"Ok, ok, I'll get it this time I promise." I laughed sitting on my knees in the middle of my hotel room bed Jon throwing skittles in my mouth "Last one." nodding Jon shaking his head "you should see how dumb you look right now." pulling his phone out rolling my eyes I flipped him off right as he took the picture, grinning "I like this one." holding out his phone there was a picture of me my mouth open in an O shape holding my middle finger out while sitting on my knees in the middle of a bed, lovely, truly very lady like, I couldn't help but fall over laughing "oh god, that's a terrible picture Jon, delete it! now." Jon laughed jumping on the bed next to me "humph." groaning he shook his head "nope it's a keeper, I'm sure Colby would enjoy it." wiggling his eyes brows at me.
sighing I laid fully down on the firm hotel bed "I don't want to talk about that mess anymore." Glancing up at Jon who laughed "You made this mess, you know?" sighing , I did know I made this mess, I never should've caved to my craving of Colby, but damn I can't lie the man is sexy and I still love him so much, but now his wanting more, his wanting to date again and repair us, and I just don't know if I can trust him again, its tough, and then there's Phil who's done nothing but apologize over the incident on the bus, I could tell he was truly sorry, he just wanted to hang out he said even just as friends but I can see he wants more, so I keep my distance for now, I don't know what to do! "I didn't intently set out to create this mess, and you're my best friend your supposed to be on my side!"
Jon laughed laying on the bed "I am, I always got your back you should know that by now, but you got two men wrapped around you little pinky." Rolling my eyes, I played with the hem of the blanket.
Jon and I deciding we needed one of our movie nights which turned into discussing my love life "it's not as great as everyone seems to think it is, it's terrible, I feel terrible every single day, I break if not one but two dammed hearts all because I couldn't keep my legs closed." A loud laugh came from Jon as he threw his head back glaring at him poking him in the chest "ok what about you mister huh? Rene?" Jon stopped laughing sighing shrugging "we went out that one time, I don't know." Frowning I sat up leaning against the head board "what's up?" shaking his head "it's nothing Sam, don't worry." Frowning watching, he wouldn't make eye contact with me.
Placing my hand on his arm "Jon, talk to me, come on please don't shut me out again." I didn't want the April situation all over again, I don't think I could handle that.
Jon sighed rubbing his face, he looked, I couldn't explain it any other way then he looked scared, I've seen Jon scared of anything the entire time I've known the man.
Rubbing his hands together blowing out a breath "Rene and I are just friends, I mean she's cool, I like her a lot, we have a lot in common but- "he paused, what was going on? In the all the years I've known him I've never seen him like this, he always just says it how it is, no filter, no second thought "but what Jon?" I pushed my heart racing I was scared, blowing out a breath he looked at me cupping my face "she's not you Sam." I frowned squinting my eyes brows together confused "I don't-, Jon what are you saying?" no no this cannot be happening! I did not need this right now!
With his other hand he turned to face me both of us sitting on our needs my head in his hands "I love you, fuck I love you so much it terrifies me, I look at you and I just love you, it terrifies me what I would do for you, I'd never walk away from you, there is no one else I could ever think of being with but you, I'd never cheat on you, I just, I fucking love you." Closing my eyes, I felt my throat tighten, no no, we agreed, we discussed this pulling back from him as if his touch was burning me, before I could I felt myself falling off the bed, quickly standing up I stared at him still confused, we discussed this, we are better as friends "Jon I don't, where is this coming from?" I didn't know how to respond, I didn't understand! I stared at him blinking my brain trying to make sense of what he just told me, it was like I could hear him but I couldn't understand what he was saying, my world began that sickening spinning feeling again.
Jon frowned covering his face quickly standing up "I knew I shouldn't of fucking said it, but Rene went on and on how I was the one who needed to say it." Rene what!? Why would Rene plant this seed in his head?
"you're the love that came with no warning, I found you in that dammed gymnasium and as much as I wanted to just be the dick I would've been to anyone else I couldn't with you, I brought you home and you just, you came with no warning, this intense need for you, I tried to fight it Sam I really did, I tried to just be friends with you but she's right, we look at each and it's an almost feeling, I almost had you, you where almost mine." Rubbing my face, I felt like my head was spinning, he had to stop saying he loved me this wasn't right!
Holding out my hand "STOP Jon." Uncovering my face I frowned at his face "just stop, I don't , Jon we agreed, years ago, remember? It was your idea! I wanted more, you didn't." I hated the sad look on his face at my rejection of this, but he was right all those years ago, I've come to learn that over the years, and honestly this was terrible timing!
