(Dizzy)

Jasper left me. It's alright, really. We talked a lot, about love, about live, about what I was feeling and how to overcome it. Truth be told, there is no surefire way to overcome it. It's something I have to accept. I sit now, quietly at the edge of Megaton, thinking to myself and wondering. Staring off at the horizon, I feel something pulling me. Pulling me towards the Capital Wasteland. I don't follow it, but I want to. I want to run into the wastes, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to run to the top of the mountains, barefoot, and scream. Explode, in a rush of green light, evaporate. I know it's possible. I know I can. Looking behind me, at my home, at Megaton, I ask myself why I don't. I've been running from the pain. I've been avoiding it, trying to live my life in some sort of dreamlike haze. It's only made everything worse. Everything I feel tenfold. Blindly I walk forward, towards the horizon line. I'm not sure where I'm going, or why I'm moving. I just know I am, because it's better than standing still.

"Excuse me, miss?"

The robotic tonal voice of a Mr. Handy robot snaps my attention. Blankly, I stare at it to my right, as it hoovers towards me.

"Miss excuse me, perhaps you could help us?"

Still staring, I watch as the Mr. Handy comes closer to me, but stops short of a few feet.

"Miss excuse me you're exhibiting dangerously high amounts of radiation poisoning. Please, allow me to administer assistance."

He raises one of his weird arms in the air. I know they have Rad-Away in them. In the Mr. Handy models. Rad-Away hurts me, go figure. Curiously I don't stop him. I want to. Inside I scream at him to stop and not to worry about it, but I say nothing. The worst that can happen is that I die.

"Please, stand still miss."

With another one of his weird arms, he grabs me, steadying me. I close my eyes, waiting for it to happen. I've never been injected with Rad-Away before. I've never experienced what it feels like. I can't imagine it's painless for me. In fact, I fully expect the opposite. In some fucked up way, I hope that it makes the emotional pain I feel into physical pain. Some sort of sadistic self-torture.

"Winston! Stop!"

Before the Mr. Handy can do anything, he's stopped. And I know by whom. I feel myself start to shake, as I open my eyes. Before me, I see him. I see Cain, exasperated, glaring at the Mr. Handy before me. Between us, he stands. In one hand, he holds Mr. Handy's arm. In the other, my own. Cain and I stand, two feet apart, in different worlds.

"Subject One…what is the meaning of this?"

Mr. Handy calls Cain 'Subject One'. I don't give it much thought. Not right now anyways. It isn't important.

"Cain…"

I say, and he looks at me. I lunge forward, wrapping my arms around his neck, closing the gap between us. I'm filled with relief, the cloud following me vanishing. I feel lighter than air, my body glowing and warming with radiation from the inside out. I kiss him, and feel him kiss me back. I feel his arms wrap around me, the Mr. Handy's arm between us. The radiation continues to grow, the sizzling of metal burning forces me to pull away. It doesn't stop the tears from falling down my face as I stare up at him.

"Cain…It's you…you're alright."

The last time I saw him, he turned away. The last time I saw him was a month ago. And he's alive. He's alive. I grip his hands in mine as the Mr. Handy pulls his arm from between us. Cain stares at me. He lets one of my hands go, and curiously wipes the tears from my face. I feel like I'll go deaf from his silence, and plead with my eyes for him to say something.

"I…remember you."

"Cain?"

He remembers me? What? I feel his hand gently stroke my cheek, and he holds fast to my hand.

"Don't…don't cry."

"Subject One, please refrain from fraternizing from the civilians."

The Mr. Handy knows something. He moves to part Cain from me, but this time, it's me who gets between them.

"Don't you touch him."

This time, I glow in anger. Tearing my hand from Cain's, I wrap it around one of the Mr. Handy arms and begin to heat it up. Slowly, the metal sizzles, as the radiation around me becomes tangible. When Jason taught this to me, I didn't think I'd ever find a use for it. I figured it'd be a waste of energy, and that I'd just use it as a cheap party trick.

"You are making a mistake, miss. Subject One is programmed to protect his escort."

Subject One? Something happened at the ruins. Something…bad.

"He's not programmed for anything."

My hand melts through the Mr. Handy's arm. I hold one part of it in my hand, and shove it into his weird eye.

"I'll do this to all of you, if you don't start talking, robot. Now."

