AN: I don't want to spoil it but the latest chapter was pretty sweet 😊 but I'm not expecting happy things for February ('cause of how the manga goes). Still, I'm going with my mum to Disney Feb 11th-16th so will have that to take my mind off of things. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Chapter Thirty Four

I look up at the man towering over me. I'm sitting in a wheelchair and I feel my head has a part of it which has been bashed in. I feel a lot of pain and I am horrified to see the hate filled look on his face. It's not even Kuon but Ren Tsuruga who is in front of me and not the Ren that I know, the Ren who I believed he was in the early days of my career.

"Tut tut, Mogami-san, stuck in a wheelchair…how disappointing this must be for you. You really are the turtle aren't you?" he asks before reaching forward and poking me on the forehead. "Your superior in the agency is speaking to you. If you had any manners you would answer them."

I open my mouth wanting to reply to him but instead all that comes out are babbles.

"What are you, some kind of baby!?" he asks before shaking his head. "Someone like you doesn't even deserve to live. It's a horrible world for someone who excels in acting like me to deal with someone like you. You're just a burden to the entire industry. And you're slutty as well. I'll have to be with my new wife."

I look at him and then see Kanae coming over with a judgmental look in her eyes, she sneers at me and hangs to Ren's side. Ren gives me a rather dark glare before turning away from me. "Things like that shouldn't even be alive. It's slutty too."

"I agree, my love," Kanae says and I try gasping for air but all that comes out of my mouth are babyish babbles and then I hear my words turn into my phone ringtone

….

…

My phone's ringing, I can see that it's Father's number. Maybe Kuon wants to return home and I can make him some hot tea and we can talk and I can prove to him how earnestly I love him. I'm about to speak but Father requests for me to listen, "Okay," I reply and feel the heat get drawn our of my body as he continues.

I feel completely hollow inside and I want to wake up. I want to wake up like I did after my nightmare but this is even worse. I feel my heart has completely stopped. I can't breathe. It's too hard to breathe. I have to hear Father say what he meant to say and not these words that are making me terrified.

"What…did you just say?" I ask wanting him to say different words. I couldn't have just heard Father say what he did. I feel my entire body start to turn to jelly and melt. "Father, what did you say?" I ask.

"Kuon got put in the psychiatric ward after he tried to kill himself tonight," he says and that's exactly what he said before. I have so many questions but one I don't have is why. It was a mistake for her to even be here. It was a mistake for me not to talk to him when I saw how upset he was getting. I thought it would be best to give him a place in which he could calm down where he was safe.

"How?" I ask feeling completely broken. How could he have given up trying?

"He tried to shoot himself in the head," Father tells me and I freeze as I think about Father's gun collection and how Father should have locked that room. Then again, I can't blame Father because he would never intentionally do something that could hurt Kuon. I know that it was because of what Moko told him. He needs to see a therapist but I need him here. I won't feel that he's safe until he's here where he's surrounded by people who love him with every part of their being.

"Are they letting people see him?" I ask not wanting to admit that I looked up suicide risk factors and statistics before. I know that they would want to question him further but he's got everything so wrong.

"I'd contact them now but they'll most likely tell you to wait. I don't know how long. He might not want to see you. I don't think he's ready to see anyone," Father says and I know that that's the truth. He's probably internalizing what Kotonami told him and knowing she was once my best friend, it's been the hardest person to hear those things from.

….

….

I'm a burden to my family. They should have just let me shoot myself and then everything would be over. I don't understand why Dad didn't do that, why he was shaking the entire time until they took me away and put me in here, a psychiatric ward. I don't belong in here. This is for people who have hopes of getting better. They have a chance at life, they're not damaging the lives of their loved ones. I take a slow breath in as I gaze out the window of the private room I'm in. The rich and famous get special entitlements even in a mental facility.

I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to disappear. If I disappear then people won't get hurt. Kyoko can live a good life. It's what's best for everyone. The doctor approaches me as I look up with eyes that seem to see the world as more clouded than ever before.

