Oblivion
Chapter Thirty-Two
CONFRONTATIONS
SONGS
"Soldier Side" by System of a Down (a LOT of their songs are about genocide so expect more of these in the future, anyway this one's for Miroku of course)
"Tokyo Ghoul" by Highly Suspect feat. Young Thug ("SO MANY PEOPLE JUDGE ME, BUT WOULD THEY FOLLOW ME TO MY GRAAVE" yep for Inuyasha you guessed it good job)
"Psychosuperlover" by Night Club ("Did I get what you think I deserve, do you feel pleasure baby when I get hurt" Learning the truth does NOT make Kagome's feelings about all this mess any less bitter or complicated sorryyyyyy)
"Another Place" by Bastille and Alessia Cara (InuKag duet basically. "In another place, in another time, what could we have been..." NO I'M NOT CRYING IT'S ALLERGIES)
Miroku could only cough and blink, so thick was the smoke in the air, so loud were the screams.
What are they doing what have they done what WAS that -
Gripping the handle of his sword, he went to step forward, to glimpse over the cliff's edge, but Ibushi held out a hand to stop him.
"I'd wait for just a moment," he said, and his casual tone was absolutely chilling. "The extermination fumes can be a bit much; take it from someone who's smelled a good deal of roasted youkai flesh."
Roasted...flesh…
Miroku swallowed so he wouldn't scream or throw up. Gods above me, this was never what I -
The screams and wails continued, but they were steadily growing quieter, and he knew if he thought too much about it he would likely lose hold of that tenuous grip on his sanity, and so he tried to think of Sango instead, tried to escape into a happy memory, and it didn't work, he couldn't even picture her face without the image surrounded by flames, as she screamed in vain -
"Hmmm," Ibushi said, placing his hands on his hips again and turning back to the next-in-command of his own garrison of troops, "I'd say that's another job well done, wouldn't you?"
Behind his back, Miroku heard some of the men chuckling.
"That's your cue, priest - oh, I mean, Captain." Ibushi gave him another dark yellow grin. "Get your men down there and pick off the stragglers."
"How is this warfare?" Miroku bit the words out, his eyes fixed on the rising columns of acrid smoke. "How is this honorable? How is this possibly any form of bushido?"
Ibushi's horrendous smile only slipped a fraction. "Oh, I'm sorry. Your ears are still ringing, aren't they? I gave you your orders and you apparently heard a call to be insubordinate, did you?"
Now, now Sango's face was the only thing he could see, but she was still crying in terror at the flames all around her; she was going to burn to death and she knew it, and he knew it by her tearful expression -
"I'm sorry, sir," Miroku said quickly, stronger and clearer and more self-assured. "You're right, my apologies. I never should have questioned your wise decisions or your tactics. The shogun will be very proud."
"He will indeed, with or without your assistance," Ibushi growled, "So I suggest you provide the assistance I ordered."
"Understood. Come on, men," Miroku said automatically, amazed at how calm he suddenly sounded, and they made their slow, perilous descent down the path toward the valley below.
Being more or less imprisoned in his bedroom with the only girl he'd ever loved, the only girl he knew he would ever love, would have sounded irresistible to Inuyasha under any other circumstances.
From the moment Sesshomaru had left them there, he'd wanted nothing more than to look at Kagome, to speak to her, to further explain himself and help her understand.
But he knew that was the last thing she needed right now; he was the last thing she needed right now.
Kagome seemed to be taking the revelations - the revelations that all she'd known had been a lie, that the truth was the opposite of what she'd believed or wanted to believe - with a remarkable dignity. She hadn't broken down again or let herself scream, and he knew she wanted to.
But as it was, all he had to contend with was even more crushing silence. They both seemed unwilling or unable to sleep yet, tired as he knew they were, and so all they could do was stare into space and completely ignore each other's presence.
Finally, after what felt like hours but probably wasn't more than several successive minutes, Inuyasha, who had never been known for patience anyway, could stand it no longer, and he slowly edged himself up onto the shredded mattress beside her.
"You were sent here to kill me," he said, knowing he sounded stupidly casual given the weight of the situation between them but unable to help himself. "By the shogun. So your powers would disappear. I didn't know that was how it worked, but I suppose that man would know better than anyone else."
Kagome's head snapped around in surprise, and her expression was a strange mix of bitterness and what suspiciously looked like embarrassment.
"You know I didn't know, right?" he barrelled on at full speed, feeling a strange sympathetic heat rise to his own cheeks, "That I was the source of your powers awakening. If I'd known, I never would have - "
"Only because you'd have been caught," she interrupted dismissively. "Because it would have compromised your cover the second we returned to the shogun's palace and my powers' existence was discovered. They'd have immediately asked me who my lover was, and there was no one but you."
"I would never have gone there as Okada," he muttered, trying to temper the growing rage in his mind. "Naraku's attack on Ryusei changed everything, and I was caught unaware, because I was blind and stupid. But if that hadn't happened, I still would have been long gone from my assignment by the time the troops were ordered back to the shogun's palace. Sesshomaru's no idiot; he knew I'd have blown my own cover just to get a shot at killing that man myself. He'd have ordered me home as soon as the news broke."
Kagome's lips thinned into a tight line. "And so, once again, you prove me right. You were only thinking of yourself, the entire time. You'd have just disappeared on me without a word, leaving me to mourn you or to try and search for you or gods know what else. Either way, my feelings were the lowest of your priorities, weren't they?"
He already regretted impulsively raising the subject, he was hating himself all over again and with greater fervor, but Inuyasha owed her answers at the very least, didn't he?
And besides, Inuyasha found himself almost happy about the prospect of fighting like this. When she was fighting him, she was like the old Kagome, the one made of fire and ferocity and passion.
"I was trying to tell you the truth," he said, both baiting her into anger and genuinely voicing his own defense, "I was trying to do the right thing."
"After you took me into your bed, of course. After it was already too late." The steel in her voice, the sarcasm, the disparaging look in her eyes…
I did this to you. I made you like this, didn't I?
