Backwards

by Sensational Sista

College/AU. There's an unusual perspective in rowing: To move forward, you have to move backwards. As Anna joins Arendelle University's rowing team and forges an unlikely friendship with the elusive blonde Senior, she realizes her own perspective of life and love is about to be turned around. Elsanna (Rating upped for occasional Adult Themes)

29. A Parallel Path

Chapter 29

Quiet clicks echoed in the small, but colorful, dorm room; tiny dangling string decorations the secondary source of whimsical light combined with the wide blue-light glow of Anna's laptop. It was growing ever closer to midnight, and the freckled freshman knew she should stop fighting her race day fatigue and give in to her heavily lidded eyes, but her mind was way too focused and talkative for sleep. So here she was. Searching the depths of the web to satiate her craving brain.

She dragged her fingers over the touch-pad and clicked on a webpage, eyes scanning across the information before returning to another open link; browser filled with way too many tabs, as if comparable to a Dahlia's petals in full bloom.

She chewed her lips as she read. She was on the National Rowing page, ranging from Norway's own to the World Rowing website, searching absolutely everything about joining the team. When things were needed. What was needed. Who. Where. How. Everything she could possibly learn down to the minutest of fractional details.

"'Although recruiter based tryouts begin in July, the official training camp registration is in the fall..'" she read aloud, near inaudible to herself into the silence of her personal bedroom. Her eyes skimmed down a rather hefty bulleted list. "'Personal Records on erg scores.. submit in Testing Times.. referral from accredited institutions or coaches.. accepted seats are determined by coaching staff.'" The information was obviously everything she'd already expected. It only reaffirmed what she had gotten out of Elsa's scribbles.

All of this had definitely been plaguing her, ever since reading the stupid little to-do list, but it was the realization after the race that finally pushed her into her long, research tasked evening.

She dug deeper into the National Rowing information than she had ever thought to do before, harping on it, as if trying to find anything that could justify Elsa's secrecy on the matter (it was an irrational prayer).

Pulling up team qualifications had her shaking her head disbelief, her thumbnail distractedly nibbled between her teeth. She was somewhat glad she'd never researched the subject in this much detail before. It had her mind reeling. The erg score requirements were absolutely crazy! Basically, to be considered as a Lightweight Woman on the team, they required a 2k time below a 7:15. That meant rowing each 500 meters of said 2k in 1 minute and 48 seconds flat. And that was the bare minimum to even qualify?! Jeeze!

Each 2k time requirement only increased in power per level of difficulty, at least according to the global rowing ranking. Personally knowing Elsa's ungodly P.R., and Hell, even her lowest 'more like a workout' averages, Anna let out an uncontrollable low whistle. Based on erg scores alone, that woman placed in the top most 97th percentile grouping for Lightweights. She'd even go far enough to wager 99th if the category were to be created.

As she scrolled through the times, she subconsciously moved to chew her inner cheek.

It made a lot more sense for Elsa's reports of horrible stress brought about by performing at an Elite caliber. That wasn't even taking into account the public Press pressure, let alone negative Press; a plummet from the highest pedestal in the rowing world. It was a pinnacle that every person striving for that fragment of momentary greatness had to push themselves toward through vigorous and unholy levels of strength, as if the bodies soaring like spirits across the water were really rowing demigods; Elsa being one of those such spirits.

Now, reading through everything, all that Anna wanted was for Elsa to actually come out and confess what she had planned. Out of the apologies she'd received, withholding this information of the blonde's future plans was probably the thing she wanted to hear most. Why lie? Or rather, omit. They had made a pact forever ago to be honest. Albeit even though Anna did withhold some particularly weighted information of her ordeal with Hans, but it was totally different! That was for Elsa's own good! She was obviously going to tell her when the time was right so the ever busy woman wouldn't worry-

She stopped and frowned at herself. Oh.

Pausing, she considered whether was it really wrong to be mad at Elsa for going out for Norway's National team again, keeping the information of a monumental decision under wraps until she felt both parties were ready to accept it.

Seriously. Oh.

She couldn't deny that the woman exuded greatness fit for the grand rank. Elsa demonstrated the necessary stamina and physical attributes. Her mental strength and techniques were incredible. The drive she had for perfection was unmatched. Then of course seeing how Elsa's ergometer scores stacked up to the ridiculous requirements was the final piece to realizing the woman's power shouldn't be hidden. It should be embraced to its fullest potential. Anna was well aware of that by all means.

She leaned back in bed, arms coming up to support her head as she stared at the ceiling; eyes distractedly hopping from one glow-in-the-dark star to the next. Feeling sated in the information fill, she now began to process her less appetizing thoughts. She had already decided that she'd call off their rowing agreement. Elsa needed to solely focus on the Single. She had to. For all the reasons Anna had checked off above. But logistics aside, was getting the woman to agree to this idea going to be easy?

After everything transpiring last Sunday, had Anna already begun contemplating this particular plan back then, she would have had no doubt in saying that Elsa was ready to sever their binds. But after their discussion, seeing the blonde react the way she had, or rather, behave and speak as she had, Anna lost that sense of surety.

On the water, her rowing queen stood tall and firm, like a weathering stronghold; a castle exuding the confidence while towering over a kingdom. But when with her, the little bumbling freshman Anna, Elsa's fortress had been reduced to a crumbling architecture; when asked if she wanted, really wanted, to continue rowing, Elsa's words wielded an emotion so raw. Elsa obviously did not see their rowing together as easily disposable. If anything, it was something she may even, dare Anna say, long for as much as Anna?

"I like you, so goddamn much it's maddening.."

Elsa's other raw pressed words also hung in her mind, flittering back now and then only in Anna's weakened mental states. That was the statement which dismissed any doubt that Elsa had never felt anything between them. The words generally caused her heart to ache too much and she preferred to play ignorant if she could avoid it; a sentiment so close yet so far away, much like the elusive woman herself.

Even if Anna wished for nothing more than to share that longing mutual desire, to transfer it over into their rowing together, Anna had to remain firm with her decision. This was a whole new game, and she had to play it right.

Rolling onto her side, she grabbed her phone, scrolling down her chain of messages until arriving at the still untouched thread from days ago; too dusty for her liking. If she was going to do this, it had to be before Monday's practice. She looked at the time stamp up in her phone's corner, seeing that her Saturday was readying to draw to a close. 11:38pm. Wiggling her lips, she weighed the hour with her actions, thumbs lightly bouncing against the object.

What were the actual chances of disturbing Elsa's sleep with a text right now? Probably very low.

What about the chances of getting a response? Probably relatively high.

And, then, what were the chances that the possible repercussions of either committing or not to the message would keep her up with curious what-ifs all night? She grimaced, feeling her heartbeat already having begun to patter faster. That probability was not even a guess.

She didn't wait beyond that recognition, having to get out her energy in a few quick clicks.

'My brace is off tomorrow.. up for a celebratory row? :)'

It was immediately followed by a clarifying message since she doubted Elsa would ever dare let her overstep the healing process too early. 'Obvi I mean for leisure, btw'

As seconds danced by, her excess energy got to her, typing one more to the train of pieced messages. She was unable to help this one. Honestly, she wasn't even one minutia of embarrassed at the joke either. 'Ya know, gently down the stream.. merrily merrily merrily merrily..'

It was a good five minutes before a delicate plip-plip twittered in the room. So Elsa had been up after all. It was oddly assuring to know that she could still find certain certainties in her daily life, Elsa's midnight oil burning probably number one on that list. She flipped open the relic's screen, following with a dorky snort. She shook her head with a grin at the equally cheesy reply to her own silliness.

'It would be but a dream.' A moment later, another message popped up with a time and question. 'Would 11 be alright for you?'

Anna smiled at the finalized time; a more lenient late morning selection. A rarity coming from the usual early riser. Although interested in knowing why she was receiving such a gift of sleep, Elsa probably had her own reasons. It wasn't exactly like Anna had the freedom to know everything happening in the blonde woman's life, no matter the gnawing curiosity.

Instead, she sent back a relatively neutral and socially appropriate 'ok!', looking forward to getting to sleep in for a change.

Still, she checked that her bedside alarm clock was indeed set so that she'd not risk oversleeping (she'd once slept til 1pm, and did not need a repeat tomorrow). As her finger pressed the 'on' button, she couldn't help but bite her lip after.

Despite the discussion she was planning on breeching, knowing it would be far from comfortable and likely to drive a stake into her heart once committed, it did not stop the fact she'd get the chance to row alongside her longtime partner again. Even if she tried to stifle it, the sheer happiness that the assurance warmed her with was too pleasant to ignore, especially when buried underneath her warm polka-dot blankets, swaddling her tightly. The expectation for the morning's promise of some familiar normality, even if it may be the last chance ever, just made her all the cozier.

Her lips were tugged up into a soothed smile as she sank into the comforts of her own cognizance.