"You've got a visitor," the doctor tells me and I look away from him. I don't want to see anybody.

It's not visitation hour yet. I don't want to see anyone or go out there even during that time. I just need to be alone in here where I won't poison or wreck anyone else's future happiness. The doctor studies me.

"I need your permission to allow her to see you," the doctor says and I nod. I know who it is and hopefully she can soon stop pretending that she hasn't fallen out of love with me. I've given her the perfect opportunity to do so.

"Hi, Corn," Kyoko says slowly. She has roses with her in a paper cup because they don't want me to have glass which I can use to cut myself. I look away from her. My heart is broken and what's the use of trying anymore. The doctor looks between us and Kyoko nods, taking a deep breath to relieve the lump in her throat. "How are you?" she asks as she sits down on the bed and waits for my reaction. I don't want to react. "Corn, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, this is all my fault, I…"

I try to look past her. I don't want to connect with anything. I don't want her to come to lean on me or depend on me again. If I ignore her for long enough then she'll get the idea, she won't come again, she'll realize that she's better off without me. I feel a cold energy and she drops her head and I feel the depression and pain but I have to guard myself against her.

"Kuon," she says longingly. She reaches out to take my hand and I just let her take it, it's limp in her own and she frowns but continues to hold it. "Sweetheart. She was talking crap. I don't know why she did that. Maybe it made her feel better to bully someone and I'm so sorry. Please know that my life would be a lot harder if you were gone. You are not a burden on me."

I don't know how to argue with her. I can't exactly act properly and my speech is better left unheard. I just sit there without a response. Kyoko sighs and holds my limp hand in both of hers. "Sweetheart, you can say anything you want. Tell me how you're feeling? Tell me why you think we could survive without you?" I look away bitterly and pull my hand away before accidentally making eye contact with her. I'm feeling so much pain right now, it's as if I was a teenager again suffering after I hurt Rick.

I shake my head and feel the pain in my eyes, I see that she's reacting with deep concern and longing and I wonder if I'm as pitiful as I feel. "S'op" I struggle to get out and she blinks back tears. She smiles the slightest bit now that I've said something. "S—S—Ss-" I struggle to get out. For some stupid reason my brain hurts when I try to make the T sound. "S-S-S-" I try but shake my head. I bow my head with frustration.

Kyoko gets down on her knees in front of the wheelchair and very gently puts her hand to my cheek. "Why do you want me to stop?" she asks. I don't deserve her. Why can't she understand that!? She bites her top lip. "Do you….think that I don't love you?" she asks. I hate how she's so perceptive about this. How could she love somebody like me? I'm a sick freak, that's all I am. She can tell in my eyes what the answer is. "Oh my prince," she says as she blinks back tears. "I love you so so much. I never thought that I would love anyone and we've been married for so many years. We have two amazing daughters. We have a house that we turned into a home. You're still the same Kuon but you need to get treatment, you need to recover. Remember that line, in sickness or in health."

Of course. I remember that line. That is the reason why she's here.

Even though I'll be humiliating myself by speaking, I have to tell her that it's not worth her lying to herself and especially to me. "S'op!" I yell at her before taking of my own wedding ring. I've had enough of this. I've had enough of feeling like I've entrapped her in this painful situation. She shouldn't have her life destroyed. She just sits there and breathes slowly, watching me.

"You…th'in I wa' di'" I slur again. The doctors have continuously told me that being overly emotional will hurt the way I speak. "Y—ou wa'-ing…your'ife?" I take off my ring and push it towards her, dropping it into her hand and she just watches me with patient understanding. She's not arguing back but I can see how she's trying to hold back all of the tears.

"My life isn't being wasted," she tells me in a very calm manner. She takes the ring and holds it as if looking at it in the wrong way would lead to it breaking. "The doctors told us that you might never speak again, that they would have to operate on your throat. I know that it takes a lot of energy for you to speak but we can communicate. You can speak short sentences. I know what you tell me even if you feel like you're struggling. You don't see how amazing your recovery is compared to other people's. It's as if you have some power for high speed recovery."