"I never counted on meeting you," Inuyasha bit back, "I never expected to find myself in this situation."
"Well, that's one thing we can agree on." She sat back up then, her spine a straight line. "I would think if I were a spy, I'd at least have the moral fortitude to keep my hands off the enemy soldiers."
"I seem to remember trying to step away from you on more than one occasion." Now he was being truly defensive, but damn it, this needed to be said. "And you called me a coward and tried to physically fight me in the forest. Remember that? You weren't exactly willing to take 'no' for an answer."
It was a cheap shot, but it got the result he wanted; the pink returned to Kagome's cheeks, as did the inferno behind her blue eyes. "You - you - I - "
"So go ahead," he barrelled on, "Tell yourself that I just seduced you under false pretences for the fuck of it. To be the evil manipulative bastard that you see me as. But you have to know, deep down, that what we did, what happened to both of us...it was real."
"Real?" Kagome gave an exaggerated scoff. "How could any of it be real when you were lying to me from the beginning, about EVERYTHING? That's not love, that's - "
"It's not what you expected when you thought about love as a kid, that's what you mean," he interrupted, knowing he was getting nastier, but by all the gods she's actually talking to me she's fighting back she's still there she's still Kagome, "You thought I was perfect, that I could do no wrong. Well, guess what, Kagome? I can do wrong, and I did. And I'll never stop being sorry about it. You thought you were in love with Okada, and you got me instead."
At the false name, she flinched, and Inuyasha nearly faltered, nearly took it back. But then she sprang to her feet, seething with newly renewed rage, fists clenched, and he stood up to stare her right in the face. They remained motionless, standing there next to that shredded, bloody mattress.
"So," Inuyasha said finally, "I'll get you out of here, and you can live the rest of your days and never think of me again." If that's really what you want, he almost added, but stopped himself.
"Fine," Kagome said, and from the look on her face that was exactly what she wanted. He tried not to show any disappointment on his face; he'd expected to feel disappointment, after all.
A knock on the doorframe made them both jump and take a step backward, and Inuyasha realized just how closely together they'd been standing seconds before as he shook himself out of it and barked out, "Who is it?"
"It's Jaken, m-milord Inuyasha. Prince Sesshomaru sent me to - to bring you and your human - I mean, your lady - a tub of bathwater so you can both...clean yourselves up."
Inuyasha looked at Kagome. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "We have to - "
Kagome, still looking utterly furious, gave a tiny sigh and a brief nod to acknowledge that she understood what they were meant to do, how they were meant to behave.
As gently as he could, he held out his hand, and she seemed to let herself grimace just once to get it out of her system before she took it and let him pull her into an imitation of an amorous embrace.
"We're a little busy here," Inuyasha grumbled for effect, completing the illusion by lacing his fingers through the hair at the nape of Kagome's neck and leaning in close as if he were lavishing kisses to the side of her throat.
She smells the same, the exact fucking same -
"I-I understand, milord," Jaken called through the screen, sounding nervous and scandalized, "but Prince Sesshomaru gave me very strict orders, and - "
Kagome looped her free arm around Inuyasha's waist and stepped closer into the embrace, hiding her face in his shoulder.
Just as she'd done a dozen, no, a hundred times before, back when I was Okada and she thought I was worth it -
"Alright, fine, get in here." Inuyasha was just able to keep his voice from sounding like a pathetic creak.
The gods really do have the cruelest sense of humor, don't they?
He resumed the false kisses against her neck and made certain not to stop as he heard the imp's light footsteps sound across the floor.
"O-Oh." It seemed Jaken had taken in the full extent of the bloody destruction around them. "Y-Your Highness, do you require - "
Inuyasha feigned irritation at being interrupted as he pulled back from Kagome just slightly and craned his neck to answer. "No, I don't need medical attention," he said, leaning in to nuzzle his forehead against Kagome's, "We just got a bit overexcited, that's all, and my wounds reopened. Lady Kagome's healing powers solved all of it."
He sent her a knowing smirk, and he knew she probably wanted to grind her heel into his foot, but she played along and smirked right back, playing the part of the sensual maiden even better than he'd expected.
"I was also told to bring in a new mattress for you, but I suppose I'll have to send someone along to clean the floor as well." Inuyasha knew Jaken's regard for him (or lack thereof) well enough to know that the imp was holding himself back from using a grumbling tone.
"Worry about the mattress for now," Inuyasha said, turning his voice into a low purr, "The floor can be dealt with later."
There was a brief hustle and bustle around them as a small group of servants rushed to remove the bloodstained, shredded bedroll and another group replaced it with a fresh new one.
Inuyasha kept his attention focused on appearing like a man so overwhelmed by love that he barely registered anything else around him. It was easy enough. And Kagome, for her part, allowed him to do it, though she apparently was still refusing to look up.
"Wh-Where would you like me to put the washtub, m-milord - "
"Leave it in the corner."
"Does...does your lady need another change of clothes?"
Inuyasha swept his eyes over Kagome's ornate golden kimono; he knew it was caked with his blood from the waist to the hem. He felt Kagome nod emphatically into his chest.
"I'm sure she will," he muttered, flashing yet another lustful smile and playing the part as best he could, "but not for a while, right, sweetheart?" He punctuated the question by leaning in as if to ravish her yet again.
Kagome, still hiding her face, reached up to grip around his upper arm. She was asking without words just what the hell he was doing, he knew, so he went on.
"You won't be needing clothes for a few hours yet, if I have my way."
He felt her spine stiffen beneath his touch for a moment, but then her grip around his arm loosened, and she forced herself to play along once more. This time it was with a hum of agreement that was so tinged with sensuality that he nearly forgot what they were both doing in the first place, and his legs nearly gave out beneath him before he caught himself. This is getting far too realistic, but if it's convincing me, I know it's convincing them...
Behind them, Jaken clearly couldn't suppress the squeak of indignant embarrassment as he beckoned two other servants into the room with the steaming tub and directed them to set it in place.
