Spring was barely a whisper on the wind, the weather chilled and unrelenting as Rika picked her way through other students on the roof of the school to find Uotani. Tohru and Hana had some lunchtime tutoring to attend which left the two blondes with each other for company. In anticipation, Rika had offered to make the lunches with a second agenda in mind. There were things she felt more comfortable asking of Uo than either Tohru or Hana, and this question in particular had definite relevance.

Handing over the bento box she'd made, Uo made a small noise of content when she opened it to find a warm curry.

"I heated them up before coming up here. Figured they'll keep out the wind chill."

"You're a saint." Laughing, she took a seat beside her friend and kicked her legs out ahead of her. The thick winter coat on her frame kept out the worst of the weather but it was the katsu that warmed her up from the inside. The pair ate in silence for a little while, breaking it only to make inane comments about their morning's classes or the current baffling state of the Kyo and Tohru budding love affair.

"Speaking of love," Rika began, "I've been thinking…"

"That's always a dangerous statement, though I did notice you thinking. You're a very loud thinker." Rika chucked a napkin at the other girl, earning herself a laugh. Unless she was violently broadcasting her thoughts while she mulled things over, there was no such thing as a loud thinker as far as Rika believed. For both Hatori and Uo to say it however, rankled her.

"Anyways. It's sort of about you and Kureno. And sort of not."

"That's illuminating. What's been on your mind weirdo."

"If, in the future, things between you and Kureno were able to happen – would you ever worry about the age gap?"

Uo's mouth screwed up as she considered it. That her friend was able to take the question without a hunted look in her eye was somewhat of a relief. The last time his name had come up Rika thought she would crumble from the sense of agonised grief in the room. Either it was time had healed or simply that Uo liked to live in the circle of what if but regardless, Rika was pleased she wasn't being laughed off or told to go screw herself.

"He's older. Probably with a lot of experiences I don't have. So, I mean, of course age would play a factor in it, but Kureno is – he was so like Tohru. I can't even begin to imagine a world where he would use that experience against me. Plus, I have experiences he doesn't too. I'm more world aware than he is. I think long term, that would balance us out."

"What if –" Rika worried her lip anxiously, "What if you'd known him since you were a kid? With that age gap, would it not just be some kind of power play?"

Uo gave her an analytical stare.

"What's this about?"

"I'm just curious." Rika countered. "Can't I be curious?" Uo didn't break eye contact but she did shrug.

"I mean, yeah – that's a bit harder to balance. I think it's a problem if one of them was gearing up for a romantic relationship right then. Or if the older one is trying to mould the younger into something that suits them rather than an individual. Age gaps can have bad stuff with them, but they can also create really good relationships. I mean, my mom and dad were high school sweethearts and we all know how that turned out. Then you have Tohru's parents who met while Kyoko was still in school and he was a teaching student but they loved each other and supported one another through everything. Without them, we wouldn't have Tohru. She wouldn't be who she is."

She sent Rika another quizzical look. "Is this about you and the doctor?"

Rika nearly dropped her bento box, turning her head to stare at Uo.

"Why would you say that?" Since New Year's, Rika had been on best behaviour. Sure, she still visited the man more than she probably should have, but she hadn't said anything that might have given the game away. Right?

"I saw you guys. A while back." Rika wracked her brain to think of a when. Was it a café? A walk? Something else -, "In one of the cafés near my grocery store job. I was passing the window and you two were so serious looking. You had your hand on his and I just – I don't know, it looked like something." Uo slid her gaze to the woman. "Is it something?"

Rika's mouth opened and shut blankly, thumb and forefinger pressing against the bridge of her nose.

"I don't know." She replied. "Maybe." 'It's complicated' felt like a cop-out of an answer, but it was complicated. There were so many factors to consider. There'd never been a hint of romantic intent at the beginning. It had been a slow rising attraction, one that came about as Rika grew more and more certain of herself. Of her path. As she elevated herself to a level that could, someday, be equal to Hatori. It wasn't yet. Couldn't be yet.

