Chapter 34.

Sam went to his mother's room. As soon as he knocked on the door, she opened it. "You look worried." she said.

"Well, I have a lot to worry about. Cas left and is now back and all we know is that he was in close proximity to fast food and Dean went to meet him and every time they're in the same place at the moment, something gets said and ... " He ran his hand through his hair. "I thought they'd reach a point where they'd just be honest with each other and start making sense."

"How long have you known your brother?" she said, "He wants me to read Lazarus Rising."

"Oh."

"Not much enthusiasm for that one?" she said.

"I'm surprised he wants you to read it. That's when he got out of Hell."

"He wants me to understand about his relationship with Castiel."

"That's good. You should read it, because he doesn't often want to reveal anything to anyone."

"That's what I thought." she said, "I want to encourage any attempt at openness. And I'm curious about Castiel. But there's something else. There's a reason he wants to talk about it. I'm waiting for him to find the words. It could take a while."

"Yeah, it could." said Sam, "Look, there's something you should know about the book, when you get to the stuff about Ruby. Dean had been in Hell for months. I was going insane trying to find a way to free him. I felt very alone. Ruby took advantage of that. Normally, I never would have ... I mean, trusting a demon ... "

"Sam, we've all made mistakes. Besides, you and Dean trusted Crowley and that worked out well. Clearly, demons aren't all the same."

"Ruby was evil."

"Yes, but giving her a chance was sensible." she said.

He smiled. "I love you."

"You need to remember that I will never judge you. You're my son and I love you and I know you're wonderful. Every decision you ever made, you believed was the best choice at the time. Same with Dean."

"I wish he could see that as clearly as we can."

"He told me he doesn't want to stop the connection with Cas." she said, "Telling me that was so hard for him. He confessed it like some terrible sin."

"At least he was able to say it. I've been trying to get him to for a while now."

"He thinks he's a terrible friend, but he's missing the point. He is willing to end the connection he wants to keep because he thinks Castiel wants him to."

"And Cas is willing to do it just because he thinks Dean hates the connection. You know what's insane about all this? We could sit them down in the same room and tell each that the other wants this connection and they would both deny it forever. Sometimes, I just don't know if it's worth trying. Maybe we should just find a way to block it forever like both of them keep asking us to do."

"They seem so close. They seem to understand each other most of the time and then suddenly it's like they're backing away at the speed of light."

"I know. It doesn't make a lot of sense. But Dean has had bad luck in friendships. Only one friend never let him down, a vampire called Benny and Benny died to get me out of Purgatory."

"He said two friends."

"The other one will be Charlie, or maybe Cas."

"He said he got them both killed."

"Again, could be Charlie or Cas, although technically, I got Charlie killed. He tends to blame himself for anything like that, even when I did it. I hope he's talking to Cas now. I hope they've found some quiet corner to discuss all the stuff that's driving them crazy. I feel like I should disable their cars, or lock them in the dungeon."

"I don't think the dungeon is likely to provide much of a challenge to either of them." she said.

"No, it isn't, but I'm getting desperate."

"At least Dean is trying to talk to Cas. That has to be good."

"As long as he doesn't say the wrong thing again. Either of them could walk out at any time."

"But for now, they're together. They're communicating."

"Yes, for now. I wish they'd talk about the big stuff. I've never seen a friendship like theirs. I've never seen anything close to it. I just wish they had more faith in it. I wish they had more faith in themselves."

"Dean talks as if he doesn't deserve a friend."

"Dean doesn't think he deserves a thing." said Sam.