"Jaken," Inuyasha grumbled, pausing his demonstrative attentions on Kagome to fix the kappa with a stern eye, "Something to say?"
"O-Of course not, Y-Your Highness, I would never presume to - "
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now get out. We're busy."
Inuyasha knew that his physical retaliation on Jaken was fresh in the diminutive youkai's feeble mind, because Jaken left without any further protestations and seemed glad to be out of there.
Once the door was shut again, Kagome went slack in his arms, and the fierce look in her eyes returned. "You can let go of me now," she hissed.
The combative side of him felt the urge to keep his hold, to actually apply those kisses to her neck and see how she felt then, but he knew that was wrong, and he'd already done enough wrong by her, hadn't he?
Without a word, he released her and stepped back as if nothing unusual had happened. "Sorry," he couldn't help but say, "Habit."
She narrowed her eyes. "Even if that last night in Ryusei had never happened, if Naraku hadn't changed you back right in front of me...I was always going to end up like this, wasn't I?"
The sudden shift in mood, the shift in her, had him stumbling for an answer. "I - I didn't think, I didn't know - "
She reared back for the slap to his face, and he took it willingly, feeling it singe his cheek with pain. Kagome left her hand there, plastered against his jaw, and sat there, panting, seething with anger, her teeth bared in fresh unfiltered hatred.
"All this time," she hissed, "I explained it to myself, to make it easier. I told myself that you used me on purpose, for your own selfish reasons, and that I was just a pawn from the beginning, someone you could manipulate into following you blindly and ease anyone else's doubts about your loyalties.
"But you're telling me now that everything...everything to do with us...was just because you never once stopped to think about the consequences for anyone but yourself?"
Inuyasha tried to gently take hold of her outstretched wrist, but she shoved his face back and struck him again, on the other cheek with her other hand. He winced and could only stammer out "I didn't know how to fix - " before she was screaming over him again.
"You didn't even try to fix it!" There were furious tears in her eyes again, making the crystalline blue in her irises even more stunning.
"I wanted to tell you the truth so many times - "
Wrong thing to say, he already knew; again she shoved him roughly, this time with both hands, and again he let it happen, let himself stumble backward and nearly trip on the newly-replaced bedroll at their feet.
"I wanted to tell you, you have to believe me - " He tried again, but it was no use. Another shove, and he was standing on the bedroll now.
"Well, you should have, before I went and fell for you and gave you everything just so you could take it all away eventually - "
"If I'd told you that night, that first night in Ryusei - "
"Don't even mention that night, don't you dare!"
" - in the sauna room, or in my room afterward - "
"STOP IT!"
Suddenly he was on his back, halfway off the opposite side of the bedroll, and his head crashed to the hard floor with a jarring thunk. She had both knees over his abdomen, pinning him in place forcefully, and she glared down at him wildly.
" - would you have listened, Kagome?" he grunted, "Would you have even believed me?"
She pounded a fist onto his chest, and he winced in pain. "You fucking coward, don't turn this back around on me when you didn't even try!"
"You're right. I was - I am a coward," he panted, "I didn't want you to hate me when you found out the truth. I didn't want you to look at me the way you're looking at me right now."
Kagome halted for just a split second, and then her teeth were gritted again and she dealt him another slap across the face, knocking his head to the side. The tears were freely streaming down her crimson face now.
Inuyasha swallowed, and there was a lump in his throat. "I kept telling myself, 'Just another day, another hour where she doesn't think I'm a freakish monster. Just a little longer where I can be with her and love her and know that she loves me - '"
"It was all a lie! I didn't know you, did I, so how could I have possibly loved you?"
He felt the tear drop from his eye and sent her a weak smile. "You're right. You're completely right. I didn't want you to hate me, and now you hate me even more."
"Yes," she said with a furious nod, "I hate you so much that - that sometimes I think I might die from it. It's like poison in my blood."
"I know," he said gently. For some strange reason, one that he himself couldn't fathom, his eyes and his attention traveled to her wild mane of dark hair, and in this most heartbreaking of moments all he could do was silently marvel at how much longer it had grown - nearly brushing her collarbone. It was nearly an inch longer than the night she'd chopped it all off with his father's heirloom sword.
The night they'd fought the wolves.
The night he'd very nearly kissed her the first time but had stopped himself, only to lose all control and kiss her for real just a matter of days later.
And now it was months later, and she was years older.
Before he could stop himself, he reached up to brush a stray lock of her hair out of her face.
"Don't touch me," Kagome wanted to say, but her voice wouldn't work.
He used those clawed hands to tuck her hair behind her ear with the most careful, featherlight motion, and she sat there stupidly glaring down at him, just allowing it to happen, even tilting her head downward to help him do it…
"If I could go back," he said, with that stupid look in his eyes that was just so damn vulnerable even though his physical strength had provably outmatched hers twofold, perhaps even threefold, "I would have told you. There, in Ryusei, before we ever - "
"But you didn't," she snapped, digging into his chest a little more with her knees and hearing him grunt in pain again.
"I didn't," he agreed, "I never gave you the trust that you seemed to give me from day one. I didn't trust you to know me, the real me, without being afraid of how I look...or where I come from."
She felt a single thump in her chest, cursed herself for it, and decided she needed to put some physical distance between them immediately. So she released her hold on him and retreated backward a few feet on the bedroll.
Inuyasha slowly sat up on his elbows, not looking at her, but at his own hand. At his claws, Kagome realized.
He flexed his fingers once, and his baleful gaze took on a bitter sort of humor. "I'll always be sorry," he said.
About not telling me? Or about...the way he looks…?
But rather than ask it out loud, Kagome just straightened back up and turned away, crossing the room with normal strides, straight for the tub, so she could wash the blood, sweat, and tears off her skin. Wash him off my skin.
"You had one thing wrong earlier," Kagome said as she reached the tub, not looking at him but speaking as casually as if she were discussing the weather, "I didn't think I was in love with Okada, I was in love with Okada. With my entire heart."
