a double and stayed until closing. It was a peaceful walk home until she saw Nick sitting on her front steps with his head in his hands and phone broken on the ground.

"What's the matter?" She asked as she jogged up and tossed her bag on the grass. She dropped to her knees in front of him and took his hands in her own. "Nick, what happened?"

Finally he looked up to her with tears in his eyes. "Tarin and Sarah…" His voice cracked. Her eyes widened as her heart began to race. "They were all coming back… with her parents from dinner… a young kid was racing some buddy of his… ran their car right off the road…"

"Oh, God, no…" Her breath caught painfully in her chest as tears welled in her own green-blue eyes. "They all…?"

He nodded solemnly. "Not a damn one of them survived."

Zarya too began to cry with her best friend. He pulled her into a tight embrace on the stoop as their mourned their losses. For most of the night they kept one another company and awake drinking coffee. Nick wasn't sure if he'd have to drive into the city to handle anything yet as they were still dealing with the drivers and bodies. Only once the sun came up did the two make some kind of attempt to rest in their own beds. Zarya tossed and turned for most of the early morning before calling Jackie to let her know. The woman took pity on Zarya with ease knowing the situation and gave Zarya some time off. She cried a bit more alone before finally falling into a dreamless sleep.

The grief kept her asleep well into the night. Just before she could stir on her own accord, someone sitting on the side of her bed woke her right up. She relaxed when she realized it was only Nick, looking even more exhausted and distraught than before. "I can't bury them, Rya," he told her in a voice barely above a pained whisper. "I just can't do it…"

She sat up slowly and leaned her head on his shoulder. "What do you want to do? What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to believe me when I tell you something that's going to sound insane… and I need you to tell me what to do after…"

She looked up at him with her own grief struck and tired yet still gleaming green-blue eyes. She wrapped her small hand around his and gave a little squeeze. "I think I'm fried enough to handle anything from you right now so whatever it is just go ahead. Tell me, Nick."

He had to take a deep breath before speaking, barely able to look her in the eyes. "I couldn't… I couldn't protect Tarin and Sarah…"

"That was an accident, it's not-"

He shook his head and squeezed her hand. "I can't protect you, Rya. Not like you need… or deserve. But… but someone can." Finally he met her gaze with just brokenness in his blue eyes. "He can keep you safe, and avenge Sarah and Tarin. The thing is… it's an angel."

"An angel? Were you drinking when you went home?"

"Not the point, Rya. It's the truth. He can do what he says he just… he needs a vessel. A human body."

Zarya's blood turned cold beneath her skin. "Yours…" He nodded. "How do you believe this is true though? Did the angel happen to give you a name?"

Nick nodded gravely. "Lucifer."

"Dean?" Sam called when he saw his brother walking down the stairs. He looked pretty beat up, and mildly dissociated, but alive.

"Dean, the Blade," Crowley reminded.

The elder Winchester looked at the Blade in his hand still. He walked Crowley's way, but handed the Blade to Castiel instead. The King of Hell insisted Dean lied to him. "It's not the first time today," he admitted. "Cain's list… you weren't on it."

He collapsed against his brother then and Sam tried to hold him up. "Hey, hey," he tried to smile. "You did it, Dean. You did it."

But Dean looked devastated as he looked over his brother's shoulder. Cain's words continued echoing through his mind. Was Zarya really as bad off as he claimed? Would Dean lose it and kill his loved ones? Would it be because of Zarya…?

"Zare," he told Sam roughly while trying to look at him. "We gotta find Zare."

Zarya could do nothing but take pity on her beloved. She didn't want to lose him too, but in a way she wasn't. He would still be in there for whenever Lucifer found a new vessel or got bored or who the hell knew. Part of her wished someone would pop in and offer her a numbing escape. But she knew she couldn't do such a thing; not when Nick was giving himself up just to ensure her safety. As much as it pained her to let him, Nick said 'yes'. He held her as closely and as tightly as he possibly could as himself one last time before a bright light and piercing static nearly blew down the room. When it finally stopped she remained clung to her best friend's shirt still, unmoving. Only when his hand reached up and touched the back of her head gently did she jump.

She backed up a few inches, still gripping the blue button down shirt. Silent tears continued to spill from her bright yet so mournful eyes. There was something different in his expression. He reached up slowly and brushed away a couple of tears with the back of his index finger. "Please don't cry, Rya. I promise you will be alright."

"You're not Nick anymore," she breathed. New tears replaced the ones he tried to wipe away.

"No, I'm not. But he values you so deeply that I vowed to him I would keep you safe in exchange for this."

"Why?" Her knuckles turned white from her grip on his shirt. "Why do you give a damn? And why open up with his nickname for me?"

He grabbed her wrists softly which caused her to release the fabric. "Because he gives a damn. He gives so much of a damn that I do now. And I don't have to; I can just call you Zarya if you prefer."

Her nose scrunched up and she snatched her hands back to cross her arms over her chest. "No, actually, don't do that. Not while you've got my best friend's face." She sighed and pulled her knees to her chest. "Why Nick though?" When he didn't answer she buried her head in her arms.

"There are people coming for you, Rya." He finally spoke, earning her attention again. "I can protect you. And I'm going to."

"Who would come after me? Why?"

"Because you're special, sweetheart." He half smiled at her. "It's time to stand and fight. Can you manage that?" She shrugged timidly which caused him to roll his eyes. "Oh come on. Up in here," he pointed to Nick's head, "it's endless blabber about you." Her cheeks tinted pink. "So smart, so cunning, so brave, so be-" He stopped himself when he realized what he was about to say. While yes, it was his vessel's thought, somehow the archangel couldn't find a way to disagree. "Point is, I'm under the impression you're some badass."

Zarya laughed a little with some embarrassment. "I don't know where Nick got the idea that I'm a badass, but I am definitely not. I'm a drummer, and a waitress. Neither of which are exactly badass."

He looked at her with a playful smirk. "I guess I'll just have to make you the badass then."