Not while she was in school, and not while she still lacked her memories.

Licking her lips, Rika pulled her coat a little tighter to her body.

"When I'm with him, it's like -," She looked away, "I like solitude. Not completely, obviously, but I like it to study. To think. Recharging now and then. If anyone breaks that, it bugs me, but when he's with me, it's like that little bubble of solitude expands to take him in too without setting anything out of sync. He sits in that bubble without disrupting it. It like – he fits."

Her cheeks were heating up under the intensity of Uo's look and Rika busied herself with clicking the lid back onto her bento box and wiping her hands clean with a second napkin from her pocket. It was far too cold out for her to be blushing so deeply.

"Rika, I say this with affection-" Uo leaned forward and Rika braced herself for what was to come, "You may be in high school for right now, but you're also legally an adult and if you don't sort yourself out and make a move on that man, someone else will."

It hadn't been what she'd been expecting and it stuck deeper from the surprise of it.

"You don't think it's just – infatuation?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know."

"Then maybe it's time you figure it the hell out?"

Her exam weekend approached quicker than Rika would've liked and she made her way to the centre on her own for fear that a meeting with anyone would unnerve her altogether. Sitting outside the building she flicked absently through her phone, taking in little of what was on the screen.

Her nerves were amped up to eleven and part of it, a large part of it, was that she had come to this place alone.

For all her claims to independence, she still craved support. Someone to tell her it was all going to be okay. That she had this. Instead she was trying to convince herself of that truth, staring at the glass doors of the government building with a knot the size of Tokyo tower buried in her stomach.

A trill from her phone drew her gaze downward to highlight an incoming message.

Sensei Kazuma sends his best for this weekend. Told me to tell you your secret is safe, the Dr. just wished you a small guardian angel on your shoulder. Would've text himself, only he's a useless old man really. You got this kid. Kunimitsu.

Laughter bubbled up from her chest and what escaped was shaky but genuine, the young woman turning her head up to the sky. So Hatori had ratted her out. That explained his silence. Kazuma in her corner while dealing with Kyo would be invaluable, but it was also comforting. The man had been the first flicker of genuine recognition in her memories of the Sohma's for a reason. He elicited a feeling of direct support, even when she hardly knew how they'd been connected. That feeling coursed through her now, an electric surge that allowed her to set her shoulders. Stand upright.

Whatever happened this weekend, she would survive it.

By the time the last exam rang out on the Sunday evening, Rika could barely remember her own name let alone how the hell she was to get home. Bag over one shoulder she toyed with the idea of calling Shigure to send Kyo to meet her at the rail station. Considered calling Hatori to collect her.

The wildfire of nerves and anticipation had been stamped down so violently by two days of exams that all she felt was a numb sense of relief. Even that was almost an anti-climax. Sure, she'd sat the damn things but now she had to wait for the results.

Having already contacted the university regarding a deferral, the woman at least had the comfort of not needing to race home to calculate her grades in time for spring acceptances. It was a small respite in a sea of uncertainty and one she wasn't going to dare turn away.

Her feet shuffled their way towards the bench opposite the building, hoping to sit and catch her breath a brief moment before starting the collection of trains and buses back home.

Head bowing between her knees, Rika inhaled sharply. Spring was in the air, cherry blossom petals blowing underfoot and between the gap in her legs. She watched them for a long moment, breathing in deep. Releasing. A noodle vendor down the street was wafting its wares in her direction. Traffic shrieked from the nearest junction. For the first time in months it felt like she could breathe again. Whatever the outcome of her exams, at least she had tried. That had to count for something. Still, logic couldn't undermine the niggle in her chest that told her she wanted this.

Not to leave.

Never that.