Like a distant melody playing through her ear, she could envision the subtle slosh of the purple painted blades slicing through the glittering glass water, the gentle rolling hum of their seats along tracks amidst the otherwise relaxing silence, the sharp snap of the plastic sleeve against the oarlocks as the oars released sending them on a beautiful run through the waves. Even in her memory the sound was rhythmic and soothing; a tune her mind could conjure into a magnificent symphony, resonance played as precisely as each note to her favorite childhood lullaby..

Another plip-plip chirped again, causing the young woman to flinch.

Without having realized the change in her state or the passage of time, Anna's eyes fluttered open; a tranquil veil from the Sandman having descended upon her already worn body. The ambient music in her brain's memory must have been more relaxing than she could have anticipated if it had lulled her off so easily. But getting yet another text from Elsa? The lovely cloak fell aside as she elatedly opened her messages.

However it wasn't her partner's name at the top of the chain. The buzzing excitement lessened moderately, although there was a butterfly or two of nerves that remained fluttering in its stead. It was another day/time confirmation text, but definitely not anywhere related to rowing. A reminder.

Right. She had set up other plans this week. A date. Like, a real one.

Anna responded to confirm. Her cheeks were gently flushing by the time she was done composing the simple text, but that warmth did not linger for too long; little butterflies eventually settling down for sleep.

Closing her phone, she rolled onto her back, staring distantly at the silver device held above her face for a moment. She then brought her arm to drape over her forehead, still clutching the object lightly. Her eyes grew heavy and she let out a plaintive sigh.

She would be totally lying if she denied looking forward to her date. It definitely gave her a sweet rush when thinking about it. But, well.. she had just supposed she'd be bouncing with at least a tiny bit more vigor; that shiny, new excitement that came with getting to know a nice person with the magic sprinkles of passion in the air. The enticing aspect of a romance blossoming. Seriously, after everything that her friends had built up about the idea, a Fairytale waiting to happen and whatnot, she could only assume..

Through fine auburn lashes lazily taking their time to blink away the dryness of her eyes, cyan pools stared at the green stars above her bed.

Why couldn't this be the reason she was smiling tonight?

She closed her eyes again, tsking herself aloud. Here she was, stumbling blindly through the confusing blanket of night that had befallen over her emotions, pockets of light twinkling for but a second now and then, acting as glimmering reminders; like dying stars she wished would guide her, trying to make sense of everything by grasping at nothings. But she had to push onward. Pick a path and go for it, whether it was what she wanted or not, whether her heart swayed the line of wrong versus right, she knew in the end it would be the right thing, because it had to be.

"Quit being dumb, Anna. You can't do what's best for her and be part of her world," she mumbled to herself, having to hear it instead of letting everything jumble in her mind; words slurring slightly as she tiredly rolled into her pillow. "Just.. let her go."

…

Anna knew not to expect being blessed with the sweet, teasing woman she'd only recently begun to experience, both in the intimate manner but also the one reaching out to her again even if just at arm's length. She knew that seeing that side of the woman was beyond farfetched at this point. But what had actually thrown her off was that Elsa had not exactly fallen back into her old ways; that cold and stern person from eons past.

No. Instead, after allowing herself some time to process, Anna came to a conclusion that the obscure woman's peculiar behavior was a hybrid synthesis of both personalities, but not the hot commanding passion or the cold detachment. It was something new, although not unheard of to catch glimpses of here and there in the 'real world.' It was a side of Elsa's personality she'd never experienced quite to this magnitude.. especially during crew.

That part gravely unnerved Anna.

They remained in a majority of silence while preparing for their row, but it was the few words exchanged that made Anna's chest do something funny.

The phrases "Be careful" and "Don't overdo it" were basically all she heard anymore, the foundation of each and every interaction. It was weird from the start, but irritatingly grating now.

Any time she went to do something, be it bending to open her oar lock or reaching to adjust the length of her foot stretcher placement, Heck even merely standing up, she could practically hear the other girl racing to her side within a millisecond; never touching, but supervising. Micromanaging the simplest of tasks. From Hands On the boat to the actual row itself, the placid but exasperating nagging just persisted.

So cautious. Timid. So utterly unbefitting coming from the esteemed rower; someone who, in Anna's eyes, had always remained the textbook example of strong regality, a powerful person she had placed upon the highest unreachable pedestal from the start. Not a person to overtly demonstrate such a meek disposition anywhere, but most certainly never on the water.

Said woman was currently leading their stroke rate at a languorous 18 beats per minute, so relaxed, barely any press of power as they went slowly through the beautiful nature of the fjord's basin. The pit of Anna's stomach still held a pocket of guilt as she stared ahead toward the blonde woman's athletic form; her usual rowing top, the one Anna had familiarized herself with exposing the great tone of shoulder muscles, was forgone for an extra layer of long navy underarmor to block the chill. A chill that the self-proclaimed 'cold never bothers me' woman probably only felt because they weren't doing anything strenuous to keep their muscles as heated out in the breezy river.

On every passing stroke, perfectly timed without a hiccup to be felt or falter of skimming blades, her mind gradually wandered back to that of the previous race day; seeing how magnificently Elsa had been in the zone coming down the race course, how incredibly she out-performed the entire field of her top collegiate peers. She had just looked so at peace, like the weight of the world had been lifted in the respite of a grueling race. As Elsa had once described, rowing her Single made her feel alone, but she was alone and free.

Most of all, Elsa held her typical air of confidence out on the course, radiating like a fierce heat; the aura which Anna dearly missed seeing nowadays when they were together.

She knew enough from their briefest of discussions that the blonde worried too much about Anna's well-being (in the dumbest of ways) despite the fiery rower's immediate dismissal and reassurance. She wanted to get through to the frustratingly hardheaded woman in some way, to prove Elsa needn't worry; that Anna was strong enough on her own. Because if Elsa was ever going to perform at her highest tier, she couldn't behave like she was right now. Elsa couldn't be shifting back and forth, from charging steadfast toward her ultimate goal, to walking on eggshells every time they partnered up; all for the sake of an old promise?

For Anna's sake?

As the pocket of guilt filled deeper, Anna consciously pressed her legs down with more force, happy to no longer feel any residual stitch sensations in her knee; she never broke the stroke rate or timing. One stroke. The next stroke. Another. Power intensifying beneath.

Elsa then turned her head over her shoulder. "What are you doing?" she asked in low-key exasperation, immediately feeling the increase in momentum from a power shift despite maintaining their low rate. "Ease up on your pressure."

A surge of confidence passed through the spitfire rower. Despite the difference in power application, the offset fighting of individual performance, their boat's glide through the light chop somehow remained fluid. Although they still shared the boat right now, Anna could feel the disconnect, but more importantly, the potential. Two unique souls, able to perform as individuals without needing each other to excel. To stand on their own. Together, but separate.

If I can do this by myself, row by myself, then I won't be the one to hold her back from her dreams.

With her unwavering resolve, questionable solution to her intended plan solidifying its spot as her conclusion, she continued to pull as hard as she wished, not discussing the blonde's concerned instructions any further..

"You can't be doing anything overly strenuous yet," Elsa ordered with a touch of a growl, tone sharp, not looking at the redhead as she strapped the boat's stern down on the boat rack following the late morning row; the extra snap of the strap as it was yanked down was audible. The part referring to Anna's injury, and probably that she was being reckless, was left unsaid after the statement. Elsa then handed her one of the old towels laying around the boathouse floors, somehow managing to pass and not chuck it at her in aggravation at Anna's defiant performance on the water. Both worked in silence to dry off the glossy, waxed finish of the Double's purple shell before leaving it for the day.

Tossing the towel to the nearby pile, Anna side-glanced the woman; the woman who she had grown so close to. Perhaps, in Elsa's case, too close. Instead of saying anything, the redhead chose to keep her mouth shut, growing tired of trying to extract anything positive from the constantly neutral, or rather, overbearingly 'obsessed with her well-being' rower.

Anna moved away from the boat, heading down the ramp toward the oars that still lay out at the bottom of the dock. She didn't bother hiding the grump in her step as she tried to at least monitor her annoyance at the mini lecture. She gathered the set of 4 thin oars in her arms with coordinated ease. This time, she was no longer struggling and fumbling with the equipment, done with making a fool of herself in front of the critical Senior.

Oddly enough, she almost wanted to deal with Elsa's standoffish roughness again; her callousness and detachment. At least Anna already knew how to appease the woman when she had up those opaque icy walls. She knew what to say, what to do, how far she could chisel away at the cool ice before reaching the hiding woman on the other side. These new walls were fragile and translucent, and she had no idea how much force could shatter it, nor any idea of what may come of the senior if Anna broke it down completely.

At this point, anything was better than fighting with the new, reticent Elsa. It was painful. More painful than the tension in her knee ever was.

Trudging back up the wooden planks, she stored the oars in their old wooden closet, purposefully taking her sweet ass time to try to channel all of the confidence she had on the water. It was way easier to break Elsa's commanding rules when she literally did not have to face the woman. But the actual face-to-face conversation? Oh boy. She hated these kinds of things.