"you're my best friend, you are they most genuine loyal person I have in my life, and if we did that, if we tried for a relationship and it failed we could never get our friendship back, it'd never be the same, I can't lose you." Watching as he walked over to my side frowning as he inched closer to me "what are you doing?" watching him eyes widened as if I was some panicked animal he wrapped his arms around my waist holding me to him "I would never ever leave you that's what your missing, I'd never lie to you, I'd never leave you, I just want you, you and me forever best friends, soul mates all of it, and I know your scared, I am too." Without giving me a chance to respond I felt his lips come crashing down on mine, as much as I wanted to resist and fight back I couldn't, damn does this boy know how to kiss, I forgot how good of a kisser he is.
I felt my hand on his cheek as I kissed him back, feeling him lift me up I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist feeling him push me hard against the wall, sorry neighbors, gripping his shirt as I tried to pull him even closer to me hearing him groan in my mouth as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist his hand cupping my ass, placing my hands on his chest it was as if I was hit or struck by lightning but something jerked me away from this kiss, this amazing kiss, I couldn't do this!
I'm not this girl to just jump from bed to bed for starts and secondly, this was Jon my best friend and I can't lose him, if I lose him I lose everything, un wrapping my legs from him Jon gently set me down noticing we had knocked the lamp over onto the ground from the little wood night stand the basic hotel room provided.
Running my hand over my face "I know you felt it, you can feel how amazing we'd be." I felt terrible Jon never put himself out there like this, ever, and of course it had to be with me, an emotional fucked up basket case "yea I felt it, I've always felt it with it you but Jon we can't do this, it would ruin our friendship." My heart breaking at the sad look on Jon's face "I'm sorry, I shouldn't even allowed the kiss Jon, yes I feel it but I'm not a gambler and I'm not going to gamble our friendship on a relationship that once we got into it may or may not last, its different then just hanging out Jon, a relationship between would change everything and I'm not willing to take that risk, I'm sorry Jon I'm so so sorry." I felt my face wetten at tears I didn't even know was falling before pushing past him, I grabbed my sweat pants putting them on over my shorts and my slid-on sandals, grabbing my purse "I'm sorry."
"This is your room I'll leave" shaking my head I needed to get the hell out of this room and quick! I didn't even respond before taking off from the room, from my room. Getting in the elevator I finally started breathing covering my mouth as tears began to fall sliding down the elevator wall silently sobbing to myself, why? Why would he do this to me? To us? Our friendship? We had this discussion years ago, I wanted more, he didn't.
I found myself laying on Jon's naked chest, our legs entangled running circles with my index finger over his chest, I bit my bottom lip I craved more from him, Colby Lopez had shown a lot of interest and he was sweet and cute but he wasn't Jon "what's on your mind sunshine?" peeking up at him he lazily had his arm around my waist his eyes closed "how do you know anything on my mind?" pulling me closer to him he placed a kiss on my forehead "I can sense it, so what's up?" now eyes open and intently on me, I felt my heart pounding hard in my chest, looking at him I began to play with his fingertips propping my head on my elbow "do you ever." Biting my lip, I sighed heavily "Do you ever think of, I don't know, making this more between us?" feeling nauseas actually saying it to him then just in my head and imaging all the insane scenario's.
Jon sighed sitting up against the wall my mattress was against grabbing his cigarettes and a light, taking a deep drag he stared at me, the room silent for what felt like forever him playing with his pack of cigarettes, this was true torture, not anything else being beat, this, this was torture "Yea I have, lots of times, every time I leave this room after you fall asleep." Reaching out he put a piece of lose hair gently behind my ear, he wants the same thing! "darlin, I'm not a relationship type of guy, I would, baby I'd wreck you, emotionally and mentally, and I could never do that, you'd begin to hate me, and I couldn't stand that, as odd as it is too me, I've never had a female friend before but my best friend and I couldn't stand to lose that." Frowned as I glanced my eyes down, my face heating with embarrassment, I should've known better, well at least he was more honest about it then Phil, didn't just run away.
I felt a tear trickle down my nose trying hard not to show him I was crying, feeling him pull me into him "sunshine please don't cry, not over me." Shaking my head taking a deep breath "I just, I don't know, I mean at least you told me didn't just run away."