She wanted to cradle something that could be her own. To stand on the merit of her own intelligence and earn a place beside Hatori. Beside her family. Not only that, to know who she was without the family and with them. Interlinked circles that had existed for longer than even she recalled. A Rika that was formed from her time in Okinawa. The version of her that had existed in Tokyo as a kid. The version of her now.

"I hoped I'd find you here." A pair of polished dress shoes materialised beneath her bowed form and Rika looked up to see Hatori, his jacket tossed casually over one arm. He smiled when her eyes met his and he extended a hand. "I was thinking, how would you like some dinner?"

Rika sighed contentedly, pushing the last of her ramen bowl away from her.

"I'm stuffed. That was spectacular."

"You ate three main dishes," Hatori sounded bewildered and awed in equal measure, "I've never seen anyone but Hatsuharu put away that much food."

"I skipped lunch to get in extra study time before English today. I focus better with a little fasting now and then."

Hatori shook his head at her grin, leaning back in his chair to regard her. Rika had kept the conversation simple during their meal, still somewhat shocked that the man had shown up here at all. More so when he'd insisted on one of the pricier restaurants in their locale, proclaiming they ought to celebrate her completing the first hurdle towards university.

The waitress that arrived cleared the empty dishes and returned with tea. In her contented state, the woman allowed herself to study her companion. Doubtless Kyo would be livid at her cagey disappearances culminating in a whole weekend of her being absent but Rika found it difficult to consider the anger when she was side-lined by quiet awe.

Her gaze trailed Hatori's jaw. The curve of his lips. A shock of dark hair that slipped over his left eye to obscure the pale film that indicated injury. It was easy to get swept up in the beauty of him, especially when each time she fed those thoughts a part of her rose up to sing a silent melody. One that urged her to adore this man. To cherish him. Before they'd kissed, Rika had thought him handsome but it was his mind that intrigued her most even now. That quick wit and careful smile. How he could as easily soothe as injure with a carefully chosen word.

"You're staring." His mouth twisted with bemusement and Rika, finally allowing herself to bask in her small achievement and simply relax, smiled back.

"Am I?"

"Quite rudely." He didn't sound put out by it. In fact, he rather seemed to be enjoying himself.

"How shall I atone for such a sin?" She asked, subtly shifting forward. Hatori responded in kind. The edge of his mouth was tugged sideways in an uncharacteristic smirk at the insinuation of her words but for once, he didn't immediately shut her down. Instead his gaze dropped and rose slowly before returning to her face.

"I'll have to think it over." The look he gave her sent heat to her toes and not for the first time since she'd spoken to Uo about this, Rika wondered what she was doing. There was such ease in their words. Their actions. Ease that had been built, not over the last few months, but years. That was where the trouble began. How much of this began and ended with the bond? All of it? Some? It was clear she had the damn thing by now, but its details still eluded her beyond recognising it as a feeling. An urge.

The comfort that was reaped from Momiji dropping his weight onto hers. How sometimes she felt herself release a tense breath when Kyo returned to a room, despite the fact she hadn't even known she was holding it. The guilt that eased a sliver at a time but still continued to cling to her bones and demand itself felt. In the midst of it all was Hatori. Confusing, handsome, impossible Hatori.

She chose not to press him for what he deemed a suitable atonement, sipping quietly from her warm tea instead. She expected the silence to wear on her, to slip beneath already fragile nerves where he was concerned but instead, she found it electric knowing he was watching her just as intently as she watched him. When her cup was empty, he stood and extended an arm.

"How about we get you home?"

Rika didn't want to admit to her disappointment for cutting the evening short but she took his arm all the same and let him lead her from the restaurant and back towards his car.

They'd barely hit the chilled evening air when a question bubbled up unbidden, spurting from her mouth before she could stall it.

"What does the bond feel like?" Hatori stopped, turning to look at her as if hoping she were joking. Rika's face remained still in its sincerity and the man rubbed at his jaw. His expression became clouded. Torn. After a brief hesitation he diverted from his path to the street opposite and instead led her towards the little green area to their left.

