3 and a half years later
Annoyed I stared at the students entering the Great Hall. Hogwarts robes mixed with those of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. The Triwizard Tournament revived. What in God's name was Dumbledore thinking? As if it wasn't hard enough to keep Potter away from harm, he had to invite former Death Eaters along with Dragons into the castle so we'd all be in more danger than necessary. And on top of all of that, the Dark Mark kept growing.
With a small sigh I leaned back in my chair as Crouch and the small brigade of Ministry workers, who were here for tomorrow's choosing of the champions, entered the Great Hall and made their way up to the head table. I snarled at his sight, the memory of my trial 13 years ago too vividly burned into my mind. This was going to be a wonderful year.
My gaze fell on Karkaroff who had taken the spot to my left and was in a deep conversation with Minerva. I leaned forward a little bit to reach for my wine glass, trying to listen to what they were talking about when I heard a voice.
"Is this seat taken?"
I almost dropped the glass in my hand. This was impossible.
Slowly I turned around and felt my heart skip a beat when I met the eyes of the woman in front of me. Green as an emerald, sparkling like the last time I had seen them, radiating the same light they did three years ago.
"Elizabeth?", I whispered coarsely.
"Good evening, Severus", she answered with a smile and I could feel how the well-known warmth enveloped me, how my heart wanted to jump from my chest.
"May I…?", she asked again, gesturing towards the vacant chair next to me and I simply nodded, unable to trust my voice. The blonde woman sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring at her. She hadn't change all that much since I last saw her, still looked like the girl in my dreams. Her hair was a little longer, her demeanour had changed a little but overall she was still my Elizabeth.
"I hope you are well?"
I cleared my throat, desperate to find a little composure again. "I am. You as well I hope?"
She nodded and shot me another smile. "Go on, ask away."
"Pardon me?"
"You are eager to ask why I am here."
Perplexed I looked at her. How was she still able to read me so well?
"I work at the Department of International Cooperation", she continued, filling her glass with the wine in front of us. "I will be staying in Hogwarts until the end of the tournament, overseeing the preparation of the tasks while Mr Crouch stays back at the Ministry and will only join me for the tasks themselves."
"You will stay?", I simply asked and couldn't conceal the hope in my voice. I knew what an incredible torture it was going to be. Having her so close was like exposing a former drug addict to his most irresistible substance. But seeing her again, having her back in my life – it felt too good to be true.
"Not the whole year but yes, I will stay."
.
Sleepless I stared onto the ceiling of my bedroom. There were only a few ours left till dawn and I was quite certain I wasn't going to use them for sleep either. My mind was too occupied by the blonde woman who was sleeping in the guest wing of the castle. I could still feel her hand on my arm while she had wished me a good night, still feel the warmth of her smile.
A small sigh escaped my lips while I closed my eyes. There hadn't been a day in the last three years I hadn't thought about her, hadn't been a night I hadn't imagined her in my arms. Time hadn't changed anything about my feelings, if possible they even grew stronger with each passing day. The longing for her had tortured me, had thrown me back into the well-known darkness. Unable to reach my light, to be with my love, my demons had devoured me again, had changed me back to the heartless bat everybody was used to.
When Potter had arrived after we had broken up, I had hoped that seeing Lily's son would make me feel better, would ease the pain of the sacrifice of my relationship with Elizabeth. Quickly I had realised though, that he was more Potter's than Lily's son, that he was every bit as arrogant as my old nemesis. He had become the outlet for my pain and anger in the last years, being the reason I couldn't be with Elizabeth. Even though I knew that it wasn't the whole truth.
Absentmindedly my hand wandered to the pocket watch on my nightstand, my fingers firmly enclosing it. It had become a ritual of mine, the cold metal under my fingers easing the pain of my loneliness.
Elizabeth's smiling face appeared before my eyes again as it always did when I felt the ticking in my hand. I couldn't believe that she was actually back in my life. I knew it didn't make a difference, knew it wouldn't change anything – still I couldn't help the warm feeling that I have missed so long return to my chest. I had almost forgotten how she could make me feel, had almost forgotten again how it felt to see her smile.
"It doesn't change anything", I whispered to myself, holding onto the pocket watch even more. "Not one thing."
.
"Enter", I answered annoyed to the faint knock on my door, not even bothering to avert my gaze from the essays I was correcting.