From her vantage point outside, she noticed Elsa had stepped off to the side of boathouse's upper deck; fingers tapping away on her i-Phone, answering some emails perhaps.

The entire river was calm now, minimal winds coming over the fjord's mountain line, and not a soul to be seen visiting the boathouse today. Under such stillness, Anna figured it was a better time than ever to propose her idea; her solution to the problem she saw, even if Elsa blindly ignored it. With a quick psych up, she clenched her jaw. You got this.

Anna stepped up behind the blonde, tapping her shoulder. When the older woman turned to face her, Anna hopped a step back unwittingly, giving in to the arm's length spacing Elsa had been constantly trying to implement. Following a flash of something in Elsa's eyes at her back step, she was met with a skeptical raised brow. Anna's firmly pulled lips seemed to quickly gain Elsa's full alert.

"Yes?" Her tone wasn't as exasperated as when they'd first gotten off the water.

"Uh, well.. I was thinking.." Her eyes darted around and she locked her hands behind her back in an awkward fashion. She felt under superheated scrutiny. This whole time since she began disobeying the rower's commands, she had been trying to lay low, lest messing up the remaining strings keeping them together.

There was a sigh. "About what, Anna?" The voice wasn't hard or annoyed. The earnestness tucked into the tone struck the redhead, causing her to look up from the cement flooring. Since when did those deep blue eyes become so weary? The weight of something hidden away pressing down on two strong shoulders; the sort of something Anna only wished she could help carry despite having her own burdening feelings. Now wasn't the time for that though.

She had to catch her wandering ponders from dragging her too off topic. In so many words, if she stayed true to her course and kept in mind the ultimate goal, she could lead Elsa to an agreement; something that she felt could meet them halfway. Channel that confidence. Feel your own strokes, again. Physically clearing her throat, Anna sucked in a breath. "I was interested in learning how to row the Single."

It was out.

The first thing to cross Elsa's face was a bit of resignation, followed by a draining meticulous thinking process; as if reorganizing every possible detail of her life's schedule. "I.. I guess if we schedule our Double's practice differently, there could be time-"

"No, Elsa," Anna went to start again, finding a smidge of firmness this time. "I mean I want to learn to row the Single instead of the Double."

Those same half-lidded, fatigued eyes suddenly found a source of rejuvenated energy. Cobalt orbs blinked, thick lashes fluttering briefly, before expanding slightly in surprise at the words. A question hung on her perfect lips at least three different times before deciding on, "I'm sorry, what was that?" The rote filler words came out of fairly flustered lips, unsure where to proceed with the declaration.

The freckled girl kept her hands behind her back as she coyly listed from foot to foot. "Well, it's not like this has never crossed my mind.." She could feel the fully attentive stare enveloping her as she proceeded. "But watching you row yesterday.." Her eyes drifted from her green Crocs to the dark water, knowing full well what she wanted to say but aware of the new line drawn in the sand of their intimacy. "You looked so.." Stunning. Radiant. Dreamy. Beautiful. All of the above? "A-awesome." Honest, but safe.

Elsa loosely fidgeted with her hands. "You've seen me row it before.. why is this coming up now?" Her last words were hesitant, almost not seeming to want an answer to an already friable situation. "Do you.. not want to row with me?"

Teal eyes widened. "No! N-not that at all," she tried to contain the outburst at such an absurd and completely opposite idea. "I've just realized that you are better when doing what you love. You love rowing the Single." Absently, she gestured up at the stunning ice blue Single mounted on the wall; its cursive written name, Nokk, on display to both women. "And I won't be the one to hold you back from your dream."

The words did little to alter the look of growing confusion on the Senior's face. She shook her head, incisive disbelief evident in the breath she released, with a coating of dismay layered on her words. "Anna, don't do this because of me-"

"-I don't plan to cox next season."

Dark blue eyes widened, face taken aback at the firm statement. "You.. don't?" She honestly sounded confused. Sheesh, was it that unexpected?

For Anna, she did not think it was anywhere near unforeseen. Heck, at the start of the year, sure, if given the choice, Anna would have jumped to cox; telling rowers what to do while seated in the little seat with no back-talk was a delicious joy to her ego. Back then, her younger self would have laughed to think that she would one day come to embrace her love of rowing over her beloved lazy coxswain position. But she had grown a lot since then, and so did her perspective on, well, a lot.

She gestured a hand forward at the blonde. "Well, I love rowing. So, I'm doing what you had said; trying to plan ahead for the future and all." She gently raised her shoulders, arms coming up in an innocent motion. There was no shame in actually voicing truths here, no matter what had brought about her initial decision. She really did want to continue rowing, improving those skills and abilities. She's had a taste of the rowing drug and she was addicted, and Elsa was the dealer. "No one else on the team has really expressed interest in sculling, so continuing in the Double would probably be hard."

She could almost laugh at the thought that whoever would join her would be eons behind her in training. Wow. Since when did she get so smug in her rowing capabilities? Training with Elsa must be rubbing off more than she had thought, and in more ways than one.

Elsa held her tongue at the words, face drawn tight and serious as she carefully watched her teammate. Anna worried her thumb and forefinger absently for a long moment before opting to continue.

"I really want this. I will work harder and improve to make myself a worthy competitor."

As the fresh words spilled from her tongue, it rang like an old record in her ear. Anna could practically feel the memory envelop her, transporting her; standing near this very same spot at the boathouse dock, the cooling autumn waters lapped against the wood beneath the afternoon sun where the air was kept warm despite the light breeze brought from late September weather. This very same face off:

"I just want us to be more competitive."

"If you want it that bad, then you work harder and improve."

It seemed that Elsa was experiencing the same time-jump, flashback playing before her as well, if her uneasy lip bite was anything to show. At least neither was alone.

"Besides," the freckled rower added with a cute smile and earnest giggle, hoping to lighten the tension. "I really like having a personal coach helping me learn new things."

The comforting tone caused a half smile to come to Elsa's lips, remaining for a while even after her eyes fell away.

"Yeah.. It makes sense.. all of that," she said, even acknowledging the attempted jest with a puffed chuckle. Elsa's arms crossed, holding herself as she looked intensely at the well-loved Double nestled on the shelf directly to their side. Her voice was so soft, pensive, tentative. "Let me sleep on it.. okay?"

Auburn bangs swayed with the bobbing motion of her head. Huh. That sure didn't go too bad. Elsa seemed to understand her rationale from a very logical viewpoint. Kudos Anna, you must have sounded well-articulated for that..

Honestly, she anticipated that the blonde would quickly formulate some sort of table and outlined explanation with citations to prove that Anna was being way too irrational at suggesting such modifications; and Elsa always made her deadlines so Anna was expecting a message later that very afternoon. She hadn't necessarily expected for Elsa to literally sleep on the idea. Low and behold, after not 1, but 2 full night's sleeps, a whole 48 hours later, she found herself standing in front of the senior rower in almost the exact same place; watching the blonde finish drying off the purple hull of their Double after the rather non-eventful morning practice.

Oh how similar did it feel to Elsa avoiding making that original decision back in September. Having to make her choice within such a small window of time; a life altering choice. Actively running from facing Anna or Coach Oaken; as if never committing to an agreement would allow her to stay in the present, live in her own bubble, pretending she would never have to brave the inevitable challenges down the road. But inaction may be the worst type of act of all.

Anna could understand, at least to some degree, that she was pretty much asking Elsa to completely undo the humbling (maybe even belittling) choice she'd been cornered into taking from the beginning. Of course it wasn't going to be an easy thing to accept. And of course Anna knew she shouldn't exactly pester.. but she didn't get anywhere in the fall without doing at least a little pushing, now did she? And hey, given everything else Elsa wasn't being forthright with, she's been pretty fucking damn patient up til now!

"Elsaaa," Anna dragged in a moan as she sidled up to the railing along the upper dock space, leaning slightly at an awkward angle, trying to take up as much space as her small body could and blocking the more convenient exit off of the dock ramps. Gaging the other's face, Elsa recognized the intent.

"Yes?" said the older woman casually, turning her attention back toward the royal colored boat, spending way too much time polishing every last drop of water from its hull. She steadily moved along its 10 meter length, conveniently heading back in to the boathouse; another escape route which could lead to the ground level front doors and into the parking lot.

Nope. Anna jumped forward and slid around the taller rower. "So. Ya been thinking about anything interesting lately?"

Blue eyes swept down and away as she side-stepped across the wide bay room, towel tossed over her shoulder. "Hmm.." she passively voiced, but spoke no further.

The fact that the atmosphere wasn't frigid despite a familiar avoidance tactic, and actually along the lines of amicable, Anna was more willing to pry. Again she quickly hopped diagonally into Elsa's view.

"Maybe coming to certain decisions..?" she led with a higher pitch in her voice, childlike in a way.

The blonde stopped, closed her eyes and rolled her head back, centering herself, before glaring almost petulantly upwards toward the ceiling rafters. "Anna.." she grumbled. "Stop pestering me."