Inuyasha felt his heart seize in his chest and he froze on the spot, not daring to speak, not daring...to hope…
"But you...you're not Okada," she said, plunging her arms into the hot water and scrubbing roughly at her skin, "Are you?"
He swallowed back the hurt, angry growl. "You're right; I'm not. You should probably get out of that kimono. I'll give you something of mine to put on, since by my estimate Jaken won't be back until morning. Besides, putting you in one of my yukatas helps tell the story, doesn't it?"
Kagome gave him no response, nothing to bring him any sort of dim satisfaction; she just leaned down and splashed water onto her face and hair.
"Split up, everyone, and...well, you heard General Ibushi, didn't you?" Miroku was surprised his legs hadn't given out completely yet.
Search for stragglers, the order had been.
But there was no village left to search.
No movement except the flickering, the flame, emanating with near silence from the smoldering shells of buildings.
He wasn't sure how he was able to walk, but somehow he did, slowly, like he was asleep and in the throes of a terrible nightmare, a nightmare where his dream-self possessed only what limited power of movement the dream allowed.
There were dark lumps littering the ground, surrounded by small rivers of melted snow, as if each one had been traced by some gigantic unseen finger from on high, circled to highlight them even more starkly.
For the briefest moment, Miroku's mind registered the misshapen forms as shrapnel, ash, rocks.
Repeated in hideous, grotesque patterns, each pattern a sickening radius out from -
From where each bomb went off.
And then he looked again, and he knew.
He knew from the similarity in shape, coupled with the variation of size.
Male.
Female.
Child.
He'd known they would be civilians, in the back of his mind he'd known that. Seeing the evidence was quite a different story.
Simple linen clothing, no different from what human villagers would wear, decorated with muted floral patterns or minimal stripes. All of it singed and destroyed there in the snow, and most of it blown right off the bodies.
Not a weapon in sight. Nothing more lethal than farming tools and brooms, scattered every which way, some of them stuck firmly in the ground at horrific angles like the spokes of broken cart wheels.
Foxlike paws - hands, they might look different but they're hands - reaching out to grasp those of others, holding tight even in death. A perfect portrait of terror, of desperation, of clinging tight to loved ones in the face of the bombs. These, he thought as the cold stung his eyes and seemed to freeze them wide open, these...these didn't die right away, they had a few seconds to realize what was happening, what was coming for them, for their families and children -
"Sir?"
Miroku snapped his head around, and he knew the horror in his eyes had to be apparent, because the young kid standing there in too-large armor took a frightened step back from him before choking out his next words.
"Sir," the kid whispered, "I think I'm gonna - " And with that, he doubled over and vomited all over the ground at his feet.
Me too, kid. Me too.
But somehow, miraculously, Miroku held himself together.
"H-Have you found anyone alive?" he barked out shakily over his shoulder.
There was no answer from the rest of the troops except a few smattering calls of "None, sir."
Miroku gave a slow exhale, watching his breath escape in a cloud of steam. Good, good, that means we're off the hook, that means there's no one still lying here somewhere suffering…
"Here's one," a voice suddenly growled about fifteen yards from him, obscured by a thicket of broken tree stumps.
Miroku's steady breath halted, and without pausing to think or consider anything at all he bolted toward the voice.
Sanada, of course it's fucking Sanada, how could I forget that he'd have been assigned to me because he's dull and he's mean and they can't trust him in any rank higher than grunt -
The man in question stood over a pile of debris, pointing the blade of his sword down at...something. Miroku steeled himself, took a few more tentative steps forward.
"M-Mama…" a small voice whimpered.
Oh no, no, NO…
A kitsune pup, a kitsune child. Horrific flash burns, already starting to blister and sear, down the right side of the child's face, down the length of his right arm where his sleeve had been torn off. Ash and dirt and flame had covered him from head to toe, and his lungs were likely singed, because every breath he took was a shallow wheeze.
"Mama," the child cried again, dissolving into weak, high-pitched coughs as he seemed to ignore the humans' presence entirely. He inched forward, crawled with what looked to be the last of his minute strength, and with his tiny paws he grabbed hold of two larger ones, larger ones that were completely still, bloodied and missing several digits…
The still-smoldering body of the child's mother lay face down in the splintered pile of tree trunks and crossbeams. The entire side of her that had been facing the explosion...her head, her scalp, her unseen face, her arms and trunk and legs, gods, all of it, was completely destroyed, leaking dark blood into the dirt below in the few places where the flames hadn't seared her flesh into an unrecognizable mass. She wore no clothing, and her body was bisected by a giant branch, thorned and splintered. There was no need to move her, Miroku's physician's brain said, because if they did she'd likely come apart in their hands, just slice apart like a prepared cut of meat at a nobleman's table feast -
The small kitsune boy just gave another tiny cry and kept his weak hold on her lifeless hands, trying still to curl in closer, to take refuge with his forehead pressed to the crushed and ruined crown of what had been his mother's head. He still gave no indication that he'd noticed the enemy presence there, or if he had, he was purposely blocking them out. "Mama, please...wake up…"
Sanada raised his sword up higher and spit something dark and putrid onto the snow right beside the youkai child's curled-up form. He reared back with the weapon, aimed it straight down -
"Stop," Miroku said sharply, and it was like it was someone else speaking, someone else saying the words aloud. "Leave him."
Sanada paused and gave Miroku an incredulous glare that quickly spread into a sarcastic and condescending imitation of sympathy. "Amazing, isn't it, sir," he said with a foul grin, "How they pretend they have feelings when they're cornered. Trying to garner sympathy."
"It's a child," Miroku said, reaching out to knock the sword away with the firmest look on his face that he could muster, "What threat is an orphaned child?"
"Child, you say, but this beast is likely older than either of us. An unnatural creature."
"I said," Miroku ground out between his teeth, "Leave him be. No good will come from killing a defenseless creature such as this."
"Sir," Sanada said slowly, as if Miroku were the child and not this little crying kitsune, "General Ibushi's orders were very clear. If you lack the stomach for it, allow me - "
"Sanada!" Miroku's hand went to the hilt of his sword.