"HEY! This isn't, I'm not, no fucking way, I love you, you are my best friend, and I don't want to ruin that, that's all, ok." Putting his index and thumb on my chin lifting my head to look at him "you believe me?" I did, Jon was a lot of things, but a lair was not one of them "I do." I whispered taking a deep breath "Colby really likes me, and Jon, if this isn't going anywhere else, I think I'm going to give that a try." Looking at him, I saw a flash of hurt cross his face before he nodded his head taking a drag of his cigarette "I think you should do that sunshine." Nodding I sat up grabbing a t-shirt and panties "I guess that's the last time I'll see you in my shirt then?" Jon commented as I put my messy hair up on top of my head "oh I have a collection of them, I'll still be wearing them goofy, plus I'll still be doing your laundry.'' Winking at him.
Jon chuckled standing up pulling on his boxers and jeans before walking over to me, wrapping his arms behind me kissing the side of my exposed neck "but I won't see it like this, we ok?" nodding I patted his hand leaning into his embrace "always.'' I whispered.
Ding!
The noise bringing me out of my memory standing up as the elevator doors opened, stepping out to the lobby I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing, I just needed to leave that room, I accepted the fact Jon and I would be nothing more than friends, why did he go and do this? Sighing walking into the hotel bar, a lot of the locker room was in here, great just what I needed, finding a corner open maybe I wouldn't be noticed "Hi! What can I get you?" an overly bubbly blonde server stood smiling, clearing my throat "do you have hot chocolate?" she nodded "ok just that." Rubbing my face "of course hon." Before bouncing off her pony tail bouncing back and forth without a care in the world.
Laying my head on the table I didn't know what to do, ugh I just took off out of my room! "this seat taken?" I heard from above me making me look up, seeing Glen, uncle glen, not by blood obviously but him and dad have always been good friends "nope." Nodding the big man sat down across from me "here you go, and can I get you something sir?" glen ordered a whiskey on ice before putting his attention back on me, Uncle Gl
"how you doing? I haven't got to see you too much since you been back." Nodding as I sipped the delicious hot chocolate, it was just missing cinnamon "I'm good, it's been busy with the women's rumble and getting ready to face AJ, how about you, corporate Kane." Chuckling as the waitress put down his whiskey smiling at us "can I uh get you two anything else?" shaking our heads no she skipped off over to the large group of wrestlers, rolling my eyes "how much you wanna bet she'll be in one of their rooms tonight?" glen chuckled nodded "you'd win that bet, I'm good, how's that knee?" nodding "holding up, so what's up, you've never been one for small talk." Knowing there was a reason he sat down with me.
not that I don't love my uncle or we don't talk but he just his not for small talk shoot the shit type of fella "I seen you here, and I never see you out this late, or really near a bar, wanted to check on you, I know it's been a rough, wow almost a year huh?" sitting back , wow "damn so much in a year, I'm ok, I'm-" I bit my lip debating on telling glen all my boy problems, his a boy, er a man, well I mean you know what I mean!
But that felt awkward and I didn't need Jon, Phil or Colby to get their ass's kicked right now to add to the very long list of crap this year "I'm just trying to focus on work more." Nodding as he sipped his whiskey "that's good, I heard about good punching Mr. Brooks at ihop." Groaning, of course everyone heard about it "it's not a big deal, Phil was being a jerk, Jon shouldn't have hit him." I sighed feeling a head ache coming on rubbing my temples.
Glen nodded staring at me, I frowned wiping at my mouth "what? Do I have something on my face?" glen chuckled "no you don't, I just, I remember you as a that little girl that would over water the plants, when we would tell it was too much you would laugh and say you could never have enough water, you where always such sunshine, you've always loved so blindly and openly." Frowning drinking my hot chocolate "is that such a bad thing?" biting the inside of my lip, glen shook his head "Nah, just as long as you're getting the same care back, does you sitting here alone in the middle of the night have to do with one of those boys.?" Was it that obvious? "I know hot chocolate is your dad's thing whenever something was going on with you." Smiling at the memory, I never even connected it as that need for comfort until now.
Frowning I rubbed my face my head spinning right now "Jon said he loves me." I whispered before looking at my uncle who nodded "well duh, we've all seen that, so what's the issue?" frowning, I wished it was that simple "I don't know what I want, there's still Phil even though his been such a jerk I find myself missing him, missing watching super hero movies with him and talking to him about the new marvel movies or whatever even listen to him go on and on and about the black hawks or the cubs, but Colby is there too, and Colby is, oh uncle glen I would've married him and rode off into the sunset with him had he not done that, and his begging for me to give another chance, I just don't know if I can trust him again after that, but I want to, and now Jon, my heads spinning, why did Jon have to do that? My best friend if I lost him, I think that would break me uncle glen." I unloaded onto my uncle who lifted his glass to the overly bubbly waitress.