"No," she childishly said, puckering her lips indigently.

When Elsa made to take another step out of the conversation, the red head suddenly jumped again, blocking the path once more. Only unfortunately this time she stumbled, like the graceful dancer she'd never be. Her body kilted to the side, falling toward the wall racks, but suddenly feeling a hard grip on both of her forearms, jolting her into a stop. Only with a last second glance did she realize her upper body weight was hovering over the thin, narrow stern of a beautiful, icy blue, custom-made boat. Oh my god..!

She was yanked forward with a stumble, hands releasing her arms through the motion and she would later come to regret looking up into blue eyes so quickly after the happening. Elsa's eyes looked horrified, lightning cracking inside of a dark blue storm.

"Anna, for God's sake watch what you're doing!" she yelled relatively loudly, with Anna not missing a couple of teammates peaking their eyes inside the room. A pale hand came to rest kindly on the sleek boat, patting it, as if trying to sooth the item like some sentient being. Well, it sort of was her most prized (and expensive) possession, so..

Anna bit the left side of her lip, trying to offer an innocent shrug at her thankfully avoided potential death-sentence of an accident. "Ah, er, s-sorry," she tried weakly. Under the glare, she straightened a smidge. "Uh, hey, see? You not answering my questions will have karma-type repercussions." It was just a joke, but she still received an unimpressed head tilt. She sighed, making sure she kept a body's length of distance from the boat Elsa was standing in front of now. "Oh come on, Elsa. It's been two days. I know it's not a hard time crunch, but if I want any chances to race.."

With an uncharacteristic eye roll, the defensive woman shrugged, hand stilling atop the boat until she let her tense shoulders relax. "I needed time to test that it'd be in both of our best interests." Huh? What was that supposed to mean? "I guess I wouldn't have to wake up as early to accommodate the separate practices anymore." Cyan eyes scrunched.

"Wake up as early..?" Already they started together at 6:15am on weekday mornings, and Anna knew Elsa had always arrived early.. but it sort of sounded as if meant that she was coming earlier than just regular early. "Do you mean you were coming and doing a whole practice before our practice?!" Anna practically yelled in her aghastness, although more muted to not gain unwanted team attention. Was she arriving at, like, 4:30 in the morning or something? What was the blonde athlete thinking?

The older woman gave a side glance, hand coming to her neck in embarrassment by being called out on the idea. It was only from that angle paired with new found knowledge that Anna could see the tiny shadow crescents below the blonde's eyes. No wonder Elsa had let them sleep in the other day. The crazy lady was preparing for the fact that her schedule was going to be chocked full of additional sculling and loss of sleep for the next.. til' graduation?

When the answer was nothing more a bashful lip shrug, Anna folded her arms, doubtful brow cocked at the absurdity. "How's that been workin' out?"

With one last lamenting breath, Elsa relented, secure enough between them and in her decision for the admission of defeat to pass her lips. "It's.. a lot harder than I had anticipated.. There's no way I could have been helpful for your training if I was so tired." Anna gave a short sniff of a laugh.

"So it's a yes? We're both going to do the Single?"

Elsa met Anna's eyes. "If Coach says it's okay, then yes."

At the final confirmation, a whole new deal struck, first rowing together in the Double, next to competing competitively in the Spring, and now to continue onwards on separate but parallel paths, the heaviness finally hit her. Between them, it's been settled. She grinned, hoping it contained some excess of her earlier playfulness. "Then let's go!"

As the sounds of the other students died out, the two approached their large coach on the other side of the many boat bays. With Anna leading the charge, casting the idea and outlining the logistics to the tall man, the other woman stood more reserved in the space behind her.

Coach Oaken was quick to become curious. "You are really looking to compete in the Singles, ya?"

Anna nodded eagerly. "Yes, and I know it's last minute.. but I think I can be competitive. My most recent PR was almost 7:18 flat!" She let her rowing knowledge catch up to her and she rolled her eyes, gesticulating her point. "And yeah, I know there's way more to it than just a fast time. Skill, intuition, focus, technique, speed-"

The large coach nodded, acknowledging the impossibly long string of rambles tumbling from the redhead's mouth. "Your time is most impressive Anna, that's not at all an issue." His hazel eyes looked between the two women, scanning a bit over the fair skinned rower off to Anna's side; the woman not offering much of anything to the conversation and keeping her eyes from him.

The redhead raised her arms out in front of her body, palms up as she bounced on her toes like a child waiting for a gift; eyes bright. "So, are we good to do it?"

Bright blue eyes came back to the spunky girl. "I'll check the event availabilities, but otherwise there's no issue from my stand point. Kjekk is our best Single for starting out, so I'd recommend using that one," he said while making reference to one of the university shells. "As long as you both agree to the change, and you're okay to continue the informal coaching." He drawled off with skeptical glance to his older student, this time also gaining Anna's attention.

Both looked at the taller athlete. Elsa flinched, quickly coming to life as the conversation topic was tossed at her. "Ah, yeah. We agree." She brought her hands together behind her back, standing a bit taller, as if at order, while answering. "And the assistance is not a problem. Anna is already incredibly skilled at sculling, so I don't see it being a hindrance to my training."

The unexpected inclusion of a compliment, and a hella confident one at that, had freckled cheeks heating vibrantly. She had to avert her eyes as her face burned. From the rushing blood in her ears, she heard the coach give an accepting 'mhm,' but it wasn't an ending statement. At least for half of the two visitors.

"Oh, Elsa, while you're here, do you have some time to meet right now?" He grabbed his rowing clipboard off a nearby cabinet, lifting up the stack of papers with God knows what on it as he spoke. "I wanted to follow-up with you about the other week.." he said, distracted by something he was reading amongst his papers.

Still up at attention, the blonde woman sharply nodded, picking up her belongings at her feet as the varsity coach motioned to follow him.

As they were about to disappear around the hall corner, heading to the coaches' off-campus office which Anna only knew to be located somewhere in the back of the boathouse, the rower tilted her head. Her eyes were keenly inspecting Elsa's side profile. Her blue eyes lidded without their piercing glint of interest, a shadow almost in them; unbefitting when paired with the purple crescents still colored beneath them.

What was causing her eyes to look so troubled? And why are they looking at me like that?

She floundered, absently realizing the blonde was looking back toward her just before stepping through the hall's threshold. Ah. The glint, it was there again, albeit smaller than usual, but it definitely wasn't a trick of the light. "You can go ahead without me. I know you have an early class."

It took a few passing seconds for Anna to nod numbly, only to receive the same one mirrored back.

Did Elsa's concerned expression have to do with the new arrangement? Was she actually.. sad to not row in the Double anymore? Or did it have to do with whatever Coach's talk entailed? Anna stared down the empty bay opening before tossing her bag over her shoulder and pulling on her bike helmet, finally feeling the gnawing second-guesses begin to appear.

Did she make the right choice?

…

Her morning class had come and gone, as well as the passage of noon time eats. Anna found herself bunched up in one of the stiff campus couches lining a wall sized window overlooking the center Green. Her eyes skimmed over her best friend's loopy handwriting in her Biopsych notebook, erasing and making corrections to words she couldn't quite make out from the week before's lab class. It was a bit of extra effort to correct the legibility (Rapunzel's handwriting may be gorgeous but that girl couldn't spell to save her life), but having Rapunzel take her notes while she did all the fun dissecting was totally worth it. Today, with Lab in the evening, Anna was going to be such a bad friend.

She had plans.. special plans. She did feel a bit guilty abandoning her best friend, but technically the brunette rower had basically told her to do this, so it's technically her fault. Which was why breaking the news was mildly amusing.

Her phone buzzed. 'But it's a cow eyeball dissection tonight! You couldnt do ANY other day? cruel.' It was followed with, 'Fine, go gussy up, at least use lipstick for once.' Anna just snorted at that.

She certainly led no suspicions to the fact she'd be going out. She hadn't felt the need to dress up all fancy as Rapunzel was hinting at; distressed skinnies beneath a jacket, favored twin-braids, her usual style. She really didn't feel too much anticipation over the whole thing. Even since picking a date. It sort of felt like just any other day. Maybe because she hadn't had time to feel the anticipation? She had been pretty focused on Elsa giving her an answer. Arguably, her day-to day-rowing plans should occupy more of her concerns anyway. A date could come and go, but, like diamonds, rowing was forever. It made sense, right?

She typed an apologizing reply to her classmate, eventually receiving a begrudging 'good luck' message, demanding for details later. Lulling her head onto the stiff backing of the loveseat, she tiredly sifted through the notecards, next transferring the decoded information over to study material. She allowed the sunlight's rays to warm her through the large window. Even with the random passing of students and professors, it still seemed oddly relaxing.

Then, sterling hair crossed her peripheral sight, and like a bloodhound, Anna's attention was flagged. There goes the relaxation. Serene focus now broken, her eyes were pulled away from her notecards to stare out the large building windows. Pulling up onto her knees, hands on the couch's back as she peaked her nose over it, she spied the poised woman make her way across the center of the Main Campus. It seemed almost out of place. Anna rarely saw Elsa out on the campus lot, at least during the day.