What is she talking about? I groan and push a hand over my head which has only short blond hairs there now. "Du'ey" I tell her and she blinks. "No' lo', you do du'ey."

"I don't give a damn what I'm supposed to be doing as if I'm supposed to pass some test or something," she tells me. I love you and you….you tried to…." She bows her head and starts crying putting her sleeve to her eyes. "Everything I do is because I want for you to know how much I love you. I do love you. I just want to try to make you happy. You saved my life Kuon but if we had switched places I would have wanted to protect you. You're the man I love and even if you don't want to wear your wedding ring, it doesn't change that I love you and I am incredibly incredibly proud of you."

I look at her and sigh, "You wo' me?" I ask and she nods with tears flowing. I look away stubbornly, "I sorry K'oko" I say and she tries hard to stop crying so that she can wrap her arms around me. She nods saying that it's okay.

"The doctors say you can come home tomorrow if you want," she tells me and I nod slowly.

"You reary wa' me'air?" I can tell by the way that she's looking at me that she does. I hold my hand out and she grins putting the wedding ring back on there before she hugs me close, kissing me and letting the tears wet my shoulder. "I wo' you" I struggle and she laughs softly in response.

…..

…..

As I kneel down in front of an empty bookcase in a storage room in our house that we've been trying to figure out what to do with – one of the complications of living in luxury – I turn to look around at the boxes of books that are packed up and others that are piled up. I'm such an idiot. I should have realized this months ago. Kuon gets upset when he's not doing anything. It's those quiet moments when his brain tries to trick him and goes crazy on him. I feel like such a failure as his wife to have failed to identify that.

I push over one of the boxes of books and there is a crash. Kuon has been home for a couple of days already and he's really been trying to guide through the negative thoughts but I think medicine, an antidepressant, might be a necessity at this point. After the crash, he rolls his wheelchair to the room and looks at me.

" you o'ay?" he asks me. I feel so much happiness at how unbelievably fast his speech has improved. It's like someone was writing our lives out and pressed fast forward on his recovery speed. I gesture for him to come in and he looks me over before doing so. He turns to the bookcase and back at me. "wha're you doi'?"

"I wanted a library, I know that you like reading too so I thought if we put a few more bookcases in here, maybe a couple of chairs, a coffee table, a sofa, some lighting, it'd be a fun room to use," he raises an eyebrow at me before smiling. "But we've got so many books. I don't know which ones to put up."

"You wa' my opi'opi'opi'" he struggles and I hum before tapping my chin. I'm glad that I thought about this all before hand and am using my acting in order to coax him into helping me. I tilt my head to the side.

"Maybe but I was hoping you could help me decide because I want you to have some out that you like too," I tell him and he looks around before smiling.

"K'oko?" he asks and I turn to him with a wide smile. He's actually seeming to connect with this task. "Sor'…I tau' slow bu' you…thi' may'e… see'ee?"

"Like a CD player?" I ask before nodding. "That sounds like a pleasant idea. We can get one of those ones you can use Bluetooth with as well. It would be nice to listen to music whilst we're reading." I have to keep going, keep making sure that he's interested in this task. If he needs to stop or take a break or a nap, that's fine, I just have to take him out of his own mind and give him a task to do.

"You mi' I loo'ough thi' bo'?" he asks going over to a box of scripts which are both his from projects he's done and the ones that he's had signed from famous movies. I smile as I see him shifting through the items. I just have to keep him motivated so that next time he says he's only a burden I can turn around and say, well who helped me set up the library? It's been a long time since I've dedicated myself on improving someone's ego and self-worth but Kuon needs it. I wonder what I should do as my next project for him to work on.

End of Chapter Thirty Four

Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated

Thank you so much to Kaname671 for not only reviewing this but other fics as well. I live with a mix of borderline personality disorder (impulsivity control/lack of trust in others) and bipolar disorder, reading over reviews for my work can actually calm me down and keep me from wanting to self-injure so thank you so much. You really do keep me motivated to write. Sorry if that was a lot to dump on you