The monster is running wild inside of me. A monster I didn't know existed. A monster, I never knew I had before. Mr. Handy starts up a buzz saw and a flamethrower, respectively. Below me, under my feet, the soil melts. Inside of me, that monster I didn't know I had, rises up. My anger, my sadness, all of it, transpires into the radiation surrounding me. How dare this Mr. Handy threaten me? How dare it hide information from me, from Cain. I have no idea what's going on, all I know is that against all of my doubts and fears, I love Cain. Despite everything, despite the pain, the past three years, I still love him.

It's unbridled anger that surrounds me. The hurt, the anguish, the sorrow, Jason's warning about my radiation echoes in the backdrop of my mind. I can't control it, I can't contain it. The monster runs wild, and behind the Mr. Handy, I notice dancing lights from the outskirts of Megaton. I pay them no mind, engulfed in my anger.

"Talk!"

I step towards the robot. My body feels like it's on fire, as the clothes that drape over me hiss, my feet melting the earth below me. I am so tired, of secrets. I am done with people lying to me, with sheltering me, with keeping my life hidden from me. It's my life, and it's my choice what I do with it. It's not fair anymore. I have a right to know, I demand to know.

"Dizzy!"

Cain's voice echoes through my anger, my radiation, I glance at him, as he steps in front of me, blocking the Mr. Handy.

"Dizzy…"

His hands reach through my radiation, grabbing my face, cupping it in his hands. Exhaustion overwhelms me at his touch. I stare at him, angry tears streaming down my face. My heart races, and I know I've missed a vital piece of information. I know I'm left out, in the dark. I know whatever's happened affected him. I just don't know what it is. The memory of his skin against mine, it quiets down the monster inside me. It silences it, if only for a moment.

"Cain…"

I fall into his arms, sobbing, exhausted. He catches me, clinging to my limp and half-naked body. My clothes melting off of me. I cling to him for balance, for comfort.

"Dizzy…I remember you…"

"How could you forget?"

Pitifully, I try to punch his chest.

"Winston, help me…I don't…I don't remember what to do!"

His voice sounds so far away. Who is Winston? I fight to stay awake, because if I sleep, I'm scared it'll be a dream. I'm scared when I wake, he'll be gone. That this will just have been some strange and twisted fantasy I made up in my head. Gripping the front of his shirt, I pull myself up. Using him for support, I steady myself.

"Cain…"

He looks at me, those icy blue eyes. Those eyes we share. He stares at me like he's analyzing me.

"Subject One! Drop the civilian!"

Civilian? Me? Inside I feel the anger rise up again. I want to protect him, Cain. I don't know why. I feel like I need to, like this Mr. Handy is a threat beyond what I understand. I want to keep Cain safe. Protect him, as he's always protected me. My body is at its limits, but I don't care. I push myself even more. From a distance, I feel like I hear my name being called.

"Robot…"

Stumbling forward, Cain holds me, keeping me from the Mr. Handy. I reach towards him, trying to hit him with my weak fist.

"Control yourself, civilian!"

"….Shut…up!"

I try to lunge at the robot, but again I'm held back. Cain's arms wrap around me in a strange mixture of hug and restraint. My legs give out, as he supports my weight.

"Dizzy!"

Another set of hands wraps around me, familiar and warm. It's Gob, pulling me from Cain, who lets me go with surprising ease. The Mr. Handy tries to move closer to us, but Cain stops it.

"No, Winston."

"But Subject One, you must continue on to your objective."

"Winston…enough. You're lying to me."

Gob holds me, but I reach for Cain. I don't want to close my eyes and lose him again. I don't want this to be a dream.

"Pix you gotta calm down, Pix…"

Gob loosens his grip on me, despite his verbal protests. With weakening legs, I stumble back towards Cain. He grabs my shoulders, steadying me on my feet.

"Your…your name is Cain…and…and you're…you're mine…"

I can't anymore. I can't keep myself up, as pain starts to rise in my legs. My bones feel chilled, the wind hits, and I shudder. All of my energy, all of my anger, used up. Even breathing feels impossible. Cain's warm arms wrap around me, catching me before I collapse completely. I feel the warmth of his cheek against my face, feel his hot breath on my neck. Reaching up I wrap my arms around his neck.

"…I remember I loved you…"

He whispers to me as he pulls me close. I don't know what happened at the Citadel Ruins. I don't know who this robot his, this Mr. Handy, or what his purpose may be. I don't know if this is my Cain, or some odd android sent in his place. All I can be sure of, is that when I open my eyes again, things will be a lot stranger than they were before.