It looked like the woman was heading in the direction of the new Business building. Guessing by the time of day, the woman was likely heading to her Economic Statistics course (Anna hadn't memorized the senior's schedule for nothing). This was Elsa's course laden day, so she'd likely remain on campus for a bare minimum of 11 hours straight, 10:30 am to 9:30pm, not counting any additional library hours squeezed in beforehand or afterwards.

And who knows how long the meeting with Coach Oaken went.. or if it even went well, for whatever it was. She frowned against the couch cushion barrier.

Hey, it may be a better opportunity than not to reach out. Just to check. Make sure all is well. Be a good (damn) friend.

Shoving her notebook and flash cards into her backpack and slugging it over her shoulder, she rushed down the nearby exit steps and out to the brisk afternoon air, booking it rather quickly in the direction of the modern, steel-lined building; an unfamiliar path she had never needed to take before.

She reached the front door, slamming her arms against the door handle to push, only to be met with the loud reverberating force from the immobile object. Through the glass windows, she could see a bunch of students look at her in concern. She awkwardly grimaced, pulling the handle back to open the door, absently muttering a few apologies for causing the noise.

Not having to look for long, she saw the blonde woman pausing while stepping into an elevator adjacent. Elsa had turned around, probably from the echoing sound, staring at the copper haired disruptor. She blinked, ignoring the ding warning for a closing door. "Anna," she asked more than mumbled in wonder. Not a second later, she let out an excusal to the other elevator occupants, hopping through the closing doors midway.

Scurrying out of the direct view of judging gazes, Anna looked around the open style column of the lobby, eyeing the exposed floor levels rising above. "Whoah, this place is.. it's amazing." She had slowed her approach, still admiring the construction as she looked up to the dizzingly high ceilings. Was that a chandelier on the ceiling? How extra.

"What brings you here?" asked the blonde woman walking over, her voice now coming from behind the awestruck girl; curious tone having lessened given that the teen did not seem to be in any immediate distress.

Spinning back, aqua orbs tore from the exceptional masterpiece that was the architecture, and looked over to the person who was not even arguably a much more beautiful view. Maybe it was how the blonde had already removed her favorite navy jacket, draping it over her side satchel, leaving her visible in looser, more casual clothes. Being a class heavy day with no internship related obligations, Anna was impressed to see Elsa actually pass on the slick button up and dorky sweater vest looks for a loose fit, long-sleeved knit sweater over leggings; its steely tint accentuating her ocean eyes perfectly.

Stealing herself from appreciating the college student dressed as an actual college student for once, Anna rubbed her arm. "Ah, I had wanted to check if you were okay after this morning." At the peculiar expression, Anna clarified, "When you went to talk with Coach. You looked.. like, I dunno.. upset.. or tired or.." Speaking this subjective observation out loud was doing wonders for her self-assuredness, if her stuttering rambles were any evidence. She was 99% sure she hadn't imagined it.

Then there was a comforting smile immediately washing over the curious face, and Elsa tilted her head. "Oh, there is no need to worry. We were touching base on a discussion from over a week ago, is all."

Maybe the whole look just seemed friendlier than usual because of Elsa's rare casual choice of attire. The warmth and openness coming from the sweet smile and relaxed shoulders left Anna feeling the desire to believe the easiness of the conversation, rather than doubt the anxious expression she had only seen with her potentially deceiving eyes. All the same, if she were misinterpreting something, Elsa did not make her feel any less for the error. She actually seemed to perk up, the brightening eyes catching Anna by surprise.

"But I am actually glad you stopped me.. Can we talk, if you have time?" Elsa asked while motioning to a pair of leather loveseats tucked in an isolated corner. Anna felt her ears warm as her brain's automatic response was, For you, always. She was glad Elsa had missed the sight, already moving away with Anna following; a piqued interest in each step.

As they settled onto the seats, sitting kitty-corner to one another, Elsa took a breath, steadying. Centering.

"So," the blonde started. "The other day when you mentioned how you were thinking of your future and doing something about it, I realized that I really needed to delineate mine." She rubbed her hands anxiously, leaning her elbows on her knees. "I had been so focused on what I am supposed to do after graduation, regardless if it was what I wanted. And I'd been going back and forth on.. a lot."

What she's supposed to do.. Anna only knew of one thing that Elsa was 'supposed' to do. That meant she really was questioning her parents' wishes. Anna listened carefully, toe tapping against the tile growing more incessant the longer Elsa slowly talked in circles to explain her point. She finally pulled her legs up onto her seat, tempering the nervous act as to not worry the other woman. Calm down Anna. She's finally talking about her plan. You wanted this.

"And.. what have you decided?" said the freshman, folding her arms across her chest, trying to contain her unyielding interest; trying to make sure she hid away how much she wanted to hear the answer from Elsa's mouth, even if it was going to devastate her. She would be as neutral as Switzerland to anything the blonde said, regardless of her opinion on the rowing matter.

Blue eyes glanced up at her for a second or two, and then back to her worrying fingers, shoulders drooping. "I.. I don't want to exactly say yet.. It's not something guaranteed." She bit her lip. "I'm not really one to believe in superstition, but I don't want to jinx the possibilities." She looked apologetically at the copper haired teenager.

Anna made a face. "So you are looking for reassurance of just.. what? Committing to something that you want and not what your parents want?"

Elsa's fidgeting hands threaded tightly, thumbs rubbing together as she lulled her head side-to-side in the slightest, lifting lip acknowledging how shrewd Anna was to pick up on the parental obligation undertones. "I.. guess that I am." Anna could practically feel the effort of this whole confession radiating off of the astute woman. "Believe it or not, but your input has always meant a lot. I just don't know if it's really the right thing..." She looked so nervous; guilt-ridden.

At the uncertain break in speech, the freshman clutched her sleeve cuff absentmindedly. Great. The discussion she'd been waiting for and basically expecting, and Elsa goes and drops a total 'feels' bomb like that. Not like that made the pressure any lighter.

I can't tell if she's really afraid of a jinx, or if she just doesn't want me to react like I did in the Southern Isles. It could easily be both. Anna's 'input' on re-trying out for the National's back then sure wasn't positive. Not in the least.

Watching the older student's body language now, Elsa probably fearfully thought if she was too forthcoming after finally, finally finding something worth disregarding her family responsibilities for, Anna would shut the idea down again; locking her back into her family obligations and maybe ruining all hope in her ever pursuing a dream for herself again. Seriously, no pressure.

Ultimately, after what she discovered last week, Anna felt her opinion on the subject really should not matter. Seeing Elsa's rowing note, the woman must have been leaning toward the commitment in secrecy for a while, not wanting to upset anything between them. Who was Anna to stand in the way of the prestigious woman's rowing? It was her resolution after all. Whatever Elsa wanted, she'd support. She wanted to hear the confession directly from Elsa's mouth, yet, now being presented that opportunity, Anna realized she didn't want to hear it. Nor did she need to. Not when that scared, guilty expression said it all.

Having already had an idea of where this was going, she just let out a deep sigh, choosing to take the cautious pause as her starting point, slipping in a hint of irritation. "Well, even without you saying it, I know that no matter what you choose to do, it'll be perfect for you." Oh, well, that wasn't quite what she'd intended to say, but at the guarded face, it must have been in an appropriate ballpark. "Now, I don't mean that it's going to be the perfect decision itself, however, everything that you face in life you somehow manage to handle without an issue, since you're flawless like that." Letting the additional comment settle between them, Anna had looked down at her knee distractedly, missing the wince from the other occupant. "That's why, if it's something you want, then I know it will be the right thing for you.."

Her voice trailed off unwillingly, sadness the only thing she could manage expressing on the topic without letting aggravation slip through at the woman's devout intent to push herself beyond that of her strong will; the concerns for the beautiful rower becoming marred again in her pursuit of obtaining that exalted but draining title, losing that precious passion Anna had been so inspired by, fighting through a mental journey to seek out redemption and clear her family name.

It just left such an awful taste in her mouth. Even worse, Anna had been the one to give Elsa the free-rein to do all of this the second she ended their Doubles plan. Is that why she had been able to start delineating her plans? Was this something else that had added to the dark circles under tired eyes, trying to hide the remnants of sleepless nights under a swash of pale cover-up?

But the absolute worst part of all the potential things wrong with committing to this decision, the part Anna dreaded most about this whole idea ever coming to pass, was that Elsa, wonderful, innocent, amazing Elsa, would be completely alone. Left by herself; braving whatever came or stood in her way. And knowing Elsa, she'd battle until she broke every fiber in her soul without any regard to her well-being. Unless someone was there to stop her. Care for her. If there was a way for someone to remain alongside of her, to look out for her, to support her-

Wait.

Anna blinked, eyes widening substantially.

Maybe there was a way.

Do what's best and be part of her world..