Clearing his throat, he sighed looking at me "I don't know if you know this, your aunt Crystal was married when we met, thank you.'' He paused his story his second drink being set down in front of him, I leaned on my elbows listening intently " they had kids and she was, meh not miserable but it wasn't the happiest marriage, her sister brought her to a show, I took one look at this women in the front row and just, wow had to just talk to her, there was this instant pull to her, I finish my match go over to them with your dad and I invite them out to the bar, they came, her and I spent the whole night in the back booth just talking like old friends catching up." He grinned a genuine grin as he remembers his first meeting with his wife, I couldn't help but smile uncle glen didn't open up like this and it was refreshing to see him like this, trying to help me through my boy problems.
"I didn't set out to break up her marriage, we tried not talking to each other, staying away but it was like magnets, we couldn't pull away from each other, I needed her and she needed me." Looking down this wasn't helping, I felt that way with all three of these men "I even tried dating after her, one of our times separating, didn't work, no one compared to her." Sighing "what I'm saying kid is stop thinking about it so much, the answer will come to you, whether its you and Colby pulling it together, Phil pulling the stick out of his ass, or you deciding the risk with Jon is worth it all, it'll come to you, or you walk away form all of them." Grinning at my uncle, it was so easy for him, he was so mellow and easy going it was that simple I just wish it was for me "what if I feel that way with all of them? I have a pull to all of them and that's what hard, and it's killing me the idea of me hurting Jon in any way." Glen nodded "you gotta do something monkey, it will come to you and you may second guess it, or it may be clear as day but you already have the answer, you just worried about everyone else's heart and your abusing yours, stop doing that, take care of your heart and everything else will work itself out." Nodding my head at my uncle's advice he was right, I've been so worried about hurting someone but I'm hurting myself through this process, but it's easier said than done clearing my throat, I dug around tossing some money on the table before standing up hugging my uncle "I love you uncle glen, I'm gonna head up to bed, night." Hugging me back he told me night before I left.
I didn't want to go back to my room just yet, ugh I didn't want to go back to that room at all, images of Jon's heartbroken face was killing me, he never puts himself out there and he did with me and I ran like an idiot, I just didn't want to be around anyone right now, my head felt to messed up and not in the right place to listen to any ones advice.
I didn't know what to do, I just felt lost right now, remembering there was an ice cream shop down the road I decided to make my way towards it, frowning seeing none other than Phil's self-claimed road wife standing there "hey." Crossing my arms over my chest clearing my throat "hey you long time." Nodding "wanna join me? I was having a late-night sweet tooth." I didn't want to be rude Kofi had never done anything to me but at the same time I wasn't sure "I promise I don't bite." Holding up his hands giving me one of those Kofi smiles, so sweet and kind.
"sure, your buying then." Kofi laughed nodding "sure, what flavor?" chocolate, I needed chocolate "chocolate." Grinning like a little kid, in well a candy shop Kofi nodded ordering two chocolate cones, nodding towards the small table, I sat nervously eating small bites of my ice cream.
"You wanna talk?" he broke the silence between us, sighing I shrugged I wasn't sure about talking about my boy problems with the friend of one my problems
"Not really." I barely whispered looking downwards suddenly wanting to cry this was just a bad mess of things and either way someone I love is going to get hurt.
Kofi frowned his eyes on me "You think you should?" I just stayed quiet staring out the window licking my ice cream cone, Kofi staring at me while he ate his, "Maybe I could help," taking another lick of the ice cream "Honestly Kof, I don't even know where to begin, I just, I don't know, I miss Phil but his just not himself lately, I would've never thought he do that to me, I miss Colby and now Jon, I don't know what the hell to do or even how to talk about it right now."