"Am I disturbing?"
Surprised by the voice, I looked up and stared at Elizabeth who was standing in the doorway, waiting for an answer, a soft smile on her face. It was a view I had missed in the last years, one that had been so common to me. One of the many little things I hadn't realised how important they were to me until they had been gone.
"No, please enter."
With a smile she closed the door behind her, stepping closer to my desk and taking a look at the essays in front of me. "Correcting, I suppose?"
Swiftly she took one from the stack and read a few lines. "Wit-sharpening potion? Fourth year, if I remember correctly?"
"Exactly", I answered and could barely hide a smile, not even surprised by her knowledge of the curriculum. "But I guess you didn't visit me to look at poor student's works. So, how can I be of help?"
Smiling sadly she put the parchment back on the others, before her green eyes found my black ones. "Actually, I thought I could be."
"And how would that be?"
"I just thought because of Halloween… maybe you needed someone to talk to."
Speechless I looked at her for a moment. After all I had said to her, after breaking her heart so cruelly, hurting her so recklessly, she still worried about me. She still cared about me. I would've never considered it possible, never really hoped for it. It took everything in me to not pull her instantly into my arms, to feel her warmth against my body, to feel her care for me physically. But I couldn't. I had made my choice years ago, made the choice to protect her by pushing her away. I couldn't risk her life just because I missed her, just because I was lonely, because I didn't have anyone who cared about me beside her.
"I don't."
"Severus, if you…"
"And I'd appreciate if you'd leave now, I have to finish my work."
A small sigh escaped her lips while I looked back onto the essay in front of me, unable to see the sadness in her face again before I heard the door close again.
.
Silently I watched as Elizabeth entered the Great Hall. She didn't look at me while see made her way to the head table and took her seat next to me but I couldn't avert my eyes. She looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was bound into an elegant knot and the dark blue cloak she was wearing accentuated her figure better than I'd wish it would.
"Severus", Elizabeth greeted me without looking at me, just staring into the crowd of students in front of us. I didn't answer, simply looked at her while Dumbledore started his speech, followed by the Halloween dinner. I just couldn't stop looking at her. I knew that the real reason why I was staring at her wasn't because of her incredible looks but our short meeting in the afternoon. I simply couldn't believe that she still cared about me. It seemed impossible after how I had ended our relationship, after having told her that she was simply a facsimile, just a reminder of Lily, that I had never loved her. Just thinking about that day hurt me incredibly, I couldn't even imagine how she had felt. And still she cared.
When the Goblet of Fire was finally brought into the hall, everybody moved a little closer to have a better view. Just Elizabeth didn't. She simply sat there, her hand resting on the table, just a few centimetres from mine. I felt the urge to take it. Somehow it felt if I would take it, I would have her back. Even though I didn't know if she even felt the same for me as she did over three years ago. Just because she still cared for me didn't mean she still loved me or that she had forgiven me for hurting her so cruelly.
"You are staring at me, Severus", Elizabeth whispered while the Durmstrang students started cheering after Krum was chosen to represent their school as a Triwizward champion.
"Excuse me", I replied, still not being able to turn away from her.
"You are still doing it."
The blonde woman turned towards me, her green eyes scanning me while the Beauxbatons champion made her way to Dumbledore. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, couldn't tell what I still was to her. Did she just feel sorry for me? Did she just offer to listen because of old times sake?
"What do you want?", she whispered. "You don't want to talk to me, didn't even want to look at me before and now you can't stop staring at me. So what is it that you want Severus?"
My hand next to hers twitched.
You.
Just you.
It repeated again and again in my head while Diggory was proclaimed Hogwarts champion. Maybe Dumbledore had been wrong years ago. Maybe I could be with her and still protect her, keep her away from Voldemort. Maybe I could have her back and still fulfil my vow to protect Lily's son. Maybe there was a future for us. Maybe if I'd just take her hand...
"Harry Potter."
The name echoed through the silent hall and made Elizabeth and me turn towards Dumbledore who held the charred piece of paper in his hand, the name of a fourth champion.
My fingers who had been about to grab Elizabeth's stopped in their tracks. My gaze fell on the boy whose eyes were like the blonde woman's next to me, who was again thrown into danger, who would need my protection.
My hand moved from the table into my lab. No. I had made my choice.