When Elsa narrowed her eyes in question at the sudden melancholy atmosphere descending upon the usually bubbly fire cracker, Anna could no longer be sure her conscience wasn't purposefully being so obvious. She gave a slightly bashful shrug at the surprised questioning gaze.

"Uh, ya know, I guess while we're on the subject.. I've also given more thought about what I want to do, too." The term 'more thought' being one of her tallest tales ever.

Thrown by the shift, as well as the fact Anna had thought even more about her future within the last two days than the entire semester of prodding, Elsa leaned forward on the arm of the couch a bit suspicious. No, a lot suspicious. "Really.. You have?"

Anna felt herself gulp down a lump in her throat. "I-I have.." she reaffirmed to Elsa and herself out loud, feeling the attention beating down on her now; Elsa seeming to have been very eager to hear more about Anna's own life than sharing more of her own.

"Did you finally decide on a major?" she asked with an obvious interest in her voice, further prompting suggestions discussed in late night phone conversations past. "Psychology? Education?"

Oh jeeze. That's what she is expecting? Well, not that Anna had given her any indication otherwise. Now she wanted to pull a pillow over her face, unable to think of any possible warning that wasn't about to derail Elsa's current train of thought. Ugh. Maybe Anna was too gung-ho to jump head first into this idea. Maybe she hadn't thought it through these 2-minutes long enough.

Her expression grew serious. No. I won't let anything happen to her. This may be my only option to stay at her side. She maintained her resolve.

"A-actually, I decided that besides rowing the Single.." She took a zen-like breath, seizing the moment to proceed with probably the most impulsive, crazy thing she was about to ever say. "I'm also interested in trying out for the National team."

The look she got was one of morphing surprise and skepticism; blinking in confusion. "You... What?" It was almost a laugh hidden inside a largely disbelieving breath, but was precisely contained in a manner that only Elsa could manage.

Anna could not help but elicit a miniscule giggle hidden beneath her finger tips at that dumbfounded expression, because come on, Elsa did 'confused' so cute.

She took a quick second to pull up conversation receipts of the past. "You're the one who told me I had the potential, ya know." Instead of denying the completely true statement, the opposite woman just stared, eyes blank and unreadable. The younger of the two raised a brow before adding a tongue-in-cheek comment. "Unless you were just lying to me."

Midnight eyes snapped into focus, glare pointed and voice level. "You know I would never lie to you about your abilities." Anna's tongue darted out to her lips at the way her cheeks flushed from humbling embarrassment, much as they had this morning at another compliment. Elsa's hand slid through her styled bangs, pushing the loose fly-aways to the side as she shook her head in the minutest manner, more reflective of her own train of thought. "Do you even understand the stress which it entails? Let alone logistics," she questioned in a soft, but serious voice; volume probably only controlled given that they were in a more public area. Anna laughed again, though this time it held less tension.

"Trust me. After everything you've told me, I think I have an idea." She hoped her small smile would alleviate some of the worry visibly weighing on the older girl. "Obviously I'm not expecting to be able to make the cut by the fall training camp.." She could feel Elsa's keen gaze as Anna began dropping her factoids, coloring her rash decision the shade of a well-thought out plan. "But, I'd like it to be my goal. If I could get my PR 2k to a 7:15 by this summer.. who knows, maybe I could make it!" Having tucked up onto the seat, she pulled her knees closer to her chest, her fingers twiddled with her colored shoe laces.

While Elsa had found great interest in her brown leather snow boats by the end of Anna's words, Anna nestled her chin atop her knees scrunched at her chest, feeling the need to push onwards. The well-bred woman wouldn't be responding until she knew the exact thing to handle the new addition to Anna's list of alarming requests.

Anna watched the pensive woman. "You told me once that maybe one day I could be good enough to compete at the National level. And I understand that you've taught me the importance of competition and passion, to continue to improve and to get stronger," Anna said crossing her arms over her bent knees, drawing auburn brows close as she rested her cheek against them, looking at her partner. "I want to keep rowing with you.." Cobalt eyes shot up, a glint of hope perhaps, catching the sparkling aqua ones shining back at her. "I'm going to row with you. Whether you like it or not."

Her words radiated an authentic confidence that momentarily startled herself, and visibly rattled the older rower as her implication hit home. It was the most honest thing she'd said in this whole conversation. Anna lifted her chin, reveling in the buoyant atmosphere brought about by her self-assurance.

"But if that means I have to do so as your competitor instead of your teammate down the road-" She did not miss a slight hitch in the woman's breath across from her. The surprise of the sound was nearly enough to cause a tremble to enter her unfaltering resolve. "-then I will."

By the grace of the theater department, Anna felt she deserved an Oscar and all the accolades for managing to produce such a convincing narrative. Long ago, she had accepted that she would never actually be good enough to compete at the elite levels, let alone become anything close to Elsa's status, no matter Elsa's praise.. But she could sure fake it til she'd make it.

Seeing how the blonde woman had minimally met her gaze but a few times in 5 minutes worth of talking, she had a feeling she was almost done with her brand new 'volunteer as tribute' offer.

Her sea green eyes became pleading.

"Seriously, Elsa. No one would be better to prepare me," she earnestly spoke, so mildly. That was the honest truth, seeded amongst her crazy request. Elsa held a look close to regret, perhaps remorse, covering her profile. Anna wasn't meaning to cause such a distressing look, but she was willing to play a card if necessary to get her partner to participate. Unfortunately, she had no other Aces in her hand but this, and it brought a frigid sadness along with it as she spoke, whispering her final words almost brokenly. "I want you to teach me… while you're still around."

Any worried pink hue previously dusting the ever alabaster cheeks drained away and Anna was left staring at the aghast expression quickly turning back to her.

"Anna-"

"-Please?" she begged more, hating herself for wrapping this blanket of sorrow around them upon acknowledging the inevitably approaching future; May's graduation not far enough away for either woman.

Her teal eyes darted to the side, allowing a few moments for Elsa to process her wish. If she refused, Anna wasn't exactly sure what she'd do. Elsa had once hit the nail on the head; Anna would probably do whatever she wanted anyways, regardless of what she was told. It would just be a bajillion times harder (if not impossible) if Elsa wouldn't help her follow in those large footsteps.

She then looked up to the other seated athlete as she heard a long breath, realizing that Elsa was looking at her with focused eyes, a tight, thinned smile across her lips. The look almost surprised her, when everything was said and done. It was one which Elsa rarely expressed unto others and only to those few lucky enough to have earned it. Anna wanted to label the expression as.. prideful, although she wasn't sure of what, or why. It was far from what she was prepared for in a reaction with how this conversation had been progressing.

The blonde turned, nodding cordially for a prolonged moment, like she was seeing the person in front of her coming into her own; a noble distinguishing another royal of similar stature. "Knowing what you know, if that's your goal," she said calmly, formally, a gentle transient bow of her head accompanying the words. "Then we will begin the appropriate regiment. Together. As with learning the Single, I will train you in any way I can."

When stormy eyes arose again, they met each other in a locked stare and Anna sucked in her breath at the monumental understanding.

Elsa was recognizing her. Elsa was finally recognizing Anna as an equal. For the first time, today the top rower had been forthright to tell her this, if not spoken in so many words but by sentiment and actions. That's what she had meant by that expression. No matter her language of choice, Elsa's eyes always spoke more than her words could ever say.

Oh, Anna wished she could freeze this moment in time; this feeling, this vision of such a desired look, not even realizing she had been craving that avowal. It was these moments that she was trying to avoid, praying they wouldn't keep pulling her in to the mesmerizing woman's orbit. Yet here they were, so connected now, and all Anna found herself wanting to do was lean forward, grab the woman's proud openhearted face, and pull her in for a-

A tiny high frequency blip alerted both parties, simultaneously checking their respective watches while the redhead bopped her palm a few times against her temple, ridding herself of her wild urges; the cool shower of her afternoon plans soon poured over her.

"Oh, shoot.." mumbled the redhead, gritting her teeth. "I need to go. I'm going out with, um, someone.." She wasn't sure why couldn't bring herself to make eye contact as she spoke, or give more indication of her planned event. Or a name. What were these nerves getting activated for?

There was a low beat of silence, before a quiet, understanding 'oh' filled the open, cavernous room. It was followed by an even quieter, "Have fun on your date."

Cerulean orbs blinked at the earnest statement, glancing back to see the blonde, her eyes closed, offering a tiny smile.

Even if it was technically a smile by a dictionary's definition, Anna really did not like labeling it one. It just wasn't a real happy one, or true one at all; corners of Elsa's painted eyes lacking anything remotely close to the same crinkling happiness Kristoff or Rapunzel had demonstrated when urging Anna to accept a date in the first place.

And yet this brief expression made her feel an overwhelming degree of longing, only intensifying inside her as words were yanked forward in her brain again; those stupid words that she tried to bury down and ignore, but couldn't shake.

"I like you, so goddamn much.." Seeing the blonde now.. those words, their meaning.. Is that why Elsa's eyes were so wistful; why her smile was just a thin pencil drawing of melancholy? Why was this a sentiment that needed to be fought?