Sanada saw this action, and the condescending smile left his face, replaced by a glare of disgust. "You call yourself a captain of this proud army, priest? You declare your loyalty to the shogun and then openly threaten one of his proud warriors? For the sake of this monster child?"
"This isn't what I agreed to serve." Miroku knew it was treason to even say the words aloud and yet he couldn't stop, wouldn't stop, until it was declared. "I can't serve the gods and turn a blind eye to coldblooded murder."
"They do it to us, don't they?" Sanada growled. "Or have you forgotten what happened in Ryusei, when a cloud of poison killed hundreds of men in one fell swoop?"
It doesn't matter, Miroku thought, almost surprised at how quick and clear his inner rebuttal was. It doesn't matter if they've done similar atrocities; this is too far and it makes us just as bad as they are. The cause is the cause, but if it comes at the cost of our souls, of the very empathy and emotion that we humans claim to be so proud of, then at the end we'll be the monsters too. "Lower your blade," he said quietly, tightening his grip around the hilt of his sword to fight the shaking in his hands. "Do it, Sanada."
Sanada's eyes flashed with bitter amusement, and the cruel smile returned to his lips. "You were a close follower of General Kagome's, and now I see why; you share the same disgusting love for creatures and beasts, don't you? What about that Taijiya girl, is she really enough for you, being human and all, or is she a monster in disguise as well - "
"Stand. Down."
Sanada still did no such thing. "Won't it be fun to see General Ibushi's reaction when I tell him of this? Won't the shogun's reaction be something?" He gave a coarse laugh and turned his attention back to the vulnerable, cowering kitsune child -
Miroku's teeth bared in a feral cry, and he lunged forward.
Inuyasha brought her the yukata, one of his old white ones, and Kagome took it without a word or a glance in his direction.
She seemed determined to clean herself without actually disrobing and getting into the tub, instead using a washcloth to slough the red stains off her skin and then finally bending to dip the entirety of her hair in the steaming water, and he watched her do it and remembered a night that seemed so long ago now…
She leaned her hair back into the water to rewet it, and it hung over her back like a long, dark curtain. A few stray cherry blossom petals were caught in the strands.
Inuyasha ground the heels of his bloodstained palms into his eyes, hard enough to hurt, and then lowered his hands again to find that somehow Kagome had already discarded her golden kimono and was tying the white yukata shut. She was looking at him, her expression completely unreadable.
"So I have to stay in here, then." She spoke, and her voice was a raspy croak until she cleared her throat and it seemed to find its sound once more. "With you."
No fear or hatred in her blue eyes anymore. Just exhaustion and weariness. Resignation. Quiet acceptance.
Inuyasha almost wished she'd just go back to glaring at him. At least it would have meant she was feeling something.
"Y-Yes," he stammered.
"As if our reunion was genuine," she said softly, "As if we actually - "
"Yes." He didn't want to hear her say it.
"...Alright." She finished tying the robe shut and sighed, closing her eyes. "Is there anyone in the castle who can be trusted?"
"Besides my brother? Not really. Naraku could have taken in any number of agents right under our noses. And even if they are on our side, they won't know to keep anything secret. Sesshomaru's kept it that way. Better to not let Naraku know just how much we're onto him."
"I'm stuck here in this room," Kagome nodded again, her face still unmoving, "And whenever anyone comes in here, we have to act...well, act like we just did a few minutes ago."
"It's to keep you safe," Inuyasha said, but that didn't make him feel any better and he knew it wouldn't do a thing for her, "And it's only for the eyes of others. You and I will know the truth."
"Hm," she said, her mouth curling up in a bitter smirk.
Sanada's sword flew to the side, buried itself deeply in the snow.
Miroku held his blade in a guarded stance, launched a fierce kick to the man's soft belly, sent him stumbling backward.
There was no time for Sanada to even register surprise on that ugly face of his.
A quick vertical thrust was all it took, and a few spurts of blood shot forward and splattered the front of Miroku's ridiculously heavy ornamental armor.
Sanada's eyes slowly traveled down to the fountain of blood spurting from his thick throat, and the brutish man fell to his knees with a hissing groan before collapsing forward into the snow, in an eerie echo of the dead kitsune mother beside him.
Miroku refused to even give Sanada the dignity of a second look as he sheathed his sword and rounded on the spot to return his attention to the whimpering youkai child.
The tiny kitsune was still clinging so desperately to the corpse of his mother, sniffling in the refuge of her ravaged, scorched, and vivisected form.
Without allowing himself the luxury of hesitation, Miroku bent over him and reached for him. The kitsune's eyes snapped open, shining up at him with a stark blue glow even in the growing darkness, and the little face gave a halfhearted attempt at a ferocious snarl, a warning to stay back.
"It's alright," Miroku said thickly, still barely registering the fact that he'd just killed a man and made himself a wanted criminal and what the hell am I going to do now, oh gods, "I-It's alright, I won't hurt you, but please, we have to get out of here, now - "
The child shrank back, shaking his head frantically and tightening his grip on his mother's mutilated hands.
"Please," Miroku whispered urgently, holding out his open palms to signify that he wasn't a threat, "There will be more coming. More like that man. I'll protect you, I'll get you somewhere safe."
The youkai boy's pained expression hinted that perhaps his determination to remain was faltering. "B-But," he whispered back, "M-Mama has to come too."
The instinctive way the boy altered his voice to match the volume of Miroku's was proof that no matter the actual years of life involved here, this was, in fact, a small child, inclined to imitate and play along with any willing adult, inclined to trust so blindly even when common sense would dictate the opposite.
Miroku shot a frightened glance back over his shoulder and sank to one knee, getting himself as close to eye-level with the child as possible and keeping his tone of voice gentle and calming. "She saved you," he said, fighting the urge to speak too quickly, to betray his own terror and the need to escape, "Didn't she?"
The kitsune boy turned his face up to look at his mother's body. "Mmhmm," he said softly with a little nod. "She hugged me tight when - when the world went boom."