He didn't speak until he'd found a quiet bench under a streetlight, the glow illuminating his face softly. Instead of sharp angles he was all gentle curves. The tilt of his lips. Line of his jaw.

Rika took a seat beside him, watching the way his hands settled on his lap. Danced an agitated beat into the dark fabric of his slacks. Unable to bear his discomfort for long she reached out and laid her own hand over the backs of his and Hatori seemed almost startled by the action. His skin was cool again, a comforting chill against the too warm feeling of her own palms. The question had been too sudden and demanding but somehow the thought of telling him not to worry about it was worse again. She wanted an answer. An understanding. The man seemed to recognise this.

"It's always there. Some of the others say they can tune it out but I've never been able to do that." Rika sat silent, tracking the tick of his jaw as a marker for when she'd pushed him too far for information. At present it was simply taut as his teeth ground quietly together. "When I feel angry it acts as a dampener. A reminder that I owe too much to this family, to certain members to be consumed by anything less than love and generosity. It's a hum in my blood when I'm near anyone of the Zodiac. A comfort. Even if the circumstances of our meeting are riddled with strife or upset, I can sense that I am happier in those moments than when I am apart from them."

There was too much familiarity in his words and Rika stumbled over her follow up question.

"And Kana?" His eyes widened and Rika ploughed uncertainly ahead, "How did you know you were in love with her? How did you separate it?"

She was less sure why she'd asked that question. Love was far more than what this was, surely? Infatuation was easy. It could be tied to the bond. Explained by it. Love was infinitely more complicated. Messy. Love demanded things she didn't have a clue how to give.

His head tipped back; the grey of his irises almost black in the lamplight. One of his palms shifted and turned upwards to face hers, the fingers linking between her own.

"Kana snuck up on me. At first it she was just there and then one day she surprised me with something inane. After that, I found myself intrigued by her. On the edge of my seat wondering what she might say next. How she would react. She was gentle and kind and impossibly optimistic. The bond had always been there and I'd loved and hated it in turn, but she showed me how precious such things could be. I woke up one day and I saw her and suddenly I couldn't bear to imagine a life without her there. What I felt for her was the bond turned on its head, a feeling that not only coursed through my veins but into every muscle, bone and cell -" Rika found herself breathless at the explanation and there was something else there too. An envy so green it roared to life in her stomach and filled her with disgust. He deserved more than this life. Indentured to Akito and the Sohma family, he would always be ruled first and foremost by duty.

Hot on the heels of that thought was the numbing worry that she was duty to him. That kissing her, entertaining her - it was some need that the bond told him to be felt rather than genuine longing.

"Rika," Something must have given in her expression and she looked to him when he uttered her name, eyes wide and hurt, "What I felt for Kana doesn't exist anymore. She was spring, but spring is just a season. The guilt that took her away from me, that blame - she could never understand why I forgave Akito. Why I didn't blame anyone but myself for what transpired. She's moved on and found happiness. I -"

Her heart gave a treacherous thud in her chest as he lifted a hand to cup her cheek and Rika leaned into his touch.

She feared the bond. That much was an icy shower down her back and still it couldn't drown out the heat in her chest when he looked at her in such a way. Tipping forward on the bench, Rika got close enough to count the pale freckles on his cheek. See his five o'clock shadow, hair by hair. Everything felt amplified. Tense. She'd spent an evening committing his face to memory, but it was this she wanted to remember most. The way he looked when he answered her next question.

"Do you still love her that way?"

"No."

"Do you -," She couldn't ask it. Love was too much. It was too heavy. A year. They'd agreed to that. To figure things out. To weigh up the truth of her memories and her future. Nowhere in his answers had he tried to trap her into declaring feelings for him, nor had he outright spoken of love towards her.

Hatori was following the rules.

And yet, that didn't stop the wanting.

It didn't slow down the way she felt as his expression softened when he looked at her and told her that no, his lips separating slightly so she could see a flash of white teeth. How his gaze never wavered from her own, and a crinkle formed at the edge of his eyes when she finally smiled.