Anna wasn't sure how her heart could feel full yet so vacant all at once.

She watched Elsa eventually stand, breaking them from the moment, and adjust her belongings without any display of distress or haste. Despite the new hour having already clocked in and classes surely underway, the studious woman made no additional rush beyond her usual motions walking toward the elevators; as if her cares for the day's studies were pulled from the forefront of her mind and replaced by something else.

Anna took a deep inhale while closing her eyes, determinedly turning and walking past the other student athlete without any look back, trying to shut out all of the worries inside her, trying to entomb those precious words where they could no longer escape, trying to focus on the break she needed.

Trying to consciously to let go of the tiny hope that maybe Elsa would actually be watching after her in her leave.

…

Skipping class wasn't really something she liked doing, although it certainly occurred once in a while, which was excusable. Things came up. Like dates. This was totally acceptable. Anna knew Rapunzel's eventual exuberant encouragement for her date was only an exterior façade and that she'd still probably get a text expressing the loathing sentiment later, or a picture of said dissection project.

Anna found herself leaning against the brick mortar building, tapping her heel against the sidewalk as she waited. She wasn't far from her school, the chosen meeting point located somewhere along the hypotenuse trajectory between the car shop and the Main Campus.

After some passing minutes, she heard footsteps approaching and met the face of the familiar mechanic/bartender. She waved and received one in return, greetings exchanging upon Audrey's arrival.

The petite girl laughed. "Glad you could meet me today, figured if I asked you for tomorrow you'd have thought it was an April Fool's prank."

Anna bit her lip, chuckling at the joke. She considered it with a little nod. "Yeah, knowing me, I probably would have."

Checking her phone briefly, Audrey made mention of having to leave by a certain time; bartending work would be calling her attention tonight. She thumbed over her shoulder, reciting the name of one of the small coffee and snack shops that was a walkable distance downtown which came highly recommended. Like a whirlwind, Anna felt like she was swept up and whisked away with the afternoon's plans without a moment's pause.

Honestly, she was fine having the selections and decisions being all done for her here. It was a relaxing change of pace to not have to think so heavily about her plans, albeit of such daily, commonplace value. Man she really needed to catch a break after the life changing decisions she'd been making recently.

They eventually found themselves seated at a round high-table nestled against the large bay window overlooking the street, tall stools being a nice addition to the eclectic little eatery. It was even a great setup for some early humor as Audrey's short statured body struggled to even get up into the seat. Anna had to admit, the fun-sized people in her life brought a smile to her face.

The talking was definitely something she had to get used to. She always thought of herself as a people person, an exuberant extrovert with boundless energy, but she actually felt her extroverted capabilities tiring a bit.. It was weird. There were times that her and Elsa could have a conversation flow that was light, much like this, albeit in isolated chunks and mostly over non-interesting night time phone exchanges. But she never felt tired after. She'd usually feel rejuvenated.

This conversation bounced back and forth between family, work, and college life including all of the awful studying woes that came with it. Nothing touchy or sensitive. Just super casual, teetering close to droll at times.

At one point Anna did her best to explain the concept of rowing to the girl. Anna was probably the worst person to ever be learned a lesson from, but try as Audrey might to follow the concept of the sport, it seemed to go over the younger woman's head.

It was really strange, realizing that from Anna's perspective, rowing took up the majority of her thoughts and time, as well as was a primary focal point for discussions with all of the people in her life. Well, rowing and Elsa. Neither of which were really appropriate right now in this discourse. So Anna withdrew from the sport subject, letting the other girl take the lead again.

Although the simple subjects were easy to follow, and she would have greatly enjoyed hearing Elsa talk about these same things in the past, it was a bit lack luster at the present moment. Even with Audrey's sass to color the details. Finally, the subject turned closer to home.

Audrey rotated absentmindedly in her swivel stool while sipping the remnants of her frothy latte. "Ya know, your friend's regular car problems are gonna finance my new Mercedes if she keeps this up." Cyan eyes watched the girl smirk while chewing on her straw, obviously playing off the overly dramatic comment, even if there was a kernel of truth in its origins. The redhead turned her eyes down to her own cup of hot chocolate.

"I really can't believe she needed her whole engine replaced this time," Anna muttered sadly, able to comprehend that it was not a light task, nor a cheap one for that matter. She bit her tongue, about to voice the previous issues with the car now seeing that Audrey was the exact same mechanic to have previously fixed the issues. The timing belt had been the first offender, now followed with a broken valve having caused an oil leak; a broken 'check engine' light did not alert the blonde to any potential problems until the engine was worn out and completely unusable. But she needn't get into those details here.

"Expensive necessity," commented the short-statured girl, tone changing to add a bit more snark. "She sorta seems like the type to have Daddy foot the bill." Almond eyes looked up sharply at the side comment.

The feeling of offense made her wince, both at the statement and her own automatic reaction. "That's not true at all." The sense of protection was near that of a visceral response, just like how she'd reacted to Kristoff's two-cents. No matter how much space she tried to put between them, it was oddly becoming harder and harder to stand listening to anyone infer anything negative about Elsa. "She pays for car expenses herself," she said directly, reflective empathy in her words. She thought back to the car ride home, having seen the pre-paid mark on the keys displaying the cost of the service. Not to be weird, but Anna had a rough estimate of how much Elsa had in her personal account through passing comments. She frowned thinking about it now. "And I'm pretty sure this totally wiped her savings."

Anna knew a lot of things about Elsa and her financial status, beyond that of simply how much she held to her name. She knew how her parents had paid for the small sedan, initially labeling it as an investment before she'd left for school, but Elsa had solely been responsible for maintenance fees. Regarding the condition of the car and its outward appearance, no laymen would be the wiser to the skipped oil changes, delayed inspections, or the unspecified amount of unreplaced filters decaying it from the inside out.

But Anna recognized how Elsa prioritized other expenses; her savings and earnings were spent on all things related to her performance in rowing. It was exceedingly ironic, at least in the young rower's view. Elsa was smart, absolutely crazy brilliant, and she was resolutely responsible to the textbook definition. But sometimes she misplaced the importance of situations, inverting them because of whatever prerogative she had; like tending to her car was absent from her mind, while she basically confessed today she'd be willing to sacrifice getting up ass-early to accommodate two separate rowing practices.

Not everyone could even begin to decipher how the complex woman ticked, let alone the world which she came from, but Anna knew her better than anyone. And she'd defend that honorable woman through thick and thin.

Ack! There was that darn sensation again. The pang of cold loneliness, despite being out and about on a sunny afternoon in a crowded café with the company of a date. It was when she was thinking about it, how she actually had an unusually large amount of knowledge for how often she felt that she didn't really 'know' the aloof woman. Tid bits of information exchanged over late night calls, frequent texts, and secluded unfiltered conversation and confessions..

Ugh. Again. There. That was the pang.

"Oh. Well, good for her," was the genuine response that had Anna sifting out of the foggy thoughts. The student athlete startled enough to watch the other girl already sliding off the chair and cleaning up. She made a quick gesture to the time on her phone and Anna hurriedly went to take the last sip of her cool chocolate drink.

Near pitch eyes were watching her keenly after they stepped through the doors. "So, what about you?"

Anna stuttered briefly. "Um. What about me..?"

The Latina girl smirked. "You seriously have no car of your own to worry over?" Anna shook her head, feeling her twin braids tousle. "Aww too bad. Here I was hoping to get a look under its hood."

That's sure a weird thing to be interested in, she couldn't help but think as she watched the naughty grin splay over Audrey's face. And why say it like it's a- oh wait, she's flirting.. Oh shit oh my God what. Anna suddenly buried her hot face in her hands, brain short circuiting, leaving her completely at a loss for words. There was an energetic laugh.

"Too much?"

Anna rapidly nodded, still burrowing her face in her hands. "Yeah.. little bit.." She really wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to get used to fielding such over come-on's as this woman frequently enjoyed throwing her way. But she'd managed well for today. So that was a big kudos to herself.

"Ait, lady. This has been great, but the bar won't tend itself." She spun her little body, facing up to the freckled teenager and rocked back on her heels.

Now Anna was not dense to the social norms in this scenario; all television media played this part up so well. She knew what was coming.. and yet, unsurprisingly, she was nowhere near prepared. It was another one of those awkward moments again; a first kiss scenario in which she had no clue what to do, from start to finish. She hated first kisses because she always felt so nervous and confused during them. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Well, that wasn't always true. Not every kiss..

Following time with the motions around her and forcing down the apprehensive reserve, her eyes shut out of habit, fists clenched at her side as she leaned down (for once), almost meeting the other woman a quarter of the way forward.

It's not like it was a bad kiss or anything. It was actually really nice; soft and sweet. No chapped lips or waterworks or angry stubble that'd she experienced before. Maybe there was even a tasty hint of the cinnamon flavor coming from the girl's chai latte. All in all, the kiss was logistically great. A 9/10 rating even from the toughest of judges.