There was no horror or revulsion in his face despite the mangled state of her corpse, just love and devotion and attachment, as if he thought she were merely knocked out or sleeping. As if enough prodding would revive her and his entire reality would become whole again.
A coping mechanism, Miroku knew. The horror and revulsion were sure to come, but not for a while yet. And then he'll be traumatized. Completely destroyed, and at such a vulnerable age…
"She did," Miroku agreed quietly, feeling his throat tighten and his eyes prickle with chilled tears, "And so she wou - she wants you to be safe, doesn't she?"
Another nod in response.
"So you have to come with me, little guy. We have to run and hide now. Have you ever played hide and seek?"
"All the time, with my brothers and sisters."
Oh gods, siblings, he had siblings and they're gone too -
"W-Well, that's perfect," Miroku said shakily, "That's exactly what it'll be like. You and me. Your Uncle Miroku."
The child still looked a bit unsure. "We have to go hide?"
"Yes," Miroku said, fighting the impatient side of him that wanted to just forcibly grab the child and run, run with all the strength I've got left, "It's dangerous here now, so we have to hide until it's not dangerous anymore. I'll carry you, don't worry."
Just a few last seconds of hesitant silence, and then two tiny paws detached themselves from the ruined corpse and reached up toward Miroku, who gave a sharp sigh of relief and scooped the child up in his arms, cradling his tiny form close.
"S-Sir?"
Miroku froze on the spot, slowly turned toward the voice.
It was that same kid again, the one who'd vomited at all the carnage. The kid stood there, in that armor that had likely been handed down by a departed relative, staring at him with complete white-faced shock.
It took several seconds for Miroku to find his voice, and the only way he found he could present himself was in a posture of defiance. "I'm leaving," he declared, reaching with his free hand to fumble for his sword grip again, "This child doesn't deserve to die any more than - " For the sake of the tiny boy in his arms he didn't finish.
The teenaged soldier said nothing for a second, and then his eyes drifted to Sanada's quickly-cooling corpse in the snow behind them.
"Do what you must," Miroku said sharply, "I'm taking a stand. I won't be a part of this any longer."
The kid's eyes darted back to his, and slowly, nervously, he swallowed and gave a quick affirmative nod. "Go," he whispered, "I'll cover for you. I'll send them in the wrong direction."
There wasn't even time to be touched or to utter a word of gratitude. "Right," Miroku said, and then he turned on his heel and headed straight into the thick woods, zigzagging to try and cover his path as best as he could.
"If we hide," he heard the kitsune boy wonder quietly, his voice muffled by the cover of his bushy red tail, "will Mama and Papa still be able to find us? When they wake up?"
Miroku increased his speed, his breath coming in choked gasps, and tried to keep his voice as soothing as before. "I think so," he lied, wanting to throw up more than ever before, "M-Maybe eventually."
"This isn't gonna work."
Kagome, seated on the bedroll once more, glanced up from squeezing the ends of her hair dry to see that he - Inuyasha - seemed to have given up on the cloth-and-washtub approach to get all the dried blood off.
He let out a frustrated hiss through his pointed teeth and stared balefully at the pink-stained ends of that long, white hair, the hair that still sent a surprised tremor through her every time she saw it because that's what his hair really looks like, that's the real color…
"I'm gonna have to call for more water and actually get in this damn tub," he grumbled. "I'd go to the washrooms myself, but I can't exactly leave you here alone, not with whoever-the-fuck listening in and waiting and planning whatever it is."
"Would they really be that bold?" Kagome wondered aloud, still hating the fact that they had to make strategic small-talk like this when all she wanted was to be out of here as soon as possible, left alone with her broken memories and without all this confusion, "They'd just...enter your room like that?"
"I don't know for sure that they would," Inuyasha scoffed, whipping the now-crimson washcloth over the tub's edge for punctuation, "But I know that evil bastard Naraku is probably dying to know what's happening in here."
"I thought you were their prince."
The smile he gave her was that same deprecating Okada smirk, and she quickly found an excuse to turn away and focus again on drying her hair. "A hanyou prince," she heard him mutter in reply, "About as desirable to them as it was to my grandfather."
Kagome hoped he didn't see the brief shiver that overtook her.
Hanyou. Half youkai. Half human.
Through the dark curtain of her damp locks, she snuck another glance at him as he crossed behind her to the bedroom door and slid it open to lean out into the hallway and beckon an unseen servant.
"Oi, you, you can take that tub out of here, and bring me a fresh one."
"Y-Yes, Your Highness."
Same height. Same build. Same skin. Gods, even the profile of his face is the exact same. Were it not for the hair, the ears, the claw-tipped fingers…
She gave a small shake of her head. What a stupid, foolish train of thought to fall into. I might actually have a way out of this mess and I'm doing this to myself? Making it worse?
Inuyasha leaned back again and let whatever number of servants it was inside, and Kagome busied herself with fiddling with the knot on her newly-donated white yukata, his white yukata, so she wouldn't risk accidentally catching the stare of those golden eyes yet again.
The servants behind her collected the tub and rushed back out of the room once more, stammering reassurances that they would return promptly, as ordered, and she heard Inuyasha close the door behind them.
"Of course," she heard him mutter after a moment, "no youkai, lowborn or highborn, ever had a damn thing to say to my old man when he married my mother. They respected him too much. All of them." He paused; she heard him heave a quiet sigh. "Well, all of them but one, I guess. But he had Naraku exiled, and I guess he thought that was the end of it."
The prickle on the back of her neck meant that Inuyasha's eyes were upon her right now, and she tried to force her shoulders to relax. She continued to loosen the knot in the yukata's belt, then tighten it again, over and over again. A foolish pantomime of nonchalance.
"Not that you wanna hear any of this, anyway," he said quickly, "But yeah, that's why I don't feel like leaving you here alone and unarmed. And besides, it's something else that sells the story, isn't it? If it were true, if we really were happily reuniting, makes sense that we'd just stay in bed for the first several days and tell the rest of the world to fuck off."