"Listen It's none of my business I know that and I'm sure you have a million people from a thousand different directions telling you what to do." Kofi moving his fingers around in a circle shrugging his eyes intently on me " Phil's my friend dare I say one of my best friends, man has gotten me out a few scary situations, his already is dealing with a lot of issues, physically and mentally, I know his just, his not himself your right, but this with you isn't helping him any, he can't be your friend, he can't just sit back and give you the space you asked for and then watch you go off with your ex and still be your friend, do you see how fucked up that is? Would you have it if he did this to you? He loves you like school boy puppy dog loyal to a fault follow you around just for a bone, would go to war against any one for you, loves all of you for you type of love." I couldn't help but grin and chuckle at Kofi's explanation of Phil's love for me "I don't lead him on, I was very upfront when I came back I didn't want a relationship right now." Kofi nodded "but you slept with Colby which hurt Phil, look none of this is good for anybody, it's not good for you either, is there a reason for not wanting to give him a second chance?" frowning, um sleeping with my ex and rekindling that dammed fire, and now my best friend told me his in love with me, on top of Phil's emotions towards me, but I couldn't tell Kofi any of this.
"I do want to be with him, it's just… complicated. There's a lot more than just me and no matter what choice I make someone I do care deeply for gets heartbroken over me, and I'm am not worth all of this, trust me!"
"Not doing something because you're scared of someone else getting hurt, its not good for anyone, you'll always find yourself stuck in this cycle."
I sighed rubbing my face finishing my ice cream, "I know. It's just a big step for me. Phil… he means a lot to me. And honestly after last week I just don't know what to say to him, I don't want to lose him completely, his been a major part of my life even through his absence he played a huge role in my life and even getting me here, we've always had such a strong connection." Kofi leaned over taking my hand making me look at him "Look Phil's a simple guy its very black and white with him, you just need to be honest with him, whatever it may be, you'll risk the chance of losing him more doing things this way then if you just talked to him." I sighed nodding knowing this about Phil "Jon told me tonight his in love with me, so now I have three pretty amazing men and I love them all I know it sounds insane how can I right? Jon is my best friend, I don't know."
"you just gotta be honest, starting with yourself and then everyone else, things are going to work out for the best. They always do." Shaking my head grinning at him, honestly, he helped a lot, I do need to just sit and be honest with myself "How the hell do you stay so positive all the time?" Kofi shrugged "I guess I'm just awesome like that, your negative sally." Laughing as I swiped at his arm "jerk, you should form like some type of positivity faction, I bet it'd be great." Kofi laughed "ride in on unicorns!" grinning widely, laughing I nodded my head finishing my ice cream cone "Thanks Kofi honestly I needed this, and your way better at girl talk then the girls are." Kofi gasped putting his hand over his mouth "ohh don't tell Nikki Bella girl." Making his voice high pitched causing us both to laugh loudly in the deserted ice cream shop.
"No, but seriously, no problem, I want my friends happy, and you're a friend, so what ever makes you happy, I think you and Phil are made for each other, but that's my biased opinion his my friend too and I seen you two when no one else was around." Biting my lip that was the thing, there was a side of Phil that very few people got to see, the side I've always had since ovw, the non pissed off wwe Phil "did you walk here?" looking around the parking lot as we made our exit from the ice cream shop "yea I went for a walk to clear my head and remembered seeing this place earlier." Kofi shook his head "Women! You do realize the things that could happen to you walking this late at night by yourself." I frowned at Kofi's lecture shoving my hands in my sweat pockets, well shit he was right and I was probably not dressed appropriately either in my over size grey sweats and white muscle shirt I stole from well Phil "come on Phil would kill me if I let you walk back, and I wouldn't be too happy with myself either." Following Kofi to his rental, I sighed sitting back in the passenger seat the short ride back to the hotel was quiet "thanks Kof." Nodding his head, we made our separate ways.
Sighing as I got in the elevator my uncles words ringing through my head, mine and Kofi's conversation replaying, being honest, just make sure I'm getting the same care back, they all came to mind when I thought about it, what was I going to do? I just wanted to come back focus on work and forget the rest and I just dug a giant ass hole for myself.
clearing my throat exiting the elevator I made my way to the door I was looking for before knocking, biting my lip as he opened the door no shirt just a pair of grey sweats and his hair a mess "what- "before he could finish I leaned in kissing him placing my hands on his bare chest gently digging my nails into the flesh "I want you." I whispered looking at him, grinning he quickly lifted me up shutting the door behind me "you wish is my commands." Cupping my face, he pushed my hair back before kissing me.
A/N not a long chapter I'm sorry but trust me I have most of this written out and planned, I'm just trying to decide which way I have three different ways I can take this story and I love the idea of them all, two of them can stretch the story out into the current with the punk/Rollins twitter stuff that's happened, anyways sorry I dropped the ball with this story, but please read, review, suggest what you'd like to see! And as always enjoy!
Ok you guys vote, who should it be she went to A) Phil, B) Jon or C) Colby