So, then why in the world were her thoughts behaving like this; boringly concrete and analytical, sensation like that of enjoying the savory sweetness of a piece of cardboard with the sheer excitement of balancing a check book. A kiss should be sweeping away her ability to process time, both speeding it up and eliminating it from the universe, casting her away with the winds while making her lose all sense of self; allow her to utterly sink into the fact that yes, she was enjoying a really awesome kiss.

There was something else about it, too. Weren't kisses supposed to give off sparks? Ignite a sort of desire, passion, and all that good stuff when the person was right? Although she hated the comparison, especially because of her analysis of the kiss components, she couldn't deny that the kiss today left her feeling almost as unfulfilled as all of her previous boy-kisses did.

Now, that didn't make any sense whatsoever!

Rapunzel had said it. The whole equation was correct for romance: Girl who likes girls + girl who also likes girls = romance. Bam. Audrey was a girl. A gay girl. And Anna was.. well, labels weren't important, but she was pretty darn sure at this point that she was much more into girls than not. It was so simple. So what's wrong? Her (or rather, Rapunzel's) infallible algorithm for love was apparently incorrect somewhere. Perhaps listening to her spunky brunette best friend was Anna's first error..

Is this what people mean when they talk about chemistry? Anna truly thought they were getting along so well. How come, physically, there was no attraction? Actually, the more Anna thought about it, it felt like.. like this was just platonic, or friendly. Is that a thing in this situation? Seriously, how do gay girls navigate this confusing environment?!

"Hello?" Anna blinked in a start as the hand waved in front of her face. Her wide eyes fluttered, looking toward the small girl. "Ya in there?"

Nodding quickly with a flush to freckled cheeks, Anna scratched her neck. "S-sorry.."

The younger of the two smirked, cocking a brow in time with her hip. "Yeesh. Didn't know I kissed that bad."

Anna's eyes expanded sharply. "Ah! No! It's not that at all! You're actually really really good!" she blurted out rapidly as to not disappoint her date, almost wanting to bite her tongue in her haste. Instead the Spanish woman shook her head with a light chuckle.

"Well, gracias chica," she said fluently in her native tongue. "But I've been dating long enough to tell when Cupid's arrow misses its mark." She scrunched her nose at the pun, and Anna could not help but sputter a laugh, appreciating the dorky word play.

"I'm sorry.." she said sincerely, sliding her hands into her pockets and looking down. "You're super cool and fun to hang out with.. so I don't really know why I.. I'm not feeling like.." The words to describe her feelings evaded her, but the mechanic seemed to piece it together.

Tilting her head and peering into Anna's lowered line of sight, she gave the closest thing to a deadpanned look as manageably for her sassy personality. "It's called being a friend." She literally burst out with a hearty laugh when the redhead shot her a look as if the meaning of life had been handed to her. Wiping a tear from thick lashes, the bronze skinned girl let out a breath. "Really, Anna?" she managed through the laughs as the flustered taller woman dug her fists deeper into her coat, stretching the fabric. "Did you honestly not think of that?" Dark eyes watched the redhead before softening. "Aw, you didn't."

"Shut up.." she muttered pathetically in her embarrassment, which eventually bled into laughs with the dark haired girl at the silliness of the scenario.

"It's all good," the sallow skinned woman said, grin still in place. "But I do really gotta get to work." The college student nodded in understanding, realizing that their planned two hour limit had drawn to a close. She raised her hand, preparing for the departure pleasantries. "Now, here's one last goodbye kiss." Anna's eyes shot open wide as she visibly leaned back at the sentence, recoiling at the surprise and the cooed voice, but only to be met with the younger girl throwing two light punches at her shoulder. "Aye, two for flinching. Catch ya later, amiga," she jested with a smirk. The worker tossed a two finger salute while backpedaling before spinning and heading in the direction of The Ice Palace.

Anna watched the young woman walk away, still as cool and composed as she had arrived. She was glad to know that the experience shared today was not for nothing. Developing a new friend was something everyone should cherish because true ones don't come around often, especially the ones who are so kind and easygoing. She was also appreciative of the young woman's quick study of the situation, not leaving her to flounder in confusion about the lack of attraction in a stereotypical perfectly setup lesbian rom-com scenario.

She looked down to her worn Converse, scuffing the tip of one against an invisible pebble, before turning in the opposite direction. Her hands were buried deep in her coat pockets as she unhurriedly walked down the sidewalk, nose tucked into her wool knit scarf.

But knowing all of that still did absolutely nothing to fix her inner turmoil of what to make of her current life problems.

Kristoff and Rapunzel made it sound so easy. Take a break. Maybe coincidentally find someone else. Find yourself. Get over her. But here she was: doing the first, attempting the second, confusedly navigating point three, and absolutely no where closer to the final step than she was on day one. In culmination, the fact that she was putting herself out there to date and going through this awkwardness yet it still was doing nothing to alleviate the suckiness of her situation.. well, it just plain out sucked.

"I like you..."

Anna kicked a dried pile of leaves to the side as the familiar words trailed in and out of her ears. Each time they visited her again, the softer they sounded with less and less power forced behind them; shortening the phrase to its key component, the most important words, molded and separated by her subconscious to flow like a devoted promise. And it made it that much more frustrating.

If Elsa could like her, and then call an end to them, just like that, for whatever reason Elsa had no intention of ever revealing in this lifetime, then why couldn't Anna do the same? She had spent so much of her day today entertaining thoughts of the blonde rower; literally. Her thoughts floated to Elsa while on a date, even while sharing a freaking kiss with said date for crying out loud!

What was Anna's stupid problem? While marching more determinedly onward, her heart ached as it stuttered in her chest.

Ugh! Why couldn't I just like Audrey; move on and like someone else.. It would make my life a thousand times easier! Query upon query were laid like stonewall, each one building more wonder and weight of illusive reconciliations. The unanswerable illogical conundrum: Why can't I just get over Elsa the way I had in my previous relationships? The misplaced pain of curiosity: Why does it always hurt so much to even think about putting her behind me? The odd wonder: What makes her so different from everyone else in my life?!

But probably the most important and confusing question of all: Why do I always put her needs before my own, every single time? She bit her lip, her stuttering heart hitching on this thought. And why do I want to?

So lost in the mason work of her brick laid thoughts, the call of a seagull caught her by surprise. Immediately startling, she looked up for the first time since beginning her stroll into the early evening.

She stood at a break in the sidewalk, now overlooking the wide river channel; the magnificent water flowing below the elevated bank. With the symbolic university crest pennant hanging along the nearby streetlight, she recognized the vicinity as the far side of her curving residential campus, out of the way from her usual path; the waterscape looking out in the opposite direction of her dorm room. How had she walked this far without even knowing it?

She took the few short remaining steps around the fence and onto the grass leading to the cutoff ledge, outlook opening up the most splendid of natural views. At this angle, she could faintly make out the winding curves of the shoreline, small docks of private property's dotting the river here and there.. and in the farthest point lit by the setting sun, she could even see the shape of her boathouse.

It felt like a fateful calling, coming back to this very spot out of habit while her mind was plagued so heavily, as if it were a place of comfort. Her trained gaze skimmed across the glimmering flowing pool. The stretch of distant mountains were dark, royal purple hues of shadows engulfing their majesty. The sun's rays streaked up behind them, illuminating just the peaks of the mountain tops, while otherwise fanning toward the starry heavens just beginning to twinkle; bursts of pinks and yellows, mixing amongst swirling clouds looked like a fine oil painting being gifted to her eyes.

Feeling the breeze sweep around her, the cool mist glinting in front of her eyes, Anna could only take the whimsical moment to inhale deeply; calming her troubling thoughts. And when the winds swept away in a wistful dance only wished upon by dreamers, Anna was left with clearness. Elsa. The reason I can't simply forget her is because..

Cast under the last illuminating remnants of the red star's brilliant majesty, Anna embraced the truth that had long since embedded itself a home in her heart, letting the tattooed words that had been ever present and constantly beating in her chest finally be read aloud for the first time in a breath of admitted veracity and clarity.

"..I'm in love with her."

The words were whispered firmly into the gentle winds drifting in and out in unison with the swaying shoreline tide. With arms coming up to cradle herself, breathing in the life around her and letting something heavy on her shoulders fall away; like arriving home at meaning, no longer questioning where she was going, or what path her heart had been leading.

A content smile bloomed on her lips as she carefully watched over the regal natural wonder. The river full of memory that had brought her to this very moment; the place where everything had first began.

End Chapter 29

With the kiss scene, did anyone else hear Ross yelling in the distance "We were on a break!" ? But awwwww Anna, your maturing self-realization is so beautiful :,) As wise Olaf had once told us, love is putting someone else's needs before you own. Ait, now let's get our asses to Nationals! (ง'̀-'́)ง

btw the Nationals conversation references were in chapter 25, scene 2

Next chapter will be on the shorter side (like 12k words.. "short") but it is kind of… a doozey.. again. Warning.

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year 2020!