Kagome bit her tongue and stolidly maintained her silence and when Inuyasha suddenly appeared in her peripheral vision again and sat himself just feet away on the other side of the mattress, she nearly jumped.
He sat with his back to her, once again examining the stained ends of his hair with a grunt of clear distaste. "They'll be back with a new tub in a second, and I'll bathe in here. Don't worry, I'll still be back there, so you don't have to see anything." He jerked a clawed thumb over one shoulder towards the room's far corner.
Change the subject, change the subject, change the subject - "If Naraku's so evil and wants you both dead - you and your brother, I mean," Kagome said, her tone more forceful than she'd intended in her haste, "then what the hell is he doing here living in your castle?"
There was a pause, and then Inuyasha slowly craned his neck around to look at her. His expression was completely neutral, but oh gods, those damned eyes...they were so disarming. "Do you really want to know?"
Kagome frowned, blinked. "Wh - "
"Sesshomaru brought him out of exile when we heard of your father's murder."
Oh. The chill in the pit of her stomach regained its full strength and gripped her wholly.
Inuyasha's dark eyebrows knit together as he continued on, and she wanted to scream at him STOP FEELING SORRY FOR ME STOP IT -
"When Kazu...died...we both knew it was just a matter of time before the humans started going for the barrier. We knew it was going to be bad, and we didn't have any resources, not like we did when my old man was alive. Sesshomaru is respected, no doubt about that, but a lot of the older clans have still been hesitant about him. Because of the truce, and because of me.
"So Sesshomaru made the hard choice, and we both told ourselves we'd win the war against the humans first, save our people, and then deal with Naraku later if - no, when he betrayed us."
"B-But you said Naraku has already been trying to - "
"It isn't the first time my brother and I have dealt with enemies," he cut in, "And we knew Naraku still had loyal followers here with us even while he was exiled for two decades. What we weren't ready for was just how loyal those followers were. Are. Or the depths they're all willing to sink to, all of them." He curled his lip in disgust, and it seemed his eyes went far away for a second.
"So why not just have them all exiled again? Or killed?" Kagome asked incredulously.
"You know, I asked my brother that same damn question." Inuyasha scoffed quietly and leaned back on his hands, turning back to face the wall. His soiled, silver-white hair tumbled back over his shoulders, hanging nearly to his waist and obscuring most of him from her view.
"A-And?"
"...You met Sesshomaru. Do you think he gave me an answer? He's got a plan, but hell if he lets me in on it." One of those doglike ears atop his head gave a small flick, seemingly involuntary.
Kagome pressed on, determined not to just sit there gawking stupidly at his ears. "And you're just fine with that?"
Once again, he craned his neck around to face her, and there was that stupid smirk, that one that gave her the insane notion that any minute now he'd open his mouth and start barking her through combat drills all over again. "I had one mission during this whole war," he said softly, his voice barely above a murmur, "and I screwed it up completely."
There, she thought, feeling her jaw clench. That was the reminder I needed that I still hate you. That whatever your motivations, you were still ready to destroy everything I was fighting for. Everything I believed in, all the people I love. All your excuses, all your justifications, all the debate over whether or not we humans deserved it doesn't change that.
The renewed glare she aimed at him didn't seem to surprise him or hurt him one bit, because he just kept the sad smirk on his face and turned back around once more. "Completely," he said again. "So I guess I don't have much room for argument anymore."
Kagome opened her mouth, ready to hiss something venomous at him, ready to wipe that resigned, pitiful smile off his lips, but then there was another knock on the door.
The servant, returning with the refilled washtub.
Before she could even blink, there was a warm hand caressing the side of her cheek, another hand snaking gently around her waist and pulling her close.
No, no, not now, not when I've just gotten my common sense back -
She stiffened and tried to duck out of the embrace, screwing her eyes shut.
"Don't." The word hummed against the shell of her ear, low-pitched and warm, and her nostrils filled with the familiar scent of him as soon as she inhaled.
The tone wasn't demanding, just a gentle request, but she chose to take it as the former because, dammit, that was easier to combat; hostility and forced captivity were such easier prospects than whatever this stupid facade had to offer -
"Let me go," she hissed, struggling even harder, and all he had to do in response was just make his grip on her ever-so-slightly firmer and she was powerless.
The first thing I ever noticed about him was his strength, wasn't it?
Strength that, earlier, he had refused to use against her, even as she was slapping him across the face and screaming at him.
What does that matter, why am I making excuses to rationalize his actions?
"Let. Me. Go," she repeated, louder this time, keeping her eyes shut tight so she couldn't look at him couldn't see his face see those eyes -
"I will." Kagome felt the warmth of his breath across her mouth and oh, gods, he's so close, is he going to - "Just a bit longer, I promise."
And then as he turned his head to the side there was suddenly the taste of salty skin, the taste of pure heat across her mouth, and she realized her lips were upon the curve of his neck, his long hair draping over both of them and tangling with her own, and still she kept her eyes shut painfully tight.
"Yeah, come in."
"Oh, e-excuse me, Your Highness, forgive me for - "
"Never mind that, just leave the tub in the back corner. We'll need it when we're done, won't we, sweetheart?" At that Inuyasha gently pinched the side of her hip between two warm fingers, not hard, not painfully, but enough to make her give a mortifying squeak in response.
What had she been thinking, agreeing to this? Torture and death she'd been ready to accept upon arrival here, but this, this threatened to destroy her very soul, because her memories and all her physical senses were betraying her utterly.
Kagome's mouth was still flush against the smooth firmness of his neck, and she made up her mind that she was going to bite the absolute shit out of him, consequences be damned.
Of course, that wasn't what happened.
She opened her mouth a bit wider, grazed her front teeth down his skin, and she would have chomped down hard enough to draw blood, she really would have.
But then he actually gave a shudder in response, and she felt it through his arms and his chest where they held her so tightly; she heard the choked rush of breath in his lungs. And he leaned in closer, not a lot, just a little, but closer.