It might have been the knee jerk relief of her exams being over. Maybe it was hearing how closely he felt the bond to the ways she did. Who knew, it could've just been the effect of good food and companionable comfort but in that moment all she wanted to do was close the gap between them.

His hand was still on her cheek when his grip tightened.

"A year, Rika."

She froze. Forced rigidity into her limbs until she was little more than a mimicry of the statute on the fountain opposite them.

"Just for tonight, just this once," She whispered it against his lips, his breath warm on her cheek, "Yes or no?"

If he said no, she'd tear herself away. With difficulty, but she'd do it. She'd clamp down any thoughts of if and but, every argument. Her hand was still interlinked with his, the other curled into the fabric of her coat. She wouldn't dare make a move until he did.

She desperately wanted him to say yes. To feel how it might be to kiss him without the blurry rose tint of a bottle of sake on her lips. To know if it was the bond she felt come to life beneath her skin or something more.

"Rika…" He spoke it like a warning. A gospel. A shivered regret. She'd begun to pull away when he tugged her back to him. "Yes. Just tonight."

He let her initiate it and not even a freight train careening through the park right then could have stopped her kissing him. It wouldn't have held her from slipping her free hand into the short strands of hair at the back of his neck and it certainly couldn't have slowed down the way heat filled her from her mouth to her feet.

Oh no, she thought, oh no.

If this was infatuation then she was the Empress, and if it was love then she truly was doomed. A year. How on Earth was she to survive a year without this? The scent of him. The taste that lingered on her tongue. All of it was intoxicating, heightened further by the lack of alcohol blurring the edges.

When she broke away his jacket lapel was crumpled under her grip and she was dizzy from holding her breath. She hadn't even noticed. Fire coursed through her veins, that feeling singing with unbridled glee. She was fulfilling some whim, some desire of her bond except that wasn't all. Underneath that feeling was another.

A desire to keep kissing him until morning splashed the sky with sunlight and her mouth was hardly more than a bruise. To know the feel of his skin beneath her palms like she had that night. To know more of it. She was blinded by it. It consumed her. Rika wanted to tell him just tonight meant more than a park bench and a kiss. It was to be the heated trail of kisses over exposed shoulders and dipped collar bones. A nip of teeth. The slow languorous sweep of fingertips from ankle to hip to shoulder to stomach until they'd mapped the other out on one side and moved to the other.

Just leave me this, she begged the heavens as his breath ghosted her jaw and down her neck and Rika's hands twisted his jacket beneath her clenched hands, just this. I can live with this.

As with all things, it eventually found an end when her touch traced the top button of his shirt too eagerly. Hatori snatched her hand in his own, kissing the heel of her palm and then setting her hands in her lap. Leaning away.

"I was right." He shook his head, breathing hard and a flush visible beneath the collar of his shirt. "This year is going to be impossibly long."

Rika laughed. Planted a foot to leverage herself forward and steal a final, brief, kiss. Hatori groaned.

"Then we'd better hurry up and keep living it." She stood upright and took his arm once he had gathered himself. His eyes were dark with want and the man tore his gaze away from her.

"You're trying to kill me." Nevertheless, he didn't pull away. He led her back to his car. To Shigure's. By the time she wished him goodnight the heat had worn from her skin but the memory of his touch had not and try as she might, Rika could barely sleep that night without thinking of it all again.

Love and infatuation were wholly different things. The bond and its effect on them were another factor again. Yet somewhere, buried deep beneath her ribs, a light had come on to tell her the truth of it all.

It was simply a matter of time before that truth rose to the surface and swallowed her whole. Until then, she would think of kisses on a park bench. Against an attic wall. Kisses that seared her whole but meant attraction and nothing more. Kisses that could be figured out later. Kisses that plagued her dreams and kisses that she would break the rules for again and again if given the chance.

Just this once.