So for whatever reason - Kagome didn't know, she certainly couldn't deem herself able to think things through right now - she let her head lilt just a bit to the side and she pressed her teeth into his neck again, this time a bit firmer. And the vicelike strength he held her in place with faltered for a fraction of a second.
The bedroom door slid shut again, and Kagome immediately pulled back again. Okay good, that's over with now let me go let me go so I can have some peace and quiet and wonder just what's come over me.
But Inuyasha held her tightly still, as if he were the one frozen in place.
And finally, much as it pained her, Kagome had to open her eyes to look up at his face questioningly.
Those eyes of melted gold gazed down at her, eyelids heavier than before, and his mouth was slightly open, his chest rising and falling with every labored breath. His white ears were flat against his skull. There was a flush across those high cheekbones that she'd seen before. Too many times.
Oh gods no no no don't look at me like that don't you dare -
"Let me go." She tried to harden her expression, tried to add weight to her command, and it came out, horrifically, like more of a plaintive request.
At first he didn't seem like he'd heard her, and then all at once the arms holding Kagome in place were gone, and he had suddenly moved a foot back as if in retreat, still looking completely dazed and bewildered.
"What - " he whispered, "What was - Kagome, you - "
Kagome refused to let him finish, refused to hear one single further word. She folded her arms around her shoulders and forced herself to turn away.
"Next time you grab me like that without permission," she snapped, "I'll actually bite you, and then they can just carry me away to be executed."
It was unclear whether or not he believed her, but it ended up not mattering anyway, because he sprang up from his seat and went straight for the newly-arrived tub of fresh, steaming water.
Inuyasha's fingers were actually shaking as he removed his ruined, bloodstained pants and all but tumbled into the water. He submerged himself completely, letting the heat of the water encircle him and drown out the ringing in his sensitive ears. He stayed below the surface until his lungs threatened to burst and then sat up slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible as he did so.
As he settled his chin on the gently lapping water, he couldn't help but glance over to the mattress across the room, where Kagome remained. He had to squint to even glimpse her through the steam; she was back to combing her fingers through her hair, her face out of view.
Why did she do that...why would she…
None of Inuyasha's thoughts were coherent enough to complete themselves. Nothing except the notion of how painfully hard he was now.
He had to fight not to moan as he allowed himself two short strokes of his length under the water and felt his body sing with an instant relief, relief that immediately returned to agony as he forced himself to STOP STOP STOP IT, she doesn't want me not in this form not ME she said it herself didn't she and she couldn't have intended it to feel good she wants me to HURT not to -
The outline of Kagome's form shifted in the distance, and through fogs literal and mental Inuyasha realized that she had her head slightly turned in his direction. Was he being too obvious?
"W-What?" he called out, lamenting how choked he felt, "Need something?"
The silhouette jumped as if startled and her head whipped back around. "No," he heard her snap. "Not from you. I'm going to sleep."
"Good for you," he grumbled under his breath bitterly; for him, sleep was now fucking impossible. He added, a bit louder, "You can have the bedroll; I'll take the floor."
"Fine." And without another word, she laid down and disappeared from his sight.
Inuyasha was still horrifically tempted to take hold of himself again and just get whatever small reprieve he could, just so he could sleep as well. As long as he kept quiet, she wouldn't even know, would she?
But no, he couldn't. He wouldn't. It felt too much like using her, taking advantage without her knowledge, and he had already vowed never to do that again.
He busied himself with scrubbing clean for good this time, scouring his skin even rougher than he'd have normally done it.
He remained in that damned tub far longer than he needed to, until the water was lukewarm and approaching chilly, just to ensure that he was no longer completely out of his head.
One of the two lanterns in the room, long since unattended, had burned out, and one seemed to be on its last bit of fuel because it offered little more illumination than a single weak candle.
Inuyasha's eyes, of course, could function well enough without them, and he could see Kagome lying there motionless on her side, wearing that yukata that was twice her size, with a blanket pulled up to her waist.
He carefully approached, and she didn't stir, which was unusual from what he remembered; she'd always shown herself ready to awaken at the slightest disturbance, the slightest hint of trouble, just as a proud warrior should.
But now, she lay there, her chest rising and falling slowly and heavily with each quiet breath, her dark hair fanned out around her like a wild halo.
It seemed that Kagome had given into sleep just as freely as Inuyasha had nearly just given in to...himself, and he couldn't blame her. She'd been through enough in this short time to break the spirit of anyone lesser.
But compared to her, everyone is lesser, aren't they?
There was a renewed constriction in his throat, but of an entirely different nature, and he forced it down, allowing himself just a few more seconds to take her in, before he carefully lowered himself to the floor next to the bedroll and forced his own eyelids shut.
Just as he'd expected, his slumber was fitful and unsatisfying.
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I hope the length of this one makes up for the wait! Holidays and school and stuff, excuses excuses I know
No Sango this chapter but don't worry we'll catch up with her soon getting forced into get-along time out with some wolves
GO MIROKU MY BOY HAS SEEN THE LIGHT now hmmmm wonder who he'll encounter first now that he's a New Dad (tm) (EDIT: IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT MIROKU IS NOW THE FEUDAL-ERA VERSION OF THE MANDALORIAN WITH SHIPPO AS HIS BABY YODA AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER UNTIL JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO. Not that I'm mad about it, it amuses me greatly hahaha. Also I promise I had this plot twist in mind MONTHS before the series came out; I'm not just ripping shit off I swearrrrrr)
Inu: I'm sorry
Kag: Fuck u and ur sorry
Inu: U right but stop smelling so good
Kag: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Inu: K
Kag: What
Inu: *shitshitshit* Nothing
Kag: *innermost thoughts* What a stupid sexy idiot wait did I say sexy I meant -
ANYWAYS Please review, I adore hearing from all of y'all. If you have any questions, btw, my Tumblr asks are a great place for them, or you can PM me here, either way is good! I ADORE ALL OF YOU MUCHLY
SEE Y'ALL IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! - meggz0rz